I am an Alcoholic

[ghengis]

Today I have finally admitted to myself that I am an Alcoholic.

I don't have booze first thing in the morning or (usually) during the day but I drink to excess in the evening and wake up in the morning determined not to drink that evening. Only I always do and now it's making me and DH miserable.

I could really do with some support and advice from any recovering alcoholics. Help.

I have no good advice for you but have congratulations - the first step to beating this is admitting it.

Well Done & a Big Hug.

Well done you! You have made the biggest step I think in admitting your problem.

I have no personal experience, although my late FIL was an alcoholic so I do have some idea of the problems. I am sure others will join me in saying well done, you have our support whenever you need it.

Beat me to it Boe

Hi Ghengis, well done for having to courage to face this.

My mother was an alcoholic and she gave my siblings and I such a miserable childhood that we still bear many emotional scars. I am 100% sure we would also have had a much easier adulthood in all kinds of ways if she had had the courage to stop. She died through drink when I was 32 and I did not miss her or grieve for her, I only felt sad that she had ruined her life.

I can see that she also must have had an awful childhood and many inner hurts to which she could not give voice. If only she had. I and the other members of my family would have done anything to help her but we couldn't because she would not admit to it or try herself.

You are different. It sounds to me as if you are made of stronger stuff. You have my total support. Never doubt that what you are doing is right. Take every little bit of help you can from your GP, friends and relatives, anyone. If you need counselling so that you can deal with anything you have bottled-up in a more healthy way, don't hesitate to get it.

I am 42 years old now and I still feel enormously sad that I did not really know my mum. Everyone who knew her before she drank tells me she was a wonderful person. But the mum I knew was a witch from hell.

Before you pick up that bottle again, think about whether you want your children to be saying these things about you one day.

Find some kind of placebo to use while you allow the craving to pass. Phone a friend or make a cup of tea or play with a child.

Be strong. No one can beat a woman for that. You can do this for your dh, for you children, but most of all for yourself. Choose life.

Sending you all my love and a big hug.

ghengis - i have two close family members who are alcoholics. One has not had a drink for 25 years the other has been dry for 2 years now.

They both got help from AA and whilst one swears by it but the other is not quite so effusive. She says that the AA system does not suit everybody. She mentioned another organisation called ALRA (?) which might be of interest to you.

Your local health authority may offer some kind of group based help/counselling, I live in Tower Hamlets and they have some very good Health Authority funded support groups for people with alcohol dependencies (and there is a very broad spectrum of what constitutes a dependency). A close friend of mine with a habit that involved drinking heavily on evenings and weekends was helped by one such group which offered a home-based detox program. This included home visits from a specialist nurse/counsellor as well as weekly group sessions with other people in her situation.

On a final note, try not to be hard on yourself, many good people have been where you are. You are taking control of your situation by admitting you have a problem and that is a brave thing to do. Please seek help though, don't try to do this on your own.

Good luck ghengis - I hope it works out.

Like many before me have said, you have taken the biggest first step.

My DH had the same drinking habits as you and it seemed that he couldn't wait for the weekends as it meant he could start at 12 (though he often began before then). I used to feel that he couldn't enjoy our (me & our 3 kids) company without being drunk. He was confronational and argumentative when he had a few and ALWAYS lied about the number of drinks he had (usually said 3, was always abvious that he had imbibed at least double that).

Everyone else thought that he was the life and soul of the party but his drinking had a 'public face' and a private one. Whenever I tried to discuss it with him he would clam up and wallow in denial. However he finally came to the decision that you have come to and limited himself, he asked me to be firm with him and to take any excess alcohol away from him (I had tried this in the past but he would accuse me of 'policing him'. He was very sucessful in cutting out his week nights drinks but continued to binge at the weekends. He would start at 5pm on Fri and would drink through to Monday morning. We had another discussion about it and he set himself weekend limits that he felt he could stick to, cold turkey just wouldn't have worked for him. So far it is working, he has no alcohol in the week and has limited himself to one bottle of wine / 3 cans of Stella / 4 G&T's on a saturday & sun. He has relapsed a little but he tends to go a couple of glasses over which, for him, is a big acheivement as before it was 2 / 3 bottles of wine a day at the weekend.

Please don't give up trying Ghengis, things will probably get tough at times but please remember why you are cutting down/quitting.

Best of luck and keep talking

Sorry, should have been a closing bracket not a winky face !

Ghengis - First of all well done for 'saying' it out loud.
Just want ed to ask you, out of interest what do you consider drinking to excess in the evening? Also what is it about the drinking that is making you and DH miserable, is it the quantity / fact you do it every night or something else?
(I have 3 alcolholics in the family by the way, that I know of!.)

Ghengis, like Thomcat, I am also curious as to how much you drink and what problems it is causing with relationships at home. I had a discussion with friends over the weekend about drinking and we all thought it was hard to decide what has become a habit and what is actually an addiction/need.

Thank you all so much for your kind words and support. I am afraid of what will happen this evening but, somehow, I feel stronger. Maybe this is the first time I have seen alcohol as my 'enemy' rather than a friend.

Thomcat, last night I drank just less than 2 bottles of wine. It's usually at least 1 bottle a night and I usually fall asleep before I finish the second. It is very common for me not to remember how I got to bed.

