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I am an Alcoholic

188 replies

ghengis · 19/08/2003 12:43

Today I have finally admitted to myself that I am an Alcoholic.

I don't have booze first thing in the morning or (usually) during the day but I drink to excess in the evening and wake up in the morning determined not to drink that evening. Only I always do and now it's making me and DH miserable.

I could really do with some support and advice from any recovering alcoholics. Help.

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bunny2 · 21/08/2003 19:46

Ghengis, I think you are wonderfully brave. I have known many people who were afraid to admit they had a problem, by admitting it you have already taken huge leaps forward. Keep at it!

pinetree · 21/08/2003 20:20

ghengis. I hope you went to AA and it was for you, if not, there will be something for you. You have now gone 2 or 3 nights with nothing to drink on your own, that is an huge achievement in itself and you should be really proud. They say when the toxins have flushed through your body you will spring out of bed in the morning!!! Last night was really hard for me, I even poured a glass but didn't drink it. This morning I feel really proud of myself, 2 days is a small achievement but I honestly cannot remember the last time I went 2 days without a drink (except when pregnant and b/f). I haev drunk pretty much solidly since I was 16 albeit sometimes not as much as others. DH thinks I'm being a drama queen about it all and continues to come home and have 2-3 beers after work. He doesn't appreciate that the difference is that he can easily stop there but once I have had a glass or two of wine until I finish the bottle I'm not happy and if I'm p**d off about something will often open a second. I hope your DH will support you. We are now going away for a long weekend so I will not be posting for a few days. There is not exactly an abundance of internet cafes in NZ!! I will be thinking of you over the weekend, be strong and take care.

pinetree · 21/08/2003 20:24

Caroline18's DH if you are there - I would be interested to know your thoughts on whether some people can break the habit of needing a drink every night then return to be "casual drinkers" or whether that casual drink is the slippery road back. I ask this because my DH thinks life will be boring if when we have a nice meal etc we cannot share a bottle of wine. He doesn't have a problem not drinking and knows when to stop by the way. I am sure addictions are genetic, my dad was an alcoholic. I don't want my DS to end up addicted to something in the future.

Ghosty · 21/08/2003 21:11

Ghengis ... well done for going to AA ... hope it went ok ...
I was going to post what zebra did about the 'God' angle ... because that is what my friend told me. She hasn't had a drink in 14 years and still goes to meetings every week ... and she is not religious at all really ... She says that believing there is a higher power, without having to become a born again christian or anything, really helps ....

Paula71 · 21/08/2003 21:30

Good for you in understanding you need help. MIL is an alcoholic and as a result her eldest son doesn't speak to her, dh has a very emotionally cold relationship with her but SIL sticks in there for the free full-time babysitting. She has been drunk in charge of our nephew several times since he was born and will never babysit our boys, not even for an hour.
I think it is just one step at a time but now you have taken a giant first step you should perhaps seek professional help, like AA. It is nothing to be ashamed of. Instead be proud you are taking control of your life!

ghengis · 22/08/2003 09:48

I didn't go to AA. DH came home and (just like pinetree's DH) implied that I was being a drama queen, surely I could just cut down rather than stop for ever, etc. etc. My self esteem and belief in myself is pretty low at the moment anyway. He says he will support me by not drinking during the week in future.

Anyway I bought a bottle (just 1!) of red wine and drank it very slowly. I wasn't drunk and I don't have a hangover but I feel like 7 kinds of sh*t this morning.

To top it all off I am really hacked off and disappointed with him. And myself - I should have been stronger.

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Angiel · 22/08/2003 09:59

Don't beat yourself up about it Ghengis. Just keep trying and you'll get there in the end. Pity your husband wasn't a bit more understanding but hopefully he will start offering you more support.

Take care and don't push yourself over the weekend.

SamboM · 22/08/2003 10:02

Ghengis, when I gave up smoking it took at least 20 attempts. Every time I failed I felt like sh*t and felt like I was back at square 1. The important thing is not to let a setback stop you trying again. It is not going to be easy, if it was everyone would do it! Don't be so hard on yourself, you have to expect blips.

It is when you stop feeling that you are missing something and start feeling the benefits and that your life is better, not worse, as a result of stopping that it will get easier.

Try thinking about the things you like about drinking and the things you hate. Write them down in two columns. Then look at which has the greater effect on your life. Do the positives outweigh the negatives? Does the buzz you get from the first glass of wine outweigh the awful feeling every morning when you wake up with a hangover and realise you have to struggle through the day again feeling crap?

Also, although I realise that you can only give up for yourself, think about how you feel with your kid(s) and how much easier life would be with them if you weren't permanantly hung over (I know how crap I am with dd when hung over and that's only once or twice a month!)

As for your dh, I reckon he is scared of what you might become if you don't drink. I can relate to that, I remember my dh once saying that he might give up drinking for good and my first reaction was entirely selfish: Who will I get pissed and giggle with? Will I have to give up cos he doesn't like me drinking now? Celebrations won't be such fun any more, he will become boring etc etc. He didn't give up, but I still remember those feelings.

