**the 7th Tamoxifen Thread **

[MaryAnnSingleton]

here we are...

Phew, Cakes is as bad as me at invoicing.

I like the idea for MAS though. And MAS, glad they liked the pictures, though obviously am not at all surprised.

Figgyroll, so pleased you and DH could spend some time. He sounds lovely. I'm sure tomorrow will be hard, but I hope it's a comfort in some way. You take care and come back here as much as you want to.

Kurri, how are you today? And Sparkles and LJ - is the arm still feeling okay?? Chucking it down here. Hope it's not similar where you are.

Hi all - Cakes I hope you get your money soon! - I agree get RWU on the job

I hope LJ and Spares you are both feeling more comfortable today, and healing is going well. Hope DS is feeling better this week too Sparkles

My dad has a new wheelchair - hooray - mum had to wait ages for one, and when it finally came it was so enormous an heavy she couldn't push it. So now they have finally come up with a sensible lightweight one.

I've managed to catch GP - am having thyroid bloods tomorrow. And he says we'll talk everything over on Monday in case I need tests for anything else. So ball is rolling which is good.

Did anyone watch that David Attenborough programme on Madagascar last night? - it was absolutely beautiful - I'd love to go there.

I'm glad you survived the zoo Smee. - We used to have a very old and large chimpanzee at our local zoo. And on his cage was a notice 'At 3 O'clock, Joey will have a cup of tea and smoke a herbal cigarette'

• whoever thought that would be a good thing for a chimp to do??

Bloody hell, zoos have come on a way since then (thank God). I remember going to a Chimp's Tea Party thing at the zoo - what on earth were they thinking????!!

Missed the David Attenborough owing to exercise class but it sounds lovely.

Yahey for the wheelchair, and for the bloods as well. Hope it gets sorted.

best wishes from me too, to sparkles and LJ (hope that arm keeps behaving) and special calm wishes for Figgyroll for tomorrow.

excellent news about wheelchair (am thinking of such a thing for my ma- she must be going loopy being stuck indoors-though I know she'll resist it like mad )
And blood tests too- let's hope things become clearer after that.
Am just doing a few Valentine-y snippets for our illustration blog -a bit of a breather between books. Printer says my artwork for some promotional cards for my agent when she goes to book fair (Frankfurt ? Bologna ? always get in a muddle which is this time of year)is no high resolution enough and to have a fiddle with them- I am rubbish at these technical bits.Dh will grump about sorting it.
Off to collect little S shortly- horribly rainy here- wanted to walk into town-she might agree,otherwise we sit and watch Victorious (US teen thing) or Spongebob

btw- we used to go to Chessington when it was still just a zoo -it was on the end of the 65 bus route and seemed to take ages. I remember going on a Holy Day of Obligation (Catholic primary)once with friends and my brother breaking his collarbone.
I also remember Battersea Park Fun fair.

Big News!!!

The wedding we were going to in America (and for which dd was a bridesmaid) is OFF!! Phew - at least we had not booked flights yet. There is something to be said for being disorganised!!

oh ! is that good or bad ? won't dd be disappointed ?

I'm not sure what to make of it! DH's Mum just called to let us know (dh is out today so haven't got his take on it). Dd is likely to be quite disappointed. I don't think I am really, as I wasn't looking forward to it much, but i am a bit concerned about all the heartache and expense, of course.

Ooo wedding off, sound like hearts broken to me. Still glad you haven't spent money on the tickets cakes.

MAS I meant to respond earlier to your post about not being able to look at yourself, becasue of poor body image. I don't think it is shallow at all, stop being so hard on yourself woman anyway if that is shallow, I am about as 3D as sheet of paper. I hate the way I look, always have, and super critical, and no amount of persuading will move me from my opinion. There are no photos taken at my wedding, as refused to have any, I look in the mirror long enough to brush my hair. I sound like a basket case!

Smee I am ok, still lots of pain, and i caught the nipple area with my arm today, it was like being punched, but I am ok, just absolutely knackered, not taking care of myself enough, trying to fight all the fights for ds on all fronts at the same time. I know what you will say, but I am crap at actually being able to say I will park that one for a few weeks, he is my little boy I guess.

Kurri ds is having a bad week for pain, but has kept his temper at school thus far, so thumbs up for him. Sent shouting email to own of his consultants today, so hope that will help.

Hope it was more coherent than this post......have truned into gibbering idiot.

LJ hope you are ok, think of you, and figgy I am sending all my best thoughts to you, especially for the next 24 hours or so. I will follow the good lead on here and light a candle for you and your mum tomorrow.

There'll be a candle here too, figgy. Good call, sparkles.

Here's to the consultant getting his finger out.

I too don't look in mirrors much - I used to be quite a one for checking myself out in shop windows, but not any more. What I see is not how I feel. It's a bit comforting to know a lot of us feel the same, isn't it?

Yes it is, means you don't feel alone.

There are hardly any photos of me about -this is a bit sad. I just pick myself to bits if I see a photo -even a nice one -there's the initial relief at look tolerable,then I look further- ridiculous. On one hand I think I probably look ok, much younger than my ancient age but I don't feel 'good' enough -that I am unacceptable in some way- gah :-( Enough of this though.
figgyroll- I am going to meditate shortly and will send some loving kindness your way

My thoughts will be with you tomorrow as well Figgyroll x

I don't look in mirrors much - I never like what I see, I hate it when I catch a glimpse of myself walking past a shop window (as in 'who's that fat woman, oh it's me ')

I wish I'd enjoyed being thin when I was thin - but I thought I was fat then as well. Ah well - there's more important things than looks

I'm sorry DS has been in pain Sparkle, bless him, but very well done for him holding it together at school.