My Dad was an alcoholic and because my drinking habits are not like his I have denied this problem for a long time. Looking back, so many horrible/embarrassing things have happened to me when I was drunk, yet it didn't seem like a problem then.

DH has told me I am drinking too much, said he wished I wouldn't drink so much, etc. I become maudlin and argumentative. The last time we went out (to the pub!), I had too much to drink and was aggressive towards him as we walked home, which is some feat as he's much bigger than me! I don't remember anything after we left the pub and I'm too embarrassed to phone the babysitter again.

Best of luck for tonight - just take it one day at a time and keep yourself busy!

You seem strong, determined and positive. That frame of mind will help you more than you realise. All the very best for getting through tonight

Ghengis, well done. I come from a family and culture where drinking was always seen as a sign of being hospitable but its deep, deep rooted and very hard to break. I married someone Jewish and that culture seems to substitute food for drink, fine by me
We've had problems for years with my mother and its just getting worse, particularly for my sister who lives near her. Very occasionally she has been shame faced but it has never really lasted and we just don't know what to change in our behaviour to try to get her to want to change. We're going to contact AlAnon. I certainly drank to excess when I was younger and did things like started leaving work earlier to avoid after work drinking (usually all evening), limited what was available at home, avoided certain situations and friends and went on a diet which meant alcohol cost too many calories.
I wish my mum would think about her behaviour as you are obviously having the courage to do. I really wish you lots of luck, you have taken a first brave step.

Well best of luck tonight. One day as it comes is the key here I think and for most people with some form of, let's call it a habit here, that they have to break. You will not drink TONIGHT. Think about tomorrow, tomorrow.
Good luck in dealing with this and mumsnetters are always here, no mater what happens, OK.

My SIL went to AA and hated it SO much. The other people there had such awful drinking habits and their stories so horrific that it made her feel terrible and she really couldn't handle it and still won't talk about it without getting upset. So AA is not for everyone, but give it a go - suck it and see as they say.
Go down another route as well. In my hospital there was a sign up for people with drink problems and it was for them to contact therapists in the local area - not a big AA group meeting. Maybe try and find out about alternatives. Basically you don't have to go through this on your own.

You should be really proud of yourself. Yyou're doing something about it now, you've realised before things get bad and you're doing something about it. Well done you, I think that's fab.

Come back and tell us how you got on. Don't be ashamed of anything, if you don't stick to not having a drink at all tonight then try just cutting right back, but don't be ashamed, speak out and it'll be easier to fight.

Once again, a massive 'well done'.
{{{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}}} xxxxx

As Thomcat just said, please don't feel all is lost if you can't stick to your resolve. One day at a time. We are all behind you. Lots of love.

Ghengis, I've not much time so can't add anything much to the excellent stuff here, except to give you my support as well. Alcohol's the one drug I know I could abuse very seriously myself - and have done in the past - so my thoughts (and congratulations) are with you. HTH xxx

Thanks so much all. Batters, I have a long bubbly soak planned and bought 6x2litres fizzy water! DH asked me if I wanted a wine glass and I just said no - easy (not)! Your support is worth so much so thanks again.

Dear Ghengis,
well done and have a great evening. Will be thinking about you.
I had a friend at school who didn't drink much in terms of quantities - a G&T when she got home (this was the sixth form!) and a Guiness later on - but suddenly realised she really missed it when she didn't have it and had to stop for a few months to feel she was in control. It seems to be the habit, rather than necessarily the quantity, thats the problem. Even if you end up not stopping altogether could you maybe get it down to alternate nights? I'm very impressed you had the guts to notice the issue and to put it down in writing here on mumsnet. You're brilliant!
lots of love, M2.

Sorry, meant to put a smiley at the end!

Well Done for admitting it - and for buying the fizzy water! Hope tonight goes well - fingers crossed for hearing the news tomorrow.

hi ghengis
When I read your post I thought I had written it myself. I am in the same boat as you, drink nearly a bottle of wine every night, wake during the night and am awake for a few hours as it really affects my sleep pattern angry with myself promising myself that I won't drink that night. Spend all day thinking of things to do during the day so I won't drink then walk through the door decide I need a 'reward' and open a bottle. I have tried various strategies, not drinking until DH is home, with a meal but the bottom line is I cannot go for a night without a drink. Felt really bad one day this week (red wine) so had 2 beers on the evening instead as convinced myself that that wasn't drinking. Told DH this morning that I wasn't going to drink any more and he needed to help me. No wine in teh house, doing something other than watch tele in the evening. Would be keen to keep in touch for moral support etc. Hope it goes well for you tonight. Will be thinking of you. I am in NZ so there is a time difference but if you want my email address I would be happy to give it to you.

Hope tonight's going well. Keep posting and letting us all know how you're getting on, there are lots of people here thinking of you

i am the husband of the lady who belongs to this board
i have been an alcoholic for over 20 years the last 6 and plenty before then in full recovery
i am sober and loving it
its not all doom and gloom the biggest step is the one youve already taken to admit to another person your problem
i am a 20yr member of alcoholics anonymous and believe me if you are sincere about stopping the program of 12 steps to recovery does work
i practise them every day in my living to the best of my ability and help other alcoholics in their recoverys most days if possible
if you need to contact me i will email mumsnet with my address
just post that you want it and i will do that

i will help ANY AND ALL alcoholics recovering or not
i have lived in that HELL and hopefully never to return to it