Rudeness to middle aged women - is this a thing?

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I'm 42, but probably look a bit older as it's been a hard few years and I can no longer be bothered confirming with femininity by wearing makeup etc.

It feels like I am encountering so much rudeness lately from strangers. Part of it might be that I am no longer tolerant of the rudeness of others and question it when it occurs.

Is this a thing? Or are people just ruder in general, regardless of age and sex?

Yes. I have noticed it particularly from younger women and it makes me both sad and angry. We fought for their rights and they now assume these while treating us like excrement - as if we were stupid and in their way.

I would agree with this - it's general rudeness to everyone.

I will be 50 soon no I can't say I feel different to when I was in my 20's, sure I feel more tired and physically older but not towards other people no different

I'm 58, and overweight. Recently ina garden centre, I was at the front of a single queue, which then fed into several checkouts. Ot was busy, the queue was long, and the manager got someone to open a new checkout.

He (the manager) then invited the man behind me to come to the new till to be served. The man behind me immediately did so, not pointing out that I was first.

I butted into the conversation to point out I had been waiting longer and the manager immediately apologised,but followed up with,"I just didn't see you there." That's exactly it. I'm invisible.

People feel ruder these days in general. I see a lot of it happening to everyone. Lockdowns seem to have eroded people’s ability to behave properly, I think. I’m very indifferent to other peoples opinions of me so if people are more negative about me now that I am older I likely wouldn’t notice.

Thank you so much for that, funny! I've always said middle aged women should rob banks, we're so invisible.

I’ve noticed more rudeness generally but not to me specifically or women my age.

Just more rudeness and selfishness generally. Drivers not pulling in or stopping at crossings, people not holding the door open, not saying sorry when they bump into you, queue jumping seems more prevalent. Maybe I’m just noticing it more as I get older and grumpier but I do think the new propensity of everyone to be on their phone doesn’t help.

I had exactly this at work, too.

When I was in my teens and early 20s I found that older people, very often women, were extremely rude to me when I was serving them, or working in a shop. I always felt like they treated me like stupid dirt just because I was younger.
I think now I'm older people definitely seem to pay more attention to what I say and aren't as dismissive.

There is more rudeness and selfishness. People are angry and feel let down - a bit as if the social contract is broken. Life in the UK has been difficult for a relatively long time and there's no prospect of it getting better. People feel the system doesn't work

Be polite and others will be polite to you
work hard and make money
Work harder and get rich
look after your kids and they will have a better life than you
Save into a pension and you'll have have decent retirement
pay your taxes and you'll get good roads, healthcare etc

so why should they fulfill their side of the bargain?

There is certainly a lot of concious and unconscious misogyny out there. However, there is no age limit to it and it can be quite a complex thing to pin down or prove as it's targeted differently towards different age groups.

I think that's true - I haven't noticed much difference, but then I wasn't benefitting from being very attractive before, so I don't see that waning.

I've never encountered any rudeness because I'm older.

Quite the opposite. Everyone seems to think I'm some wise old sage that is going to impart pears of wisdom and are surprised when I talk a load of crap.

Young men think I'm going to be a sex mad cougar and young women women want to borrow/have my 'vintage' clothes.

Strangers are much more friendly to me than when I was a young woman.

I’m mid 60s and don’t find this. I find if I’m pleasant and warm, people respond in kind and if I’m rushed and grumpy, I usually get that back.

I was never a pretty girl, so don’t miss that male attention; I do find however that at parties chatting to random men ( my age), they do tend to move on quite quickly (no loss).

At work, I got lots of respect because I was excellent at my job ( retired now). Although I did find young people coming through were generally much less interested in personal interaction ~ on their phones at breaks or lunch, headphones in etc. I think society as a whole is losing the ability to interact in person.

For those who meet rudeness, it’s their loss not yours and you shouldn’t give it a moment’s thought.

I can definitely identify with this comment!

My mum has always told me that things change for women as they age, with the in between bit between youth and old age being the worst. I'm in my late 30s and have noticed that people seem generally ruder, but I'm wondering if I'm just more attuned to everyday sexism now and if we are all just angrier now post pandemic and due to everything that is going on.

The worst experience I have had recently was with a lettings agent, who can't have known my age as we spoke to over the phone initially. In the end I had to physically go to the offices to get him to take me seriously (there was a water leak that his agency were supposed to have fixed, it was urgent). That could just be lettings/estate agents though - they're not exactly notorious as industries which attract the best and the brightest.

The ironic thing is, who do these people think are running the country, politically and economically, and therefore have the real power? Not those in their early 30s or younger, but generally those in their 50s and 60s and beyond.

Nope

Completely agree with this.

I definitely think it's the "Karen" effect. I find people are a lot ruder to me if I ask for something or point out something that's not okay. And I think part of why the "Karen" thing happened is that at a certain point, I, like many women, stopped thinking that I would just be self effacing and accommodating at all times and all the people who are USED to women being like that are absolutely FURIOUS, hence "Karen". There's also some kind of weird resentment of having to acknowledge middle aged women and I don't know where that comes from.

eg 1 : man in small lorry reverses into parking lot for a delivery, no problem - happy to wait while he gets himself in. then he stops in the middle of the entrance and I ask him to please move - I was polite, but not simpering, definitely assertive. And he refuses, saying, "I don't have to do what you say. you'll just have to wait."

eg 2 in a specialist shop, ask the assistant where they keep something as it's a big shop, and I don't know it. She honestly acted like I was being a complete bitch for daring to ask and not wondering around the massive shop for 10 minutes looking.

Yes, I absolutely loathe how referring to any woman with a complaint as ‘Karen’ has become commonplace.

Yup, totally.

I am in my 30s and it’s a shame that women my age and younger don’t see what an own goal the Karen thing is.

Everyone seems to think I'm some wise old sage that is going to impart pears of wisdom and are surprised when I talk a load of crap.

@Jongleterre 🤣🤣 I can relate to this, some younger people seem surprised that I like a good laugh and can be daft.

Interestingly when I've worked in a customer service role (whether paid or voluntary) I've found it's the middle aged/early retired men and the yummy mummy types who've been the rudest so 30-40 year olds rather than 50ish.

I am sure that my younger male colleagues think of me more like their mum, but men in their 40s and 50s still fancy 40 and 50 something women!

My mum is in her 80s and gets fed up with everyone thinking she has dementia.

For example she goes into the pharmacy and asks for her prescription. They say she's already had it. She says she hasn't, and they should check. They huff and puff and patronise her, but then at her insistence do check and then acknowledge that she is in fact correct (but don't apologise).

Younger women aren't taken seriously in the workplace.

Whatever age a woman is, it's the wrong one. Because she's a woman.