Rudeness to middle aged women - is this a thing?

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I'm 42, but probably look a bit older as it's been a hard few years and I can no longer be bothered confirming with femininity by wearing makeup etc.

It feels like I am encountering so much rudeness lately from strangers. Part of it might be that I am no longer tolerant of the rudeness of others and question it when it occurs.

Is this a thing? Or are people just ruder in general, regardless of age and sex?

I’m late fifties and I notice that if I chat with younger women (serving me for example) that they are quite dismissive. I feel like a silly old woman who should just shut up.

Thanks for the life lesson but I never said they were wrong. Simply asked a valid question.

I’m 50 and haven’t noticed it. I probably present as mildly alarming, though.

I don't feel invisible but I do feel that I have zero effect on men. I don't miss it. I just notice that it's gone. meh.

One thing I notice though is the desire to assume that you're not keeping up, not on top of things. For the smallest of reasons. When I started my job, my new boss 30 and I was 50, seem to want to believe that I would find it hard to pick things up. I never challenged that assumption but I subtly set it straight. ''this system is great, so intuitive''. She stopped. I've had that before though. If you drop something, you haven't just dropped something, it's oh poor Julie, having one of those days are you?

Another recommendation for Hags

Yep invisibility. I quite like it. Better than being ogled by gross men

I didn't notice it in my forties, but that might be because I was never very attractive. I am begining to notice it at age 60, from men and women. People don't self-monitor their ageism, in the way that they might for other kinds of prejudice. And they might even think they are being kind/indulgent.

Just a moment ago I was looking at a thread where someone was saying that an 'older' person might have more regressive ideas about gender. Fuck off, I thought (mildly). In the 80s we were fighting for sex equality much more radically than young people are today.

Ageism just looks stupid and naive to me now that I am on the cusp of the stage of life at which it becomes a problem. The penny hasn't dropped for ageist people that they are only five minutes away from being me.

Just a moment ago I was looking at a thread where someone was saying that an 'older' person might have more regressive ideas about gender. Fuck off, I thought (mildly). In the 80s we were fighting for sex equality much more radically than young people are today

And the 'older people' with tech. Fuck off. I was using computers when most of them were pooping their Pampers. If I don't use tech it's because I don't want to, not because I can't.

Yeh, that view annoys me too, my views on gender are that I remember when a girl who be as masculine as she wanted to be and boys didn't have stereotypically blokes' blokes. Or be ''ripped''. It seemed to work well in the 80s and 90s. Now, some of the newest generation of young adults believe we haven't thought things through!!

Oh actually this was possibly the first thing that made me feel old, when i was at my last job and there were quite a good few women of 34 ish and I was 47, and i just viewed them as other women, but they viewed me as 'that older woman'. I did know I was at a different stage of life (my children were teens and they were at that stage of engaged, married back at work after the first, but I thought we were all women at work, all friendly ... but I was just kept a little bit at a distance. Not excluded but just distanced by the fact that I wasn't embraced if you see what I mean. It wasn't a big deal. I was fine. But I noticed it, and thought, ah.

I went into curry's on the off chance they had a specific calculator I needed (quicker than ordering online if they had it). The young man I asked was very condescending when he said of course they hadn’t and that most people nowadays used their phone. I should have pointed out that you can’t take your phone into an exam 🤷‍♀️

I don’t feel people are rude so much as impatient and dismissive (which I suppose is rude). I’m definitely dismissed as irrelevant quickly.

There are several cafes/ restaurants/ bistros around here that I don't go to any more. My friends and I got sick of being grudgingly served by scowling teens and blue-haired 20-somethings who slam our plates and glasses down and don't say a word. We've actively sought out family-run places staffed by older people who understand that basic politeness is fundamental to the service industry.

