**the 7th Tamoxifen Thread **

[MaryAnnSingleton]

here we are...

Oh Sparkle, I am sitting here in tears having read your post. Am heartbroken for your little DS and for you. He is too young to have so much pain and unhappiness. Am thinking of you both. xx

You have too many fights on your hands, don't you? You must be exhausted. Glad you asked for the reconsideration for the DLA - I am very much hoping they will just write back with a Yes, as they did with me, and that will be that.

Am also hoping that a place will become available at that better school asap. In the meantime, would Home Ed be an option? I know it's a lot to take on, not sure if I could do it, just trying to think of anything that might help you both and keep him safe. Feel free to tell me to get lost with my crazy ideas!

Glad your pain is getting a bit easier. Re the discharge: at my 2-week results/check-up meeting, the surgeon actually put a small dressing back ON my wound, under my boob, and I feel a lot more comfortable with it - less pulling pain when I move about. I was getting a bit of seepage too. Is anyone due to look at yours for you?

Just had a call from surgeon's secretary - they have realised I don't have time for a pre-op before Thurs (ie to have MRSA swab analysed) so have offered me Friday at the local private hospital. Mentioned Monday as a possible discharge date. Will I need posher jimjams?

MAS - silly me not reading your post properly! Hope the choc tarts stay safely at school until tomorrow! Good luck to your DS for today - shouldn't he be given a free souvenir copy of the programmme??

Smee - the boys are most definitely liking some of the 'fast' food. Altho I bought only two true microwaveable dishes last time - a fish pie and a bolognaise pasta dish - they both loved these so maybe I should just have bought 10 each of these, would be much the easiest option!

Found out after my last op that DS2 had got totally the wrong end of the stick - thought the cancer was to do with my arm! All mixed up in his little head! He was also heard telling a little friend that as I hadn't died from cancer, that meant I was going to be alright .

Oh and MAS - cinnamon toast! I used to do that! mmmm

but Smee - peanut butter and c&o crisps? Bleurgh! Although I love both things.

Sparkle - is there any chance the Head of the other school made a genuine mistake in offering when actually full or something? [trying to think the best emoticon]

Thank you LJ - I would never tell you to get lost , you have super ideas and are very helpful, anyway, when there is so much going on it is important to have friends challenge your thinking, and remind you of other options. I threatened the LA support worker this morning with home schooling if they couldn't start being supportive. Not what I want to do at all, even though I could, Have to say though we live in a very rural/remote setting and the children and I would be quite isolated by home schooling, and of course they miss out on all that social learning.

I have collected copies of the school accident sheets, logging the times in the last year they have sent him to hospital - there are six, don't know what they are done with the others, but it is a good sample. Am going to send those along with the dla reconsideration.

I am not due to go back to see the consultant until March, unless the path lab results indicate they need be back sooner, I haven't had those results yet. I think your PCT might be a little better than mine but with me I don't think any faster progress is as time critical.

As for crying - have got through an entire box of tissues over the last two days! Am sporting a good red blotchy faced look at the moment

Sorry x posted you LJ. The Head of the other school told me they were already full but he told me how to approach admissions to get ds in anyway, then after I have paid for dr letters confirming that this was the best school, all that time and effort, he has then decided he can't be bothered decided to play silly buggers changed his mind. Have thought about being charitable for others lettinjg ds down, but as there have been so many now I am giving up!

LJ Are your boys coping all right at the moment then? Sounds like fast food might be a hit, which is rather disappointing, but predictable, considering all the healthy meals you will have slaved over for them!

Oh and definite yes to posher pjs if means you get to treat yourself

Blimey -so many posts. haven't had time to read them all but I have just seen sparkles' request for a candle. Consider it lit. I am so on your behalf, and on his.

