Problem/Dependent Drinkers and Alcoholics (recovering or active) Support V

[kokeshi]

Welcome to the thread, the purpose of this is to give anyone who is having any trouble with their drinking, a safe place to come and post about it honestly and without judgement.

There are many of us that use the thread for support and encouragement: some in recovery, others just needing a place to share about their worries. It's been going on in one form of another for a while now and has helped many people.

Thank you to all of those who have kept it going thus far, and welcome to anyone who has decided the time has come to ask for help.

Everybody's welcome, no matter what stage your drinking is at.

Jump right in, the water's fine

It is really hard to stop isnt it , i went to the supermarket today with the best intentions not to buy wine but failed miserably ,its now sitting in my fridge waiting until i dont have to drive anywhere then i can open it , i just dont have the willpower to not open it ,even though as you say its probably ruining my health . I dont get the shakes if i stop for 24hrs and i havent when ive stopped for longer ,say a week but i know they are awful . Have you ever approached your GP about getting help to stop mother3 ?

Just 2 little words resulted from the alcohol assesment today.

'vicious'
and
'circle'

Apparently I'm not entitled to counselling as 'I drink too many units'
nor the med detox as thier policy is that I need to be babysat for 2 weeks 24 / 7.

And I also got feckin' breathalysed.
Thier machine was broken thank God!

Can anyone tell I'm really pissed off?

So what happen's now Purple?

omg PO

but you ahve my empathy - I have been let down too.

sometimes it is bloody hard accessing help

HUGS

What happens now is their poxy reduction therapy. Reduction is something I've tried for ages and it's never worked.
Not going to be supported during it either. Just keeping a poxy drink diary again, like I did for 2 weeks prior to the appt.

Went to the GP 2 years ago and he referred me for counselling...still never heard anything. So I self referred to this place.

TBH as a really bad drinker, I had such high expectations. To think they would really help me.
They offered me so many options in the letter.

Inpatient detox = means my kids will be taken into care as I have no 24hr supervision. Even exh won;t have them that long as he moans the dd's are ruining his marriage.
Outpatient detox = babysat 24 / 7. Nobody around.
Counselling = I drink too much anyway to even qualify.

Told this to dd1 earlier and she is gutted. She even said 'if you didn't need the help, you wouldn't ask for it. is it so bad to reach out and ASK?'

On a good note, I will be having an LFT test next time I go, but will also be screened for HIV and Hepatitis? so am fucked next time if I want to apply for life insurance. Sorry if I'm such a fucking liability.

Was told to go back to AA. Sorry if I sound so negative but I can picture myself saying the serenity prayer 'just for today, I am going to go home and have my drink for reduction'. Such a feckin' fraud and a bloody hypocrite. Tried it all before. All them people devoting their time to me, helping me...while I'm going to go home and drink 'reduction therapy'

They only told me not to go cold turkey.

It wasn't completelty confidential either so couldn't say too much about RL.
Had such high expectatoins which is a bad thing anyway, but was so confident this would work.

Oh, I really don't know what to do.

They offered me jack schitt in the way of support while I was reducing.

PurpleOne I'm so sorry .
I can imagine how devastated you must be to have placed hope in getting help.

Is there really nothing more proactive they can do? (Silly question, obviously not, I just can't believe it though).

When you say as an outpatient you'd need to be babysat, do you mean by someone you know, or by someone they place with you?

Am SO sorry
Gerbra x

Just tablets to make sure I'm not drinking Gerb. Or taking in shit with alcohol that's not associated with drinking.....That's all it is....

Only things they offered was drinking diary AGAIN, reduction (which didn't work) and the poxy diary. I journal, I blog in RL, nobody to offload to....

Do you mean the tablets that make you ill if you drink? (can't remember the name). Might you consider that?
I don't understand how you can be 'drinking too much' for them to help when you've gone specifically to ask for help, it sounds crazy to me...has made me quite GRRRRRRR actually. I might be missing the subtle points, but it still sounds wrong.

I wonder how many people gather up the courage to go for help, like you have, only to be told no you drink too much. . It's certainly made me think...

Would you consider the inpatient detox if you did find anyone to look after DCs? Please don't shoot me down if this is massively insensitive (speaking as a non-mum), but would you consider your DCs staying with foster people for 2 weeks while you did the detox? (if there's really no one in RL who can help?).

Again, I don't know if I've just said a 'you're not a mum, you just don't get it' kind of thing, but maybe 2 weeks for a more positive long-term would be worth it? What do I know though!

I really feel for you PO as I know how much you've been counting on this...

Gerbra x

Antabuse will make me ill if I even have anything with alcohol...mouthwash, deodrants etc. I've always condsidered it because if the choice is taken away, I wont do it.

