**t*a*m*o*x*i*f*e*n** number 14

[MaryAnnSingleton]

here we go !

Hello Forpitysake, I'm so sorry you're going through this awful waiting time but this thread is the place to come for lots of reassurance, answers to your questions and, whenever necessary, a hug. We also like lots of cake (as you've already found out) and . I was diagnosed in Feb, had chemo first, then my mx and am nearly halfway through my radiotherapy. I've alternated between sheer blind panic, feelings of it all happening to someone else, acceptance and determination to beat this bloody awful thing. But I have to agree, the waiting is the hardest.

I'd like to say a huge thankyou to all you lovely ladies for the hugs and kind, reassuring words yesterday after my melt-down in the radiotherapy room. I know you're all right about it being a delayed reaction to losing mum and, having had lunch with a dear friend today, have decided that I need to grieve properly and, if that means the odd outburst of blubbering, then so be it.

I'm sorry I missed saying 'good luck' to Smee earlier but I'm thinking of her and hope it all goes well.

I nearly lost my wig at lunch - my hair is growing so thick and curly (eek) and is now an inch long and I could feel my wig slowly slipping up. I surreptitiously pulled it down but it wont be long now till I can get rid of it and show the world my 'real' hair. I didnt realise I had a double crown and as a result the front meets in the middle like a mini curly mohican. Not a brilliant look but it's all mine

Just popping in to say hello and best wishes and big hugs to everyone.

I hope your treatment plans went ok over last few days. There is so much going on.

How long has your treatment plan taken from diagnosis? It seems that drugs, chemo and radiation seem very common for everyone.

I have been reading about my treatment plan and there are so many drugs to take to combat this that and the other it amazes me that your body can survive the chemicals. I am terrible about remembering to take tablets so this will be a huge challenge.

Have any of you had another cancer develop as a result of treatment from the first diagnosis?

Do many of you wear wigs? How do you find them? How do people react?

Sorry hadnt intended asking so many questions.

Enjoy your evening

hi there figgy!
i did have a giggle at your wig (sorry) and it's good to hear about hair growing back. But sorry to read your post about your mum. this must be making it so awful for you on top of everything else you are dealing with.

can i just ask what 'mx' is?
i think ive worked out so far that 'rads' is radiotherapy (?)

DH had called me down from the computer earlier to be with him - I think he's worried I'll not do myself much good to be thinking about this so much until I know for certain what I'm up against. Maybe he's right. Just play the waiting game now. But he's gone on a call-out so I'm back up

Hi Forpitysake. Sorry to hear about what you are going through. The waiting game is horrendous and I feel I spend all my time waiting for the next appointment, next test, results, dates etc.

The support on here is great, at least you know that people on here have been through/going through what you are experiencing and it is good to talk. Quite often your friends dont want to hear or listen to you and as someone said on one of these posts a while back, you find out who your true friends are, and strangers come out of the woodwork and are really helpful and supportive.

Someone will always answer any question you have

IASS, I wear wigs and have done for months. I got loads of compliments from people who thought I'd got a great new hairdo . I absolutely love wearing them, but that's a very individual thing I think. So easy to care for, for a start.

forpitysake, the waiting is the worst bit for many people. Was for me. I was fine once I knew what was what and what they were going to do. I was diagnosed (dx) in Jan/Feb this year and had chemo first (8 lots) then surgery (which was only a lumpectomy ("WLE") rather than a mastectomy ("MX") because the chemo worked and shrunk the lump to nothing). I'm about to have radiotherapy and wonderdrug herceptin to make sure it can't come back (er, hopefully). It's been doable. Lovely people here. Ask anything. We'll walk with you...

PS don't Google! There's so much rubbish out there based on old statistics that suggest we are All Going to Die , whereas these days 8 out of 10 of us have a very good outcome and the rest have a pretty darned good chance of much good life with the new therapies and trials and cyberknife stuff etc.

'Please dont google' - made me smile Amberlight. I google all the time but have managed to gleen the important info from the not relevent stuff. In my case, most not relevant but I have found some sites invaluable.

