**the 7th Tamoxifen Thread **

[MaryAnnSingleton]

here we are...

Smee - I think it's a tough one if you are pitching for work. They may not trust you to be up to it if you tell them . You and i both know that you will be, of course.

I only told existing clients, and only after I was well into treatment, so they could see I had been working on without any interruption.

I was lucky enough to get new business while on treatment, but only from existing clients, not newbies and with them it did not seem to be an issue.

I didn't have a pitch to new people during that time so didn't have to think about that dilemma: but I imagine I would NOT have told potential new clients. KK's idea of a scarf and a few artistic wisps sounds good. They might think you are a bit dramatic in your attire, but that's not a criminal offence, is it?

I've got a pitch on tomorrow myself: good luck with yours - we can share horror stories later in the week!

Oh, just seen that wisps aren't an option. Hat?

Cakes, wish I could wear a hat, but am meeting him at a stylish restaurant and even I can't wear a hat throughout.

He's someone I've worked with before, and actually worked with last year whilst going through treatment. He's moved on now to another company and wants to take me with him. So he does know me and trusts me - am sure he'll be lovely about it all, but I do so hate the way cancer invades everything. G'ah to it all. Hadn't quite figured on this. Am sure it'll be fine..

ooh so many posts and I've only been into town to buy some chocolate spread !
I think smee that to avoid fretting about mullet etc I'd go for the covering and just say what's what.
KK -am worried about you! Had you eaten properly ?
Did you do yoga things on the floor & then get up too quickly ? I am a fainter as most of you know -usually with blood but a couple of times completely out of the blue.

I am currently obsessed with Alpen (full fat full sugar variety) since watching Clare Balding cycling in Devon and likening some scenery to Switzerland...I thought of Alpen and then had to buy some. (it could have easily been Toblerone) We have all decided we think it's the best thing ever and have demolished a whole pack since Wednesday...
The choc spread is for ds for food tech- he is making his own version of Bakewell tarts with chocolate sponge and icing instead of the usual almondy sponge -I thought choc spread instead of jam between the pastry and sponge ?? then I thought maybe flake would be better ? what do you think ? Am in a panic as tomorrow is his O2 concert and he'll be rushing from food tech ten mins before the end of the lesson to get the coach to London...so we might not see the tarts until Wednesday !

am sure it'll be fine smee ! enjoy lunch too

Please don't worry anyone - I am fine now, I'd had toast and tea for breakfast (class was at 10 a.m.). It was warmish because the heaters were on and the sun was coming through the window. I was doing the ballerina pose here, maybe the blood rushed to my head or something. I am not starving myself (that will never happen )

Chocolate bakewell sounds rather nice

I meant to tell you about the film 'Rabbithole' - I loved it, it's very sad and moving, but there are little bits of humour too, Nicole Kidman is fabulous in it, and I wasn't particularly a fan before.

smee - if he knows you and trusts you, it'll be fine. Tell him. And very good luck!

MAS - choc spread in the tart sounds fab. Enjoy the concert

I've put a mix of flake and choc spread in his ingredients thing (I feel he should be sorting his own ingredients but quite frankly it's such a kerfuffle and I make enough mess doing it myself)
Not going to the concert as I couldn't face getting to the O2 and back or forking out £20 odd each to listen to lots of songs I can't bear ! I am a bad mother. Ds not bothered as he prefers us top not be seen near him. I may buy a programme (£6) because his name will be on it !

Sounds like a typical teenager MAS - don't blame you.

KK - if you can do that pose, I am very

O you've made me laugh with the hospital ward stories as they brought back my amazing fellow patients which know I ranted on about last year! yes the shouting in the night, the coughing, the constant requests to reassure a poor demented lady that we all loved her as she kept wading through my curtain while I was having treatment.....OMG all of life is in a ward isn't it. Still have in mind to write a play....

In case no-one answered, a buff is a stretchy piece pof fabric you wear on your head in a variety of ways. useful psrt of the chemo-kit! The more variety of head-gear the better I say.

