Problem/Dependent Drinkers and Alcoholics (recovering or active) Support III

[ornamentalhaggis]

Time for a new thread already!

Welcome to the thread, the purpose of this is to give anyone who is having any trouble with their drinking, a safe place to come and post about it honestly and without judgement.

There are many of us that use the thread for support and encouragement: some in recovery, others just needing a place to share about their worries. It's been going on in one form of another for a while now and has helped many people.

Thank you to all of those who have kept it going thus far, and welcome to anyone who has decided the time has come to ask for help.

Everybody's welcome, no matter what stage your drinking is at.

Jump right in, the water's fine

kokeshi

Hi Chardonnay I'm so glad you posted. You have just voiced one of my big concerns. What if I slip? Would I feel too ashamed to post again? I have found MN such a huge support I don't want to lose it. I am an inperfect person who makes mistakes. Surely those who are also suffering will understand.

Think my recovery has to be because I want to and not because I am trying to please other people.

With cigarettes they say that the more attempts you make the more you are likely to succeed. Surely alcohol must be the same?

Welcome back.

HI everyone.

Some people who drink too much can cut down, and return to social drinking- I guess only you yourself know if you are able to do that. Personally, I tried kidding myself for years that i could do that- but in the end had to admit I couldn't. Ultimately my drinking reached really seious levels, although it wasn't to begin with. Some people are heavy drinkers, but not alcoholics.

Chardonnay lover- what are your thoughts on why you havn't been able to control the amount you drink? Nice to see you posting again by the way. Shame was a big issue for me too. A lot of my drinking was hidden.

Remember i'm not 'having a go'- just asking questions. You all know my history, and I made an awful lot of mistakes before reaching the level of sobriety I have now.

Sorry- forgot- Jellibabe- noone is perfect. Honesty is hugely important in recovery, so please don't be ashamed to post if you slip. Its better to do that than try to pretend or not post on here for support isn't it? x

HI Teasle and jellibabe. To be honest I dont know why I cant control it - I think I will just enjoy one, I love the taste of good white wine and the first couple relax me after a day at work or looking after the kids.

Then I start to think, well it doesnt matter if I have more really now does it, and sing to myself as I go to the fridge, trying to kid myself that it doesnt matter, that I'm not harming myself. I dont get really blind drunk, but I do drink way too much and I think about it all day every day, but somehow cant stop myself in the evening when I have had a stressful day. I think it is because I am always in control of the house, the children, our lives. So I feel like this is my release, my way of NOT being in control for a bit, because no-one is helping me to feel like I can just sit and relax - the only thing that does that job is wine.

Does any of that make sense?

hi chardonnaylover, good to see you again, but sorry things haven't been great for you.

I was like you when I first joined the thread; posted then disappeared for a bit, then posted again when I felt it was out of my control again. I think we are all like that, feeling ashamed that we have slipped back and frightened to be judged by it. A few episodes like that though, and the warm welcome I've always had on here has made me see that no-one here is judging as we've all been there in one form or another.

As the title says, this is for recovering or active driners, and everyone is welcome.

I've had a really bad couple of days. I stopped taking my ADs as we are having a pregnancy scare at the moment and didn't want to be taking them if I am pregnant, and of course I did it too suddenly and after weeks of feeling great, I now feel like shit again and have been having panic attacks and finding things very difficult (coinciding with my stopping drinking means it's been a very trying week). My poor DS was really getting to me this morning and he has this one toy which makes the worst noise in the world and sets my teeth on edge. I'd asked him about 10 times to switch it off, and he kept putting it on again, so I grabbed it and threw it across the room and broke it . I felt so awful and afterwards just wanted to walk into the nearest pub and drink myself senseless. Thankfully DH was here to calm me and DS down (we have a very fiery relationship at the best of times), and I didn't do it.

I am feeling the need for a drink very much though and a scared about the rest of the week when DH is way working. He'll be back on Wednesday though so it's only a couple of days I have to weather alone.

Lord, another mammoth post from me.....I'll be back on later.