I just did some research on some special blood tests for a specific condition that I have just done and the symptons are spot on what I have been complaining about for months (but everyone ignored). My doctor said I was dehydrated because of the symptons but my blood results confirmed I am definitely not. This latest test the hospital have done is a special one checking for something completely different. It feels good to know that someone in a lab somewhere has taken the trouble to go that step further to see what might be causing my additional problems and amazes me even more what they learn from your blood.

Using google reassured me in this case, but it definitely shouldnt be used to identify what conditions you might have because invariably you are so wrong.
I also use google to check what they are searching for every time I have a different blood test.

Hi I'm in now-was lurking round 13 :)

waving to pranma and iamseeingstars
Am glad you found your way over here forpitysake - your dh sounds lovely btw..
Agree with amber about the waiting-once I knew what I was dealing with it was much better -I hate not knowing things (and while waiting I googled a lot-not recommended,but I need to know ) I saw the doc who did my biopsy again when I went for my operation as it needed a wire guide putting in- but she was nice. I think you'll find most people,esp breast care nurses are lovely.

Hi Pranma
5 years! How are you?
Forpitysake, the waiting is hard because you don't know what you are up against. I was most upset right at the beginning. Once I had dx they did not hang about so no time to worry and doing something is +ve. Did you find your lump or was it a recall from screening?

My Mum has just heard that she is going to rehab place tomorrow. Hope that they will be able to help her stand.

Drove to pub tonight on account of filthy weather so no beer :-( But we did have some chocolate :-)

btw- I did my first injection on Smog today - it wasn't as easy as i'd thought but I hope I'll get the hang of it- he seemed very out of sorts today,not himself. (Smog is parents newly diagnosed diabetic cat for new threadees)

forpitysake...for me the waiting was the worst part if its any consolation i was actually warned when they took my biopsy to expect it to come back as cancer,that week i had to wait for the results i spent most of it in meltdown.i had my long hair cut short just before i started chemo and had my wig ready (similar style)before i lost my hair,to be honest people are always surprised when i say its a wig its my exact colour and quite a trendy style.

figgy...ha ha at your wig made me laugh as im i nearly lost mine a couple of times today,the wind here is scarey.i had my eyebrows threaded last week poor girl was mortified when she almost knocked my wig off when she tilted my head back am i really evil to find her horror funny.but she did a good job and i just fill in the sparse bits.

imseeingstars...i was diagnosed around the end of march had chemo first then op and now im on day 2 of 15 rads.i wrote down when to take my pills i had to they kept changing all the time and my memory became quite poor. i was dreading wearing a wig the thought of it made me feel ill and i thought everyone would notice but then i got talking to a lady in the waiting room and i was amazed she had a wig on she even had root,wigs are brilliant these days.

Hi MAS strokes to smog :) hope the injections get easier. has a long chat with my breast care nurse today - she is lovely. nighty night everyone

mas ...you are brave my cat would take my head off.poor smog hope he feels better soon horrible when pets are ill.

pranma...glad you found us the thread can move very fast.

jane..horrible weather you were brave to go out even in your car.

stars - I have a wig , but don't wear it as I get too hot . I wear heafscarfes instead . Or nothing when I'm around the house .

Im not sure about the wig yet, just cant imagine wearng one but been recommended to get one for just in case

imseeingstars..a very good idea to get one just incase,were all different i couldnt face wearing hats,scarves etc myself.its a case of finding what your comfortable with.have to say i love my wig and having perfect hair with no messing about.

i could just crawl back into bed but cant as im off to the hospital soon so jealous of the dog asleep flat on his back with his paws in the air.

Morning Jane...I found it by accident 21st sep and got in to see GP 23rd who then referred me to the unit. I was OK until after I got home after seeing the GP and then I cried all afternoon!

Iamseeingstars...You're right about finding out your true friends. I'm very lucky with my best friend as she came with me and I know would do anything she could to help me. One of my other close friends lives too far away to do anything but I know I could call her any time of the day. So far it's kinda friend-confirming I suppose .

Is it really morbid to think about the future and worry about IF it's cancer and it gets sorted out fine, but then in the future it comes back somewhere else twice as bad? You always seem to hear about that happening to people. It happened to my Grandma.