I love my hair now - this short choppy, bed-head sort of style suits me and I feel younger in it AND I even like its natural un-dyed colour. Quite a bonus that the BC has led me to this discovery IYSWIM

I can proudly boast that I'm sticking to the regime- isn't it funny how sometimes you can be motivated (like once in 10 years in my case - I require a family wedding as a target). I have not been hungry as you can honestly eat tons as long as you stay within the approved food ranges. So its fine so far - will be a whole week as of tomorrow! I'll get weighed - I reckon I've lost 4lb in the last 2 weeks as I'd begin to rein myself back at the horror of my size, a week before I joined SW. My intial aim is to lose 10% of my body weight.

Well done RWU on the tax returns - wish I had a numerical brain. Don't know where my DS gets his mathematical ability from.

And BTW personally I think a plastic bag for your drains is very stylish.

(I had a bit of an incentive to stay nights in hospital apart from my strict surgeon - I got insurance for each night I stayed!!)

As for District Nurses - wonderful kind people when you see them but NOT strong on admin IME. Keep rinign up to make sure they don't forget you.

There, another massive online shop of crap easy food done, so another thing ticked off my list!

Back to chatting ...

Am liking the look of these Buff things but how to choose a pattern? And as scarves have never suited me, have a feeling these wouldn't either. Don't know what it is, just seem to have too much face - definitely too much forehead, and jowls (sp?) especially as I have got older!

Glad you are loving your hair now SR - have been wondering myself if this might be the time (assuming I will have chemo and no hair) to let the grey just grow back and be done with the dye. There gets to a point, especially if you've got long hair like me, where you are pretty much stuck with dyeing it because it would just look too awful growing out.

And well done with the weight loss - let us know how the weigh-in goes.

You have reminded me, I also have the cash-payment insurance incentive for staying in hospital! Doesn't sound like I shall be making much out of it though. And have never heard the possibility of District Nurses mentioned yet. Or knitted drains bags.

Good luck with your business lunch tomorrow Smee. Sounds like this fella already knows, likes and trusts you, so don't worry too much about the hair! Funny to think tho, that in times gone by, keeping a hat ON in a restaurant would be quite the correct thing to do.

MAS - hope the choc tarts survive the trip to London and back! And good luck to your DS. My DS1 already prefers me to keep my distance and he is only 11!

hope lunch is good today smee- am sure you'll look fab and all will be fine and dandy.
I'm hoping ds will leave his tarts at school to pick up tomorrow ! have sent him off with much lunch and supper and snacks to keep him going
Guess what ? I've been picked to give away 48 books on World Book Night- it's on March 5th - I chose Nigel Slater's Toast as I felt I could write confidently about it and wanted to give a copy each to ds's tutor group (lots of boys-might encourage reading !!)

Ooh that's brilliant MAS - DH was picked too - he's giving away the Seamus Heaney. (He wants to give his to the Big C centre and the chemo unit, thinking poetry would be a something you can read in short bursts, and nice to relax wile you are having treatment.) The book night is a great idea I think.

Did you see the dramatisation of Toast a few weeks ago? - I thought it was very good, I must read the book.

Urgh! SO much has gone on since I was last here! Spent ages on Saturday (I think it was) writing a long thread about my Gran giving me sugar sandwiches etc etc and other general waffle and the bloomin lap top at home managed to delete it (obviously it was the computer's fault and not me )

Hope everyone's OK. I will have a proper catch up at lunch time.

oh well done to dh KK - poetry is an excellent choice for waiting rooms /having treatment (have ordered the Jo Shapcott book btw as well as a Mindfulness book with snippets of Mindfulness to pick and choose)
I did see the dramatisation - and the book is really very good-excellent food nostalgia ! Shall I send you a copy ?

hello phil ! sugar sandwiches ? I used to make cinnamon toast with grilled sugar and cinnamon on top-mmm

Wow guys, I just didn't post for a couple of days and what a lot to catch up on.

District nurses - I am so imagining Gladys Emmanuel/Auntie Mabel flying rounjd to patients houses, with Pippin in tow, making cups of tea and vacuuming. Well in perfect society that is what it would be like. For those of you who don't have to sit through cbeebies regularly, nurse Gladys Emmanuel is now Auntie Mabel with her dog and her spotty plane.

LJ I am glad you are getting the surgery out of the way this week. I shall be thinking of you.