Keep posting everyone

Hi Everyone - thanks much for your advice/kind words which I've just read after getting back from a boozy weekend away.
Have set myself the mission that next week will be my first week (in I don't know how long)without wine.
I will be so happy if I manage, but am already worried that I won't. The trouble in the past is that if I slip up one night, that's it and I think 'well there's no point now, I might as well start again next week'. My DP drinks too, but he has no problems leaving the booze during the week. Until I turned about 30, I never had a problem with heavy drinking (apart from at uni, but this didn't seem like a problem!). I could take or leave alcohol and rarely bought any to have at home, it never occurred to me to buy it.
I then flatshared with a guy who liked to drink in the evenings and that's when it all started.
My health is a big worry (liver etc.) but because I've had to see the doctor in the past about depression/eating disorders, I'm honestly a bit embarrassed about turning up with yet another problem! I know that sounds silly, perhaps I'll pluck up the courage in time. My only hope is that if I manage to turn this all around soon, perhaps 6 years of heavy drinking can be repaired - even if I don't stop drinking completely?

This thread is a real comfort, and I'll pop back during the week and give a progress report if anyone's interested(!)

Thanks again for the support
russ

p.s. LardyMardy, really sorry you're having such a hard time. I've come of ads before and it's no fun at all. Sending you positive thoughts - I think after the first week or so it does get better?
russ

Hello
I have stumbled across this site and have been dying to post but didn't register properly.
Presently have a nice glass of wine next to me (well empty now and ready for #3) Have known a long time that I have an 'issue' and only have a dry night when I have food poisoning/really ill (which is rarely). There is so much I want to say but don';t want to bore you. I am really excited that I have found this thread and am seriously wondering if that is ODD!
I am certainly not ready to give up but know I really should. I have identified with so much that I have read. Normally when I see a really long thread I can;t be bothered to read it all but this time I have devoured every word typed, what does this say about me?????? Would really love to chat!

hi glowwormish and welcome to the thread.

I'm just off, so can't chat just now, but feel free to tell us all about your drinking and someone will be along to answer you at some point.

for me the process of writing it all down is quite cathartic, even if there is no-one about at that instant.

It's great that you have had the courage to take the first step, and please don't worry about boring us. We will all have been through some of the same issues at some point in our drinking history

I hope I'll catch up with you again

Hello everyone have only just managed to get the kids off to sleep. It's been another alcohol free day although I felt like Alice in Wonderland for most of it. Think this is the longest I've ever been sober and it is a strange experience.

Well done Daisy it sounds as if you had a really hellish day. To lose both crutches at once must be awful. Depression is a vile thing. . Hope your pregnancy scare is resolved soon. Even if you are pregnant please seek advise from your doctor regarding your AD's. I was prescribed AD's when I was pregnant with my son. This was in consultation with the maternity hospital.
Had to get the old dictionary out for cathartic but can now whole heartedly agree.

Teasle I hope you had a lovely meal out - were you with friends or family? At present my aim is not to drink next week. I want to give myself the opportunity to experience life without drink to see what it is like.

Chardonnay I totally identify with the stress element. Thats one of the triggers which starts my drinking. Often though I find it creates more stress than it alleviates.

Best wishes to any visitors or newcomers to this thread.

Hope anyway that if we all pool our resources will find our own answers.

Hello, I thought it was about time I joined you. I have been lurking for months now.

I drink from habit, least I think I do. I need to break this cycle.

I worked out that I have drunk three litres of whiskey in two weeks and I have done that for a very long time now.

Yesterday I decided that I have to try and break this habit so I went to bed nice and early.

My aim is not to drink at all until Saturday when we are going out. I want to be someone who drinks when we are going out, not someone who every single night downs at least three doubles.

So if it is alright ladies, I shall join you all as I know I am going to need lots of encouragement and support, especially after a bad day.

I also reckon my liver must be suffering a bit and maybe, just maybe, I might lose a bit of weight in the process if I am not drinking 1000 calories a night.

Morning everyone - welcome to the newbies - I see from alot of the threads that a lot of us hide what we are drinking - think that tells us that we have problems in itself. My dp doesnt even know I am supposed to be giving up wine for lent - he has no idea about my worries.

I drank on Valentine's night and felt incredibly guiilty about it and even considered lying on this post about it - but that kind of defeats the object of this post. Last night had 1 1/2 half glasses of champagne (no wine in the house) to celebrate with my dp a football triumph of all things I wanted to say I dont want any at all but thought it would make him suspicious - it felt good to be able to have a drink and not want more for once - dont think I can chance drinking wine though as it really is my downfall.

This thread has really helped me realise all the things I am feeling are completely normal and I am not on my own - so keep on posting - one day at a time is all we can do whether we consider ourselves alcholics or just heavy drinkers

Hello All

Feeling far from fabulous today so I thought I would have a good old purge on MN. Definately seems to be a strong cross link between depression and alcohol for me.

