My 13 year old Daughter has been raped by a 15 year old boy.

[TreeOfPain]

I just feel anger. But I know she wants me to be calm.

I feel anger.

OP doesn't need to comment further than she has done, but unless I've missed something she didn't say this happened at school. Other kids who know what happened have been putting graffiti on the toilet doors at school.

Huge red flag that a 15yo boy has a 12yo 'girlfriend'.

OP your daughter has the right to speak with a specially trained female officer. But try to do quickly if possible and she wants to do this as forensic windows are very short.

Usually they would ask her to give a short initial account of what happened. Then later a video interview. It might assist her to have an intermediary at this second stage to assist with communication (worth asking about depending on how her autism manifests itself)

I’m so so sorry
stay angry
stay calm

if she has s diagnosis the police really need to read carefully and with the utmost respect and kindness

my hearts a bit broken reading this

Of course if she doesn’t want to report this it’s understandable given the reaction of her peers. But good officers should try to make it as easy as they can for her.

I would encourage her to report if you can. It’s important that he’s bought to justice especially if he’s already preying on younger girls.

I know it isn’t her responsibility to do this, but for her own peace of mind, and knowing that he’s punished, will help her realise it has never been her fault

Well @CallOnMe I am a bit culpable. I did allow her to be out that afternoon because she told me she meeting her friend for an hour. And she'd been doing what she was supposed to. So I thought she was ok with a female friend for a bit.

It turned out she wasn't with her girlfriend at all.

She has ASD but is high-functioning.

Everyone thinks she's more capable than she is.

AND there we are with blame.

And anger is ok
embrace that anger
get it out
if you need to do something physical
do it ….
drive somewhere , and scream till you have no voice left
throw plates (away from people !)

it’s a totally normal reaction and there is nothing wrong with being totally fucking angry

I’m angry and it’s not my DD

I want the people who write graffiti to be shamed and punished too

I want the headteacher to blast them and t he r parents

sending my best

OP You sound like a great Mum, very self aware and able to provide your DD the help she needs. But obviously you need a place to process this yourself too and express your heartbreak and rage.

It is utterly awful we live in a world where this happens and too many enable this sort of crime by waving away lesser crimes- I don't doubt there will have been red flags with this boy before now, the 12 year old 'girlfriend' for a start - we really need to move towards zero tolerance of bad male behaviour.

Rage away on here.

It isn’t your fault either OP

The only person to blame is the 15 year old boy. That is it

How do a 12 and 15 year old know each other? Are they family friends / neighbours?

@TreeOfPain

If this is a date gone wrong and didn’t happen in school then that complicates things considerably legal wise (although does explain her friends reactions). Since this boy is young hopefully he can be caught out if questioned by police and doesn’t just stick to a story of mutual consent.
My advice if you go to the police is to make sure your daughter tells a set version of events as her autism could easily make her seem to be confused if she’s upset when questioned.
Also don’t come on to strong with any feminist opinions as that will possibly make it look as though your daughter has turned something consensual into something else after you got upset about it.

Your poor daughter OP there are no words. Poor her and poor you. I hope she gets the help she needs.

@Ponkyandthebrain we have involved the police. And it was DD's decision. We've passed the forensic point.

An officer came out on Friday to take an initial statent, so we're waiting for a contact regarding a video interview with a specially trained officer.

She's being very amazing and brave.

I'm so sorry this happened to your DD and you. Of course you are hurt as well, you're her mother,you loved her and she is hurting.
Rage away.

I hope you're both going to be ok one day .

So awful op your poor dd

@Wollycraft66 DD has consistently given the same set of events. I have absolutely no concern that she's telling the truth.

Well good on her. She’s being incredibly brave.

Girls are really good at masking autism. Especially when high functioning. It’s definitely worth discussing it with the officer carrying out the interview, how her autism affects her because it’s very specific to the individual. They might expect her to react/answer something in a way a neurotypical person might for example. You might have to push them on it a bit, it’s her evidence so they need to get it right for her, make sure the room is set up with no distractions etc if that bothers her. Some forces aren’t great on this stuff. They’re well intentioned but just don’t get enough training because the guidance isn’t out there. There’s no guidance out there for interviewing children with autism. I rely a lot on the parents telling me about their children.

OP, you and your DD are in no way to blame. She's young, still learning and won't always get things right. She was raped and taken advantage of by someone who must have known it was wrong.

Well done to your dd. That is an extremely brave action.

I have nothing useful to add - just sending you and your daughter love and support 💐

I am raging for you

Of course you are angry :-(
How could you not be.

Your poor daughter.
So sorry your family is going through this 💐

OP sending hugs to you and your brave DD.

have reported your post above where you’ve named your child as you might want that one deleting 🌸

this might not be helpful
but I’ve totally managed to heal and move on
from sexual assault in my teens

I just want you to have that hope too
that she can
that this little Rapist learns the hard way he can’t take what he wants
that she will find peace and not trauma

that said the police process won’t be easy for Either oF you
which is totally ducked given her tender age

@TreeOfPain you left your daughter's name in the last message.

As a mother of a pre-teen on the Autism pathway (taking ages to get to assessment) I am scared for the future...