Do you think the wedding is permanently off Cakes? (friends of ours had a big row and called the wedding off, divided up all their belongings, decided who was getting the cat etc. - then made up and it was on again a few months later )

Well done to Cakes on all the exercise!

KK has a good excuse - no use fainting while trying to run or anything is it.

Figgy - will be thinking about you tomorrow. What a lot you have to cope with.

A close friend of mine - who by coincidence was diagnsed with BC a month before me - was making good recovery etc but now has lymphodaema which has upset her. I was sort of trusting that I wouldn't get that now - but perhaps it can strike at any time.

Sparkle - yes Penguin Cafe was truly a lovely concert - they played quite a lot of the great old classic stuff (that the original father wrote) then some new pieces written by the son and the new band - which were also good. The father was very present IYSWIM. Best concert I've ever been to! (Well I suppose I don't go to many, but even so!)The warm-up group was Portico Quartet - quite weird and minimalist but also quite tuneful! My DS liked them perhaps more than Dh/myself.

Great news about the job RWU. Good luck when it starts.

Sounds wonderful SR, I would just love that. Food for the soul.

What a shame about your friend, how is she coping, I do hope she is not in too much pain or discomfort. I wonder what kind of treatment are they proposing, I think it is a management rather than being able to "cure" it isn't it. Hope you aren't worrying too much SR.

Figgyroll - I just wanted to add my very best and warmest thoughts for you for tomorrow. My lovely dad died just 19 months ago. The funeral was a hard day but such a show of love from everyone, and he deserved it. Hope it goes well for you. I am so, so sorry all this is happening to you at once x

Hello all - sorry have had little time to update - spent most of yesterday hanging around at the fracture clinic and organising DS1's birthday treat at the weekend.

Today I had a follow-up meeting with my surgeon and GUESS WHAT he had the results back from my op: NO more cancer found in the lymph nodes. Hooray! Will have to meet with the oncologist next week to have The Conversation about chemo. The CT scan found a cyst in my liver and also quite a few on both ovaries so will have to have some ultrasounds just to double-check those out.

After all that talk about posh PJs - I spent the entire visit in the hospital gown! Took nice PJs and tried them day after op but they were not comfy round the shoulder/armpit so changed back into gown - very comfy and so glam! PJ trousers would also have been far too hot with the lovely Teds stockings.

I watched SO much crap tv it was wonderful and mind-numbing: old 'Whose Line is it Anyway?' at 7.30am anyone? Managed a three-course meal at least once a day [more ].

The tea and coffee were actually not as good as NHS even if served on a little tray with proper china including tea/coffee pot! Shame I only discovered the hot chocolate on the last night. Had a good laugh with the 'dinner lady' - I tried to order a with my last evening meal, and a Full English the following morning, but she was having none of it!

Op seemed to go well - surgeon very pleased with himself at preserving nerves in my armpit, altho still pretty numb. But have a good range of movement still/so far.

Everyone was very impressed with the lovely fabric shoulder bag (an xmas present from DS1) I brought in for my drain!

Sorry I have to go again, not even had time to really 'catch up' with you all, just me, me, me!

LJ - that's brilliant news I'm really pleased for you. And great that your surgeon did a good job on your armpit .

You old show-off with your shoulder bag for the drain

excellent limejelly !!

lots of good wishes for you tomorrow figgyroll x

good god you lot are chatty!

Figgy, i really hope that it all goes to plan tomorrow, having been to a fair few funerals recently all i can say is all the best- sometimes they can be helpful to understand and start the grieving process, after the funeral things calm down and less goes on- so more time to get your feelings into perspective. Thinking of you xx

i went shopping today for 'work' attire, and came away with three handbags

step dd is visiting tomorrow, me sil and dd are going to collect her- conveniently she lives half an hour away from Ikea! yey! day trip

Horse flung me off today, didn't like the flatbed truck delivering his feed so took a sideways detour through the orchard, over a hedge and into the next door farm... it was quite fun until he stopped dead at a hay-feeder... and i failed to stop! no bruises though, twas a soft landing

Also major news in the RWU camp- i'v lost my eternity ring, only got it for xmas, took it off to have my lovely bath post petunia... now can't find it! DD is primary suspect!

Thank you for all your good wishes ladies and especially for the candles for my mum. I'm so so glad I found you all and, even though I'm not capable of joining in with your chatter at the moment, I'm sure I'll be able to join in more once the funeral is over and my appointment on Wednesday with the consultant when I find out exactly what I am facing.

You've all given me hope, something I didn't have last week. Thank you xxx

Figgy- we understand, it's totally unreasonable to expect chattyness from you at the mo, you're doing great in such difficult circumstances. Take your time and jump in with any questions, queries or just general woes!

Between us all we've got nearly the whole spectrum of experience, and we're all here to help you get through it.

The ladies on this thread have got me through some of my darkest times, with humour and compassion in equal measure- fantastic women!!

Absolutely no need to chatter Figgy. Rant, weep, worry, whatever you need we're here for you, holding your hand. Don't know if it helps, and please forgive me if not, but I found it helpful to think that if I could get through what I thought of as the worst day - the day he died, when we actually lost him - and come out the other side, then the funeral could not be nearly so bad. xx

good advice there limejelly and RWU - thinking of you today figgy.
RWU - have you looked in dd's places for precious things ? My brother posted my mum's engagement ring through the floorboards once.
Ask St anthony to have a look- usually works for me (lost contact lenses,specs etc)

Mas- i've asked and the response i get from her is "Mummy Sparky...... ooohhh pwetty" i feel that is as much of a confession as i can expect from a nearly 3 yo! It'll turn up......