Habitual your post got me thinking about why I don't drink spirits. When I was about 5 or 6 my mum use to allow us tiny glasses of sherry. Her father was an alcoholic and the theroy was that this would demistify alcohol for us and prevent us from taking the same route.

Have to say that this approach failed miserably. When I was 7 or 8 I had to have my stomach pumped after drinking a full bottle of port because I liked the taste, effect etc. Was not a full blown drinker at this stage I hasten to add. It was an isolated incident.

There was another incident when I was a student and drank a half bottle of vodka neat. Was suffering from depression even then me thinks. Have vauge memory of being held over a sink while I coughed my guts out and a faint voice in the distance saying "Shall we call an ambulance?".

Spirits definately unleash a destructive side of myself which is better held under lock and key. Think that is why I have always stuck to wine or lager. They do a sufficient blotting job with out unleashing the destructive behaviour.

This is quite personal stuff but its theraputic to put it in writing and I hope it will get lost in the swamp of MN anyway.

Have a date with fluoxetine so will see you later for your thoughts.

Im really sorry to post on here, but was wondering if anyone had any advice? My mum is an alcoholic. I love her very much but her abusive behaviour and general nastiness is getting too much.

Does anyone have any suggestions as to the best way to handle her?

Thanks (sorry to butt in)

Ouch! Does she admit she has a problem and has she done anything herself to tackle it?

She does admit to being an alcoholic, but thinks AA is full of dull people (ie they dont get pissed).

She has frequently said that she has given up after being particularly foul and I then dont have anything to do with her. But she has never not been drinking as far as I know in all of my 38 years.

PS - Thanks for not stoning me off this thread

My father was an alcoholic but as my mother got rid of him when I was 10 dont really know what to suggest - I know there is an alnon association that helps people whose familes/lives are affected by alcohol. Your post did make me think - I never ever want to that mum to my kids I never want them to grow up and think mum drank so much etc etc. Its a very sobering thought. I hope you get some useful advice MoreSpam its must a very hard situation for you

No problem - it's the other side of the coin.

I know there is a support group for the families of alcoholics. The website address is www.al.anonuk.org.uk. There tel no is 02074030888. I got this information from a book called 'Caring for someone with an alcohol problem' by Mike Ward its published by age concern. Figure that if your 38 your mother must be fairly elderly.

Have you contacted her GP and expressed your concerns?

HI morespam- there is a good thread on MN, for the partners of addicts, which you may find helpful, or they at least may have some really good advice.

Unfortunately, and maddeningly for you, your mum will probably not get help until she wants to, and more frustratingly for yourself, not much you say will make a difference, although I know nothing of your mums drinking bahaviour or history.

For your own peace of mind, perhaps you could contact an organisation like Al-Anon, which is specifically for the family of alcoholics.

I hope this hasn't been too negative, and of course I may be way off the mark. Most of the women who post here are struggling with coming to terms with their own drinking problems, so i don't know if this thread may be any use to you, if you see what I mean.

I really hope you find some support though.

If she thinks sober people are boring, why not remind her that there is nothing more boring than listening to pissed people talking shite? Someone had a go at me a few months ago for not drinking at a party, said I must be boring, and thats what I answered.

So, only advice I have, really, is Al-Anon, or some similar organisation. Hope that is of some use. x

.

Sorry- cross p[osted! hi to everyone else!

Thank you everyone. i really did not want you to think i had come on here to judge - far from it. If there was something I could do to chnage my Mum I would. But you are quite right when you say it is only she that can do this.

I will give alanon another try - i just didnt find it helpful last time around.

My Mum is quite a young mum at 59 - she looks much younger. Think of her as a cross between Edina and Patsy and me as a typical saffron. She thinks I am very dull and tiresome.

Part of me wants to let her go forever like a helium balloon, but I dont have the guts to do this and so have to suffer the weekly tirade of abusive emails/texts/phone calls.

Is there anything anyone could have said to you to make you stop?

That sounds just awful for you.

I really don't know why some people stop when something scares or worries them, or why some people don't ever stop drinking and ultimately die, even though they have lost everything. I'm sorry, because I suppose like anything else there is no such thing as the typical alcoholic, or any few things that you can say or do that will help stop someone.

If you are finding her behaviour upsetting, then you have to look after yourself first, and find ways that work for you to do that, thats probably going to be difficult and take time, but for yourself, your focus needs to be on YOU, and not your mum, because as you know, you can't change her!

Would you consider ringing Al-Anon again? Or are there any other services like that in your area?

I've just read the thread you started- seems like there are some good suggestions there, and people who really know what you are going through.