Problem/Dependent Drinkers and Alcoholics (recovering or active) Support III

[ornamentalhaggis]

Time for a new thread already!

Welcome to the thread, the purpose of this is to give anyone who is having any trouble with their drinking, a safe place to come and post about it honestly and without judgement.

There are many of us that use the thread for support and encouragement: some in recovery, others just needing a place to share about their worries. It's been going on in one form of another for a while now and has helped many people.

Thank you to all of those who have kept it going thus far, and welcome to anyone who has decided the time has come to ask for help.

Everybody's welcome, no matter what stage your drinking is at.

Jump right in, the water's fine

kokeshi

just checking in.

sorry I'm not keeping upo but life has been quite busy for me lately and I get so knackered in the evenings that I've been having early nights with a cup of tea and a book. It's helped me cut down on the whole but I haven't stopped.

DH and I have had a frank and honest chat about things and he is being really supportive. I really don't know what I do to deserve him.

Since the weekend I've only had a few glasses of wine; we are in the middle of an "Oh shit I might be pregnant" crisis . Didn't want to get pregnant, but if I am (can't test for another week and a half) then I don't want to do any damage to the baby.

This is going to be a tense few days I can tell you!

will catch up with everyone's news now

I need to join. Not much detail wise now. No drinks today. Am moderate drinker drink most days. Volume is ok. Frequency is not. I find it hard to not drink in the early evening. Am currently breastfeeding so sticking to lower alcohol beers fear for myself when feeding ends in six mths or so. Life is good otherwise. Lovely dp drinks like me but happier to go without than I am. Gorgeous kids sahm. I need to break the habit so am turning to you all for help! Xx jane/ piffle

HI Piffle, welcome to the thread!

Big hello to everyone else.

Hi have been directed to this thread. Am considering joining an addiction centre. Not sure what to do tho. I am a lone parent with 2 children and am scared there may be consquences. Am still holding down a job but have been struggling with depression and financial worries. Feel very alone. It's so great to be able to vent your thoughts in a safe place.

I have been struggling with this for a while. Sometimes I think I am going to be ok but then something sparks me off. I know I have to sort myself out but don't know how to do it.

i'm still here but lurking for now, just totally busy and the lack of support and help in my life means i need to do it.

had a drink last night. OH, i know what you mean about being 'in limbo'. feels so good to stop for a while but feels wrong to be in aa.

thankfully i am busy enough to help me take my mind off of drinking in the eve?

hi to everyone, good to se you all posting. how is everyone? x x

Hi piffle and jellibabe, welcome to the thread. I think each of us wants to reach a place where we're happiest. For me, that meant finally admitting that alcohol was taking more from me than it was giving, and so began the long, slow , ascent to recovery. I cannot drink anymore. There are several things I know to be true about my own drinking. When I drink, I cannot guarantee my behaviour; when I take one, I crave another and another; and when I didn't have a drink, I thought about it all the time.

It's taken me years to reach this place and a lot of fighting against the inevitable. I totally understand how it is to be caught in the grip of alcohol so please use this thread to work out what will be best for you in the long run.

I have used many resources: residential rehab centres, home detox, inpatient detox, outpatient treatment centres, alcohol counselling and finally AA. Each and every one of those experiences has pushed me further on in my journey. There's no singular solution to dealing with alcohol dependence, whatever works for you is absolutely correct.

Use this thread for whatever you need it for, there's a wealth of knowledge, support and understanding on here.

Good to see you guys coming back too

Oh my god, I had such a nightmare the last week, my sister came to visit and we went to a gig.

All was fine at the gig we had picked up a foreign passenger, and we drank normally. We headed home (my sis has a drink problem as well as me). But on the way home I broke the bottle of vodka and decanted it into a bottle of coke.
On the way home I obviously drank said coke, and became totally unreasonable.

Nightmare, my sis says she stayed compus mentus but I don't believe her. Apparently (I don't remember) we had an argument on the train, which led to us getting off at the wrong stop.

