Problem/Dependent Drinkers and Alcoholics (recovering or active) Support III

[ornamentalhaggis]

Time for a new thread already!

Welcome to the thread, the purpose of this is to give anyone who is having any trouble with their drinking, a safe place to come and post about it honestly and without judgement.

There are many of us that use the thread for support and encouragement: some in recovery, others just needing a place to share about their worries. It's been going on in one form of another for a while now and has helped many people.

Thank you to all of those who have kept it going thus far, and welcome to anyone who has decided the time has come to ask for help.

Everybody's welcome, no matter what stage your drinking is at.

Jump right in, the water's fine

kokeshi

Hi thank you for all your kind posts. I desperately want a drink today. Anxiety is raging through me. Trying to fight my gut reaction which is to rush out and get a drink. Know that in the long run it will only make me feel worse. Am on anti depressants and I know it is a bad combination. I hope this passes soon.

Thanks for your posts ornamentalhaggis you always do know the right thing to say.

Lardymardy - well done.

Jellibabe keep at it, it will get easier. I am trying really hard right now to stay away from the wine - I feel so good physically without it and that is helping. Emotionally I am a total head the ball one minute happy next minute anxious and sad but I think that is more to do with my life than booze (hope that makes sense). Feel really proud that I have done 2 weeks (less one evening) without my beloved wine. Trying to stay positive although its hard at times and would am thinking of seeing a counsellor to discuss my RL problems with as I really dont have anyone else to talk to (saddo or what!!)

Good luck everyone - will keep coming back - love this thread

Hi unhappy, that's amazing progress. Good to see you posting again, I miss the regulars when you're away. It's good when people have positive stories to contribute too, it helps those who are struggling to see that is is possible to have sober days.

Daisy, similarly you're always very encouraging and a great asset to the thread.

jellibabe, these strong cravings are worst at the very beginning of abstaining. Once you go through the physical withdrawal it's much easier. Of course, the psychological/emotional aspect of drinking is not so easy to free ourselves off and really needs a lot of lifestyle changes in order to make it successful. Don't worry that it's about willpower or that you're weak. Certainly when we get into the stages of physical dependence, the element of conscious control is lost. It's a big thing to deal with and requires support.

jellibabe have you given any thought to the questions I posed to you below?

How is everyone else doing?

unhappy, not saddo at all; it's a fact of life that as we get older friendships are either more difficult to come by or difficult to hold together as everyone drifts off in different directions. If it was easy then sites like this wouldn't exist

You are doing really well with your wine consumption, and I hope you can continue.

I went for a long walk earlier and really cleared my head (well a bit, I still have a few things hanging over me that can't be resolved right now).

Oops, school run time, must dash!

Yipee I have managed to get through today without a drink. Let's hope for a repeat performance tomorrow.

Ornamental thank you for your questions. My drinking is triggered by anxiety and depression. I drink to try to allievate feelings of stress and unhappiness. My drinking is usually confined to the weekend. This is a pattern which I think I will be a real struggle to change. I do believe that drinking has affected my mental health. It has lowered my self esteeme and riddled me with guilt. My inner strength has been depleted by it. If I drink I don't really get any comfort from it just guilt although I have an initial rush of happiness.

I associate drinking with guilt and don't think that I will ever be able to drink and feel comfortable about it.

I would answer all your questions but am a bit paranoid about posting a lot of information on mumsnet.

Will keep visiting this site though as a source of strength to help me overcome this problem.

Well done Jellibabe!

Thanks teasle. How are things with you?

Isn't it nice to be able to access a little support from your own home?

Every fibre of my being tells me that my life would be so much better without alcohol and yet I am still attracted to it. It just doesn't make sense.

Jellibabe, I understand about hyou being cautious, I felt the same when I started posting my own troubles with drinking. It was only meant to help you think about your drinking patterns, and perhaps have a fellow problem drinker's take on it.

I think, if you only drink at weekends, then the physical withdrawals from it will not be too bad, but don't feel you need to minimise your intake either. It's not necessarily the amount or frequency you drink, but the effect it has on the rest of your life - which you've said is significant.

Here's the good news. If you decide to quit or try to abstain, your life will be so much better without dragging those feelings of shame and self-loathing around. It's a horrible burden to carry.

Additionally, although you say you drink to relieve stress and anxiety, drinking actually exacerbates these conditions.

Stay with us though and post at your own pace. If you need to just rant or ask something, then this is the place to do it. I agree, it's great to feel safe and supported.

Ornamental you hit the nail on the head when you said it is not necessarily the amount of frequency when you drink that does the damage but the effect it has on your lifestyle. Think that my head is so messed up and I have been struggling for so long with a variety of problems that drinking just tips my mental health over the edge.

I appreciated your questions as it gave me an opportunity to think about the triggers for my drinking and also what I hoped to achieve via it. As you said I expect I will be asked these questions as I recieve treatment and it's good to have truthful answers in my head.

My goal is to quit completely. I have already decided to tell people that I am allergic to alcohol as you can't argue with that can you?

