**the 7th Tamoxifen Thread **

[MaryAnnSingleton]

here we are...

Hello ladies, I've been putting off posting and am in abit of a state, so please bear with me.

I went to see my doc a couple of Mondays ago - sore left breast, red and a bit swollen. It turned like that the previous weekend so had to wait for a Monday appointment. Definitely something there so she referred me to breast clinic. I have a history of breast cysts and previously attended the clinic in 2008 and there was nothing suspicious then.

Breast clinic was last Wednesday. Had mammogram, ultrasound and eventually 2 biopsies of left breast. Went back to see the doctor and he says he wont wait for the results of the biopsies, as is sure it's BC and makes me an appointment for a bone scan the next morning and a CT scan the Friday morning. Now I have to wait till next Wednesday 16th for all the results and for them to decide what to do.

My lovely mum died a week ago Sunday so I was in a bit of a state at the breastclinic so they know about the funeral this Friday and that's the only reason I can think they aren't seeing me sooner with the results - maybe think I can't handle the news and deal with the funeral etc.

As you can imagine I am in bits - grieving for mum and terrified about the BC - scared it's spread and they wont be able to do anything for me. Until the appointment I was feeling fine, a bit nervous - but since all this I am feeling lots of niggling things - a sore back, tummy twinges, pain in my neck.

Please please can anyone offer words of support and encouragement here - I am desperate.

Oh Figgyroll I am so sorry, you are having such a dreadful time. The ladies on here are just made of the best stuff, with lots of positives and success stories to share with you. I am sending you huge hugs.

You are bound to notice ever niggle and be so anxious, but it doesn't mean that it has spread. Please hang in there the others will be along soon.

Figgy, am so, so sorry - both about the Breast Cancer and about your mum. Seems so cruel you're facing both at once. Haven't got time to say anything now, but just wanted to say hello and to send you a huge hug. I was diagnosed last March, and everyone on here was incredible and truly made a massive difference through treatment. I was cycling and swimming this morning and am enjoying life again. Hope that helps a teeny bit. You're allowed to be scared - I was. It gets easier though as you learn what you're facing. xx

Have just remembered, I had niggly rib pain under where I'd found my lump. Was totally convinced the cancer had spread, but the scans all came back as clear. I think it's natural to connect every little ache, but honestly the chances are it hasn't spread.

Hello Figgyroll - I'm so sorry you are going through such an awful time at the moment, it must be so hard trying to come to terms with losing your dear mother, and the health problems as well

It is very very natural to worry about every niggle, we have all done that - but try hard not to poke and prod around, as that will make you sore, also you can get very achy and have pains in different places from anxiety, tension and stress.

It is good they are getting all the tests done quickly - the less waiting you have to do the better, it sounds as if you have a good hospital. Don't panic about the scans and tests, they are regularly done, just to check everything.

Once you get your results they will tell you what they think is the best course of treatment, and once you know that, the panic, shock and uncertainty may well calm down a bit.

Is there anything specific you would like to know that we might be able to help with? - just ask - nothing is off limits.

Don't be afraid to ask your GP/consultant about help with anxiety, sleeplessness, and there is usually counselling available for cancer patients.

Hope we can help you with some hand holding and support

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply. I am trying so hard to be positive, but it is hard. I am afraid to be alone for long as thats when the negative thoughts rear their ugly heads. My oldest son knows but our youngest is 20 and has downs syndrome and he's finding it hard to cope with his nana's passing so he'll never be able to cope with this too although, once we know what we're dealing with, then I know I must tell him.

I think I will need a lot of hand holding and support. Thank you for the kind offer. xx

Figgyroll - the bit you are going through now, waiting for results really is one of the hardest bits, all those negative thoughts are so, so normal. Telling loved ones is very hard too - so you have done really well to be able to talk about it with your elder son.

Do you have a breast care nurse yet? - they can be a great help to you at this time - for practical and emotional support, if you haven't been given one yet, and would like to talk to one, its worth ringing the breast clinic and asking to speak to one.

It might sound daft advice, but when I was going through the waiting for results process, I made sure I went for a walk everyday, the fresh air seemed to clear my mind a bit and also tire me out so I slept better.

Take care, be kind and gentle to yourself xx

Dear Figgy -I too am so sorry you have both these things to deal with -it must be incredibly hard for you at the moment. I agree with what everyone has said and hope you will feel able to ask for hand holding here. A good breast care nurse is a true gem so I hope you have one and make use of her. Meanwhile,a big hug for you x

Hello KurriKurri and MaryAnn - yes, I have a designated breast care nurse and she gave me her card and told me to call her with any questions but I haven't got a specific question as such - I'm just completely panicking and am a wreck. I know I've just got to try and get through the funeral on Friday and then the weekend and Monday and Tuesday - it seems such a long time away.

