Can I stop forever?

[grahamgreenefanatic]

I need to stop drinking forever. I've always drunk to get drunk since I was 18, I'm now 45. Is it better to say 'never again', or 'small achievable steps at a time' Is there anyone out there who can help or who feels they need it?

I really do sympathise. But, based very much on how it was for me, can I ask you:

"It isn't so much the taste, although I did find myself looking sadly at a gorgeous Shiraz and some Dolcelatte and knowing I couldn't indulge in one of the most perfect marriages in gastronomy" - if you drink throughout a meal (or evening) what state is your palate in by the later stages of the meal? Do you HONESTLY appreciate "one of the most perfect marriages in gastronomy" or is it pearls before swine by that point?

"it is the growing exuberance, lightheartedness and joy that I find I miss in a crowd of good friends" - you say you miss this, but when was the last time you actually had it? I ask because personally, if my drinking had stayed like this, I would still be doing it and certainly wouldn't be looking to cut down or stop. I certainly remember that feeling as an undergraduate - by the time I was 27, things were very different ...

"I suppose what I'm saying if I were honest is that it's the effect I miss" - do you really miss the actual effect, or, like me, is it a half-remembered, once-upon-a-time effect that you miss; that you already missed while still drinking, in fact, and that you were chasing in the hope of recapturing?

Again, looking back to those golden days, how many times then did you need to swig it from the bottle on the sly? Is that really part of the good times?

You're doing really well and it's great that you're getting honest - but the bottle will lie to you, given the chance, and it's that that threatens you, much more than the contents.

I don't know if you're happy yet to use the A word, but I am about me, and I like to remember, "the alcohol's in the bottle, the ism's in me."

Well,Miflaw, I appreciate what you're saying, but on the point of wine and cheese, yes, I do miss a really good red wine, because I didn't always drink to oblivion and I've got to say that the tastes of both could be lovely.

Also I feel I can defend the exuberence, lightheartedness and joy associated with drinking wine with close friends. Isn't that what we all enjoy, whether we have a problem with alsohol or not?

I know there were times that I drank too much but that doesn't negate the initial feeling of pleasure that people who drink normally enjoy too, but who then stop. I just didn't stop.

Anyway, humbled by my slippage off the wagon, I am seized with renewed resolve.

GGF

Maybe I have expressed myself badly, apologies if so. Maybe it would be better to express it like this.

You say you miss a really good red wine. In some ways, so do I and I agree that the taste of both can be lovely. But what do you do when you haven't got a really good red wine? What do you do when you've got a n average, mediocre or even, frankly, bad red wine? Most people who love a really good red wine would answer, "I leave it alone."

Similarly, the "exuberence, lightheartedness and joy associated with drinking wine with close friends" - we all enjoy that, but that's not the same as saying that that's what we all enjoy. Sonme of us actually "enjoy" the near burning sensation of the wine going down and the physical relief that follows, like taking off a rucksack full of stones (seven years without a drink and I've forgotten what wine tastes like but I'll never forget that sensation) and it's often even better if it's in the company of friends.

What do you do when you don't have the company of good friends? What about when you do have the company of good friends but you can't drink in front of them? Most people who enjoy the company of close friends would answer that question, "I don't bother drinking."

Now, I know my answers to these questions would not conform to the norm - how do others feel?

Have just deleted my marvellous, articulate and well thought out post when I previewed it. I now need to go to bed because it's taken me most of the evening to compose it and I can't do that again now. Balls!
I'll post tomorrow.

Well, after over 45 days of not drinking I have to report my first deliberate flouting of my plan. For various complicated but nice reasons, last night ended up drinking 1/2 bottle of vin.

I did enjoy it and felt rather tipsy but today has been a different story. Have had terrible headache and felt ill all day which although unpleasant has actually made me feel rather pleased. I has just prooved to me how wine doesn't actually agree with my constitution - have not felt like this for months.

So tonight I'm back on my wagon and looking forward to feeling better again and feeling glad that I won't feel like that for quite a while. It has also made it a whole lot easier than before as the effect of a moderate amoutn of alcohol has been so extreme that I feel much less inclined to go there. No wonder I used to be so bad tempered.

Wedding seems less of a challenge but am not sure what to do about the toast. Its probably quite easy to just pretend to have a swig of champagne.

