Rudeness to middle aged women - is this a thing?

[OnToTheNextOneOntoTheNextOne]

I'm 42, but probably look a bit older as it's been a hard few years and I can no longer be bothered confirming with femininity by wearing makeup etc.

It feels like I am encountering so much rudeness lately from strangers. Part of it might be that I am no longer tolerant of the rudeness of others and question it when it occurs.

Is this a thing? Or are people just ruder in general, regardless of age and sex?

I am sure that a) rudeness is increasing b) people are ruder to women in general and then definitely older women but also c) our tolerance diminishes when we are a certain age as well. I have a friend who I have started to dread going out with as she finds fault with everything, where we are sat, that the servers don't move fast enough, if the food isn't amazing. She is very grumpy old woman at the moment. The way I see it, it's hard to get waiting staff, and by everyone being reasonably pleasant and nice, it makes the whole thing better.

So, I'm sure that men are dismissive of women in general, leery/rude to younger women (my daughters have both had many experiences of this, as have I in my younger days). I also think being a grumpy old woman, perhaps because of feeling dismissed, might play a part. I go out a lot, am pretty grateful for the experience and am reasonably nice, and I always seem to get better service and have a nicer time than my friend!

I think some men are fairly rude and dismissive to any woman they’re not attracted to – young or old. I noticed it as early as my teens that certain men would be nice as pie if you were made up and the same types would look through you on days you’re dressed/made down. A lot of these types aren’t interested in women beyond a certain age (or indeed the younger the better), so it’s not surprising to experience more of that rudeness as the years pass.

When I worked in the service industry, many years ago, I lived a meme before its time. I feared middle class, middle aged women with high maintenance hairstyles. Now, they would be termed Karens. But this seemed bonkers to people back then.

I fear that now it has become a meme, it has also been legitimised. And that is a great shame.

I think the problem nowadays is that it’s used to shut people up who are not necessarily being rude or entitled but just expressing an opinion or being (appropriately) assertive. And obviously those people are women.

@FrugalKisses, I agree. When I was an event volunteer, it was middle aged, slightly upper middle class people who were the biggest pain. Regardless of their sex.
In the service industry, frankly the Karen meme had a lot of truth. But it actually can be a good hairstyle
That said, these things give a glimpse into what it is to suffer significant prejudice. It is still easier than being called Mohammed.

Last week an old man berated the train carriage I was in as a frail looking woman who was probably in her 80s was left standing in the aisle while around her were seated 7 women and 1 man and no one had offered up their seat. This wasn't a reserved tickets seats service but a Southeastern service from Charing Cross out to the suburbs around 10.00pm.

He was in the next row of seats and although he must have been in his 60s he pushed through to offer the old woman his seat. Once she was seated, he came back to berate them saying to the women & guy:

'You should all be ashamed of yourselves! Then address the women, 'that could be you one day'.
It's a good thing there's still old fashioned gents like me who are willing to give up their seats, but there probably won't be in the future! (Glaring at the man, who had headphones on and was probably pretending not to hear).

I was standing but I really felt like clapping, but I didn't want to draw attention to myself as I'm 57 and all the women he was addressing were much younger and they might think I was after a seat. I just smile at the old guy and nodded. I don't think they were being intentionally rude to her, but I do think younger people seems to be massively selfish and devoid of manners.

I work in Events and occasionally may have to jump into servicing a cloakroom to cover ill absent staff and women can sometimes be particularly exasperating and trying - everything from arriving with two sets of shoes and lots of bags, to faffing around retouching their make up (not sure why this has to be done in the cloakroom and not the toilets). One woman drove me absolutely bonkers during a busy night as she kept requesting her handbag almost every half an hour to retrieve her lipstick and reapply and then check it in again. She thought nothing of having us all running around for her or of holding up everyone else.

I've also noticed that women don't generally tip like men do.

I noticed this after working two nights (staff sickness) in cloakroom for a reception for structural engineers (mostly men) and then a fashion PR event that consisted of mainly women, the latter being far far more stressful and much less lucrative. Yes, you could argue that men tipping women is misogynistic but when you need the money, who the fuck cares!

Our very Catholic kitchen was very grateful when the Orange March came to Southport as they tipped well, may either God bless them!
My very small experience of travel is that "being awkward" is linked with feeling marginalised. I suspect (and I really, really do not know) that it might be both in perception and as a group feeling the need to be counted.

I haven't noticed this and I'm a fair bit older than the OP. I have had young women tell me the colour of my hair is amazing. It's naturally white and I have olive skin. I think they think I've bleached it The rudest thing I've been told is that my email address was "old". Apparently AOL isn't on trend these days

I wasn't pretty when I was young, but haven't aged badly, so maybe that's why I haven't seen a big difference? I think I was ignored more when I was young.

That is interesting. As a young man, I was worthless. I was getting qualifications, but I was poor and therefore a waster.
As a middle aged man, I am in shape, well off and get more attention (now unwelcome) from young women than when I was young, and I feel my views are respected. But it is clear this is circumstantial.
Were I to lose my career, and be fat, I would suddenly lose all that.

Hmm - I think there’s a combination of things:

1- you notice it a lot more as you age. Personally, I think I was treated worst in my 20’s…people don’t like young women either.

2- staff are badly trained. People interact less socially so out of practice on manners…I’m sure I was never as gormless as some of the waiting staff nowadays. When I was doing these jobs in my teens/ as a student, I was always chatty and informed about the menu.

3 - people are more self centred nowadays. I think social media has a lot to blame for this. Makes people self obsessed- it’s all about their experience, and less about the connection.

4- and yes - society doesn’t value older women. ( when no longer ‘fuckable’- which means ages vary depending on looks)

Dd says if anyone is a pain in her coffee shop it’s older couples with their grandchildren.

The “mum age” ie 40s and 50s are the nicest customers though have complex coffee orders. Think many probably have teens so are forgiving to a teenage waitress

Anecdata!

That might be the same, older Gen-X generation that I dreaded when I was young.

@CrazyHorse lol at old fashioned email address! Mine drew a gasp last week from a young man on the phone as it's essentially my last name and first name @hotmail.com he asked how I had managed to get it - my reply was that I'm old!

I frequently read experiences from women who have become invisible, but I have always been invisible. I always had trouble getting served at a bar or in a shop. I would just be ignored by staff.

I used to book a cut and blow dry and they would never dry my hair. They would wash it and cut it wet and then I would go home with wet hair. I think this was because I didn't dress well or wear make up. I would never go to the same hairdressers twice.

People laugh at my yahoo email address. It's god awful to send emails but I'm so attached to it!

@Leisurewoes are you very quiet and shy? Maybe you're trying to blend into the background so much it just happens

@Leisurewoes why didn't you tell them you'd booked a blow dry?