All I remember is her being verbally and physically abusive in the forecourt. Fair enough I may have started an argument but she was hideous, she kept screaming in my face and pushing me and wouldn't leave me alone. She pushed me untill I fell and damaged my knee and thumb. She just kept on pushing and following me, I was utterly plastered and terrified, I phoned the police who turned up and took us home.

My sister says that I was basically going insane, I was running along the road trying to throw myself under trucks or hide in peoples gardens. I assert that this was wrong and basically we had an argument that turned bad, she was pushing and screaming at me, I tried to get away. She was vicious, I wanted to get away from her.

She will not admit that she wa the slightest bit in the wrong, it was all my fault etc.

She made my life a living hell for 2 days, I really wanted to die.

What the hell do I do??

I am not going to grovell, and she will ignore me until she needs me. I just want to scream, I said sorry for my behaviour, she just ignored me, her whole thing is passive aggressive.

What do I do??

I know that I need to stop drinking as I can't do it sensibly. But I need to include random situations too.

I really want to go to glastonbury on my own, as I don't know anyone who would come, but I'm scared that I will be an arsehole.

Havalina, I think you have to not be in each other's company for a while and especially if you're both drinking. Unfortunately neither of you would have been in a frame of mind to discern what was actually going on. Drink makes us unreasonable and out of control.

You can' really say for sure who was to blame and neither can she. The most likely scenario is that you were both acting up, misunderstanding and reacting, a classic drunken situation.

The best thing to do is try to put it behind you, neither of you is going to 'win'. I think you do have to concentrate on yourself though, what are you going to do to make changes?

I do agree, I am not going to linger over it, I can't change the way I behaved but I can change the way I behave in future. I am leaving my sis alone, if she wants to get in contact thats fine, but I think I will be better just solving my own problems.

I hopefully am going to give up the drink and start on an open university course, raise my self esteem a bit.

That won't start till May though, I really want to start on a slimming world bent too, but that will only begin in march when hopefully I have more money.

You are very wise haggis (oh my god I hate being last on a thread aagh)

If you are going to give up the drink I think you need to give a lot of thought into what you're going to replace it with in the immediate future. How much are you drinking and how often?

I'lltry to make sure you don't kill the thread tonight! What's the obsession with going to Glastonbury by yourself about? Honestly, do you think your idea of what it will be match the reality of it? Your behaviour when you drink would suggest otherwise. I know, I was exactly the same!

Oh I'm not wise at all, I just got myself into really dangerous situations and was forced to learn from my mistakes

Hello is anyone out there? Decided to definately sign up for the addiction clinic. Worried tho that I may have left it too late to really achieve anything. I think my problem is much worse than I will allow myself to admit. I know alcohol is damaging me and my family. After every episode I always promise myself I will stop. I manage a couple of days and then I have a drink. Recently I seem to be getting worse instead of better. Am really disgusted with myself. I wish I could just take a tablet and transform myself into the person I use to be.

hey jellibabe

I'm not great with positive words of encouragement; we need ornamentalhaggis for that, but it's good that you have made a decision.

the fear of your children being taken away etc must be scary, but I'm sure that isn't going to happen, unless your drinking is putting them in danger. Even then, I think that the relevant organisations will do all they can to help keep families together.

My SIL has two kids from her previous marriage, is an alcoholic who has been in rehab several times, and her kids have always been with her rather than their Dad, so try not to worry.

Have you talked to any of the helplines? I'm sure they can re-assure you on your worries before you make contact.

Or, talk to us on here; there is a wealth of knowledge, especially from ornamentalhaggis.

just remember that you're not alone

It's a big step to realise that there is a problem jellibabe, and it's unlikely to be too late. Sometimes things are undoable alone, and frankly there is no shame in seeking outside help. It is truly horrible to be in the grip of something and feeling powerless to escape. At the moment I swing between happy memories of getting wellied in the summer sun, and other memories of feeling so so bad and ashamed and afraid and wanting most of all to be away from it.