Well, I've just about had it with this computer, I think there is a virus. All my google searches and websites are being 'redirected' to 'Scour' Ask Jeeves', kdirect' so frustrating, also alot of my emails and now 2 posts have mysteriously deleted themselves. So my carefully composed posts have gone into cyberspace.
Miflaw, you wouldn't belive how long I've spent replying to you over the last 24 hours but I've lost the will to live now, suffice to say I enjoyed philosophising and ruminating about your posts, just sad you couldn't read them because I enjoyed writing them.
MissNash, I can really empathise with all you are saying. Did you feel guilty? It sounds like a fairly planned deviation from your normal abstinence, therefore maybe you don't. I know I did, but feel like Purity Angelica again now. Your honesty is admirable. Here's to the next 45 days..
It appears Miflaw you and I are the only ones around at the moment, where is everyone else

Well I'm back to very moderated,I did 5.5 weeks.
What's very moderated? A bottle of wine a week,so around 10-12 units (dependant on % volume),I don't feel that urge anymore to drink EVERY single day,but I can't fib and say I didn't miss it on the weekends.I don't have any excuses-I just really love having a drink at the weekend with dh.

I'm not blinkered with it,I'm just enjoying my moderated self and actually instead of drinking 7-9 bottles a week and getting sh*tfaced.

I'm glad you are all holding up and being relatively good .Its all a far cry from last year for us all I think,and that can only be a good thing!!!

GGF - sorry to hear about your computer problems. Hope you get it sorted soon - I wouldn't be without Mumsnet!

I had a phase of something similar myself. I ended up writing my responses in Word and copying them into the box to send - that way, if it crashed, I hadn't lost them and could try again (and again ...)

Posh - good luck with moderation, really hope it works for you. You know where we are if it doesn't.

GFF you have done well some people don't 'get it' first time!The nthing is it is whether that exuberance can remain that or whether it becomes something more and if it is worth the downsides to have that occasional 'high'.My dp found this difficult at first and we left a lot of parties early in the beginning but now it is not a problem at all and his joy and fun seems to come from somehwere inside him and doesn't wax and wane according to how drunk he is!I am envious in a way.I do drink alcohol although for some reason some illness recently put me off and I haven't drank since boxing day bar one boozy lunch with 2 glasses of red wine where I was so ill the next day I was shocked Hope you get over this little blip and keep going xx

Thanks Miflaw, I've discovered it's 'Trojan horse' virus. I think we may have to take the whole computer into PC world or something, so I maybe without Mumsnet for a while.
Thank you for your support Noddyholder, I'm pleased to hear how your dp has discovered his joie de vivre.
Am still abstinent but I do get a bit soft-drinked out sometimes, either a bit burpy from too much fizzy or just the feeling of lots of liquid swilling around inside, urgh.. full and a bit sick, ring any bells? Still wedded to the Werther's originals for something sweet..maybe I should start to read 'The People's Friend'...
Off to Dave Gorman tonight, so something different to do and a bit of a laugh too hopefully. Good luck everyone. Ill post again on Monday, busy weekend ahead.

My dp has had too much coke(acola) at times and is like a demented child and keeps getting up to pee so now he drinks lime and soda or tomato juice he is a tea addict now which is ok

Hello GGF

Yes my lapse was pre-planned in a way but I don't feel that bad about it and am now feeling fine again.

If People's Friend is too taxing how about Reader's Digest which I discovered has some huge number of subscribers (£40 million world wide) but has anyone actually ever read it. SUrely only people sitting in some kind of waiting room. Anyway - I digress ...

Well done for keeping going and enjoy Dave Gorman for himself and not through rose (wine) tinted glasses.

Lime and Soda sounds good noddy, I'll try that, I do like tomato juice too.
Still on the Werther's originals.. mmm, Reader's Digest, The People's Friend, maybe a perm and some daytime TV?? Still, the Werther's are keeping me off the ETOH, 44 days so far apart from that massive swig from the bottle in secret during half term.
Hope everyone else is coping OK with whatever dregrees of abstinence, moderation and regulation.
Oh, by the way, I;ve lost 9 pounds now, which is great; not so far from the size 10 jeans which have been a dim and distant memory for about 6 years now. Don't know if that helps anyone else, but it's certainly motivating me.
Do keep posting

Hiya GGF

Holby City & a coke for me tonight. Looks like its down to just you and me but am happy to keep posting as its nice to know how you're going.