HI Jellibabe- I'm good thanks. Well done on last night- its always s huge acheivement in those really early days, but you will start to feel so much better, as OH says.
I found it helpful to really plan my time when I first stopped drinking, so that I wasn't left with spare time to think about drinking too much. Also, stay away from routines and actions that I associated with drinking, or where you buy alcohol.
Remember, the cravings pass, just sit them out, if you have them, do something, etc.

I know its easier said than done, but thats the point- if you mean it, you have to really put the effort in. In my case, I couldn't just getr sober through wishing it, I had to work hard at it. Still do some days!

Hiya Jellibabe alot of what you say in your posts is how I feel and also paranoid about putting too much in posts in case anyone recognises me. I have been drinking for the last 3 years to deal with problems in my relationship with dp that I have been ignoring for a long time - he has withdrawn from me emotionally and physically - we get on as friends now but its still very hard and of course this year came the blow that he had got his OW (other woman) pregnant - which is what really triggerd me to stop drinking as if I carried on I dont know where it would end up its only been 2 weeks for me with one night slipping but I do so much better emotionally and as hard as it to have to face night after night feeling lonely and often depressed without drink its better than the anxiety I had started to feel when I was drinking - I hope this makes some sense to you - keep up the good work.

As always teasle and ornamental what you say is still helping me too - thanks

hi again no time to say much as kids mad time here. My 4th night with zero booze. I'm more of a regular drinker than a big drinker. Rarely go over three cans of beer a night. Drink lower alc petermans Stella or carling very low. Otherwise full strength stella. Today have had thumping headache like almighty hangover. Feel dreadful and slow and cross and just want a bloody drink. Never crossed my mind to get off booze for life as such. More to change my relationship to it. It controls me at times as I feel enslaved . Am wittering on I rarely feel able to articulate and admit these feelings. So this is why I'm posting now in bad fashion. Will read through later when the cherubs are asleep.

piffle, I'm on day three and have been feeling a bit crappy all day too. My chin is breaking out in spots as well and I've had a banging headache, but I've also cut down on the caffeine as well which might accunt for the headaches.

Good for you for getting to day 4; I felt like caving in earlier, but have strengthened my resolve and am having a bit of a clear out to keep me busy.

Your post made perfect sense by the way; I think that's how many of us feel about alcohol, and i suppose that's why we're all here. We don't want it to have that amount of control on our lives anymore.

I'm just scared that whilst I'm controlling the alcohol at the moment, that things will slide. I really crave wine, red wine especially, and the thought that i might never be able to drink it again is one of my worst fears as I love it sooo much. But I'm worried that if I have one glass, it'll lead to another, and another, and another........

reading that back I can see that I'm still very much being controlled by the wine

thanks daisy. DP nearly bought some beers but as we are cutting down for financial reasons ( my bro is getting wed in oz in October and we need to save big time) he held his resolve. Technically he drinks more than me. I had no issues giving up when pregnant. He prefers full power beer whereas I am happy on low alc beer but he can go without until whenever, whereas I need to have one at five pm. He can stop drinking nonworries but I struggle. I see myself enjoying alcohol again one day BUT I need to stay away for sometime to fix things. This thread is great btw some of you are really incredibly strong

Hi folks,

Good to see the thread active. Piffle, anyone who's had an issue with drink will tell you it's been a whole learning process over a period of time, involving a lot of trial and error. The thought that one day I'd have to consider abstinence as the only solution was horrifying to me. But, here I am working towards a happy and productive sobriety.

Everyone is different, and it's about finding what works for you and not being ashamed to admit that you have to rethink things. The old adage is true: change comes from within. You may not be able to change people, places or things but you can change your reaction to it. I learned that accepting myself and how I was feeling - instead of trying to change it with drink - was a huge step forward for me.

Sometimes it's just a bad habit that needs breaking, but we also have to open to suggestions. I've found honesty,courage and willingness to proceed crucial to my own progress. I hope you find a solution for yourself and stay with us whilst you do.

Well done to those guys who are managing sober days and nights.

kokeshi

Unhappy i'm glad hear that i am not the only one who does not exactly feel like appearing in facebook just now !

It's ironic that your relationship problems have inspired you to stop drinking. I tried to use alcohol to suppress my unhappiness.

Have managed to stay alcohol free today too. Not bad as I had to do a shopping. Made a list of what I needed before I went so I didn't spend lots of time at the shop struggling with internal argument.

Approaching the weekend now and this is when it gets harder. After 2 or 3 days off drink it does not seem quite as bad to me. I start to have illusions about having some sort of control over it. The anxiety has passed and I start to get warm pictures in my head of me enjoying a relaxing glass of wine. Not the reality tho. More like a bottle of wine & a couple of cans of lager followed by thumping headache and huge dose of guilt and anxiety.

I am on my own at the weekend so the temptation is strong.

Feel like an athelete trying to psych themselves up for the big race. Know that I will be full of disgust and self loathing if I don't manage it.

jellibabe, you have captured how I've been feeling perfectly. the temptation to have some this coming weekend, as I've been good, is very strong, but I know I need to do this sobrity thing for a lot longer than four or five days before I can even consider it.