I WILL not do the inpatient detox. Purely because my kids will be taken into care...and I'll have to prove my sobriety to get them back. I am not doing that. EVER.
Not shooting you down babe either, but I will not consider it. They were in care while I was busy comitting suicide in 2000. SS never helped me to get out of the DV. The guilt was phenomenal. Mummy being selfish, discards her kids to kill herself... sorry. But mental illness goes hand in hand.
Leaving my kids is a no no. Even with no rl support. I will not do it.

PO I totally understand. I didn't think about the ramifications of you 'having to be sober' before you get them back, so sorry .

God I must seem totally naive and insensitive!

And I'm sorry about the 2000 stuff, I didn't about that either

So this is what just gets to me about this, where do you go from here? You've gone the obvious route and have been told you can't be helped?!?

Anyway, I'm off to bed (bit drunk again). I hope you're not offended by my very naive suggestion.

gerbra xx

Gerb, please don't apologise. Not a lot of peeps know aboiut past history. Which is why I like mn to a degree,,,,of anonimyty.

I dont know where the hell I go from here. Except post about all the same shit when I was cutting down on mn in January, which didn't work.
You are not naive and insensitive. We all ask questions. We all have different lives hun. hugs

Oh, and get your arse back on Facebook? Please? x x x Thier are posters waiting for you.

The thing that kills me is that they said I am eledgible for counselling when I get down to 70 units a week?

I am so fucking angry.

You're so lovely! I seriously don't trust myself re facebook though. A couple of posters actually mentioned recently how they were worried about RL coming out if they got involved in Facebook and that's just the kind of position I put [name will remain nameless] in. That's why I don't even want to go there. Still feel terrible about that.

Your situation has really got to me to be honest...it's made me cross...

Am off to bed now, night PO
gerbra x

You are too! I never trusted myself via Facebook either but with some supprt, you'll be fine.
Please dont feel terrible. Please. There is an empty chair on FB with your name on it. It'd be great to get to know you better. Truly.
Forget what happned in the past. Just one of those things. You'll be most welcomed on there Gerb. So just lurk with the invites? Just lurk and post when you need to.

If it helps, I haven't posted anything on FB yet about my appt. Although I should, more than here. Camn open up more? Weird but true!

hugs

Sleep well.

Hi PO, I was thinking of you yesterday but I was out at my home group last night so didn;t get a chance to post.

Firstly, I'm sorry you didn't get the help you were expecting but please don't give up. The NHS has clinical guidelines that they have to adhere to, which means they have a 'cut off' point that they feel they are able to offer outpatient detox effectively and safely.

The danger is that they'd have to prescribe a huge dose of Librium, which would incapacitate you and their worry would be that you may not eith be able to look after your DDs,or that you would drink on them.

The other danger is that if you are up t0 150 units a week, the risk of serious withdrawals is pretty high, having fits is horrendous - they can be fatal. They really need to monitor you in an inpatient capacity to gauge whether or not you're being prescribed the right dose.

Similarly, prescribing antabuse is quite an involved affair and you have to be monitored regularly. Because it has such severe effects is you drink on it, again they have to make sure that you won't be tempted in if you are alone and having a hard time. They'll be considering your DDs in this as well.

FWIW, it's the way they do it in most parts of the country, they aren't just being unfair on you. What is difficult though, of course, is that you are a lone parent with no other support.

Did they say you could do a self-monitored outpatient detox if you were under 70 units a week? Are there any pals that you could ask?

The other option I guess is to go back to your GP and have a real chat about how much you want this and what is standing in your way. If you can convince the GP that you are single minded and motivated in your commitment, then that may go towards you being referred to somewhere else...like a treatment centre.

Of course, there is always AA and if you can use that for support whilst you try a reduction with having a proper detox in mind, you may find it helpful AA is full of alcoholics so if you go there with a drink, it's not the end of the world.

I think it's really important not to be disheartened. Definitely don't give up, you're entitled to it as much as anyone, but you may just have to rethink how you go about it. After all, the change has to come from within you and you've already done some time sober and dipped your toe in AA. You have something to build upon, and you may have to call on all your reserves to get there for you and DDs.

Keep posting here and let us know how you're getting on. I know how it feels PO to feel stuck in that place but there;s light at the end of the tunnel. You'll get there.

Keep on keeping on.

Welcome to tengreenbottles, mother3 and tooembarrassedtopost. Stay with us, there's a wealth of information and support on here.

Hi everyone, just popped on and read POs posts.

Have you tried hypnotherapy PO? sorry if this is a really naive comment but the only reason i mention it is a friend of mine went to a hypnotherapist for smoking and stopped dead after smoking 40 a day. the hypnotherapist also does alcohol related hypnotherapy.

I'm tempted to try it myself espec. as drank a lot last night.

Feel free to tell me to b*gger off but just thought I'd mention it as am so shocked at the lack of support you've got from your GP. Espec. as you were so brave in going and being honest about the situation.