Thank you for the hugs.

xx

You know I am sure you can ring your breast care nurse, just for the emotional support, even if you don't have a specific question. You have got so much to deal with at the moment, don't try and do it alone, talk to us and perhaps if you feel able, talk to your breast care nurse, and just share how you feel.

I hope you manage to shut down enough to get some sleep tonight.

xx

Figgyroll - more hugs from me too. With the funeral and the tests you have a lot to shoulder just now. But we're here if what you need is general handholding - we do a fair bit of that. As everyone has said, the aches and pains are likely to be stress, especailly as they are in the tummy and the neck: both major places to feel stress symptoms.

Remembering to breathe and getting fresh air really are important just now: take it one day at a time, and don't imagine the worst. The tests are routine to make sure they know exactly what's what. They feel worrying of course, but try to feel reassured instead that you are just getting the very best of care. xx

Smee - cycling and swimming again??? Now that's just wrong....

I do hope LJ is home and comfortable, come and join us soon.

I know Cakes....smee is making me feel guilty for the packet of crisps I am currently eating. If I go and play wii golf, will that count as a cal burn?

Incidentally I still have loads of pain where they removed the lump. I caught my nipple with my arm today, and boy did I know it. Still normal in terms of recovery time do you think, after all it is only 2 weeks yesterday?

Sparkle I'd say that's well within the realms of normal - 2 weeks isn't very long

I have done a bit of 'jogging' on my little trampoline today - it made me feel very seasick - oh well never mind,

I am doing yoga tomorrow, (and maybe aquafit if I can face it!)

Hope you'll be back with us soon LJ

hi figgyroll, i'll just echo what's already been said- waiting is the worst bit, once you have a diagnosis and a treatment plan it sort of seems do-able iyswim.

Take it easy, you've got so much going on that you need to give yourself some time and space to get your head round things.

Sparkle- take care, it is still very early days!

I rang the office and accepted the job! going in tomorrow to the office to see what's what! Petunia is gone, and i feel a little strange about it- she'd become part of me and i miss her, although i had a fabulous bath without having to hover my arm about

Cakes and Sparkle - yes I cycled and swam, but have just eaten, crisps, cauliflower cheese, a raspberry panacotta and quaffed a bottle of wine with my friend who's staying. DH is away at work, so we ate his share.

Kurri, jogging, etc acceptable if muffin is the side dish.

Wishing all of us a good night's sleep. Am off to the zoo tomorrow with Year 2 - thought I might try and swap DS for a Meerkat.

Wo-hoo for RWU!! I must have been typing while you were. Great news on the job and fantastic Petunia's gone. Am sure it feels odd, but it's still liberating.

thanks smee- word of advice keep ds... meerkats smell horrible and they never shut up "compare the meerkat..... dot com" enjoy your day at the zoo- you are a braver woman than i!

well done RWU

Congrats on the job RWU - well done you

Have fun tomorrow Smee they will all be obsessed with the bloody gift shop

Last night I had hot chocolate brought to me in bed .....

But by thunder I have missed you lot! Hope to talk to you all tomorrow (but have quite a lot to do & catch up with). Night night! xx

ps No Drain! Stayed in an extra day instead! Surgeon turned out to be like SRs: stay-put-with-drains type Just hope armpit doesn't swell up like water bomb now ...

Hey - hello you - how are you feeling?, - you need a little bell to ring so your family can fetch and carry for you in the manner to which you've become accustomed

night night xx

ooh you're back limejelly -hooray !! hope you aren't overdoing anything

Hi LJ - welcome back, and well done for losing the drain! Woo hoo!

Big congrats to you as well RWU, it will be great to be back working, especially without Petunia. I hope today is inspiring. Way to go!

Enjoy the zoo smee - meerkats are wriggly little critters, not sure you'd notice too much difference if you swapped: now a sloth would be nice and restful.

Smee and KK - if you do your exercise you will shame me into going to aqua and stretch and tone tonight.

sparkles - sore wound is entirely normal, don't worry.

Figgyroll - come back and tell us how you are doing. Worry away as much as you like to us on here. It's VERY familiar territory for all of us, unfortunately . And misery shared is misery halved (hopefully).

I have just poured dd in through the school gates - in floods of tears over a baby badger that had to be put down on TV this morning. Flaming CBBC!