Try and stay strong, and remember we're here if you need some moral support

I'm on my own through the week as DH works away, so this week without any wine has been particularly difficult for me.

Have spent the evening sorting out DD's real nappies for selling on. some she outgrew, and then came out in a horrible eczema reaction to the elastic in the wraps so I have to give up on my green principles

and finally....the morning routine and school run have been a doddle this week, and I've managed to get all three of us washed and changed and out the door on time every day...a big change from usual where DD is usu still in her pjs and I've just thrown on some clothes and we're always late. It all helps me feel better about my decision to stop.

Thanks LardyMardy will probably go online on Sat as I do find it a great distraction.

Hi everyone.
I havn't been posting much recently because I don't feel I have much to contribute really.
Daisy- well done on your not drinking- and I think it is a really good idead to read back over things you have written, to remind ourselves of how it was. I kept a drinking journal type thing at one point, and it is really quite horrible to read now. The isolation and total desperation of someone who was alcoholic. I also kept it up when I had periods of withdrawal- not nice. No-one sane would actually want to put themselves through that again and again!

Jellibabe -yes it doesn't seem so bad after even a brief period of sobriety does it? Thats one of the things with addictions- denial is a huge feature.

I spent a very long time trying to convince myself that I could control my drinking, that I was managing it. The truth was, obviously, that I wasn't!

Hope you all have a good day.

BM where are you?
OH- what you up to?

jelli am facing similar thoughts this weekend. DP will def want his beers Friday and Saturday and sunday. I find it easier when he's not. I have no issues not buying it during the day. Ihavs other booze here and am not tempted by it. So am searching in my head for clues to what my issues are this thread is agreat help. In my life I can talk to no one.

HI Piffle- thats such a shame you have noone in rl to talk to.
Have you talked to your dp about your drinking and how you want to cut back?

yes he agrees we should change the daily drinking habit. But he thinks I am being melodramatic about my habitual need for drinking. I worry too much apparently!

That's a great idea teasle - the drinking journal. It's amazing how quickly I can forget how awful drinking makes me feel. Found it useful to reread this thread. It's almost been like a mini diary for me. Would love to be able to organise a fortnightly shop via the internet to try to keep the temptation to a minimum. Not very good at meal planning tho.

Thanks everyone for their contribution - it's not much of a conversation talking to yourself and I have found it a great help.

Hello everyone.

Jellibabe it was of course the initial unhappiness in my relationship that starting the drinking and the loneliness but realised once dp told me about "baby" that if I carried on now in particular that I may never be able to stop. There are times of course that I still think its the answer and yeah the weekends are very hard for me too as usually Friday night I would traditionally crack open the wine and glug the lot but am trying to stay strong at the moment as otherwise think I might lose my mind !!! and Facebook my worst nightmare !!

Good luck everyone over the weekend as I know its a hard time for all of us

Just a short one from me at the moment. The practice of doing it 'One Day At a Time' is so useful to me. Before I would sit and analyse my failures in the past, or say well, I drank yesterday and the day before so sod it, I'll just do it today. Or I would project about how there was no way I could stay sober for christmas, or New Year or whatever.

So now, I try to just treat each day as a separate and meaningful period. I can only decide what to do now. If I conquer this, if I can be the very best that I can be in this day that lies ahead of me, then that's much easier to deal with than everything from the past and the future.

When things have been really tough for me, and I've really, really wanted to drink I just say well, I won't drink for today. I can't make any promises for tomorrow but I can do it for only one day. If a day seems too long, I break it down into hours and minutes. There have seriously been days like that.

But, each time I manage to get through one day of not drinking, it helps me to feel successful and more optimistic the next day. This is pretty much how I got through my first few months of sobriety. It's been quite a while since I had a drink now, and that to me is amazing.

There was a wee passage posted below, it's called the 'Just for Today' card - a lot of people found it useful:

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Just for today I will try to live through this day only and not tackle my whole life problem at once. I can do something for 12 hours that would appal me if I felt that I had to keep it up for a lifetime.

Just for today I will be happy. This assumes to be true what Abraham Lincoln said, that: "most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be."

Just for today I will adjust myself to what is and not try to adjust everything to my own desires. I will take each day as it comes and fit myself to it.

Just for today I will try to strengthen my mind. I will study. I will learn something useful. I will not be a mental loafer. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration.

Just for today I will exercise my soul in three ways: I will do somebody a good turn, and not get found out; if anybody knows of it, it will not count; I will do at least two things I don't want to do - just for exercise; I will not show anyone that my feelings are hurt - they may be hurt but today I will not show it.

Just for today I will be agreeable. I will look as well as I can, dress becomingly, talk low, act courteously, criticise not one bit, not find fault with anything, and not try to improve or regulate anybody but myself.

Just for today I will have a programme. I may not follow it exactly but I will have it. I will save myself from two pests - hurry and indecision.

Just for today I will have a quiet half-hour all by myself and relax. During this half-hour, sometime, I will try and get a better perspective of my life.

Just for today I will be unafraid. Especially I will not be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful and to believe that, as I give to the world, so the world will give to me.

Just for today I will not drink.

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Ps, You don't have to do the whole card everyday!