**t*a*m*o*x*i*f*e*n** number 14

[MaryAnnSingleton]

here we go !

I'm not mad, honestly. I tucked the keys safely into the elasticated waistband of my trousers (no pockets) while I was gardening, and forgot where I put them. Spent ages hunting high and low for them, then discovered them later when I went to the loo...

Took dd and friend shopping today - they went off together while I bought hospital-chic pyjamas (on the recommendation of someone on this thread, I think). I'm usually an ankle-skimming nightie girl, but it makes sense to be able to remove top only for medical inspection. Nice light-weight cotton as hospitals are usually a bit too hot for me.

Then I retreated to my car for a rest. I keep hitting a wall of fatigue - I assume from the shock of learning I have cancer last week. I'm calm but obviously my body is showing signs of stress. Dread to think what I'll be like post-op, then radiotherapy - or "rads" as you say here - there's a whole other lingo to learn, isn't there? I need an introductory booklet, "Cancer Speak for Novices".

cakes note DeeScent's request for cancer speak glossary for our book- good idea
smeeeeeeeee ! lovely to have you back - rest and be waited on - hope the sickness goes away soon and that you aren't too sore.
I'm sure wine would be a good idea forpitysake A letter makes things seem more official and real somehow.

Dh and ds have both got colds and I suspect they may have passed their germs on...
I fall asleep whenever I sit down on the sofa- sometimes at my desk- I just sit with my eyes closed..I should go to bed earlier,but I never do.

hi smee! glad you are back.hope you are feeling a bit better today. cat wants me to get up. think he has ulterior motive...

That is a great idea for an addition to the book , a glossary for all the shorthand cancer speak ! Took me a while to get the hang of it .

Darn cats and their ulterior motives eh jane . Glad DH does all the pig/dog stuff in our house .

District nurse just been and restocked my syringe driver . Pig/dog fell in love with her because she has a female rottweiler at home and I think he could smell her . Luuurve match maybe ?

It's the usual rainy day here in Belfast . DH is finishing torturing bathing the kids . Then it's off to Grannys for Sunday dinner .

Hope forpitysakes head isn't feeling too red wine hung over this morning . But sometimes a tankfull of vino is the only thing to do !

And hope smee is feeling better today too . Make sure they are still looking after you and you stick to your bed or sofa . < waves roll of duct tape threateningly >

hello ! am doing a bit of work today and then baking some parmesan biscuits ! and dh is attempting to make quince crumble....

< topsy checks out the flight schedules to mas house so she can snarf warm parmesan biccies straight from the oven >

@ topsy !

hello! how is everyone today?

i didnt touch any alcohol at all in the end last night

i'm not sure why i didn't but i do have had the headache today! how does that work?

i did manage to sneak a lie-in this morning so i enjoyed being snuggly without feeling rubbish

i feel much more in the mood for a glass now but ive got work tomorrow so best not i suppose. tea and toast instead for me

ive been busy doing stuff today and because my period started 'properly' i feel a bit more positive. i really didnt need PMT on top of all this making me feel more bleak.

i realised i havent taken my antidepressants for a few days either cos ive been too busy worrying so thats not helped either.

must pull myself together....must pull myself together....

p.s any of those parmesan biscuits left??

parmesan biscuits turned into parmesan crumble- I was following a friend's recipe but the dough was very crumbly- should have added some milk- but the crumbled mess tastes nice !
I take antidepressants too - think they have made me calmer

maryann the crumbly mess still sounds yummy! can you mix it with something and use it a bit like a crunchy spread? nom nom

I'm just on a maintenance dose now of anti-dep. Lowest possible dose every other day. I do start to notice it slipping out of my system if I go much longer. I've been so worried I just didn't realise I hadn't taken one - the irony of it.

They really help with my major PMT mood-swings and I can go to sleep without getting the 'midnight-panics'. You know, when you should be asleep but you get gripped by nightmare scenarios and can't get rid of them no matter what you do.