I've noticed this, I'm 46 now and even though have 25 years experience in my career and have always been bloody good at what I do, my ideas/thoughts get dismissed or ignored in a way that never happened 10 years ago. Especially with men of all ages, I don't look as fuckable as I used to. I started noticing the difference about 3/4 years ago 💐

Well the question was is it a thing and like @NotaCoolMum it's not something that I've never ever experienced and I'm older than the OP

It's not a competition, its simply my life experience

Through my job and everyday interactions I meet a lot of people and no one is ever rude to me, in fact I was thinking about this when reading the thread about the rude woman and the boys, I never come a across the type of rude stranger that appears on so many threads on here

Yep. Definitely noticed it mid 40's onwards. Went to a show and during the interval was trying to get served at the bar, barman literally looked over my head to ask the young women behind me what they want. At least I have the confidence to challenge it these days ,but obviously then you get labelled a Karen.

I think it usually starts around the time people think you should be at home Grandparenting , it's the new sexism .

I too am absolutely invisible. The amount of time cashiers in shops clear a long queue and then close the till before they get to me and I’m stood there on my own wondering if I’m actually dead and just a ghost!

I’ve had a young man with a loaded cage in a supermarket ready to stock the shelves park it right in front of where I was standing looking at the shelf blocking my view (plenty of room in the empty aisle).

I often have to find someone to serve me in shops and cafes because no one bothers.

I hate this excuse about that it’s about older women being bitter and negative so young people don’t want to engage. I’m perfectly friendly, patient and always ‘positive about young people’. That’s the main reason I don’t get too worked up about it - I’m sure I was the same when I was in my 20s but it just still astounds me that even my physical presence isn’t registered!

Interesting, I feel the exact opposite. Never got listened to years ago, now everyone wants my input.

I’m 51 and have noticed nothing. Nothing. In my 40s definitely noticed less ‘checking you out’ looks from men which didn’t bother me. But none of this ‘I’m invisible’ stuff.

Are you all looking for this? I’m 46 and haven’t been treated any differently than when I was in my 20s

Come back when you're pushing 70 and tell us if it's still the same.

Well, if you're interested in the experiences of others, it clearly IS a thing for some people, as many people on this thread have said they have had this experience.

I'm late 40s and to be honest, I don't experience it myself much. But I am pretty and I dress stylishly and I have been told I look a lot younger than my age.

And honestly I do notice that if I am in a situation where someone has to pay attention to me or to a woman who seems similarly aged to me but is less conventionally attractive, I tend to be the one who gets paid attention to first, regardless of whether I have a right to it or not. It's awkward. But if I'm in a situation where there are a lot of pretty younger women around, I'm more likely to be noticed last.

I actually wonder whether women who query whether 'pretty privilege' is a thing simply have it (or have some other visual 'advantage' that makes them noticeable, like being unusually tall or having flaming red hair or having a strong 'presence') and don't want to admit that it helps them make their way through life a bit more easily than others do.

I had no confidence when I was younger. I get noticed more now. Though it does depend on how much weight I’m carrying. People definitely behave differently when I’m half a stone lighter.

Perhaps it’s my neurodivergent brain but in my late 40s I haven’t encountered being invisible. I’ve had people be rude to me all my life, if someone is rude to me I’m not invisible, I might be wishing I was. Being invisible to me means I am literally unseen, unacknowledged etc it’s quite a relief being in that state.

In terms of being aesthetically pleasing to males, I probably get more attention now albeit from younger men than I ever did before - I don’t really care for male attention though so it just makes me uncomfortable.

I worked with an older student recently who complained about being invisible at every pastoral interaction we had. When I observed her, she was well liked and spoke with everyone on the course regularly , what she wasn’t, was centred by her 20 year old peers. She wasn’t worshipped by her classmates as her children of the same age did.

I guess it’s a long winded way of saying I find the claim I’m invisible because I’m old strange not just on a literal basis but also in terms of why people only value their worth or visibility based on the attention they receive from others. Why do so many need external validation in middle age?

I hear this a lot but it's not my experience.

I'm 53 and work with senior professional women mostly in their 50s. No one is rude to us or ignores us. I feel my views are respected as much if not more now, both socially and professionally, than they ever were when I was young.

I also don't find strangers ignore me. I get served OK at a bar, people hold the door for me etc

Strangely, I’ve found the opposite, people are generally nicer to me at 48 than in my 20’s.

I suspect it’s because I present as a smiley middle-aged woman, I.e., absolutely no threat to anyone. 😂