Hi MankyM, I've thought about hypnotherapy too, and have the contact details of someone who's been well recommended for alcohol 'habits'. I haven't done it yet though as I'm not sure I'll really be dealing with what's behind the drinking. It is something I'd consider though.

How is everyone today? PurpleOne hope you're not feeling too gutted today, Kokeshi had some good advice on where to go from here...(as always!!).

I will eventually be brave enough to return to FB I reckon.

gerbra x

PO you sounded so driven before you went on your appt and I feel so gutted for you. Please keep going.

I have managed to post on FB (gawd at last) but still feel obsessively shy (see ridiculous name I have made up for myself)! Am a bit of a technophobe and couldn't work out if I was missing something. I read the intros but couldn't see where I could add mine. And is there a thread going or not? I just started a new topic. Ham fisted of what.

I had a bad night last night. Trying to get DD out of night time nappies but it isnt going well. I lost it after being woken up at 12.45pm (not with DD) but shouted at dp to get his arse out of bed and deal for a change (I always do it because he works crazy hours). I stormed downstairs and started wrecking the front room and I've never used one of those face things before. dp came down and treid to calm me. He ordered me to takew the day off today. Tried sleeping in the conservatory so all kiddy noise would pass me by but couln't get comfy on the sofa cusions. went back upstairs and had fitful sleep with dp snoring til 6am when ds woke. Not sure I slept at all really although I had some strange demi-dreams. I am in a FOUL mood now (well have been for days, might be PMT)

dp told me to take the day sick but I have to ring him and let him know I won;t be in and ordered ds (apparently he's my doctor now) to write a sick certificate in crayon. dp's sense of humour btw and we own our own biz if you're a bit confused.

would like to sleep but a bit wound up, might have a nice hot bath in a bit. Anyone around feeling a bit isolated

I'm kind of hopping on and off the thread Glowwormish (in the guise of working!).

You sound down, and very very tired. It's so hard working for yourself isn't it? If you were on someone's payroll, you could get yourself signed off for a few weeks for exhaustion but you don't have that option do you?

Have things calmed down at all with work in general?

Gerbra x

Hi Gerbra
Yes would be off sick in a shot but having said that I wouldn't have worked myself into a frenzy for someone elses business! I also would've taken holiday before now aswell.

We have been trying to negiotiate a deal with someone to come in on the biz but it fell thro the other day. We were kind of expecting it but it still is a bit of a blow (we would have been withdrawing from the day to day and dealing with the high level selling instead...which is much less stresful) C'est la vie.

One thing we both have identified is that we both can't let go and take it all too seriously (this has been pointed out by a consultant who came in last week) He also siad that the pair of us are dangerously close to burn out (he's been there before). He has coem up with soem solutions and he is going to work closely with us. Its the first time we have had some really useful and decent advice/support.

GOd am rambling. How's the no smoking goign?

Erm, it's not been a good week on the smoking or drinking front . Did so well until this week but DP caved and that was all the excuse I needed. DP has ordered an electronic cigarette of the web (don't ask!)...

That's fantastic re the consultant...hopefully he'll be able to reduce the stress levels for you. It's difficult not to take it seriously though if you're ultimately responsible for you business, I can understand that.

Nice hot bath sounds like a great idea - with a book? trashy magazine?

gerbra x

Think I'll go now for that bath with some essential oils, love ylang ylang and manderin.

Have enquired with a gym up the road, they have a spa. Going to book a day taster for next wed and do a yoga session with a veg out in jacuzzi. Operation relax is under way.

When's your walking holiday? Stick me in your suitcase. There is something so powerful about walking in the great outdoors, I love it. I love all kinds of terrain (apart form really flat like East Anglia!) having lived in both South and North England. I love trees and hills and mountains and villages and water!

Sorry to hear about the smoking thing. I found it the hardest thing to do but am so glad now (over 10 years ago). Kokoshis comments on sobriety really ring a bell because I can relate that to not being slave ot the fag.

god having problems with writing stuff, its not making much sense. Bath here I come

PO what a bloody dilemma you have , i have no useful suggestions to add ,but if you crack this drinking malarky it will be inspite of help and not because of it. Im personally thinking of giving up via reduction , so Im going to have a go at drinking every other night for a week and then after that see how it goes. Id really like to stop for a good long while ,say six months to see if a. i can do it and b. give the old liver a break and c. see if six months is long enough to break the habit ive got myself into. Not sure about this as a plan though ,the reduction thing that is . The wine i drink is 12% and i think that means Im doing 58 units a week at the moment ,when i have stopped for a few days I dont get any obvious physical signs of withdrawl just feel a bit hyper/anxious ,but only a bit , on the plus side i feel physically great the next morning after not drinking . Any advice gratefully recieved