Problem/Dependent Drinkers and Alcoholics (recovering or active) Support IV

[lackaDAISYcal]

"Welcome to the thread, the purpose of this is to give anyone who is having any trouble with their drinking, a safe place to come and post about it honestly and without judgement.

There are many of us that use the thread for support and encouragement: some in recovery, others just needing a place to share about their worries. It's been going on in one form of another for a while now and has helped many people.

Thank you to all of those who have kept it going thus far, and welcome to anyone who has decided the time has come to ask for help.

Everybody's welcome, no matter what stage your drinking is at.

Jump right in, the water's fine"

copied straight from kokeshi at the start of the last thread. Thanks kokeshi

Ah - are we here now .... well done daisy

Paperchain, we might have got lost in new thread situation...my first time!
Hope everything's okay. Like Daisy said, check in again tomorrow for lots of support...
Think I must be off to bed now as I've been digging holes in mum's garden all day and I'm totally knackered! (garden looks good though...)
Speak again soon
gerbra xx

Oh well done Daisy! Didn't realise it was that time already! Well done to all of you who're having sober days, and to those who are finding it difficult: tomorrow's another day.

Morning everyone.

I am at home with kids having cut my hours back. I was kind of dreading it because its been a tough time recently and I thought I would get really stressed with them (even though I wanted to spend more time with them etc) However it seems to be going really well. They play really well together and they're easier to cope with. I think they are also benifiting from it (ds is alot less clingy now) I'm quite enjoying it actually even though they are fistycuffs over playing with bobbles or something.
Its also quite nice doing normal things like put the washing on the line (does this sound bizarre?)

Yay glowwormish - much-needed time away from work, glad you're enjoying it!
Trying to be sober for sober Monday but DP's nectar wine club delivery arrived on friday and with 16 bottles of wine currently floating around the house, to say i'm surrounded by temptation is an understatement!
Will see how I get on - don't actually feel like a drink at all at the moment, which has to be good? But I don't usually have a drink until later anyway.
Hope everyone's well...
Gerbra x

hello, thought I would just make myself known on the new thread, long time lurker, and drinker, no progress really, but keep hanging out here just in case!!! Well done all you abstainers. have had quite a hard few weeks, poor ds has been poorly on and off quite a bit; think it's his molars, cutting his second set. But he's had a tummy bug, loads of puking (had to replace my quilt he was so sick on it eeeerrrrr!!!) a cold, cough and now I ended up at newdoc at the local a&e on Sunday morning coz he'd spent about 6 hours Saturday night just screaming and rolling round his and my bed holding his head and saying his ears hurt. No amount of medised made any difference and there was no consoling him. Of course, by the time we were finally seen by a Doc he was chatty and happy!!! why do they always do this? But didn't care, was glad I got him some anti b's so he didn't have to have another night like that...it was so awful...felt so terrible that there was nothing I could do to console him.

Anyway, have been kind of staying on top of other stuff, the housework and so on, but still really, really need the release that a drink gives me in the evening. So, so wish I could break it. But on top of ds being poorly, the awful weather has meant that dh has been pretty much bed ridden too, so have had the bulk of the child care and had to look after him too. Just can't wait for 8pm when everyone is in bed, or settled and I can just sit for a bit. (At least until I need to help dh with bathing and getting to bed, etc). Hey ho. Sorry to rant, was meaning to say hi to all on new thread, didn't mean to hog. Hang in there everyone...XXXXX

God way to kill a thread.............................................................................................. .........................................sorry....

HI cubby, nice to see you. Whats this about you killing the thread then? Daftie.

It hasn't been very active of late, thats all. ..and anyway, many's the night I've posted and no-ones answered, so don't worry.
I thought it was good you wrote a good sized post actually!

Just to add I'm off to bed now(thats when people usually start chatting, when I've buggered off)

Hey Teasle - how are you?
I nearly didn't check in tonight as I failed miserably at sober monday but decided to front up and will hopefully look at this post tomorrow and be suitably ashamed!
Cubby nice to meet you. Will hopefully catch up with you on the thread another time...
Well done everyone's who's had a sober / more sober than usual Monday!
Gerbra x

Hey cubby, sorry the wee one isn't well. Don't worry about not being ansewered right away - sometimes the thread has a bit of a lull and then it's really active. Stay with it and you'll be answered. Of course, if everyone posted regularly then none of us could complain that we were being ignored

So, is anyone challenging themselves this week? It's great to get a day under your belt but we need to keep trying it I think to see any long-term benefits.

Who's up for a cumulative effort this week, and perhaps some more posting on the thread about the strategies we're using for staying sober. I think we're all aiming for similar things?

Hi Kokeshi,
have failed in style tonight and feel pretty shyte about it really. I would like to give the cumulative effect thing a go but have fallen at the first fence - feel very weak, out-of-control and a bit pathetic actually.
I don't mean out-of-control in that I'm falling around the house, more that I wanted to stay off alcohol and failed.
Really want to say well done to anyone who's managed to stay off alcohol or cut down.
Feel a bit tonight!
Gerbra x

gerbra, don't be disheartened, it's an ongoing thing really. We never just 'get sober and stay sober, all of us are continuing to work at it. Some days for me are better than others too, naturally.

I try not to get into the catastrophic thinking like I used to. Before I would tell myslef 'I can't stop drinking' or 'I can't live without drink' or 'I'm too weak'. This just becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy and I had to be the one that broke that. It all comes down to making small decisions every day, getting out of my comfort zone, and trying to live for the moment.

Of course we have to plan some things but keeping it 'in the day' is the thing I always have to come back to. If I start stressing about tomorrow or regretting what I did yesterday, I'm losing the only thing that I can actively use.

