I am an Alcoholic

[ghengis]

Today I have finally admitted to myself that I am an Alcoholic.

I don't have booze first thing in the morning or (usually) during the day but I drink to excess in the evening and wake up in the morning determined not to drink that evening. Only I always do and now it's making me and DH miserable.

I could really do with some support and advice from any recovering alcoholics. Help.

Hi Everyone
We had a great weekend away. I just wanted to reiterate what somebody else said that thanks to ghengis alot of us have come out of the woodwork and admitted we have a 'problem' and are on the first step to doing something about it. Don't be hard on youreslf ghengis, we are all human. I have had the odd drink too, but no more than 3 glasses of wine in one evening, which is really good going, especially when DH had much more. I don't mean to pass the buck but I think I would find it hard to give up altogether with him because although he doesn't force me to drink it is really hard when you have had a nice meal planned and he opens a bottle and pours a glass to say no. Especially when we are away which is a rare treat. I don't know if he is not more supportive because he is scared or becasue he cannot see there is a problem. So I am resolved to having to cut down and not be too hard on myself when I fall from the wagon. If I get too disappointed about having a drink I will never climb back on the wagon again, thinking oh I've blown it so I might as well have a drink anyway. It's really hard with friends as well who expect me to drink. Am out Thursday and having a girlie weekend (first in years - not good timing). I have primed friends that am not drinking and if do, won't be much to be told - yeh right!! Anyway didn't drink last night and don't plan to tonight or Wednesday - we'll see how it goes.
Thinking of everybody.

Hi ghengis
Back in February I suggested drinking loads (2 to 3 litres) of sodawater/coke/juice to suppress the thirst. Would you consider doing this?

hello ghengis, pinetree

you are both so brave for facing up to this. don't know what aa would have to say about it, but even if you do succumb, if it is less than you would have had before that is probably a good thing.

good luck to you both!

DH and I did not drink last night - the first time in years he hasn't had a beer in the evenings. I'm amazed at how much time we spend just supping alcohol and watching tv. Last night we got loads done and had whole conversations with each other! It was amazing.

We are really motivated to stay 'clean' again tonight. Thanks all again for your help and support.

Pinetree, you talk a lot of sense. I'll stop beating myself up now and get on with my life.

I've been inspired by this thread. You guys are great! I don't drink a lot but do have 2 to 3 glasses of wine most days. It's habit and I want to break it and I also wake up feeling fuzzy and tired - presume its the wine?
Have just been out and bought fizzy water - don't think I can manage 3 ltrs though

Excellent news Ghengis ! Many congrats, hopefully the mutual support you and DH are supplying will make it that bit more bearable.

And I only had one glass of wine last night, as did DP!!!!!

Dh and I didn't drink last night and went to bed at 9.30, I feel great today and we are going to have the next 2 nights off as well. It always amazes me when I do it how much better I feel.

Here's hoping it works for me SamboM....
good luck for tonight!

Thanks! And to you.

If I stick to just one or two glasses of wine I feel fine in the morning. 3 and I feel a bit fuzzy. Life is hard enough without feeling fuzzy, isn't it?

Having said that, going to a wedding of a real filthy caner mate on saturday, dd is staying with her nanny for the night (after coming to the afternoon bit of the wedding) so I guess Sunday will be a write off!

Message withdrawn

Whoopee! DH and I didn't drink last night either. I am sleeping so much better and feel clear headed in the morning. It means so much to me that DH is 'dry' too, although he plans to have a few beers at the weekend and abstain during the week.

How is everybody else doing?

WELL DONE GHENGIS! And Mr Khan too!

Well I didn't succeed in not drinking last night. Dh was out at the footie and I poured myself a V&T and was half way through it before I remembered that I wasn't going to drink! So I finished it but didn't have another. Night off tonight though.

That's great news Ghengis, I'm really chuffed for you.
You've done us all a favour by bringing up the whole topic. DP and I had half a bottle of red wine BETWEEN us last night!

Excellent!

caroline18 husband here again
i am so so sorry not to have written back earlier
firstly to pinetree---
your question of just cutting down-if you are powerless to stop drinking and alcohol has a grip on your whole life ,from my experience as i have tried and i am not exaggerating hundreds of times just to cut down -believe me if you are alcoholic it will only get worse.
the disease of alcoholism is beaten by not taking the FIRST DRINK and living a program of recovery.
now onto you ghenghis
i think your husband by stopping you from attending that first aa meeting was a very selfish act on his behalf as aa saved my life many years ago and my friends in that fellowship are there 24 hrs a day if i need them.
this stigma of god and religion is utter rubbish and you only need believe that there is a power to help you if you need or require it
my power can sometimes come in the form of another person to talk to,a walk with my dog , a drive with my family ,it is a power of my own understanding and if you know in your heart that you are alcoholic then aa is the place to go
i have been to specialists and doctors and although they helped ,it is only by being and sharing with fellow alcoholics that you come to see the harm that this disease can do.
please please if you need my help let mumsnet know and ask for my wifes email address and for both of you pinetree and ghenghis i will help in any way i can
i wrote myself off as a useless to anyone who would be better off dead person many times but now i spend a good deal of time at aa and helping alcoholics to recover from what is a KILLER DISEASE that only gets worse with every drink
i wish you both the very best and i will look in,,, i promise to you,, every day to this thread
help is here --you only have to ask

keep it simple
one day at a time
first things first
live and let live
this too shall pass

power grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change
the courage to change the things i can
and the wisdom to know the difference

do not forget i am a recovering alcoholic of many years and there is nobody knows better the harm this disease can cause
all the best
caroline18 husband

C18's DH, thanks for remembering us. I have to agree with you about my DH's attitude. I was sorely dissappointed and felt very let down. I think he was afraid of the stigma of having an alcoholic wife. I had a bottle fo wine last night (just one) and sooooo enjoyed the first couple of glasses but could not stop at that. I only stopped at 1 bottle because of your (and mumsnet's) support over the last while.