Just had a new business pitch and have to go out again so will catch up with all later - the candle may have to go out for a little while or the house will burn down, but it'll be re-lit later (I left the last one lit and went out - thank heavens for shoddy candle making - the wick was faulty and it went out

love the idea of posher pyjamas !
Huge hug for sparkle and sparkle junior -sendeing you lots of love
Bless dear little ds2 limejelly - that is so sweet
Who knows how the concert will have gone as ds won't tell me I bet !! will ask friend to tell me what her dd says as she's also singing.
No free programme alas- will order one for grandma to see.

oh and yes,we have Nigel Slater's Tender- dh has made several delicious things from it-love all the NS books.

LJ - sounds as if your DS2 is trying to get his head round it all in his own way - its good that he can talk about it even if he's a little bit muddled

private hospital will be good is should think (not sure if they check your pj's as you go in though, to see if they are up to scratch ) you will probably have a room to yourself which will be nice and peaceful.

Remember the coat my DD "lost" on the train? - she has just found it (with much embarrassed giggling) in her shopping bag. The bag about which I said 'have you checked your bag' reply 'yes yes yes of course I have'.

Sparkle - I don't know whereabouts you live, but some places have very good local support groups for HEd-ers, providing socialising for example. Think there is a board for Home Ed here where people would know more.

To be honest, haven't talked to the boys much about this latest op - was such a shock - have told them of course, but not gone into detail yet about eg, chemo. Will save that for when it happens.

It's not real fast food I'm getting in really, just more of the same ready-prepared things I would normally use, plus ready-made versions of some things I would make from scratch.

Kurri - your daughter! Priceless!

Oh now I am really worried, I have no opportunity for posh PJ shopping before Friday!
I do have some verry nice PJs but they are long-sleeved so not suitable for roasting NHS wards. Maybe private hosp will have Air Con so I can wear them . Am really warming to this private room idea, especially if it's for 3 nights!

DS2 is most definitely muddled, and extremely innocent. He seems completely unable to process the word 'breast' and still (has always) refers to my chest area as my 'tummy'. And this despite BF h im beyond 3 years!!

LJ not sure about private hospitals, but NHS ones around here are now icy. They say infection control, I say budget cuts but, either way, long sleeved pjs would be fine. If there's no time, not altogether critical, as long as they cover all the important little places. Important to cast a critical eye over this as mine shrink imperceptibly in the tumble dryer until they are shorter than short

KK - your dd. I wish there was a' Tut' emoticon. I suppose the nearest would be God love her though, it's only when she's this young that she could get away with it. She'll get a wake-up call soon enough.

Off out now

My dd1 (5) refers to my breasts as my nipples....which I love, especially when she described my biopsy bruises and scare to my lovely friend's father......he didn't don't where to put himself with such a fantastically detailed decsription of his daughter's friends "nipples".

As an aside I remember my sister's ds2 referring to his mittens as nipples when he was 3 or 4 - much humour at nursery/preschool place.

Ds home from school, heard him explaining to his baby sister that she was very special, and he loved her best in all the world, but he wasn't special. Reinforced by school today who it appears have decided that he needs to be the only child in school who can't sit with his peer group or friends, but has to sit with children 2 to 3 years older than him for lunch. Even little things like that knock his self-confidence further, make him feel more different and isolated! ARGHHHH!!!!!

oh God sparkle - so so unfair

Ah Sparkle, that's so sad. How dare they dent his confidence like that. Not sure what to suggest, as you're so very obviously doing all you can for him. Must be horrible for all of you.

Cakes, hope the pitch went well. Your comment on Kurri's DD makes me worry, as I do that sort of thing all the time. Should I have grown out of it by now?!

That's so unkind Sparkle - why on earth have they done that, poor little chap

Smee - I can't see my DD ever growing out of it, she is so vague, and lives on planet DD most of the time.

Sparkle - so sorry about your DS. I will light a candle too.