I feel a bit more 'together' today so I'm trying to get myself back on track, but I really feel like I'm in someone else's bad dream or an Ashes-to-Ashes situation where I'll wake up and it's not happening to me after all.

I keep having moments when I feel strong enough to be getting my results now and the next minute I feel like I could never get in the car to get there

Hello all, - the hippo has landed (ate rather to many fat boy snacks on holiday). I'm back from the land of 'evaporated-milk-with-everything'.

The parents are as well as can be expected, Dad's alzheimers has made him very 'forthright' - cue remarks such as 'you've got an enormous bottom', - as my sister says 'he's only saying what we've all been trying to tell you for years!

I am trying to gradually catch up with everyone's posts, - I won't attempt to answer them all, as it would take me a week or ten! I am reading them carefully though.

I'll say a quick hello to our new ladies, - DeeScent and Forpitysake. I'm sorry you find yourselves here, but of course you are very welcome, I hope we can offer some support, - or at the very least virtual and .
FPS (hope you don't mind that abbrev ) - I was 48 when DX and am now 51.

Happy birthday to Earth, and to topsy for last week (and hugs for your low moment - hope all is well now and you aren't feeling too yuk after chemo)
Waving hello to Pranma lovely to see you as always, and well done on reaching the 5 year mark, - scary times as well I know, but hey, you're an inspiration for the rest of us

Smee, - I hope the op. went well and you are soon back with us.

ILGC - life is an awful bastard at times - I'm keeping you and your lovely DD in my thoughts.

Sending loads of love to everyone else (loving those gorgeous kittens Sparkles)

pitysake - I always thought , when I was first diagnosed , that I should be going out on a huge drinking binge . And I never did . Had the odd couple of glasses , but the "poor me" binge drinking session never happened . Am saving that for my celebration I think .

I also am on anti ds . My GP said they are just to keep me on an even keel whilst I have other battles on my mind . And I find it HAS kept me even . Not swooping into major highs and lows .

Going to have a think now !out what we can use mas parmesan crumble for . I have a craving for taglietelle with ceasaer salad . All sprinkled with parmesan crumble

X - Post .
Waves madly at kk

Hi Everyone, esp to new people - For clarity I'm an old poster (as it were) 0n here but don't come on much now as I am very well and being back at work full time gives me enough screen time!

ForPitySake - my biopsy Dr was not very pleasant really - very technical and she hurt me with the aneasthetic - I was dreading having my wires inserted because of this but in fact that was a different doctor who didn't hurt me at all. I never saw the bipsy one again and my main Drs were/are ace.

My main advice to new people in the ghastly reeling panic stage is try not to think about all the different scenarios because;
a) there are far too many and you get in a terrible tizz
b) your particluar scenario is not known yet. Its hard but I found it helped enormously when I decided to take one step at a time,deal with what was known (little by little) rather than what wasn't, and assumed that I would get through it all successfully unless someone told me I wouldn't! I htink this is a variation on head-burying-in-sand but it worked for me after a couple of weeks of the reeling.

It did seem to go one forever - bascially I was diagnosd age 55, in Dec09, had first op- lumpectomy in late Jan (due to snow delays) then started chemo in March, had second op to clear lymph nodes in April, rads in June, finished chemo in September 2010 and felt completely fine by mid-December 2010. Went back to work 1 NOvember and can't beleive that nearly a year ago now.

So take heart - you do get through it. Uncertainty is the worst and then when you get on track it feels more manageable - just very long!

Deescent - I know that wolf! I hope you can keep it away but I do think we all need to cry.

dh and dd busy in the kitchen this afternoon (making the above) while I snoozed a bit. I still feel calm but wonder if I'm going to break-down at some point - I'm a bit like that, good in a crisis then have a melt-down later.

Had a bit of a tear about another thing that's going on - I'm finding it much easier to cry about someone else's pain than my own.

