Problem/Dependent Drinkers and Alcoholics (recovering or active) Support IV

[lackaDAISYcal]

cross posted! Took me ages to type that!

Kokeshi - I think I actually do need help. When I think of taking that step though, it's all so huge and I don't think I'm mentally prepared for how much this will change my life.
My whole life / family / friends set up is geared around alcohol. Everyone I know drinks - a fair amount. I can't even begin to see how my life would work if I didn't. I know that sounds awful but that's something that really worries me.
On the positive side - I can imagine falling in love with a feeling of being sober and in control.
More than a few people in RL have told me my drinking's not that much of a problem - but these are people who drink (quite a bit) - we're all in denial!
I'm getting to the point where I'm going to bite the bullet and ask the GP for help - I'm just not quite there yet - but I'm thinking it's days away rather than weeks/months/years...)
You're all so lovely on here - thanks so so much for all the help...
Gerbra x

That's the most important part I think gerbra: do it when you're ready but keep in mind the goal at the end. It's so easy to slip back into that 'I'm not that bad' mentality, especially when everyone around you drinks a lot as well. Part of the reason I didn;t seek help earlier was that I always seemed to keep company with big drinkers: at university, being a TEFL teacher in Taiwan, working in photography.

I know know that part of me actively chose these situations to enable me to drink. I was supposed to be going on to do medicine after I graduated (entry into 3rd year) but packed my bags and went to work for Sesame Street! Not rational thinking at all, but I knew I could blend in with big drinkers and free spirits and what's more not be under the gaze of concerned family, friends or tutors.

YOu'll get there. Keep posting though, you are making progress don't worry about that.

hello i would like to join you if possible -i have lurked on and off but am now determined not to give in to this demon alcohol. i go from not drinking for days to drinking a bottle every night which i know is not good but when it is ther and open i just cannot resist it. i used to kid myself that i had no problem cos if there was none in the house i would'nt go and buy it but thats all i am doing kidding myself.so i really could do with your help cos my skin looks awful and i know that i have aged in the past year which has for other reasons been awful hence the increase in drinking.but you know even as i am writing this there are 2 bottles in the kitchen that i will have to hide [it does'nt help that dh is a sales manager for a wine company!] oh god i am waffling i will check in later i really want to do this

Hi Bambam,
well done for posting...you'll get lots of good advice on here. That must be challenging if your DH works in the wine business!
I'm afraid I don't think I'll be much help as I'm currently struggling to deal with a drink 'issue' too - there are people on the thread who stopped drinking and always give really good advice (Kokeshi, Teasle she calls )...you'll get support on here from everyone!

Kokeshi - Sesame Street - seriously? Ah...that takes me right back!

Hi Bambam, welcome to the thread. Well done for posting and being honest. It's good to take stock of where you're at with your drinking.

Here's some questions to ask yourself in order to gauge how much help you might need. As I've said, people don;t actually realise that they're dependent on booze until the actually try to stop or have days off, and by that time 'I can stop if I want' to is long gone, it's the insidious nature of addiction, and the strong element of denial that will keep us there.

So here we go, answer them here or just for yourself if you're not ready, but please know that we've all been there.

How much do you drink?

How long have you been drinking like this?

Can you explain the feelings that would lead you to lift a drink?

What would you say, do you use it for?

Has your drinking increased over time or related to something happening in your life?

What happens to you (internally - physically, mentally) if you think you won't be able to drink?

Does it pre-occupy you?

When you have one drink, do you crave another, then another?

HAs it affected your relationships, job, family, finances?

HAs it affected your mental health?

Physical health?

Do you get withdrawal symptoms?

They aren't official questions or anything, but it might help you get some answers for yourself.

hi everyone.

Hi Bambam, welcome to the thread.
Actually, Kokeshi, those questions are still useful for me to think about even now.
Are you around tonight?

Yeah teasle, I'm here. We went to the cinema tonight - an advance screening of 21. You ok?

I had to trawl the other thread for those questions!

Morning everyone

kokeshi I am doing pretty well with sobriety at the moment. I still have not had a drink. Amazed at how good my skin is looking. Have been very tired lately and feel about 90 years old. Think my body may be trying to tell me something.

I am enjoying being sober. Just soaking in the difference so that I can use this experience to help me when the going gets harder. For instance at social events. I made the decision not to go to work social events because I was worried I would get really drunk and make a fool of myself a long time ago. So at least noone will be suprized by my nonattendance. For the rest I am just going to run with being sober just now and see where it takes me.

hi

right need to check my name change....

okay

hi everyone

I am a regular and I remember BM and her first thread. I don't know if I have a problem or if I in denial or just paranoid.