Actually that is morbid, isn't it? I'm one of life's worriers> I'm not very good at living in the here-and-now.
But I suppose it's like a lot of things isn't it? You don't get to hear the 'good' statistics do you? How many people never have it return and go on to live to a happy healthy old age and how many times it's all OK.

Sorry...it's helping a bit to think out loud .

I had read that to have a 'bad' lump under the age of 39 was 1 in 215 chance which seemed not bad odds to me. I'm 36. Can I be cheeky and ask how old any of you are or were when diagnosed? Or doesn't it really make much difference?

forpitysake I was 50 - my bc was found early and hadn't spread to lymph nodes,it was grade 2 and 2.4 cms- I think in someone younger they would blast this with chemo (I gleaned this from a lot of looking on Breast Cancer Care forums)but as I am older my tumour is deemed to be less aggressive,and therefore chemo wasn't suggested. My sister in law was 33 and had an aggressive grade 3 tumour which had spread to some lymph nodes -she had chemo and herceptin. Every person and diagnosis is slightly different and the treatments are tailored to you. It is really not a good idea to leap ahead of yourself as you'll get caught up in imagining all sorts of probably unlikely scenarios- I say this as a person who plans everything very carefully and can't bear not being in control. I try to use Mindfulness to live in the present moment,but not very successfully

Good morning all Its my birthday!!!!!

Dh brought flowers and perfume, DD2 a top and smellies and I've just had a vase of flowers delivered from my BF. Life is good

I've seen the oncologist and have discussed drug treatment but no chemo or rads, it's not for me and I'm content with my decision. As she says I can always reconsider if I change my mind.

She has arranged a bone scan next week to try and source my hip pain so hopefully I can get that sorted soon.

Happy Birthday Earth !!! have a lovely day. I am sure your team will respect your decision - well done for making it,am sure it was hard to decide.

thanks maryanne I think you're right. I'm looking far too far ahead and it's probably causing me more upset to be imagining the worst.

and happy birthday earthmother - hope you have a lovely day

forpitysake, well done for finding your lump and getting it checked out. it is the right thing to do, just waiting is awful now. I'm 45 and I found mine in July. went to the doc in August and was really upset when he referred me straight away and said I should be seen within 2 weeks. Had biopsy in August and lumpectomy 1st September. Started tamoxifen and waiting to start radiotherapy now. In a way imagining the worst is ok for a day or two. It is a normal thing to do. Then be more rational and remember it IS treatable. Then when you get your results it is almost certain to be better than the worst case scenario you have imagined at first and you can be sort of pleased and relieved... It worked for me.

Happy birthday Earth :) hands round chocolate :)

:) at pink's dog

Forpitysake - Glad you came over to the tamoxifen side! We'll help you through the waiting! Well, of course you should never ask a lady her age, but as i am no lady, and as it is this thread where ANY question is allowed, I was 46 when diagnosed, two years ago. The Breast care nurse told me that more and more younger women are being diagnosed, which is probably not what you want to hear, but the odds remain overwhelmingly in your favour. Just try not to look too far ahead, because you are bound to look towards a worst case scenario, cut yourself some slack, if you can. Not easy.

Earth - happy birthday and . Well done for making your treatment choice and sticking to it. I hope your hip gets sorted too.

MAS - I can't believe you have managed to inject Smog. Well done, I don't imagine you found that easy. Thank heavens there is not blood. Poor little Smog.

Hi to Seeingstars, janemacer, pink, amber and figgy and anyone else I have missed. And talking of 'missed' - it'll be good to get KK and Smee back too.

xx

earth..happy birthday hope you have a fantastic day.

ds has come home from school in a bad mood no particilar reason just tired very bad combination with teenage dd who is ill and grumpy,dont have the energy for their petty squabbles today far to draining so me and the dog hid in the kitchen ( i know terrible mum) but for now while im having rads im going to choose my battles when things go to far.anyway house is quiet once more ones gone out the others upstairs listening to music and im eyeing the settee wondering if i can sneak an hours kip.