Ultrasound on Tuesday, EEG on Thursday, then an op date. Bit concerned that this forecast snow for the end of October might interfere with our journey of about 15 miles to radiotherapy. My husband suggested buying snow chains for the car! Does anyone know if there's an optimum time to have the rads after the op and whether it matters if there's an interruption?

MaryAnn, is the book that's been mentioned really being written? [intrigued]

Ah, cross-posts sandripples!

Great to hear about your recovery - I'm sure everyone is heartened to hear that.

The wolf needs to express herself sometimes - I know that's healthy.

Hi everyone, just popping in to say hello to everyone. Hope your weekend is going well.

It might be useful if we could all update what our cancer is to help others, or are you all mainly breast cancer?

Mine is leukemia with complications and awaiting a bone marrow donor and not had any chemo yet. Having been doing lots of reading in readiness.

I get horrendous bouts of sickness, have lost loads of weight. Feel really yucky today but there is no reason for it.

All this talk of wine is making me feel so jealous. Was starting to struggle when drinking it before diagnosis, kept making me feel really ill, and have hardly touched a drop since because I know it definitely makes me ill now. THis could be why I have lost my weight!! I used to drink wine.

hi kurri and sandripples

sandripples that sounds like really good advice and I've decided I'm going to tryreallyhard to follow it

the woman who did my biopsy was lovely but she was really pushing me about to get the bloody thing in to where she wanted it which was uncomfortable despite the anaesthetic. The staff nurse who was there was sonice - when she knew I was feeling really scared she just held my hand all the way through. It's the surgeon I'm not really keen on but as long as she knows what she's doing I guess her rudenesssharp manner doesn't matter, does it?

oh yes, and I think you'll find I'vewon the lardiest arse contest topsy

hey KK - lovely to have you back ! @ your dad's forthrightness !
I think everyone's cancer is bc on here,except for Iamseeingstars and ILGC's dd

The book mentioned is one which cakes and I are trying to write/illustrate- we haven't actually started yet,but we all felt the need for a book which will encapsulate everything that has come up for us in these threads-I also want to do a book for children. Cakes is a writer and I'm an illustrator byw

Not sure what do do with my parmesan crumble,apart from nibble bits of it.
Dh made amazing quince crumble with quinces from our tree - really delicious !

Is it worth starting a thread that we can all add our bits into, then collate allthe information at the end?

Morning people :) Hope everyone manages to do something today. I've cleaned out the kitchen sink after having a day away at the weekend. Why is the stainless steel always stained when I come back? Just having a coffee before attempting anything else. Not sure if anything else will get done, got to go to Leeds for Rads scan appointment after lunch and the cat hasn't been seen since lunchtime yesterday so a bit worried about him...

IASS, Hope you are feeling less yucky today. What are you thinking of for the new thread? Limited to one short post from everyone introducing themselves - maybe.

Is it too early to break out some chocolate? I think there is some fruit and nut in the cupboard ... :)

changed my name because chocolate should be on prescription :)

It's never too early for chocolate !

Tis absolutely peeing down here . And set to stay for the entire day (and very likely the whole week) Had to pack the DC off to school in that downpour . Felt very guilty , staying in the dry in my pjs .

Waiting for the nurse to come and take my anti sickness driver down . Be glad to be rid of it , keep hooking the darn tubes round the door handles and almost ripping it out of my arm .

Have to sort out DDs wardrobe this week . She seems to have grown by about 1/2 a foot this week . All her tops have turned into crop tops and her trousers are real ankle swingers .
Need to take her on a shopping trip this weekend I think .

What does Monday hold for everyone ?
Have recipe riddle for you all . What can I make for dinner with a lb of mince , a bag of spuds and a cabbage . (have usual store cupboard goodies)

Hi Topsy.

Cook the mince with onions, mushrooms, carrots and every kind of frozen veg you have. Then boil and mash the potatoes and grill it. May be even add cheese.

Freeze what is left for another meal (leave out the the grilling bit)