Can I stop forever?

[grahamgreenefanatic]

I need to stop drinking forever. I've always drunk to get drunk since I was 18, I'm now 45. Is it better to say 'never again', or 'small achievable steps at a time' Is there anyone out there who can help or who feels they need it?

I realised that I have been drinking far to much on a nightly basis for many years, and I know I have to stop, so I have decided to only drink on the weekend rather than every night of the week, I think that's a good first step for me. Last night was my first night of no alcohol and I am feeling pretty proud of myself

I think it depends on what kind of drinker you are. I tried to cut down, but was kidding myself and after a year or so of dry weeks followed by binges I have given up completely. I realise that I cannot drink in moderation so this is it for me! Good luck.

Well done Loopy! I've been trying that on and off for 3 years or so and either I fail or I stay off and BINGE at the weekends(really badly) because I think I deserve it. For me, I've realised it isn't the answer. It doesn't solve the behavioural problems associated with my drinking, just shifts them to the weekend. It doesn't stop me not remembering, it just means I remember during the week but not at weekends. I had my last drink last Friday so night 3 tonight. I drank out of boredom and God, I.m bored, also I'm less tolerant of the children's squabbling. I'm trying to remember why I'm doing this, a bit of blunting of R/L would be great just now

A day at a time is easier to break it down,or even minute to minute (my urge hits after 8pm when my children are pressing the right buttons!)

I'm currently 16 days without alcohol and actually finding it do-able.My cravings were habit ,both dh and I used alcohol as a relaxant most evenings and we drank more weekend evenings.

We both decided it wasn't doing our mental and physical health nor our wallets any good.

You DON'T need alcohol to relax,it makes you feel shit in the mornings and it f*cks your skin,hair and more importantly, your liver and bank balance up.

Good luck to you..am finding a good book and a hot chocolate of the evening much more relaxing than a bottle of viognier .

Gosh, I'm impressed poshwellies. When does it start to feel'normal' not to have a drink?
KittyAn, That's where I am, dry weeks then bbig ugly binges that reinforce that deeply
flawed feeling, along with regret at behaviour (possibly) lack of memory (dim memory of what might have been quite an important phone call?? ) and awful hangover with non-specific feeling of anxiety.
Any hints on what is a nice (dryish) non-alcoholic drink? currently on tonic water with lemon and ridiculously strong coffee during the day.
On a better note, did Tesco shop online and it was £20-£25 cheaper than normal

ggf I personally started to feel more human about day 9/10.My sleep pattern is slowly getting better ,hardly any early morning waking and I am getting to sleep before 1am.My appetite is back too (I need to keep a eye on that tbh).I just don't feel 'urghhhh' anymore.

I have elderflower cordial,bitter lemon or a ginger ale (Non alcohol natch!)or just plain old water to quench the thirst.

A little tip is to have a bit of a sugar hit as wine (and most other booze) is full with sugars,you body will no doubt miss it's sugar fix-have a square of dark chocolate or a comforting hot chocolate,I find it does help and just enjoy those refreshed mornings after a sober sleep .

I too am having a break from alcohol. Have decided to give up for a year and have done 15 days so far. But I already feel much better for it.

I have come to the conclusion in middle age that I have drunk enough and now find the post hangover anxiety too hard to handle. In the past saying embarrassing things or only half remembering things had no real consequence as it was pretty much seperate from my everyday life. But now my drinking companions are mums at school and hangovers make me grumpy with the kids. Also I don't want to set a bad example to my DCs - I want them to know you can have a good time without drinking.

I'm not sure if its forever but maybe it will turn into that because I've slowly been falling out of love with it. I have realised that I am not very good at just sticking to one or two drinks - its easier just to not start.

I too relish the lovely feeling of waking up with a clear head and not feeling tired/ thirsty/ headachy.

I have been drinking a lot of coke and tonic water plus have sudden cravings for cups of tea. Have been eating quite a lot of crisps but figure that calories saved from not drinking will not be surpassed by the odd packet of crisps.