It is so important to forgive yourself.

Hi jelibabe, it's never too late to address your drink problem. An addiction clinic sounds like an ideal way to really confront it and deal with it, and is quite intensive. You are monitored and cared for closely and that's what some people need to make a dent in their problem.

Have you given any thought to what kind of addiction centre you'll go to? Private or NHS? Inpatient or day-clinic? It depends I think on how physically addicted you are as well. If you are relief drinking then you may very well need a medical detox. If you have any of the more severe withdrawal symptoms like seizures or Delirium Tremens, it's preferable that you have an inpatient detox as these can be fatal.

I think you'll have to get a referral letter from your GP as a starting point though, but there are so many people dealing with drink problems these days, it's hardly out of the ordinary. Oviously it's much better for them and everyone around you if you're doing something about it and I don;t think they actively seek to bring more trouble on families.

Do you want to talk a bit about your drinking habits? I posted some questions below for someone else, to help them think about where they are with their own drinking. If you're in denial (it's a protective mechanism), then the best way to move forward is to confront the truth for yourself.

How much do you drink?

How long have you been drinking like this?

Can you explain the feelings that would lead you to lift a drink?

What would you say, do you use it for?

Has your drinking increased over time or related to something happening in your life?

What happens to you (internally - physically, mentally) if you think you won't be able to drink?

Does it pre-occupy you?

When you have one drink, do you crave another, then another?

HAs it affected your relationships, job, family, finances?

HAs it affected your mental health?

Physical health?

Do you get withdrawal symptoms?

They aren't official questions or anything, but it might help you get some answers for yourself. You will be asked all of this over and over again if you go in for treatment, and you have to be totally honest or else it's pointless.

Stay with us.

HI Jellibabe- I would like to echo that it is never too late either. I talk regularly with people who were at one point in incredibly bad states both physically and mentally through drink, and who are now living sober, productive and happy lives.
I do know that it can feel that way though.
I know its hard, but you can do it- honestly. Christ if I can get sober, I'd like to bet you can too.

Keep posting- are you planning to not have a drink tonight? If so, I could, and others, be around to chat to later on. Have you thought about the questions OH posted?

You have taken the first step- admiting that you have a problem, to others as well as yourself.

I know change is scary. But... whats the alternative. To carry on is even more scary.

x

evening ladies. for the first time in ages, I don't have any wine in the house

There is gin and whisky and brandy, but at this time of night when the kids are in bed (in fact for a few weeks now it's been since about 5 o'clock ) that I really crave wine.

I'm sitting here thinking about it, and knpow that it isn't healthy. I could have a g'n't, but I know that it wouldn't help and I would probably drink more of the gin than I would of wine, if that makes any sense at all.

so, I'm going to make myself a nice cup of herbal tea and try and find something to occupy myself to keep my mind off the wine.

I'll try to drop in later.

Jellibabe, I hope you and our other newcomers are OK . Listen to the haggis, she is very wise and knows to say all the right things

morning

i hope everyone is OK, it was very quiet here yesterday.

Well I DID IT

No alcohol of any descrition passed my lips yesterday. I'm just going to take it one day at a time, and I've oodles of herbal tea that I will drink if I feel tempted.

I'm feeling a bit glum today though and suspect that this might be due to mild withdrawal symptoms.

Am off out for a long walk later so blow away a few cobwebs.

Take care all

Hi Daisy, welcome back to the thread. Sorry I didn't check last night, but that's a fantastic achievement. It's really not rocket science, if we don't buy it, we can't drink it. It makes it so much simpler than torturing ourselves about overindulging, you know "why did I have to have the whole bottle and not 2 glasses like I promised myself?".

If you haven't had many alcohol free night fr a while, the next day can sometimes be a bit of a strange one. It doesn't last though, well, as long as you continue not to drink. Herbal teas sound like a fantastic idea, my DP is a chamomile enthusiast.

Right best be off. How's everyone today?