The things that worry me are:

drinking to relieve work stress and getting through a hard day by knowing there is a drink at the end.

the odd day time drink at lunch - often for something like period pain or taking a mini bottle of wine into the cinema when taking the children.

hiding an empty bottle in recycling so dp doesn;t see

going out at 9.55 before shop shuts to get wine in

drinking a whole bottle of wine some nights (4 nights a week maybe - thinking about it could be more than this.)

Do I sound like I have a problem?

If I am going to stop what do I tell people? Am too cowardly to admit it is because of a problem.

(am coward as you can tell by name change )

Hello all. I am back. I am definitely in need of support. I will catch up tonight after work.

This is a good achievement for me as the kids are at their Dad's this week. Apparently they will be home 1 or 2 evenings. When seems to being issued on a need to know basis only. So with this in mind I decided to try to destress last night without alcohol. Switched off computer & TV and no music - just wanted to feel peaceful. lit candles, burned some scented oil (cinnamon - lovely like being hugged) and had a bath. It was a trip down memory lane having a bath (usually I have showers). Am a lot more relaxed this morning.

Gerbra I have been reading a book by John Bird (founder of the big issue) 'How To Change Your Life in 7 Steps'. He talks about the 3%. Making little changes to move your towards your ultimate goal. He points out that the all or nothing approach often leads to nothing happening as 'we get worn out because we think and worry about what we're trying to do, instead of taking the small steps that will help us achieve it.

Hope this helps x

Cross posted - hello and welcome.

good morning all of you and kokeshi in answer to the questions some apply and some not i can go for days and never bother with a drink and then other times when stressed etc i crave it almost for the release it gives which that in itself is'nt right

Morning all - hi to all the new posters!
Jellibabe - thanks for that, I might have a reccie (spelling?) on Amazon later. I was thinking about reading the Alan Carr book on alcohol but have heard from quite a few people that there's a fair amount of guff in it!
You know something - the way you're describing your non-drinking experience is very very appealing. It really does make me want to be in that place too. Well done for doing so well and brilliant that you're obviously feeling all the benefits (my skin looks at the moment!).
Catch up with everyone later...
Gerbra x

just a quick hello from me. heard baby's heartbeat yesterday . It's just hit me that I'm having another baby . what am I doing?

namechangerereererereeee , hi and welcome. I think those things sound quite worrying, but will say that the fact that you think you have a problem, generally means that there is a problem. I've been a hider of bottles (although I used to put them straight into the outside bin as DH always takes the bottles to the bottle bank), and have bundled the DCs into the car at 9 o'clock to get to the offie before it shuts as well.

When I finally decided I was stopping, I just told a couple of really close friends and my DH. They were all very supportive. My DH finally knew the real extent of my drinking, but my friends just knew that I was drinking too much and not the specifics. This pregnancy has come at a good time for me drinkwise as it has forced me to stop (although I've had the occasional glass with a meal), but I know that my issues aren't gpoing to go away and will be there waiting for me after November.

You've come to the right place. This thread has been a lifeline for me and helped give me the courage to tackle my drinking head on. I hope it can help you too

oops, not very quick there

and namechangerereeee, kokeshi posted some questions a few posts back which are always very helpul things to be asking oneself. I have printed a copy of them and look at them regularly. It's nice to see a change in the way I'm answering them now

Gerbra the book isn't aimed at alcoholisim. Still if your interested, I borrowed mine from the library.

Ah - but I can see that the principle would obviously be helpful... having the right mindset is half the battle isn't it?

Evening all - did I kill the thread earlier!?
How is everyone?
Mum was round for dinner tonight and we all had some wine. Mum's gone home, DP's gone to bed and I'm still up with a glass of wine...deja vu...
Gerbra x

Well I am off to bed now and pleased to say that I have managed not to drink tonight. Fingers crossed I can break this habit this time once and for all. I honestly don't think it is going to be easy but in my favour there are no social events on the calendar which means others won't notice I am not drinking at the moment. DH knows I am trying to stop and he is really pleased because he has worried how much I drink every evening for years now.

Well done Habitual! How do you feel at the end of the evening? What's the longest you've been without drinking recently? I had one night off last week...
Apologies for the questions, but don't think I know your history...
Feel a bit crap after drinking, inevitably, for yet another night...!
Gerbra

sorry i've been absent, too. lurking mostly, because am still quite nauseous and vomitting.

good news, daisy!

i have nuchal scan next week at 12 week scan.

hey expat - how are you? So pleased things have turned out well - apart from the nausea and vomiting obviously...
have been lurking tonight and craving company!
Gerbra x