PW, That's encouraging, I'm glad you're feeling better, early morning waking, just so bad isn't it, palpitations, thirst, anxiety, feeling of dread towards the rest of the day.
I like the idea of bitter lemon and ginger ale, and I also am snacking a bit on nice, posh pickled onions, good deli stuff etc.. but trying not to eat a whole loaf of bread!
Good luck, keep posting will you?
MissNash, you hit the nail on the head. Yes it's the other mums and people you see every day, just too embarassing to say sorry all the time about a drunken book club night or similar. I like the way you say you have been slowly falling out of love with alcohol; this is what I think is happening to me and has been for a couple of years. I am riding on the feeling of smugness I get with getting up with a clear head; am still worried about what will happen when I feel I deserve a drink, because of row with DH or fed up with squabbling children or bad new about aged Ps. Your support is enormously helpful, when did you give up?

Good for you, gg...you sound very clear about your drinking, and why and how its problematic. Personally, I have found it much easier to not drink at all than to do battle with all the ways to try and control my drinking (which I couldn't, really, not for long anyway).

That said, I stopped a long time ago when I was still young and in a very different place in my life, and I didn't do it without support. Again, for me, its been far far easier and more enjoyable not to do it alone - but everyone is different. I don't think I could have done it without RL support, and others doing the same thing.

But you sound as though you've made a clear decision, and no matter what happens next you can only learn more and more about whats right for you re alcohol...so again, well done you

And good luck!

Good for you, gg...you sound very clear about your drinking, and why and how its problematic. Personally, I have found it much easier to not drink at all than to do battle with all the ways to try and control my drinking (which I couldn't, really, not for long anyway).

That said, I stopped a long time ago when I was still young and in a very different place in my life, and I didn't do it without support. Again, for me, its been far far easier and more enjoyable not to do it alone - but everyone is different. I don't think I could have done it without RL support, and others doing the same thing.

But you sound as though you've made a clear decision, and no matter what happens next you can only learn more and more about whats right for you re alcohol...so again, well done you

And good luck!

oops.

Never did do things by halves

I stopped drinking two years ago - can't quite believe that when I see it written down. Can honestly say I don't miss it, because life is so much easier without the shame of remembering things I did whilst drunk, and the battle of shall I/shan't I every week/month/weekend/whatever. Yes, I sometimes fancy a glass of wine (especially at DCs' bedtime, quite the weakest point of the day!) but it's not worth trading for the clear head and more honest life I have now.

I drink lots of Diet Coke (I know, I know), elderflower and tonic, grapefruit juice and tonic is really nice ... and tea rather than coffee if I can, as I find it more soothing.

Good luck, sounds as if you're doing this for the right reasons and doing really well.

Elibean and CJ, thank you for your messages and support. I love all the tips for nice drinks ( Diet Coke is just FINE by the way, sod the caffeine and aspartame).
Well done for giving up. I think you are all so strong and long for the time when I might feel proud of myself too.
CJC, the 'more honest life', so true. Not the sordid extra gulps before you go out, half remembered conversations that you try pretend you remember; pretending a hangover is a virus or a migraine
I also have a highly visable job in a small community and represent the responsible attitude to health. It is therefore even more dishonest.
I applaud you

I'm 9 months off booze and like CJ I can't believe I'm writing those words! My life used to be a cycle of wondering when I'd have my next drink, promising to go easy this time, over-doing it and feeling such huge remorse and guilt the next day.

My sleeping was shit and I'd always wake about 2/3am after a drink and stay awake for an hour or two promising myself that tomorrow I'd cut down.

I now drink lots of diet drinks, lime & soda and a lot more tea! I also read much more than I used to. I really look forward to my book after a tough day with the children. In the old days I'd read. but mostly have to re-read the next day because I couldn't remember what had happened.

Life is much easier without alcohol buggering it up!

It's nice of you to say so, Elibean, but to be honest I don't feel as though I'm being particularly 'strong' - I really don't feel the desire to drink any more, so it's no hardship.

Also, I should tell you that I did four months on my own, before getting support with it. By then any desire for a drink was gone, but I needed help to stay off it and put my life back together. I have never looked back - it's the best thing I've ever done.

Sometimes I get bored of all that tonic water and wish it had a vodka in it, but I know I wouldn't stop at one, so what's the point?

How is it going ggf?

OP

Print out your posting and keep it somewhere to hand.