DH and I are not communicating well at the moment. Sometimes I look at him and listen to the way he speaks to our 11 yr old son and wonder who the hell he is!!! I don't remember him changing but he isn't the person I knew and loved.

Anyway, thanks again for your key points (keep it simple, etc.). I find them particularly helpful in keeping the washing machine head at bay.

Ghengis, youve got to stop!I know cutting down is a good idea but isnt the idea to stop altogether?

Not all experts in the field believe the AA mantra that you have to stop to control it. After all, excessive eaters/builimics and anorexics have to keep eating in a normal manner and lots of specialists believe drinkers can do the same. Obviously AA works for many people, but people vary in which approach suits them. Counselling may help you decide what approach you need, and help you work out why you drink too much.

aloha
c18 dh here
just a question to clarify something
r u alcoholic???
if NOT then what would you know about this disease ????

i am a recovering alcoholic and I know the cries for help so PLEASE do not give wrong and maybe harmful advice
doctors and specialists are good but unless they have lived in the hell called alcoholism HOW can they possibly know how to treat itall they give are tablets to alleviate the withdrawals no more-aa gives you your life and family back -no doctor on this earth can do that!!!
ghengis if you need me
you only need to ask
i am your friend --of that you can be certain
i hope that you are alright and are managing to keep things together
all the best
c18dh

c18 dh here again

ghengis and pinetree

try this quiz
just to see
this is also for anyone on this thread that is inwardly worried about their drinking

How to tell when drinking
is becoming a problem

----------------

ALCOHOLISM
alcoholism is a rough word to deal with.

Yet nobody is too young (or too old) to have trouble with booze.

That's because alcoholism is an illness. It can hit anyone. Young, old. Rich, poor. Black, white.

And it doesn't matter how long you've been drinking or what you've been drinking. It's what drinking does to you that counts.

To help you decide whether you might have a problem with your own drinking, we've prepared these 12 questions. The answers are nobody's business but your own.

If you can answer yes to any one of these questions, maybe it's time you took a serious look at what your drinking might be doing to you.

And, if you do need help or if you'd just like to talk to someone about your drinking, call us. We're in the phone book under Alcoholics Anonymous.

----------------
A Simple 12-Question Quiz designed To Help You Decide
1 Do you drink because you have problems? To face up to stressful situations?
2 Do you drink when you get mad at other people, your friends or parents?
3 Do you often prefer to drink alone, rather than with others?
4 Are you starting to get low marks? Are you skiving off work?
5 Do you ever try to stop or drink less - and fail?
6 Have you begun to drink in the morning, before school or work?
7 Do you gulp your drinks as if to satisfy a great thirst
8 Do you ever have loss of memory due to your drinking?
9 Do you avoid being honest with others about your drinking
10 Do you ever get into trouble when you are drinking?
11 Do you often get drunk when you drink, even when you do not mean to?
12 Do you think you're big to be able to hold your drink?

----------------

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS® is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from alcoholism.
? The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. There are no dues or fees for A.A. membership; we are self-supporting through our own contributions.
? A.A. is not allied with any sect, denomination, politics, organization or institution; does not wish to engage in any controversy; neither endorses nor opposes any causes.
? Our primary purpose is to stay sober and help other alcoholics to achieve sobriety.

----------------

There is a 12-step (AA-style) programme for bulemics/anorexics. It's called Overeaters Anonymous and it's got a big membership in North America, some chapters in UK. It's not uncommon to hear people stand up in OA meetings and claim their addictions to narcotics or alcohol, too. The AA/OA/NA mantra is not about "control"; it's about complete abstinence from compulsive behaviour. For obvious reasons interpretations of "abstinence" vary wildly within OA, but it's pretty cut and dried in AA/NA. Abstinence=none at all.

That's the philosophy that Caroline18 is espousing. Personally I suspect that there are multiple paths to stop drinking, but the AA mantra says that you need a complete transformation of character to stop drinking. Basically into being more responsible, tolerant and pragmatic, and the AA regime is one way to force that transformation of character.

What I think is this:
Genghis should follow her husband's advice. Pull yourself together, woman! Just cut down to something moderate. You can do it. Set yourself a moderate target -- say, one bottle of wine/week? Shouldn't be too hard. You just have a "bad habit" to break, there.

Now, try to do that for the next month. If you come back and tell us that you struggled but almost did it, you probably just have a bad drinking "habit". Bit more effort and you will break it. But if you come back & say the plan was a complete failure, didn't even succeed for 1 week, then you are an alcoholic, Babe. And it's time to face up to it.

Sorry if I'm not seeming very sympathetic, Genghis. You can tell I come from the "Tough Love" school.

Gosh Zebra, how supportive of you

Don't be down, Ghengis, I'm sure Zebra is giving her advice with good heart because she wants to help. If it didn't particularly work for you, then just let it go. Perhaps her words will be just what someone else reading this thread needs to hear. Different approaches work for different people. I think we all try to say something helpful in own own different ways and the person being advised should remember the parts they find helpful and forget the rest.

I think you are working hard to have a better life for yourself, so please stay cheerful and proud. How are you at this moment?