Rudeness to middle aged women - is this a thing?

[OnToTheNextOneOntoTheNextOne]

I'm 42, but probably look a bit older as it's been a hard few years and I can no longer be bothered confirming with femininity by wearing makeup etc.

It feels like I am encountering so much rudeness lately from strangers. Part of it might be that I am no longer tolerant of the rudeness of others and question it when it occurs.

Is this a thing? Or are people just ruder in general, regardless of age and sex?

My invisibility is nothing to do with men.
I have never considered if I used to be ‘checked out’ and I’m not any more.
My invisibility is that people - women, men, kids - quite honestly don’t see me. They walk into me.

All this chat about weight, fuckability, ‘losing your looks’ - that’s irrelevant. People simply don’t see me because I’m 46. I have a healthy BMI. I live in north London and wear decent clothes. What other mitigating factors do I need to give? I’m just invisible.

Men get happier with age whereas we get more miserable so perhaps people are being defensive in anticipation of said women being grumpy.

Whatever had you think that?!

Well blow me down I didn't believe this but googled it and apparently it's true.

Very long longitudinal study as well. Related to finances and satisfaction in the family. Makes sense when you think about it. Women still make far greater sacrifices financially, earn less and do far more unpaid shitwork. So given that women are rational human beings (despite what some men may say) it probably makes sense that this has an impact on our happiness compared to that of men.

On the subject of the OP I am fairly invisible. Doesn't bother me too much except one occasion in Anthropologie where I was buying a very expensive dress. The young women serving talked to the other young women they were serving politely and cheerfully but served me in sneery silence. I was so taken aback and embarrassed I haven't been back since.

You're assuming that everyone is married — or married to a man. There's research indicating that single women are happier than everyone else. Presumably because they will have worked, will be in charge of their own finances and aren't at the beck and call of blokes.

I don't find myself invisible at all.
I think maybe I've finally grown to love the skin I'm in, and I feel more confident and powerful in a lot of ways than when I was younger!

It's only on Mumsnet that women are rude to other women. I've never experienced it in real life

I'm 61 and invisible!! It has its advantages.

I've not noticed any difference and I'm 43, just less pervy men but I still get those sometimes.

I get treated far better than my 17 yo son who I've both observed and from what he tells me, gets treated like a criminal. He dresses in Nike hoodies etc but is a shy polite lad and gets stereotyped far worse than I do.

You are very lucky. I was screamed at by another woman just the other day because she thought I was going into the parking spot she wanted.

I decided to take some notice of this today and realised that where I live I am surrounded by elderly people and at 51 they probably don’t even register me as middle aged- I still count as young to them! It’s all relative.

However I then experienced an old man being polite and two middle aged women being rude - narrow pavement, old man stepped aside (which meant stepping into a puddle so it was at some personal cost), I thanked him, we exchanged brief pleasantries. Two middle aged women came along, I stepped aside, they ignored me.

@FindingMeno Reading the varied responses, I’m wondering our self-perception is a factor in whether we feel invisible or not? I’m similar to you in that I feel pretty confident in myself at 48. Tbh, I suspect that I have an inflated sense of how wonderful I am.🤣🤣

My DD (18) radiates confidence and people are drawn to her, although she’s described it to me as “fake it ‘til you make it” because she feels less confident inside.

I’ve been thinking about this today, and I think self perception is definitely part of it. I feel better than I have since about 2005, I’m training for a half marathon, went to a festival at the weekend, trying all kinds of random new stuff after years and years miserably stuck with ExH, then being a skint single mum and now living with DP who is a nice enough bloke but does my head in, and I’ve just had enough of not making the most of life before it’s too late. So if anyone ignores me because I’m middle aged so be it, I’m not even sure I’d notice.

I did notice people ignoring me back when I was overweight though, that 100% definitely happened. I’m absolutely not saying that anyone who feels ignored is imagining it, just that maybe it has more impact on some people than others.

All that said, it must also depend on where you live and who you come across day to day, I’m in a small village and the shop assistants etc. all know me so they don’t ignore me (or anyone else). I’m sure it would be totally different in a city where you interact with strangers a lot more.

Wrong. I am completely confident and totally at ease with myself (although draw the line at the delusion that I’m wonderful).

Im still utterly invisible to the outside world. My confidence and self assured nature means I don’t give a flying shit. I will still assert myself if I must.

Maybe that’s where the ‘Karen’ (uk interpretation) comes from - the need to assert our rights more forcibly because we no longer benefit from pretty privilege and/or we are less afraid of confrontation.

I absolutely HATE it when women are referred to as 'Karen's'. Clearly a misogynistic dig at women of a certain demographic. I note there's no male equivalent of this slur...

The one advantage of being a middle-aged woman is I find myself no longer giving a flying fuck what random people, especially random men, think of me. It's remarkably free-ing. I know a lot of women in their 40's and 50's who feel the same way. I think this is why some men have such a shitty attitude to middle-aged women. They don't like the fact that we can't be easily cowed and the power dynamic no longer works in their favour.

Exactly!

I’m in my 50s. I feel invisible. . I encounter so much rudeness when I’m driving, at work (school) where TAs are regularly complained about with no foundation. I’m a youth group leader, parents are so entitled. I’m a volunteer. Maybe it’s just me and my age but manners count and cost nothing.

I'm 47 and find most people are polite and I am polite to them, though also direct and assertive. In fact I feel like I have a sort of presence and confidence of bearing that I didn't have when I was younger. What surprises me is when people take a step back, stammer over their words etc. I suspect I have become a "consort battleship" as Henry Higgins would say. I do hope so.😅

Darrens.

I wouldn't think that's ageist, some people are just plain selfish.

You’re certainly rude and perhaps that’s why you’re invisible.

@blahblahblah1654 my point was that I was 'invisible' to the manager, yet the man behind me was not. Clearly he could literally 'see' me, as I am a substantial figure, but I was insignificant to him. I do think this is ageist/sexist, because it happens regularly, and more often since I've been 50+.

@Lucienandjean ah sorry I misread your post originally.

I used to get harassed a lot, now I don't. I like it. I feel more like an ordinary human being who can get on with her life without being singled out. I also feel like I'm judged at work on my ability and usefulness rather than anything else - which is how it should be.