**tamoxifen the 13th**

[MaryAnnSingleton]

here we are- anticipating halloween

should read TA

I think a six hour wait is craziness Sparkle, you can't leave him in pain that long, I'd just carry on as you are, and with the school too, they are right they can't make medical assessments so they have to err on the side of caution. As you know, just because a consultant says something, doesn't mean its true!

amber, putting on weight is very common (as if we didn't have enough to deal with eh?), but I agree with the others, concentrate on healing and recovering, weight worries can come later.

Six hour rule sounds ever so wrong to me, Sparkle. Am at the very thought of it. I thought you could insist on a second opinion and also choose where to go for it? Am I wrong in that? Am sure someone will know..

I'm also for you that you haven't had a referral to GOSH yet, why say only London paeds can help, and then not refer DS there. Good for him for reading his Star Wars book, he's a sensible little cookie

I've managed to get myself into a mini panic over the position of the bc. I'm going to think out loud. No need to comment.
In Jan/Feb I had ultrasound and MRI and was told it looked like a Stage 2.
Node negative. HER2+. Chemo gave it a complete response by the look of it. Another MRI scan, more ultrasounds, more mammograms. No-one said anything different in any of those.
Surgeon said lumpectomy was the way to go. Yesterday he said he won't know the outcome until the tests are back because it was close to the chest wall. I can't find anything, anywhere, to say what that means for outcome. Not a sausage. I know I've got radiotherapy and herceptin ahead of me, but if it's snuck into the chest wall anywhere my odds are 50/50 and not the 95% I thought. I'm not good with unknowns. And my bc nurse isn't in till next week anyway. Oh I so hate bc. I really do. There again, there can't be a lot of people who love it.
I shall be patient until Thursday's appointment of course, but why the heck am I still finding out things about my bc 9 months after discovering it? Why can't they give a straightish answer a heck of a lot sooner than that?
Bah and humbug. And more and

Sparkles, I think a 6 hour wait is an outrage. Also potentially highly dangerous if there is a serious difficulty that has not yet been diagnosed.

Amber - I understand your pain, I really do. All I can say is that they really hedge their bets until they have done the path. tests on the lump and, in your case, it has been a long time before they took it out. I assume that the reason you had chemo first rather than after surgery was because it was so near the chest wall? It is agonising to feel uncertain,but the only thing you can really do is try not to get ahead of yourself and think about what ifs? until your appointment. I know that is a big ask. Sorry. x

amber, I won't comment because it won't stop you worrying, its just the horrid waiting game again Sending you lots of hugs, and cake xx

Amber, seems mean to get this far and then be told that. Scans showed no spread though and as you say chemo was v.effective, so that all sounds positive. Think out loud as much as you want. Nobody here will tell you not to worry, but from what you say, there's a very good chance they got it in time. Hugs from me too x

and and hugs to all. Thanks for all the votes for beer with the tamoxifen. hic! signed off until end of October now and as I haven't started the rads yet, went for first swim today after WLE. Doc said yesterday I would be ok swimming. He didn't tell me not to dive in -

Oh amber I am so sorry you have got this worry. I agree with smee, but I know you will continue to worry.....so I will send my hugs too, and any [biscuits] and cake I have to offer.

Janemacer....the westley arms rises again, people will begin to think that Acocks Green is the centre of something.... I am glad you experimented with beer I dread to think what happened when you dived in . Are you all right?

I have spoken with ds' TA and said I really don't think it is appropriate to change the current protocol and ask him or anyone else to make, what is effectively, medical decisions, in terms of whether to seek medical intevention or not. I am not sure what else to do, kind of wish I hadn't said anything to school at all, but dh said honesty is the best policy, tell them what the consulatant said, and tell them we are not happy with school taking on this "medical role"

I'm back from hospital I eventually got in touch with the nurse who said to come in just as soon as I wanted to so I organized my lift and then started to get changed. Flooded again! Where on earth is it all coming from?

I ended up at hospital with half a kitchen roll tucked in my knickers to try and catch the flow. I prayed I wasn't leaving drips or bits of soggy paper as I walked The nurse took me straight in and set about unwrapping me. She drained the wound again and immediately asked if I felt ok. Seems the fluid was quite cloudy which can indicate infection. She gave me Flucloxacillin and told me to come straight to the ward if I feel unwell over the weekend.

She's dressed the wound again and given me pads and tape for emergencies, please god, no more emergencies this weekend

hope you didn't dive in ,or at least did it gently !
sparkle- agree with everyone else that 6 hrs is ridiculous - I 'd stick with what the school is doing now,much safer.But still really unsatisfactory- poor boy,but love him gamely reading on,and wanting to stay outside reading !
Amber - think aloud on here,am sure it helps to straighten it in your mind -more waiting is horrible,but we can take your mind off it with copious s and s and cake. Weight gain is depressing- I am sure I am fatter than before - i struggle with feelings of not looking right much of the time and if I look fatter then I will obsess about it. I am scared of being weighed at my smear test (soon,eee) because if there is weight gain I will do that-I'd rather not know.
Have met 2 friends for coffee this afternoon which was v nice.