Cakes - Please light a candle for my little boy. He needs good thoughts so much at the moment, he is so sad he said he wanted to die today,and he doesn't know the half of it. His school is so disfunctional that I am feeling it is not safe to leave him there anymore, I thought I had found a new school better suited physically and the head said he was prepared to take him even though they were full, he has now changed his mind/been twofaced about it. We still have no specialist dr for him. I am registered for dla reconsideration with info and reasons to follow (thank you LJ). There we are I have poured out today's grief, sorry, but to know someone actually cares by lighting a candle would mean so much at this point, because quite frankly no-one else does.

Sorry to bring down the tone. Have had many cups of tea, FBS, wine etc over last three days, so no dieting here!

KK - Do you think you should get your blood pressure checked out anyway? Maybe some blood tests to see if you are anaemic perhaps, after all your body has been through a lot.

Take care of yourselves everyone. x

That would be lovely MAS - would you like a Seamus Heaney? We could do a swap

Hope your lunch goes well Smee and Hello Phil, nice to see you - we used to have hundreds and thousands sandwiches - very healthy

Sorry took so long to blub my way though writing that post, missed about half a page of all of yours.

MAS "Toast" might encourage cooking as well as reading! Their future wives/life partners will be very grateful

Hi Phil hope you are ok, and good luck today smee

Oh Sparkle - I cross posted, I'm so sorry about your little boy It makes me so angry the way you are being treated by various 'authorities' and the effect it is having on you family. I will definitely light candle, and am sending all my thoughts and good vibes your way.

How are you recovering from the surgery - hope it's all healing up nicely.

Don't worry about me - there is no need, I feel fine today - I am planning to see the GP soon with a couple of little niggles, and will mention the fainting then.

lots of hugs and XXXXX for your DS.

Thank you, he really needs them.

The surgery wound is healing quite well I think. I had a little bit of discharge yesterday, but not icky of anything. The swelling has gone down a lot, and the shape is really not too bad. The bruising internally and externally is pretty horrific though, and a bit painful, but nothing like it was. So all in all I think it has gone as well as I could have hoped.

poor little thing sparkle- I will direct some loving kindness when I meditate today
Seamus Heaney would be very nice KK!
ds will be on his way,or at the O2 now -hope he managed to finish his baking !

Sparkle, your poor poor DS. Can you appeal to that school maybe, or is it totally a closed door? I have a candle alight for him too. Not something I've ever done before, but in some small way I hope it reaches him. Good to hear the wound's healing, but have the GA blues left you yet? You've got more than enough to cope with, without all of that too.

SR, that food regime sounds mighty good. Am impressed you're sticking to it. How long will it take you to lose 10% then?

LJ, if you do end up needing chemo, you could try wearing a few scarves/ buffs before you lose some or all of your hair - I found it totally alien to start with, but was amazed to find they kind of suited me. How are the family feeling about you being in hospital again? Are the boys coping with it? I'd bet they like the masses of food you're getting in. DS has never had so many treats as when I was in hospital.

MAS, 'Toast' is a brilliant choice. I love Nigel Slater. Have you got his vegetable book, 'Tender'? It's my favourite cook book, just purely because of the way he writes so simply, yet with such passion. Hope DS's concert is amazing tonight - how will you ever know though?? Will he tell you, or is he in the grunt phase of teenagedom?

• Kurri, the Seamus Heaney's a great idea for waiting rooms. Certainly beats those trashy mags that are usually there - they seem to have to contain some tragic true life story of a woman dying of cancer. Most bizarre someone carefully donates those - or was it just my hospital? Glad to hear you're feeling better today.

Thanks all for thoughts on hair and meeting - have decided to e-mail him today, so he knows before tomorrow. That'll stop me stressing over my hair and allow me to concentrate on getting him to employ me.

We had Sugar sandwiches too Phil - though my all time favourite were peanut butter, with a layer of cheese and onion crisps.

I too love Nigel Slater, we have his 30 min cook book, and it is a godsend!

Thank you for the candle and good thoughts for my ds. I just do not know what to do. I think it is a closed door, also think I can not afford to send him to a school run by someone with so little integrity - what else will he lie about? Think the GA blues might be here to stay.