Can I stop forever?

[grahamgreenefanatic]

I need to stop drinking forever. I've always drunk to get drunk since I was 18, I'm now 45. Is it better to say 'never again', or 'small achievable steps at a time' Is there anyone out there who can help or who feels they need it?

Thanks posh, will watch later when dd is not around.

MIFLAW,
I find your posts so clear, explicit and you explain everything so well. Please keep them coming. You seem to be able to unravel the wool and make the jumper for a lot of us (specific knitting reference wholly intended) Off to get DCs now

Yes,it's for adult eyes only Berrie.

In an attempt to lighten the mood re Higher Powers, I have to say that I don't give guidance on what other people's power "should" or "shouldn't" be for a reason.

When I was quite recently sober, a very angry man started coming to my local meetings. One of the things he was angry about was the whole higher power "thing". He had been raised a Catholic and hated the Church. No way was he ever going to accept God in his life again.

As part of my sharing, I said (as I say now) that there is no need to have God as your higher power. Different people have different things that are personal to them. Robbie Williams has Elvis. You could even make it your post box if you wanted, I argued - ridiculous, perhaps, but it really doesn't matter, as long as it helps you to stay humble.

About six months on, the guy was sharing in a meeting about how, these days, he had no problem with the Higher Power. " What's important is what works for me," He said. "A lot of people say a lot of nonsense about the Higher Power. I forget who it was but one fucking idiot even said it could be a fucking post box!"

Glad if I can help.

I've been sober for, crikey is it really 14 years now?? Wow, it actually is.

I don't go to AA meetings any more, but that was what got me sober and taught me how to live sober. In the beginning I did over 100 meetings in 90 days - just thinking 'well I only have to stay sober til the next meeting, I can cling on 'til then'. Then I went about 3 or 4 times a week for a few years. By the time I was ten years sober I was going a couple of times a month and now I don't go. But if alcoholism became an issue for me (eg. if I thought about taking a drink or if my life started to seem disordered somehow) I'd hightail it back there. It is definitely what worked for me.

As MIFLAW says the religious thing is a red herring. There are plenty of sober atheists in AA - there's at least one person in every meeting who mentions their atheism every flippin' week without fail. Just as there's always at least one person called Seamus in any gathering of twelve or more AA members. And just as you can never buy a big enough box of tea bags when you're on tea and coffee duty at a meeting (boy but AA members can chug down their tea so fast). Ahh...those truths of life in AA.

These are actually good memories, not 'my drink recovery hell' - but memories of sitting round laughing myself silly while chugging tea with people who I actually understand and am still in touch with, even if I don't show up at meetings any more. I got an email from my sponsor today, who is still my beloved friend - she's twenty five years sober this week. Thirty years ago she was told she had irreparable liver damage, now she's a doting grandma.

"Just as there's always at least one person called Seamus in any gathering of twelve or more AA members."

I once went to a meeting in West Hampstead where only two of us didn't have an Irish accent.

Lots of Pats in Hampstead!

I remember being told early on 'you don't have to be Catholic to be in AA, but it helps' and 'you don't have to be Jewish to be in NA, but it helps'. Twas a while back though, not sure it holds anywhere as true anymore!

GG, keep posting and listening/reading...and good for you, another day.

BTW, that was in reference to the Pat/Seamus thing, not meaning it helps to be religious - I wasn't at all, and still am not half a lifetime later. Still agnostic

DAY 6
Just been invited out to dinner with close friends of whom there 8 of us. Always boozy and apart from one other person who drinks til she drops, I probably drank the most in the past.
However, I feel a real sense of freedom about the evening since the threat of drinking too much has been removed. It has been like the 'Sword of Damocles' and I'm only just realising how formidable that perpetual fear really was. So still feeling optimistic. I keep finding references to alcoholeverywhere, even in 'The Borrowers that I've been reading to DC3!
Keep in touch, everyone, Goodnight.( I feel as if I should be playing 'Sailing By')

Well done GGF. I know exactly what you mean it's almost as if you have been given permission not to drink (that's how I feel anyway) so am free to just attend the social event without constantly wondering when the next drink is coming. NiteXX

Hello all. Am very pleased to report have been out for a drink with some work colleagues and managed the whole evening without a drop of alcohol. It was a bit boring drinking diet coke & ginger ale but enjoyed the conversation and don't have to slink in tomorrow wondering whether have been too loud/ said something tactless etc. Am now at home with a cup of tea & looking forward to my book in bed.

Totally agree with Flowertop about not wondering when the next drink is going to arrive. You just don't have to think about any of that when not drinking. (Just wondering when next pack of crisps is going to arrive !)

Now I have really got going wiht this (day 19 I think - have slightly lost count) I am finding it easier than I thought.

I have found focusing on negative aspects of drinking help when I feel tempted - for example my fave tipple is white wine but actually a lot of white wines don't taste very good, are metallic & acidic and give me indigetsion so have been mentally reliving some of those nasty white wine experiences. Cheap muscadet - yuck .