Here we go again, am up with the...no before the flipping lark. arrggghhhh!
ds is cutting his molars (cubby am there with you, how old is your ds...mine is just gone 2) He woke at 1.20am, managed to settle him ok but not myself. Started getting irate about work stuff and thats it, forget trying to sleep. I have a relasxation CD which used to send me off every time but not now. I feel like I've got golf balls in my eyes.
Cubby, I feel exactly the same about hitting 8pm, the golden hour!!!!! I get really annoyed if I can't get ds to sleep by then.
Gerbra, don't beat yourself up, with all that wine in the house I wouldn't have even attempted it myself. Least you had a night off last week, that's more than I have done in years (apart from when pg).

just dipping a toe in from brief forays into the other threads. Wanted to mention the strength of these threads is impressive. I've managed to be able to stop drinking when I want to. Am still drinking on a few nights but now more off than on and it is still hard but just reading this thread is immensely motivating. I'm nipping in the bud an issue which could dominate my life in the future of that I am certain.
I am a lot better for it all.
Hope those of you still struggling and stuff, keep believing you'll do it, see yourself not drinking.
X x x x

It's great to think how much this thread is inspiring people to take control of their drinking and their lives. Is there a history to the thread? When was it started, by whom and why?

Gerbra I could not have mananged it either with any alcohol in the house. Occasionally xp would buy some beer and store it in the fridge. Unfortunately I would drink it and then replace it with the same brand and size of beer to avoid detection. This however meant there was fresh temptation in the fridge....

Hey Jellibabe- Brassicmonkey initially started the thread I think it was in June last year.
I think it was her total honesty about where her drinking had taken her that initially inspired lots of people, and her willingness to do something about it, as beating addiction is really hard work- I know I really have worked my arse off to have what I have today, and BM and Kokeshi are a part of that.

Sorry, small child knocked my arm before I'd finished posting, but I can't remember what I was going to say anyway, er... no, its gone.

About alcohol in the house- personally I don't feel like I'm in a place where I can have drink in the house, but I know people who do, and manage. I also couldn't buy it for someone ie get a bottle of wine for my friend, or carry drinks in a bar, but thats just me, and I suppose its because I don't even want to put myself in a position where its a possibility.

How is everyone today?

I 100% agree with how great this thread is - thanks everyone for all the kind words. It's so nice to have somewhere you can come and just be honest about what's going on.
Jellibabe - that is me to a T! Have to go out today and find an Italian white that resembles the one of DP's I drank last night. I hate how secretive / shifty this makes me.
We talked about my drinking at the weekend and I said I was really going to try not to drink this week. What do I say if he asks me? Really don't want to admit I failed last night but don't want to lie to him.

Feeling pretty glum but today is another day. How is everyone else? On the plus side, it's a lovely day!

Gerbra x

Gerbra, you have a choice- you don't have to go out and replace some wine and lie- but if you do, its your choice to do that, nothing is 'making' you do anything. Denial is entwined with alcoholism, but you could be honest with him. Just a thought.

Hi Teasle - You're right I think - I know I should be honest but have done so much soul-baring to him for various reasons since Christmas I'm not sure how much more he (I?) can take!
Not going to shops until later so will decide what to do in the meantime. Thanks!

I also used every excuse I could think of to not be honest- initially with myself and then others, but in the end, they were just excuses, not reasons.
I hope you don't think I'm having a go, because in the end its up to you, but I drank like you at one time, but then my drinking got worse and worse and I just ended up a real mess, but I would hate for anyone to have to get to the point I got to before they really got honest with themselves, if that makes sense. However, that point where we realise we really have to do something is different for everyone. Hope I've made some sort of sense and not just rambled. x

Teasle I don't think you're having a go . TBH, it's very refreshing hearing the truth - DP is convinced that my drinking is not really a problem but I think that's because he lives for weekend drinking and I'm sure he's considered how things might change if I no longer drank... (He's been brilliant by the way - I'm just not sure he sees the extent of it all...).
I feel like I've been a bit of a thread-hogger recently and work is calling - boo!
Catch up with everyone later
Gerbra x

OH gosh, definitely do NOT have drink in the house if you're trying to cut down/stop. That's one of the very first basic things you are told if you ever have any treatment. The temptation is too great, and when dependency is an issue, you are not actually making a choice to drink it. It's part of the whole addiction process.

Obsessing -> Craving -> Lifting a drink -> can't stop/fuck it.

It can come on at any point in that cycle, it takes all of our effort to break those thoughts and having drink within our reach is too much. Gerbra, if you really can't leave it alone if it's in your house then maybe that should tell you about the severity of your problem, because I think you're still at the stage of thinking you can control this? If you're being honest with your DH, that's great but don't try to minimise it, it'll only get worse from here if you're sneaking around and stealing drink then trying to replace it. It's part of teh downward spiral and I did that too. We're very predictable!

This isn't to get on at you by the way, I think you're needing a bit of real help with this? There's no shame in actually admitting you have a drink problem, it's way worse if you continue to sink lower and lower into it. If you're willing to be honest and work for a wee bit of peace and happiness - and dare I say a bit of stability in your life - then there are many different paths you can take.

I would see the GP, but you are making a start being honest on here, I know how difficult that is too. I'm rooting for you.

Jellibabe, a drinking thread has actually been going since early 2006 - if you do a search on my name you can see how it evolved. I guess it did and still continues to be helpful to people who are perhaps not ready to ask for help from anyone but want a safe place to share their worries. Also I think, it's useful for people to see that it is possible to ba happy and sober.

Piffle, great to see you on the thread. It's fab when our posters come back and tell us about successes. HAve you found anything that's worked for you? Strategies? Coping mechanisms?

The best thing anyone can do is start being honest, break that cycle of guilt, shame and remorse and know that there are others who have been there.

jellibabe, I mean to ask how you were getting on with your thing?