Preparing for Uni in 2015 continues...

[Chillywhippet]

New thread

Old one here with loads of info

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/higher_education/2408327-Preparing-for-Uni-in-2015

Don't think DS uses Snapchat but he was constantly on FB chat with his college friends when at home so don't know if he's still chatting with them or if he's created a new group for his flat or course mates. He is not on FB with us as he won't let us be his friends .
He can easily check his data usage on his phone to see what he is using it on but he obviously won't want to own up to us.
DH has upped the limit for the next 2 weeks but don't think it will be enough unless DS dramatically curtails his usage. He wil then have a bigger limit from the middle of Oct at a cost of £5pm which I am sorely tempted to knock off his parental contribution (even though we pay for the rest of his phone contract)

Luckily our DS does not use his phone that much for data, prefers to use his laptop (which is connected via cable)
But will be keeping an eye on the phone bill now in case his habits have changed

Heard from DS, one line saying I'm fine, lectures fine, topped up my phone.

He uses his laptop for most things so doesn't use much on his phone but he did say the wifi wasn't very good around the campus.

He got a booklist before he started and bought a few off Amazon Marketplace but he was able to access the library list and realised most of them are available, but some have limited numbers. He was also told that there is sometimes a book sell off in the first few weeks from the previous years students.

Surely all these universities don't have rubbish Wi-Fi? You'd think it's be fairly fast at these places, wouldn't you?

I asked DS2 if he misses his brother yesterday; he replied 'haven't noticed he's gone, except the internet is faster now' Brotherly love eh?!

cathyandclaire, I was all stiff upper lip until the day before and I was emotional all day! On the actual day, it was such a whirl I found it a good distraction

horsemad I think you've probably just answered your own question re the wifi. In theory there is wifi, in practice it depends what time of day it is and how many students are trying to tap into it at any one time!

I know when i was on holiday in Italy in the Summer, the hotel we were staying at had free wifi. It was really difficult to get it to work - unless (as I discovered on about day 3) you went back to your room at lunchtime when most people were either out for the day, at lunch or having a siesta. The wifi was brilliant at that time of day - it's all about demand, which I should imagine in halls of residence is pretty high.

PANIC!!! Just had a text from daughter (who is on the train home for the weekend) she has just had her rent payment request through! Makes NO sense - they are paying her student lain to her in 3 equal amounts but want her rent in 3 unequal amounts!!! How do they expect students to budget when they do this! I understand the last term is shorter but why not then pro rata their student loan as well!!!! Looks like bank of mum and dad will have to pay up AGAIN!!!!!!

... They have split her loan into 13 weeks x 3 payments BUT want her rent 2 x 15 weeks and then 1 x 9 weeks!!!!

That's annoying Quietly.

Quietly Agree, messes up cash flow but overall effect the same - that's where overdraft comes in.
If she deducts yearly rent from yearly loan, balance us what she has to live on.
So divvy up balance into number of weeks in halls, and that's what she can spend each week. May want to deduct some first for emergency/larg expenses.
She is likel to dip into o/d towards end of first 2 terms(hopefully free) but provided she spends no more than the difference between loan and rent, should balance out by end of year.
This is on basis of no other income hitting account.

DS is paying £45 more for rent this term than the following 2 terms (not sure how they work that out). His student loan is the same this term as next term but £49 more in the final term . Thankfully his student loan covers his rent (just) but his 1st rent payment isn't due until 1st Nov and he has already had his 1st student loan payment so he is too scared to use his student account incase he spends his rent money. His is still using his old U19 account and asking me to pay into that - not sure what will happen to that account when he turns 19 next month.

Offspring - who turned 18 at the end of August - has just acquired her own phone contract. Before that we were paying for a month by month Sim only deal. I don't think she's used up much data on her old phone, but nonetheless shall warn her to keep an eye open for how much of her allowance she's using.

Actual packing has not really started here - though there has been much preparation - so suspect tomorrow may be a tad stressful.

Some universities offer upgraded wifi in their rooms. Basic comes free but fast is £54 for the year. Worth looking into because extra data could easily cost more than that over a year.

It is annoying Quietly, DS payments are the same as your DD. He will pay £250 per term more in the first two terms than he will in the 3rd but as you say loan payments are made in 3 equal payments. I have warned him he will have to budget very carefully to manage but we did know this before he left.

I wondered if it was someway of making sure they have their rent incase students drop out in the summer and don't pay the last bit :) Our council does the same if you have to pay for the school bus, they take about 40% in the first term, 35% in 2nd and 25% in the 3rd.

I have the day off tomorrow to help dd do her packing. She really needs to go now as her anxiety levels are escalating. She has just come back from a driving lesson early as she had a panic attack. I have been telling her for weeks to get an appointment lined up with the college counsellor for her first week and she has now finally done it. She started CBT in the holidays but it was no use as she needs to be exposed to certain situations to try and implement the strategies they were teaching her and all of those situations are ones which occur in a school or university environment and not in the living room at home during the holidays!

She is outwardly a very confident, successful girl and yet put her in an assembly hall (or lecture hall) and she will have a panic attack. The worry of it happening seems to be taking over, especially as she will be with new people and not old friends who know her issues. Oh, I do hope she will be ok

MrsB tell to to make sure she comes out of her room and mixes as much as possible, even if the thought of it sounds daunting, her imagination will make it ten times worse than it actually is.

My dd says there is just one girl in her flat who hides away in her room a lot and I've reminded her to go and knock on her door. All the flatmates are lovely and they want to include this girl and make friends with her, if she will just come out of her room a little more.

