Rudeness to middle aged women - is this a thing?

[OnToTheNextOneOntoTheNextOne]

I'm 42, but probably look a bit older as it's been a hard few years and I can no longer be bothered confirming with femininity by wearing makeup etc.

It feels like I am encountering so much rudeness lately from strangers. Part of it might be that I am no longer tolerant of the rudeness of others and question it when it occurs.

Is this a thing? Or are people just ruder in general, regardless of age and sex?

the sad thing is that I have noticed an awful lot of misogyny and ageism from young women on social media

Yes, I was disappointed to see one of the elite female athletes referring to "Karens" last year. I think someone might have said something to her though, because the post disappeared.

Yes indeed it does 😆.

I don’t think that the propensity to call everyone a “Karen” is helping.
Everyone tries hard to avoid insulting groups of society with the exception of 45+ women it seems.
I have lost count of the number of women in their 30's I have heard saying "I'm not a Karen yet, you know!" or similar.

You see - you are doing it too! Making an assumption that older women must be "stuck in [their] ways"!!!

@pluvia yes I've had similar experiences to you 🙄and voted with my feet accordingly.
However I think it's incumbent on employers to actually bother to train their staff in the art of customer service. I'm guessing this is less of a thing these days.

Come back in 10/15 years' time...

That’s what these things are there for though, isn’t it – just like the old trope of women who complained about sexism being joyless, uptight bores with no sense of humour (and probably ugly and therefore bitter) – it’s a clear example to everyone else that middle-aged women who assert themselves are objects of derision. And we should all fear being perceived that way.

It’s all about shutting people up.

I'm 52 and not noticed it. I still feel quite juvenile though so maybe it's a vibe I give off. Of course I don't get as much male attention as I once did, though it does still happen occasionally!

@CheekyHobson "I'm late 40s and to be honest, I don't experience it myself much. But I am pretty and I dress stylishly and I have been told I look a lot younger than my age"

I could say the same about myself at 60. I still appear to have become invisible. At first I put it down to my relatively diminutive stature - but it's more than that. I'm fed up having to get out of other people's way so they don't crash into me.

I feel pretty much the same person I ever was, educated, intelligent, but I've had the audacity to get older...

Same

Nothing whatsoever to do with validation! We don't need anyone to fucking validate us! It's an observation, and clearly a common one too!

I think people in general are ruder to everyone.

Yes, ^ this!

I feel pretty much the same person I ever was, educated, intelligent, but I've had the audacity to get older...

I think most of us feel like that. I feel 32 inside, but no one is interested in how we feel, it's all about how old we look. And while there's the Karen phenomenon and millennials are blaming the baby boomers for ruining the planet and their lives merely for the fact of being born when they were, I can't see the ageism getting any easier.

I completely agree with you. I absolutely hate the 'boomers' crap. The only thing I ever benefitted from was a student grant.

What I do remember is people only having an outside toilet when I was very young. Not having a fridge - people didn't. Mum doing the washing in a twin tub. Getting our first colour TV. Us being the only family locally to have a phone and people used to ask to use it and hand over sixpence. Jeez we had it made...!!!

I have never been very visible to be honest and have suffered with rude men and sometimes women making comments about my appearance. As a young teenager one of my teachers a man in his 30's would make comments about how unattractive and dowdy he found me, then when I was 16 I had another male teacher who made made approving comments about my "voluptuous" body. It was always either men telling me I was too ugly and they didn't find my fuckable or that they did.

I suppose when I was young it upset me because that is where society told me my value lay, I wish I could go back and bestow my current attitude of not caring on my younger self, I'd be so free.

I gained enough weight to make me invisible in my early 20's and mostly kept it on except for a period in my late 20's where i became visible again and again suffered the attentions of random men. Weigh regained (not on purpose) and I was invisible again.

I guess I'd like to look nice for myself sometimes but am practically a hermit now and don't expect anyone to notice me at all.

I suppose women who were very visible must really notice it when it goes away. I do think men and society denigrate older women and tell us our value is all spent because we are no longer as amenable as we were before our social conditioning wore off, they try to shame us into compliance but they can fuck right off!

I must read this Hag's Book!

Just to add something I read recently is that now that many if not most women of 40+ are no longer "old" the way they used to be that it is upsetting the natural order of things so that a woman of 45 might be dangerous competition for a much younger woman for mates and resources and that this brings out more animosity because the goal posts have been shifted. Men are now attracted to these older women who don't put up with their rubbish.

I don't know if that is true but it's in interesting take.

Well that's great for you both, however it obviously happens to other women. Just because you may not have experienced it, doesn't mean it doesn't happen!

I think it's possible that women who experience this may be engaging in confirmation bias, that's all. Everyone has been ignored or felt invisible at times. Is it possible that as a person feels less confident due to aging, they are looking at normal experiences with a different lens? 'Oh they are just ignoring me because I'm an older woman'.... maybe it's just bad customer service ?!

I’m 59. I conducted an interesting informal study. I live near an expensive shopping area. As I’ve aged men have definitely not “seen” me, forcing me to get out of their way. I have an expensive handbag. If I’m wearing it and turn it to face the front they will get out of the bag’s way (DH will confirm, he finds it hilarious).

I think there is sure to be an element of this, as there is with anyone who experiences genuine discrimination

I'm 48 and haven't noticed this at all. When I go out and about both men and women are pleasant and polite to me. I feel I'm invisible to teenagers/people in their early 20s but I'd never say they were rude to me. They're just wrapped up in their own worlds.

What I find disturbing , especially on here is the that once a woman has grandchildren , her sole purpose in life is to now mind said grandkids . Like there is an expectation , her wishes , desires and wants no longer a matter a jot , her purpose in life is to now grandmother.

Oh yes, the number of threads on here about the "selfish" grandparents who won't look after their grandchildren.
How dare anyone have a life in their 50s and 60s and beyond!

Brilliant, fabulous payoff 🤣