KK and MAS - yes I loved the dramatisation of Toast and thought it was very good. I watched it with my DS who also enjoyed it (depsite the fact it was not full of violent action - his usual fare! Now and again I can pick a winner that we watch together)

Is anyone doing the Race for Life this year? I will do it again although I fear my boob is sore when I run so will prob have to walk it again this year. Still, its a target. DH and I did a lovely walk last Sunday and I can fairly bound along again now - I still appreciate my energy! (Hope I always will)

Have to go and get weighed now. Hugs to all (careful ones in some cases)

for your energy, SR. What a lovely positive feeling.

Thank you for the candles, I am going to light one tonight when I have got him into bed, safe and asleep, to try and refocus myself to face tomorrows battles.

Am going to sign off for tonight as have to fill in dh on the events of the day, get kids into bed, which is going to take some time for ds tonight. See you all tomorrow. Thanks for the support today

Did think of doing the Race for Life,but not sure- I'd walk it if I did. Am thinking of designing some postcards to sell for breast cancer care. Strawberry tea was such a huge thing last time and everyone was so generous that I feel I've used up all my resources - the kindness of friends and craftspeople-I can't really ask them for more.
Sparkle- hope ds gets to sleep and isn't too distressed,take care x

ds home safely with his Voice in a Million t shirt and a glow stick. Hope the cakes get home today ! We have parent consultations later on - report came home too-ds doing ok but as I suspected does the bare minimum in quite a few subjects- is working below hisa abilities really and needs to contribute more in class as he is capable but lacks confidence/shy etc I think he isn't putting effort into his best subjects-hope this shakes him a bit ! I need to not panic as my mind switches into panic mode and want to sort it all out -but I think he might need this to make him pull his socks up. I guess they make it tougher as they approach GCSEs for that purpose.

Limejelly-is it tomorrow (Thurs) for your op ? Will direct some loving kindness your way.
Hope sparkle's ds slept ok

Hugs and candles today for sparkles ds and for LJ's op )which I THINK is now Monday - but sending in advance

Smee - no, I take back what i said about KK's daughter growing out of it on my own account as well, after losing the car keys at the swimming pool. They turned out to be in the bag I checked through 4 times!!!! Aaargh!! If it is not a pun too far on this thread, I made a right tit of myself, with the staff emptying out drawers, crawling under benches...

I got a mailer abut race for Life but have guiltily binned it. I'll find my own less ambitious way to show support. I have never been one for running and a girl has to know her limitations.

SR - hope weigh in is good news. I really am thinking of giving that a go if you have lost 4 pounds already !!!!

MAS - your ds is doing fine I am sure. i think the way they teach kids these days seems to mitigate against the shy and uncertain ones. And that's sad and unfair. But they still pull out the stops when it matters. And he's a creative boy, like his Mum. In fact, and I may be way wide of the mark here, but he sounds a lot like you.

at Cakes - that's made me feel better.

I can't do Race for Life due to the ongoing back problems [useful excuse emoticon]. SR, I will wave a flag for you - or sponsor you at the very least. Hope weigh in was cheering.

MAS, your DS sounds so well rounded, sensitive and as Cakes say, creative that am sure he'll do well regardless of school, though I do know that's important too. Must be so hard when they reach that stage. I think schools do give them a bit of a kick at this stage - friend of mine was saying the same had happened to her DD. In her case, it seems to have made her give up - though sadly it is a pretty useless school.

Sparkles, am hoping today's a better day and that DS is feeling a bit brighter.

LJ, have you sourced those pyjamas yet?! Glad the boys seem okay with it all. They're more resilient than we are I think. Something to do with their not having a clue as to what cancer could actually mean. Warn them about the drains - I seem to remember that was the only part DS was a bit funny about. Though he did really want one - they are rather funky bottles..

Am off to my meeting now. I e-mailed yesterday and told him about the cancer. He was totally brilliant about it - well of course he was. Not sure why I'd turned it into such a big deal really..

Hope everyone has a good day.