Students are all so welcoming and friendly and they do understand that some find it more difficult than others.

MrsB that must be very worrying for you both. DSs Uni have just posted about a mental health workshop they are running foc for students about how to look after your own mental health and spot warning signs in others. There was also an article of BBC news the other day about mental health in students and the demands on pastoral support services at Uni.
Are Uni aware of her issues already? If not then she needs to make herself know to student welfare services asap after arriving.
As someone who has suffered from panic attacks in a particular situation, I feel for your DD. She has managed to avoid her trigger through circumstance which is naturally going to make her more anxious at Uni. I have been avoiding my trigger through choice nad creativity - but I know I need to face the situation head on as it is the only way to get better.
I hope she settles in to Uni life without too much stress.

Dropped DD off and her room is lovely, she has a modern en suite and a large private balcony overlooking beautiful gardens. There is a large built in desk and plug sockets galore. Considering we went for the cheaper option she seems to have been very lucky.
All the students have been lovely and she has already got invitations to events for the next couple of weeks. Her college parents took her out with the student union last night and are determined to look after her. I shed a few tears when we left her but knowing she is in such a nice safe place has really helped me.

Fairenuff - she is really a confident person, so I am not worried about her coming out her room or making friends. She is very sociable, ran loads of groups/societies at school, can talk to large audiences without any prompt; has interviewed lots of famous people for her newspaper etc. She is the sort who will go and knock on other people's doors to get them to come out. Her anxiety is in complete contradiction to the rest of her character but is easily traceable back to an illness she had in Y11 when she kept feeling dizzy and nauseous. Your dd and her flatmates sound lovely and caring!

bigbluebus - dd successfully avoided her triggers through most of sixth form by just not going to assembly and all her teachers knew that she could just get up and walk out of a lesson if she needed to but her counsellor said that that was the worst thing as she needs to expose herself repeatedly to the situations she is scared of until she sees that she can cope. Unfortunately counselling started after she finished school. She has had an email back from the college counsellor already who has seemed lovely and arranged to see her, which I think will give her a safety net. You are right that you do need to face your own situation sooner or later in order to fully get better but I know from watching dd struggle that that is easier said than done

sassy - how cosy. I love the college parent system - it does make you feel that they have someone to call on and to show them the ropes. Dd has subject parents as well (2nd years) and she has a meal out planned with them and all the subject children as well as meals with her college family.

sassy, her room looks cosy - and the gardens look gorgeous! Very lucky, having that outlook

Sassy your DD's room looks fab, gorgeous views and a very lovely throw < soft furnishing geek>
MrsB your DD sounds like a friend of mine who went to Oxford (years ago), she really learned to control her anxiety over time, a few of her friends had similar issues (no one would know, they just confided in each other) and helped each other through it. I think it's not unusual in high achievers like your DD, the good thing is that she's already looked for support.
Mine and DD's outing didn't quite go to plan. Flat tyre and much shenanigans getting it all sorted, at least it distracted me from sobbing again!

Had a long chat with ds today. He sounds a bit bored and down.
He's had his first week of lectures and I think he'd built himself up to expect really hard academic stuff with lots of academic high achievers who'd all sit round discussing the laws of the universe or the meaning of life or something. Instead to no surprise of anyone except ds, the first week has been about intro stuff that wont be tested in exams and lots of health and safety. He's finding he's finished his homework (is it called that at uni? ) which is too easy and stuff he did at AS level, and has several hours each day on his own in his room before the evening partying starts. (He's still out every night -so he can't be that bored and lonely.)

Plus he wanted to do his sport at uni but there isn't a team/society for it except a medics one which he can't join.

Of course I've reassured him that it's such early days, he'll soon have more coursework than he can handle and it wont stay easy. Bit sorry for him though. Mr Independent-I'm never-coming-home even asked if we could visit him at the weekend. Unfortunately this weekend we can't.

I sympathise with the flat tyre cathy - had one myself a few weeks ago. I have a company car and hadn't had anything like that before so didn't even know who my breakdown cover was with. The AA man got me to kwikfit and spent ages there waiting for a new tyre - such fun Is your dd going on Saturday as well? How is she feeling about it?

Going to sound selfish now. All this waiting and building up ready for DD to go on Monday and now call from nursing home that my mum is in the "final stages", so instead of packing etc, am on a train bound for home town.... V tired and fraught and feeling guilty.

Hello everyone. On a sofa, can't sleep, my mum is definitely dying (haven't seen her yet) and all I can think of is - why now? - rest of family all rallying to her bedside, flying across the globe to be here etc and I am busy thinking incredibly selfish thoughts like "please don't die on Monday as I really want to do the drop off at uni on the first day", "can I still take DD to the theatre tomorrow", "I still need to buy her tights and tampons", "I haven't done my surprise box" "what about the (not even started) packing" etc etc. My sister says that I have to "do what feels right for me". I'm about seven hours by train away. I should be feeling very sad and daughterly, but instead I feel annoyed with her for timing it so badly. What a crap daughter I am. Luckily DD made her own trip down here to say goodbye to her a couple of weeks ago, as we knew this was coming, but somehow you believe people will go on forever.

Hi Figment - I can sympathise! My frail, elderly and much loved mum died 3 Weeks ago - luckily a week before DD started uni. But funeral was on Friday of freshers week and other end of the country so DD came home Wed pm and missed half FW. I hope myou are able to get your DD settled, but she may well end up having to miss some uni time! Tampons can be bought by even the scattiest girl so if you want to go, go and get back to take her. It's ok to feel 'bad timing', but of course these things happen, and will happen again. My sympathies, and good luck to your DD!