Its interesting to read about other's experineces with AA - am sure that everyone needs a different approach. I just don't think its for me personally as the actual amount that I drink each week is not excessive.

My issue has been more the case that sometimes, when drunk I become very argumentative and depressed - it doesn't happen that often but when it does it can be a bit spectacular. Also it is very difficult to predict when it will happen so that I have come to the conslusion that drinking is a bit of a game of russian roulette for me. I also think that generally drinking makes me feel more anxious and negative about life.

Anyway all & esp GGF - keep up the good work.

I really like reading your posts MIFLAW. You may recall that you really helped me early last year when DH was in and out of AA?

He has now been sober for 10 months, and all is going really well. REALLY well.

AA isn't for everyone but this weekend last year DH was shivering on the sofa alternately being sick or crying with anxiety and nerves. This weekend he is studying towards his MBA in a home we now own as we have paid off $40,000 debt in 10 months, looking after his pregnant wife.

Honestly, I never thought life could be so good. We are thankful every day for Dan's sponsor and for AA in general, and really try to take advantage of every day that we are given.

Ozziegirly

Fantastic news! It's good to hear about someone who is not just sober, but happy to be sober. And hats off to you re the debt - that's definitely a part of my recovery that has lagged behind the rest

If I did help you, I'm really pleased, but you know that the real credit goes to AA and, even more, to you and your husband for sticking at it - AA can do nothing to help the people who don't turn up ...

MissNash - it is completely possible that AA is not for you. It can do nothing for, and has no interest in, the occasional heavy drinker who is otherwise perfectly happy and "on top" of life and who can stop at will. But I, for one, am glad that the discussion has interested you because then, if ever it turns out that you do belong "in our camp", you won't be so afraid because the misconceptions won't put you off.

Well done to everyone who doesn't want to drink today and hasn't.

Hello MIFLAW and others

Thanks for all the info about AA - as you said its sounds like AA is not the thing for everyone and I hope that I haven't sounded critical of anyone who has been recommending it. I realise that it is incredibly important and a lifesaver for many people and have lots of respect for people who have managed to turn their lives around with the help of AA.

As for being totally on top of life in all other respects - not sure if I'd go that far - things are definately more manageable without having to cope with hangover/ guilt/ general miserableness induced by over indulgence. I do think that even when drinking at a low level e.g a couple of glasses a night, alcohol has a depressive effect on me so that I am generally less perky and see the world in greyer hues. Plus all the other comments about sleep disturbance - cripes having spent 5 years looking after babies you'd think the last thing I needed was more insomnia inducing substances.

For people who aren't sure that AA is what they need, as previously, I would recommend the Down Your Drink site which encourages you to think about how/ when/ where you drink and how it impacts on your life and relationships. Like all of these self help things you need to have decided to go for it but once you have its gives you a bit of structure.

HI everyone- I used tp post regularly on an old drinkers/recovering drinkers thread.

It's good to see people posting in with their support.

Hi Folks,

How is it going? I know friday nights can be a bit difficult,weekends are always tough here!

Hope you are all remaining strong and vibrant

Have got new DVD to watch and am looking forward to a takeway with DH & a large glass of Diet Coke.

Have been practising aversion therapy re drinks - white wine with curry -yeurgh!!! Recipe for indegestion and bad head.

Remember ladies - think of tripping out of your bed tomorrow and enjoying a relaxing weekend en famille rather than headache laden/ worn out guilty day.

Good luck for a sober evening all

Hi all have bought some Cranberry Classic juice which drinking with soda water. It is just one of the nights I could really do with a large glass of wine! Don't worry, I know I won't. Not allowed to drink in Jan!!
XX

I tend to drink cranberry juice and soda Flowertop...there's a joke about it being what recovering alcoholics drink.
I think it is because it isn't sweet- I hate sweet drinks, but can't do fizzy drinks or tonic water as they give me a headache and make me feel ill.

Flowertop- I think we used to post on the same thread a couple of years ago?

Hi Teasle, yes we did post on the same thread. Great to hear from you. How's it going?

Hey, I thought so!

Yeah it's good thanks...I've had a few slips along the way, but I am good. Going through a difficult time right now..but drinking won't help..even though it feels almost like my 'default' setting to do so...it would be the most stupid thing in the world to do! Still, it's natural to think about it.

Anyway, it's good to see that there is another support thread going- how are you? Well done on your sobriety btw!

Hello, everyone,
I was (wasn't) looking forward to Friday's challenge ( always sit down at 5pm with lovely cleaner after she's finished and chat and get through a bottle of wine, that's just the start)
Anyway, my resolve was hijacked with a viruson Thursday night abd through til today, stomach cramps temp and aching, so could not credit myself with 'being strong' Still feel a little rough today but at least no ethanol. Lovely to heat from old postees