It is scary when your partner changes something that has always been part of your life together, but if you talk it through with him and explain that it is making you unhappy and that you will still be YOU, just happier, it might help him.

Good luck ((((())))))

ghengis · 22/08/2003 10:39

Thanks both. I have a lot to think about.

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bunny2 · 22/08/2003 11:23

Ghengis, you are doing well, dont be hard on yourself, please. I think you are great.

Batters · 22/08/2003 11:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

zebra · 22/08/2003 12:42

Is there another meeting tonight, Genghis?

Janstar · 22/08/2003 12:55

Ghengis - it is early days for you to beat this problem. If you fall off the wagon, just climb back on. Better to do this than to give up giving up. You will still consume far less alcohol, for one thing. You must not even give it another thought. It's in the past. Today is the only day that matters.

I agree that your DH was probably a little overwhelmed with what would seem to him a very sudden change. I am sure that he doesn't want to brand you an alcoholic even if you are ready to admit that you are. Besides, people have all kinds of different mental images of what an alcoholic is. When he thinks the word he might be thinking of tramps in the street, or people crawling out of pubs, which you clearly aren't. My mother never drank in view of anyone, even at home, it was all in secret, and thus many friends and relatives argued that she could not possibly be an alcoholic. Nevertheless she most certainly was. A part of them did not want to face the fact it might be true, but I think a part of them did not want to brand her with this image and hurt her.

Your DH needs to understand how important this is to you. I am sure that when he realises your health and happiness is at great risk he will figure out how to give the kind of support you need. If there is any justice in the world he will see much to admire.

And how is pinetree?

bloss · 22/08/2003 14:17

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ghengis · 22/08/2003 16:25

Bloss, you are so right, I did really well for a couple of nights and I know now that I can do so again.

DH of C18, I have the 'washing machine head' going today! I didn't know what you meant by that a couple of days ago but now I do!!!

Okay, nice and simple today. I'm taking it easy and not thinking ahead. Have plenty of fizzy water for tonight and as DH is out I can watch trashy, mushy stuff on tv if I want. I feel another long soak in the bath coming on!

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ghengis · 22/08/2003 22:42

I have 'enjoyed' 3 litres of sparkling mineral water and NO BOOZE this evening. Feeling terrific and in control (scary words) andI know that I CAN beat this.

Just going to retire with Harry Potter and a clear head! Night all.

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Bossanova · 22/08/2003 22:44

Well done Ghengis.

bloss · 22/08/2003 23:18

Message withdrawn

bunny2 · 23/08/2003 11:54

Well done Ghengis.

Enid · 23/08/2003 12:01

well done genghis, I am 'addicted' to Appletise as my weekly drink (we try not to drink during the week) and thoroughly recommend it in a white wine glass...if you try VERY hard it could almost be crap champagne

Janstar · 23/08/2003 12:06

Ghengis - I hope you are feeling smug this morning with your bright eyes and bushy tail!

Still wondering how pinetree is doing.

bloss · 23/08/2003 23:55

Message withdrawn

funkymunky · 24/08/2003 00:41

ghengis and pinetree, yr postings hav really got me thinking ... and thomcat, yr support really touched me, yr not drinking i mean - i think its wonderful that one person's decision and willingness to take a hard look at herself can affect so many ppl so positively. i am sitting here typing with my 4 month old dd in her pram (just got her to sleep), she is my 6th child and i often wonder if it hadnt been for her, where i would be now... i was drinking heavily, every night, minimum of 3 beers, if not more...5 pm couldnt come fast enough for me, from quarter to i watched the clock. then i found that i was pregnant and i was horrified, i thought my baby-growing days were over and even worse - i wouldnt be able to drink, wot would i do??? well today i have a beautiful healthy daughter and altho i stil hav a couple of drinks, its now and then and my clock-watching days are over. its a sneaky thing, isnt it, the way it creeps up on u and before u know it, your life is not yours anymore.
well i salute both of u, and will think of u everynite at 5 pm and hope that u stay strong. thanx for strengthening my resolve and hang in there, we'r in this together xxxxxxxx

ThomCat · 26/08/2003 11:19

Ghengis - haven't had a chance to check in since last Thursday and wanted to see how you are after the long weekend. Hope you've still feeling as good as you were on Friday. I had an alcohol free day yesterday even though we were at friends from 2 - 10pm and felt great for it, everyone kept saying 'just have a drink' but I had apple juice and coffee, not together!Hope everything is OK with you.

ghengis · 26/08/2003 11:44

I had a mixed weekend thanks. Nothing Friday night, 3 lagers on Saturday and a bottle of wine SUnday and Monday evenings. DH and I are not going to drink tonight so we'll see how we fare together. I am feeling quietly confident for tonight and hope he can support me.

Thomcat, well done for abstaining despite others tempting you.

Pinetree, how did your weekend go?

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