Hi janemacer, it really is weird how Acocks Green keeps on cropping up - and the Westley Arms which, let's face it, is a forgettable sort of place. I am glad that you decided not to give the beer a swerve, I think it really can be sanity-saving. I plan to have one (or two) myself, later, as soon as I can get dd and her friend fed and watered, and the friend dropped off home so I can go to the pub with a clear conscience. Dd is mad keen to take the friend with us but I'm afraid I draw the line at attempting to babysit other people's kids while most of my attention is focused on diving to the bottom of a beer glass.

Swimming is very good so well done for going: I am concerned about the diving though, especially if from a height.

Sparkles, I think that was the only thing you can do. Honesty is the best policy. I remain totally by your clinical team's obstinacy over referring ds.

Ladies, I think it really is very nearly time. Enjoy!x

oh Earth- sorry,meant to say in previous post- it sounds so awful for you -I can't imagine how you must feel. Take care and I really hope it stops soon x

My fingers are crossed, Earth.

MAS - I am glad you had a nice afternoon, but I really wish you would go for that smear, I think it must be a year overdue at least

Cakes - I am booked in for Tuesday at 10.15 (shudders) and I'm only a few months,ok 5 or 6 overdue...

Sparkle, hope your ds is ok. I'm fine now, just felt really sore as I dived in, probably aggravated the bruising - won't do that again in a hurry ;) I've very happy memories of Acocks Green. Spent a lot of time at the scout hut at Spring Road. Currently exiled in Yorkshire but do visit quite often to see my Mum - who I have yet to tell of my BC - not looking forward to that conversation, she is very frail herself.

Earth - hope the antibiotic is doing the trick and the leak is subsiding.

Have to share, my dds, (dd1 who is 6 and dd2 who is 2) are currently playing "snow" they have got out all the hats scarves gloves and snow goggles and are pretending to mkae snowballs.....are they wishing away the autumn?

janemacer - we lived in acocks green for 9 years, would take exile in yorkshire anytime! I have no fond memories of the police helicopter hovering overhead and rattling the window frames......EVERY WEEKEND. We did have a lovely house though, which I loved.

we get police helicopters in parts of Yorkshire too! Have moved somewhere quiet now, though we did live in a flat around the corner where someone kicked in the neighbours door (stark naked) at 3am. He was staying in the downstairs flat and had gone upstairs... oops.

earth...how annoying i also leaked from my drain site they gave me a load of dressings to try and patch things up for over the weekend but i just soaked them straight through.had to go in on a saturday but the wait wasnt to bad they just drained me again and patched me up and told me to come back monday.but its horrible being soaked especially through the night i use to shove a towell in my pjs lol but it only went on for a few days so dont worry it will stop.

amber... try not to panic my consultant is like the doom of death so flipping negitive, i was going to have a lumpectomy was arranged all along right at the last moment he suddenly put the fear of god into me talking about it coming back etc so i went for the mascectomy.last week he said to me i didnt need to have the mascectomy after all but then that was my choice to go ahead. grrr.but there is no point looking back.

im sure you will soon lose weight especially when you get more energy back,if your anything like me i have just lounged around loads im surprised im not the size of an elephant.

sparkle.. bless your your kids,when things get tough kids always make you smile.

went to the gp this morning chest and ribs were really tight first thing then i started coughing up gunk which seemed to help take the pressure off.anyway my lungs are clear but she noticed stomach is going into spasms and diagnosed me of having a imflammation of the stomach she said its quite common after chemo also the gunk is caused by acid so gave me pills to take.

treated my daughter to having her eyebrows threaded was amazed at how its done,cheeky cow told me i needed mine shaping think shes having a laugh when i hardly have any.

Fingers crossed for a good weekend Earth, with no sloshing or leaking! Hopefully the a/b will do the trick.

hello again jane, well done on your swim, I found swimming great for getting my arm and shoulder back to something like normal. We're not allowed to dive at our pool, (not that I would anyway, - far too chicken).

Sparkle - snow sounds a fun game aren't they sweet?

Fell asleep again this afternoon, - God I'm a lazy moo, wonder if its these pills?

Well done on booking the smear MAS, I'm sure you don't need to worry about weight gain, you are a very slender lady judging by photos.

Any body doing anything fun this weekend?

oops x-posts pink, sorry about the stomach problems, hope the pills sort it out, - I had a lot of problems in my intestines after chemo (went for all sorts of camera up the bottom tests,- fun!) and they said that was inflammation caused by chemo. Its poisonous powerful stuff!

Earth, really hope the fluid calms down and that the anti-b's stop any infection.

Pink, I got a very irritated stomach. I think it got better pretty quickly, though the acidy, slightly uncomfortable feeling lingered for a while. at your daughter!

MAS, am mighty impressed that you've booked the smear. You deserve those chocolate buttons.

Amber remain on the sofa. [stern]

So why were you at the scout hut for so much time, janemacer?!

Friday night, so definitely time for . Cheers everyone!

In haste, son waiting for lift- Amber, my bc was on my chest wall, margin