Problem/Dependent Drinkers and Alcoholics (recovering or active) Support III

[ornamentalhaggis]

Time for a new thread already!

Welcome to the thread, the purpose of this is to give anyone who is having any trouble with their drinking, a safe place to come and post about it honestly and without judgement.

There are many of us that use the thread for support and encouragement: some in recovery, others just needing a place to share about their worries. It's been going on in one form of another for a while now and has helped many people.

Thank you to all of those who have kept it going thus far, and welcome to anyone who has decided the time has come to ask for help.

Everybody's welcome, no matter what stage your drinking is at.

Jump right in, the water's fine

kokeshi

Oops we seem to have two. Please direct everyone to this one and keep us all together. Thanks.

Thanks for starting this new thread OH. I'll go and post a link to this on the old thread so everyone knows where we've gone.

I was at my nice and safe women's lunch time AA meeting yesterday. I didn't share and I asked to pass when it was my turn to read from the book but I'm glad I went.

Daisy, did you go to a meeting yesterday? If so, how did you find it?

Any newcomers want to join us now we're all newbies again?

Thanks for posting the link BM.

I have been asked to be the main share next week at a meeting (Aargh), and I said I would. I was dreaming about it all last night. God knows what I'll be like when the actual time comes. Time to do it though I suppose.

Hi Bm, thanks for bumping it. I didn't realise until after I posted that it had reached 1000 messages already.

That meeting sounds ideal actually. I was at a women's meeting last thursday evening, it was only an hour long and it did seem a bit easier to share for a lot of people. I'm just really getting back into sharing because I'm still a bit nervous of how I sound. My voice changed in the 8 months I couldn't hear. I think it's back to normal but I still have a fear of being too loud or too quiet and I can't always gauge the tone of what's being said. It helps when people laugh and I tend t look for cues, you know, other people's reactions to the top table, and respond with something appropriate.

Yes, come and join in people. Daisy, look forward to hearing how you got on.

Reeeeeeeespect teasle. I'm in awe of you.

Haway with you, you sweet-tlking haggis you.

Oooooohhh Teasle! I really hope it goes well. Everyone says that they feel great after doing it and I'm sure you'll say the same thing on here the next day. I too am in total awe of you.

What exactly do you mean by main sharer? Are you doing the chair or do you have a mini chair (main sharer) after the secretary hands back to the group. I'm not sure if we just use different terms or if your meetings are different up there.

OH, the old thread closed as soon as I posted the link. I don't understand how it works. Is there a time limit after they hit 1000 posts or do they lock up at 1001 or something? Maybe tech has to close them down manually...

How is everyone else today?

OH, I meant to say that I think yesterday's meeting has the advantage of being a lunch time one as well as being ladies (??? ) only. The most people I've ever seen there was 15, so it's really small compared with the London eveing ones which are usually 100+. I've gone to one in chelsea on a Sunday morning before where (I estimate) there to be about 500 people. You've got to have balls of steel to participate in that one.

Sorry to hear about how difficult it is for you to participate now. I know a bit how you feel about loudness of speech (for different reasons though obviously). It's one of my paranoia triggers that I'm shouting or whispering and even though I (think) I can hear perfectly well I've no idea how loud to talk so that everyone can hear me without deafening everyone. That's a big advantage with the little groups, it's a bit more intimate.

500 people in a meeting? Sweet Jesus, it's no wonder you don't like sharing. That's just a ridiculous number really isn't it! I bet their pot is pretty healthy though! Do they have gourmet organic muffins, and freshly brewed cappucinos on offer?

There must be a difference in terminology up here. We usually have someone who 'does the top table' who is the main sharer. The programme chair (person in the home group who goes around meetings and gets people to do the top tables) will make a short introduction and then the speaker/top table/sharer will share for however long (20-45 mins).

Then they do the whole tradition seven by passing the plate and the second half of the meeting is thrown open for people to jump in, or the sharer goes round the body of the hall one by one.

This varies quite a bit from group to group, but I think what teasle is referring to is what we would call 'doing a top table' and being the main event ?

My home group is fab (natch), we are really small, probably only about 7-10 people every week so you can get a right good share (whinge)without fear of embarrassment.

That's the one prominent reason why I was put off the first time in AA.
A typical Friday evening in AA in N E London, saw at least 150+ people in there

The afternoon Thursday one is a lot more cosier with around 20 people crammed into a small church hall.
I've always known it as 'person who does chair'. I'm slowly getting to know them as people, and are a jolly nice bunch. I also like the fact there are a few girls in there who touch upon a lot of NA also.

We don't have a coffee / tea person though, so have to get up mid - speak to help yourself . Always get my drink before chair starts as I find that a tad rude. Well, not rude as such but I'm sure you all know what I'm on about!

Nice shiny new thread here too! Thanks.

How's everyones evenings going? I'm slowly being driven nuts by the shop alarm going off downstairs. I think a bit of their merchandise has fallen and is setting the door barrier alarms off. so will be an early night for me as I'm not sitting here listening to that. (Can't hear it upstairs)

Yes meetings round here sound like how you described OH.
People get their own tea and coffee before the meeting or during the break.
The numbers are much lower here- would shite myself to be in a meeting of 150!
Usually between 15 and 30 is average I'd say. I know one meeting where there are only 4 people sometimes.

hey guys.

Well, I didn't make it to a meeting

DH had to get back to work and I didn't have a babysitter. hopefully next week, as I certainly need it.

I'm impressed with all the science that's going on! I'm a structural engineer which involves a lot of physics, and I did maths to quite an advanced level as part of my degree. I love maths and was thinking of retraining as a mtahs teacher as there is a huge skills shortage at the moment. Not sure I could stand up in front of a class of stroppy teenagers though.

hey havalina hope things are ok with you.