Had a Tesco delivery today including bottles of wine. Looked at them, put them away and thought if I have some it'll just give me an awful headache and make me feel ill.

Have got a few stressful weeks coming up including aforementioned wedding (not stressful but just a tempting situation). I think they'll be much easier to handle with a clear head and clear concience.

How was Dave Gorman?

Hi MissNash,

Good of you to keep in touch.

When's the wedding? I agree it will be mighty tempting. The problem with a wedding is the repeated temptation, fizzy during photos, wine, bar, waiters filling glasses up all the time, bottles on your table, toasts plus all the general camaraderie and bonhomie.

I've got a big get together to go to on Friday, our usual bunch, 3 families (no children in the evening tho') celebrating 2 people's birthdays that fall on the same day. Big table booked in pub, fizzy beforehand. I've said I'd drive to reduce temptation, but these getogethers are historically euphoric and well oiled with alcohol.

Dave Gorman was very good, I did find myself weeping with laughter; I do like him, very nerdy/academic. Have you seen him presenting 'Genius' on TV?

Well, good luck with your coke and Holby City, we're on'Five Days' at the moment. Always good to look forward to something on the box isn't it?

Enjoy your evening.

With any planned event, if you are serious about not drinking, I would plan, plan, plan, regatrds how you will cope when offered alcohol etc

However, we 'sort of' know if we have/plan slips? Actually we really DO know when we plan them, but we don't like to admit them, it takes a lot of honestly and self-knowledge to admit that, yeah, I did plan it...but it's sooo hard to do that.

All 'slips' are planned...and trust me, I am SO NOT having a go at people, it's just true, I have done it on many occasions, and pretended to be surprised. The planning can be for months, weeks, days, or take a minute...or so I pretended...sometimes it really did, but I allowed my head to get into the frame for it beforehand..

Anyway, well done all you lot for writing honestly and for giving each other support

Sorry for the typos, am not pissed ...I have little time as I have to do children stuff.

Sorry, haven't been around recently because of problems with the computer.
I couldn't agree more with Teasle, plan, plan, plan. It's just like any other craving, you need a strategy to cope with vulnerable timefes.
My Friday evening went OK. Though I did at times feel a bit square and serious while others were becoming more exuberant and frivolous.
I've decided to do the 3 peak challenge in June, Ben Nevis, Scarfell Pike and Snowdon in 24 hours. So I'm upping my level of fitness which will include (at the end of March when it's lighter) getting up and out of the house for a 45 minute hike up the hill at 6am. Quite a relief not to be drinking and worrying whether I'll be up to early morning activity.
Anyone else done this? Bit worried re fitness but I know I'm not unfit, just need to get more fit, don't know how much more though.

I did it.

When I stopped drinking I started really looking after myself and getting fit again, and it's great.

BTW- I never feel 'square' anymore when people get pissed- I find now it's a state of mind- I have more fun, am MORE silly...but without the embarrassment shit I used to do...no going round the next day apologising etc...because I could be pretty offensive.... My friends say I am funnier now...although I do wonder if they are just pleased I am not such an out of control piss=head...looking back, I always felt i was ok...but I wasn't.

Giving up alcohol does really help to motivate you to look after yourself doesn't it?
I've lost nearly a stone since Jan when I gave up and started increasing my exercise. I'm feeling quite fit and more than a bit smug.
Was it gruelling, Teasle? I did a 12 mile hike the other day up hill and down dale in 3 hours; that was quite gruelling, tho' beautiful and glorious too.
Friends coming over tonight to watch a film so there will be alcohol, feeling quite strong though. Good luck to everyone else, have a nice weekend

Hello there. I'm reviving this thread as have been away for a while and just wondered how all are doing.

SOmething quite major has been happening in my life so have been completely tied up with work/ home things. Sadly this has also coincided with a complete slippage on my being teetotal although am pleased to say has not resulted in huge over indulgence.

However things are settling down a bit now and have decided that going back to the ginger ale is the way forward if am to cope calmly with everything that's happening.

So am wondering if you are around GGF and if you want to join me again in comparing the merits of various soft drinks. Or has the moment passed?

I'm not quite ready to be part of this thread, but do you mind if I lurk?

Welcome tortoise. Park yourself in the corner and poke your head out of your shell when you feel ready