Note especially the phrases in your second post, "I drank out of boredom and God, I.m bored" and "a bit of blunting of R/L would be great just now". If ou're honest, they totally contradict each other - which is true?

You sound like you think you've got a problem with alcohol so I would recommend (from personal experience) AA.

Let me know if I can help any further.

Good luck.

S

So sorry, meant GGF, not Elibean!

Hope it's going ok.

Did anyone loose weight after giving up alcohol?
Day 5 Going OK, but evenings are boring!
I listed all the reasons to give up.

1. No hangovers, remember everything, no shaking, no headache, no anxiety

1. No disinhibitory behaviour, no falling down, self respct intact.

3.Reduce risk of
a) Liver damaage
b) Cancer
c) Physical injury

4.Saving money

5. More energy

So what's there not to like?

Well, I miss the exuberance.
I miss the blunting of the edges
I miss the highs

Even music isn't the same without it.
Someone tell me the boredom gets better??
I guess we're all just a bit spoiled by the 20th/21st century phenomenon of 'instant reward'. Let me know if anyone knows of one that isn't alcohol, smoking,fat, sugar, salt or expensive

Hi ggf

Agree with your Pro List but your 'miss' list hmm.I felt the same but the highs with drink (if you drink to excess) ALWAYS have a low.Nothing changes the stress in your life-you wake up after a heavy night of booze and the stresses of everyday life are still there,but you are out of pocket,feeling like a pile of shit and rattling with nerves and more often than not-self loathing.It ain't a high really-it's a false feeling.

It does feel boring at first,you aren't doing your normal 'routine' of pouring a drink,whacking the music up and chilling (aka getting pissed),it's a huge change.
I'm just occupying myself-reading,watching tv/ iplayer.I've even taken up sodding knitting!

Good for you,day 5 -nearly a week down!.

Oh and I've put weight on grrrrrrr.

Oh,PW, you're right, of course, but I need reminding. The time of day I find hardest is between 5-6.30 pm. That's the time of getting supper ready, overseeing piano practice/homework, intervening in children's squabbles, speaking to MIL for 5th time that day. That's when I can't watch telly, read, knit (BYW, what'ye knitting?)
Damn sorry about the bastard weight. Do you mean I'm not going to wake up tomorrow a size 8?
Am I allowed a swig of Night Nurse? Maybe I could get addicted to antihistamines.
Sorry to be frivolous, I still really appreciate the support

Hi, Miflaw
Good tip, to print out. I have already written it all down and you're right, complete contradiction in terms, tho' surely, 'tis an incontrovertible truth that children's squabbles are boring... but at the same time a bit of blunting can make me into a much more tolerant individual. Extrapolate that to homework..
However, I don't drink just to blunt, so I know what I'm doing is right.
I looked into AA on line. Couldn't hack the religiosity aspect I'm afraid. Am interested in any other responsible organisations that aren't '12 step'
Am quite happy to become evangelical about anything other than religion

Yup I hear you.

I know it's tough breaking it,I get stressed when mine kick off and I'm trying to prep dinner and dh is wading in from work,it all seems to hit a peak of noise and stressedoutness.I have to nip outside or to the loo if I feel like I'm ready to holler at them.I'm learning too here .

Keep at it,I think once you are a week down you really will see/feel the benefits,well,you probably are already-how much have you saved this week not buying booze?

I'm teaching myself to knit,I'm a complete novice at 33(with no attention span or patience!) but I really fancied trying it out so bought the Stitch'n'Bitch book. I finally got to grips with it over weekend and knitted my first scarf yeaaaaaah!

Are you having issues with your sleep?

Miflaw, maybe you need a slug of Night Nurse? I've just looked at the time of your posting!

I am into my 3rd week (17 days - not that I'm counting ). And I'm not missing it at all. Really. Which surprises me. Like you I am 45 (next month) and have drunk regularly since I was at university. And the quantities and frequency had increased too much.

I'm not giving up forever - my goal is my birthday. And then I'll see.

Actually I haven't made it to 17 days as I had some champagne on Saturday - at a 40th birthday party. In a funny way I'm even pleased about that as I stuck to 3 small glasses and stopped when I had had enough and didn't crave any the next day.

I feel emotionally much stronger, my skin has lost about 10 yrs and I don't feel as tired as I did.