I've had a few good days, spent outside in the fresh air, which has made me feel less inclined to drink too much. But, with DH away, this is the time I find really hard.

I'm DSless as well at the inute, as he's been at his GPs since yesterday afternoon and will be home mid morning tomorrow. DD and I had a nice lie in today which was fab.

I'm still drinking, and hating myself for it, but not knowing how to make myself stop.

oh, this is a bit disjointed (bottle of wine down already ) but i felt I needed to post, rather than just getting bladdered and not posting.

I'm sure things will make more sense in the morning.

May I tentatively join in? I've lurked on the old thread for some time now, last night I almost but not quite posted! I feel I might be alcohol dependent if I must label it!! I drink every night (first time I've ever admitted that). I drink a bottle of wine, I have no hangovers, I function normally but I know it's wrong. I can go without for a week or two but then reward myself with a bottle of wine for being good, then I vow to stop again but as it's already Tuesday I might aswell drink until Monday, and the bloody cycle continues. I wake up and first waking thought is either how proud I am that I didn't drink last night, or shit, never mind I'll start again tomorrow or any other random wine related thought. That can't be normal!! I'm single parent to one daughter (with Aspergers)my drinking is a solitary occupation as I never go out in the week. Sorry for slight self pitying edge to this post!

hi thornrose.

You don't sound slef pitying at all

I also do the solitary drinking thing as my DH is away in the week and I have two DCs (one a five year old bundle of very tiring energy) so I know where you are coming from.

I'm glad you've had the courage to post

Thanks so much. What scares me is I'm about to reach the end of a bottle and if there was any way I could get more alcohol I would, I would never buy more than one bottle at a time because I would drink it. I'm in limbo, not a full blown alcoholic but someone with something resembling a problem which I'm nowhere near ready to tackle.

thornrose, I've been posting on here for several months now, and although I know I do have a problem, I'm only just reaching the stage where I'm ready to admit it.

I've told friends that I drink "too much" but haven't disclosed how much. The only person who really knows are you guys and my DH.

It is very difficult to admit to it, especially I think as a woman and a mother.

Keep talking to us on here, it is a great source of support

Hi thornrose (lovely name btw)

I'm a solitary drinker here too and have been to AA a good few times now. Now practising 'controlled drinking' and have a relapse here and there.
Like Daisy, I've been here a few months too. Knew I had a problem when I started getting those awful backouts, injuring myself and not getting out of bed to get dd's to school.

Very brave of you to post TR. We are all in the same boat. It's very hard for me to stay sober. Have relapsed a few times, but my progress and positivity when not drinking is absolutely insurmountable. Waking up with a fresh head and not full of guilt and a throbbing toe, wondering what the hell I did last night.

I am a single mum too, and sending you gentle hugs. (((hug))). I know how hard it is...please keep posting hon x x

Hi thornrose, welcome to the thread. I your drinking is causing you problems then there are different avenues you can go down to tackle that, but well done for coming on here and admitting it's problem for you. Many of us have been where you are and there is a wealth of support on this thread for starters. Keep posting.

Hi Daisy, good to have you back

If your drinking...

sorry I disappeared there for a while, dd woke up and I had to settle her, I'm off to bed but I'm going to be back tomorrow evening, hope some of you will be around then, feel strangely weepy, some sort of realisation going on here I think. Start of a long scary journey springs to mind...

Hi thornrose, there's usually someone looking in on the thread and if you post, you'll definitely be replied to.

Come and join us. You're no longer alone

kokeshi x

Please pop back tomorrow, I'll be here and I'm sure a few others will be too!

It's not easy I know, but we're here! And as OH says, you won't be alone in your journey. Just keep posting!

Sleep well all! G'night for now x

Hi, I posted a thread last night and was directed to this one..here's what I said:

"I never considered I may have a problem but they say when something is preventing you from functioning then it has become a problem.

I think I drink too much. Every morning I wake up and im 100% sure I wont drink tonight.

I dont like feeling drunk, being drunk or drinking. I dont like the taste of it or the smell of it, I dont like the out of control feeling that you get with being drunk.

I am overweight but I eat very healthily. I know its the drink making me overweight. Im ill most of the time and generally run down.

I dont get wasted. Im always capable. Yet, every night as soon as I get in from work I have a glass of wine. I dont know why, I cant even stand the taste. Then one becomes another and before I know it, im too tired to function. I can easily drink a bottle a night and do, most nights.

I dont sleep well, wake up feeling awful. When i've had a drink yet again I feel disgusted with myself...and much like "I cannot believe I did this again.

Im confused and dont know how to stop this. I thought alcoholics liked getting drunk...I dont like to, dont want to and dont mean to.

Im at the end of my tether..I really need some help."

Already had some kind posts and good suggestions, would it be ok for me to discuss here too?

CanYouAdviseMe, welcome to the thread. OK, you've told us what you don't like about alcohol, which is a good place to start. But, something must keep you going back to it.

Can you explain the feelings that would lead you to lift a drink?

What would you say, do you use it for?

Has your drinking increased over time or related to something happening in your life?

What happens to you (internally - physically, mentally) if you think you won't be able to drink?

Does it pre-occupy you?

When you have one drink, do you crave another , then another?

If I said to you just don't buy it or have it in the house, would that be possible?

I'm just trying to ascertain what exactly you do get from it. If you can work this out, it will be easier to find a solution I think.

kokeshi

Alcoholics get drunk because they're alcoholics: physically and mentally addicted to alcohol.