Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Feminism: chat

My 13 year old Daughter has been raped by a 15 year old boy.

141 replies

TreeOfPain · 12/07/2022 03:40

I just feel anger. But I know she wants me to be calm.

I feel anger.

OP posts:
UniversalAunt · 12/07/2022 11:33

Is DD not going back because she has 6th form place elsewhere or are you looking for a xfer?

PaddleBoardingMomma · 12/07/2022 11:42

I absolutely hate this for you, and I hate this for your daughter.

And I hear you, and I agree with every fibre of my being that nothing seems to change.

Women will be abused, they will be the victim of abhorrent treatment and they WILL, somehow, still be expected to shoulder the blame on top of the hurt they have been subjected to.

As the mum of two daughters, I'm angry for you, and I'm angry with you.

But she's lucky to have you, a mother who sees the utter uncompromising unfairness, a mum who will be the void for her daughter to pour her feelings into, and you'll hold them for her as she processes. You will bring her through this.

A final mention that the fact you have the presence of mind to acknowledge that this boy, this rapist, is somewhat a victim of the society we currently live in is staggering. I don't think I'd have been so measured to be able to come to that conclusion and it stands out all the more than your daughter really is fortunate to have you by her side.

CallOnMe · 12/07/2022 13:10

mn owns the content and it can be used if media pick it up

I hope the media does pick it up.

Often people like him get away with it, especially if he is privileged in any way.

As they’re both underage there’ll be more issues with consent and it doesn’t sound like anyone else can confirm her story so unless there’s proof that this happened against her will, then he’ll likely get away with it.

Once it comes out which it’s bound to do anyway as everyone in school knows then at the very least people will make sure their DDs stay away from him and family or friends won’t ask him to babysit etc.
You would think him having a 12 y/o gf would ring alarm bells anyway.

MrsOvertonsWindow · 12/07/2022 17:34

So very sorry OP and like everyone else, I share your rage. I've no wise words but hope that the love, support and understanding that you get from women on here (and in real life) is some support,

AtwilightRebellion · 12/07/2022 21:11

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

kateandme · 13/07/2022 05:39

Saying he's a victim of the times?amd to hold space dor that.nah it may perpetuate evil cunts,not help,make other men behave like lesser but still twats in society.and add fuel to the fire of men dick head behaviours and view. but this shit new what hes done is wrong.no way in he'll can you attack someone like this and not.heknows unless he's completely psychotic.

CheeseandBeetrootSandwiches · 13/07/2022 06:05

I'm so sorry this happened to you and your daughter.

My daughter's friend was raped by her boyfriend and he also raped another girl. The parents of all these kids are best friends. It got swept under the carpet, Boys Will Be Boys etc. I was apoplectic on the girls' behalf. The parents were more worried about their friendship than their children's safety. My daughter told me because she was trying to support her friends. They are all 15, the boy is the same age.

Ever since my DD was small I have told her how to be safe, that her body is hers and no-one else's, and about consent. Why are boys being taught differently? It's wrong wrong wrong.

dunBle · 13/07/2022 07:55

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

But while revenge fantasies may be very satisfying, the last thing the OP needs is to have a second court case hanging over her head when she gets prosecuted for exacting whatever it is you have in mind. Instead, she is focusing on supporting her daughter through the aftermath of what has happened to her, which is a difficult enough task as it is.

TreeOfPain · 14/07/2022 22:48

Hi

Thank you all so much for the supportive messages.

DD went back to school on Tuesday and it didn't go well, despite assurances from the Headteacher, when he asked what do I want and need from him, to keep her safe for seven days so that she felt she could leave with her head held high was all she wanted.

An hour after I left she was assaulted by three girls who knew about what happened and deemed her a 'lying cunt'. This happened in front of teachers. The police are involved, we spent yesterday afternoon in the police station.

And no, I won't be taking matters into my own hands, it doesn't help does it? It just perpetuates a shitty cycle.

Obviously she won't be going back now.

Oddly she actually seems a bit brighter, maybe because it's all out in the open and the worst thing that could have happened with the girls that were threatening her has happened.

She saw her counsellor today and I sat in for the first half-hour, it actually felt quite optimistic, I think she felt really listened to and that the grown-ups were all handling this all in a very measured way.

I have to commend the police too, I know certain forces seem to actively hate women, but every officer and contact we've had have been extremely sensitive and have taken her very seriously. Which has helped enormously.

And sorry not to tag any individual posters, it's horribly depressing to hear so many similar stories.

I do feel that when I have, hopefully, navigated these waters with DD, I have a stong desire to do something that young people really listen to and connect with surrounding the attitudes that persist. Because whatever messages they are currently getting through schools, it's just not getting through.

Anyway, a bit rambling, but thank you again. It does help to know people are listening.

OP posts:
Eatingchips · 14/07/2022 23:25

@TreeOfPain that is really awful. It is sadly the norm that victims of sexual crimes get absolutely shafted along the way so I am really heartened to hear about the positive response from police and that her therapy went well.

Those girls in school are absolutely awful. I’m so sorry.

dunBle · 15/07/2022 02:21

Oh for fuck's sake! @TreeOfPain I'm so sorry that the return to school was not what you hoped for, but I'm glad that the police are taking it seriously and that the counselling session appears to have gone well. We remain here with a friendly ear as and when you need one throughout this process.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 15/07/2022 07:04

TreeOfPain

im glad you feel lighter
what on earth happened to those girls that they defend a rapist and not the victim
Jesus . They need punishing also

I’m pleased she feels a bit lighter
but gosh what an awful experience for a 13 year old
raped
and then shamed by those girls

Sonervousimgonnathrowup · 15/07/2022 09:02

CheeseandBeetrootSandwiches · 13/07/2022 06:05

I'm so sorry this happened to you and your daughter.

My daughter's friend was raped by her boyfriend and he also raped another girl. The parents of all these kids are best friends. It got swept under the carpet, Boys Will Be Boys etc. I was apoplectic on the girls' behalf. The parents were more worried about their friendship than their children's safety. My daughter told me because she was trying to support her friends. They are all 15, the boy is the same age.

Ever since my DD was small I have told her how to be safe, that her body is hers and no-one else's, and about consent. Why are boys being taught differently? It's wrong wrong wrong.

I can not understand this kind of mindset.
What is wrong with people?

MrsOvertonsWindow · 15/07/2022 12:39

So sorry TreeOfPain that her return to school was so awful. But well done to her (and you) for tackling it and working with the police. There are some fantastic officers out there (despite the bad ones) and it's great that she's feeling heard.

Hopefully the summer break will allow her to rest and heal a bit from what's happened.

ScrollingLeaves · 30/07/2022 17:37

There is nothing to be said that can help.
I feel so angry and sad on behalf of your daughter, and you and your family, for this gross violation.

ScrollingLeaves · 30/07/2022 17:50

GCAcademic · 12/07/2022 06:30
This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Lucky you not being able to imagine it. It’s far from uncommon for “friends” to react in this way

The exact same thing happened to someone in my family, complete with most ‘friends’ reacting in just thus way.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page