Mumsnet Logo
My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

Feminism: chat

Once you become aware of male entitlement…

259 replies

Giraffesandbottoms · 16/02/2022 17:05

…it’s everywhere?!?

This afternoon I wanted to pick up my children from my mother’s. 2 minute job to get them from her front door into the car. Pull up outside, and a man from the house opposite comes out with two other men:

Man “we need to get this van out of the driveway” (note - not ASKING, TELLING me)
Me “ok, I’ll be gone in two minutes”.

Get back to car under a minute later with my mother and children and they haven’t waited and are have started a humiliating 100 point turn. It’s honestly so embarrassing for them. My mother asks if they can please wait so we can get into the car (note ASKS and PLEASE).

Man “we asked you to wait”
Me “you did nothing of the sort. You TOLD me. And now you’re doing a humiliating 100 point turn that will take another 5 minutes when by now I would be gone and so would you”.

Man also reeked of alcohol. Just so fucking needless - saw a pregnant woman and immediately thought what I needed to do and what I was saying was worthless/their needs trumped mine. Ended up making their lives harder. Also so telling how they saw it as them having asked me!

OP posts:
Report

Giraffesandbottoms · 16/02/2022 19:27

I’m
Sad no one has replied! It’s my
First time posting on this board

OP posts:
Report

Somebodylikeyouu · 16/02/2022 19:33

I agree with your first post. I was going through roadworks, my right of way and a bloke in a car came barrelling down flashing his lights for me to reverse. The bloke at the roadworks actually came over to tell me he’d give me a hand to reverse. At which point I laughed (out of sheer incredulity tbh) and told them both that it was fine, I wasn’t moving back otherwise how else would the other driver learn? I had to actually switch my engine off to make it abundantly clear to the other driver who did eventually reverse.

Report

Chickenpoxtwins · 16/02/2022 19:35

So you parked in such a way to block them from getting the van out of the driveway? I'm not sure they're the unreasonable ones here.

Report

Ionlydomassiveones · 16/02/2022 19:43

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Dutch1e · 16/02/2022 20:18

It really is everywhere. A lot of us enjoy refusing to give way on a footpath, suddenly becoming all elbows and spikes. It's extraordinary the number of astonished men who end up in the gutter with no idea there was another human being in the environment.

Report

nocoolnamesleft · 16/02/2022 20:21

Have to love a good game of patriarchy chicken.

Report

Comedycook · 16/02/2022 20:23

I don't understand. Were you parked in front of their driveway?

Report

TracyMosby · 16/02/2022 20:26

The diagram wont load for meGrin

Report

MrsTerryPratchett · 16/02/2022 20:29

Yes it's everywhere.

My most depressing observation is how much of the area outside school the boys take up compared to the girls. They own the outside space.

I play patriarchy chicken all the time. It's a great game. Also arementalkingtoomuch.com

Report

Giraffesandbottoms · 16/02/2022 20:48

So you parked in such a way to block them from getting the van out of the driveway? I'm not sure they're the unreasonable ones here

No. I parked on the opposite side of the road, outside my mothers house. It was convenient for me and legal to do so/safest to get my children. They happened to want to back a large van out. I was entitled to park there and had they asked politely I would have moved and waited for 2 mins but the man made a demand of me when he should have been asking for a favour!

OP posts:
Report

Giraffesandbottoms · 16/02/2022 20:48

@Somebodylikeyouu

This is the sort of shit I’ve started doing. Driving seems to be the worst - they ALWAYS think they have right of way.

OP posts:
Report

Giraffesandbottoms · 16/02/2022 20:49

I LOVE yet he phrase “patriarchy chicken”. Never heard it. Genius.

OP posts:
Report

Giraffesandbottoms · 16/02/2022 20:54

My best effort

Once you become aware of male entitlement…
OP posts:
Report

Giraffesandbottoms · 16/02/2022 20:57

Also in case relevant there were cars or dropped kerbs on either side of me so that was the only available space to me outside my mother’s!

OP posts:
Report

MrsTerryPratchett · 16/02/2022 20:58

@Giraffesandbottoms

I LOVE yet he phrase “patriarchy chicken”. Never heard it. Genius.

Try it. It's very enlightening. Walking down the road only move halfway out of the way of any men. They should move the other half the way.

My experience is that if you look at them, they don't move because they think you will. Stare into the middle distance and they will move.

Almost always. Except Lovely Blue Shirt Man, who runs the opposite way around a lake from me on weekends. He always moves, always smiles and is my favourite male runner. I loves him. He has run alone, in pairs, with a group. All those bastards get in my way but he moves.

Oh and Three Old Men who walk at the same lake. They always move, and once when DogPratchett ran ahead and they saw him and not me, they were getting ready to call emergency services. Bless their hearts. I give credit where it's due.
Report

MrsTerryPratchett · 16/02/2022 20:58

Dick House? Grin

Report

Doodledoop · 16/02/2022 20:59

Great diagram - thank you and yes that's a 'will you be long/ do you mind moving' situation.

I do think cars amplify male entitlement - they have zero patience for any other road user.

Report

Giraffesandbottoms · 16/02/2022 21:03

I had an incident a few months back where another dick expected me to pull in at a specific gap in parked cars, and when I didn’t pull in WHERE he expected, he yelled at me. There was no right of way - I didn’t need to pull in at all! Absolutely
Seems to be amplified by being in a car.

OP posts:
Report

user1471453601 · 16/02/2022 21:05

@Ionlydomassiveones, not all of us make ourselves small, I don't and I don't give up an armrest without a struggle. And if I happen not to win that round, I win it back as soon as they relinquish it. It makes a four hour flight quite entertaining. But then, I'm petty, and past the age when I give a flying fuck what most people think of me.

Report

MsFogi · 16/02/2022 21:07

I now do a lot of 'man spreading' whenever I sit down. No doubt I look awful but I really don't care and it is awfully liberating sitting with my legs doing whatever they please and my arms draped wide.

Report

MrsTerryPratchett · 16/02/2022 21:08

Weirdly I've noticed that if I take up more physical space at conferences/training what I say is taken more seriously as well. I'd love to do a study.

Report

Sexnotgender · 16/02/2022 21:10

@Giraffesandbottoms

I had an incident a few months back where another dick expected me to pull in at a specific gap in parked cars, and when I didn’t pull in WHERE he expected, he yelled at me. There was no right of way - I didn’t need to pull in at all! Absolutely
Seems to be amplified by being in a car.

I was walking down a one way street about 10 years ago with my primary aged daughter. Bloke in a BMW came flying the wrong way up the road. Got out his car yelling at me, swearing etc. apparently I was in the wrong 🙄 I politely pointed out HE was driving the wrong way up a one way street.
Report

Giraffesandbottoms · 16/02/2022 21:11

I do think it’s one of those things that once you see it, you cant unsee it. My old doctor was a very fancy, old white man. When DS1 was 2 weeks old I referred to him (my baby) by his nickname. He said to me “No, you must NEVER call him that. He must always be ”… I sheepishly mumbled somethjng agreeable.

Now I’m 30 and a pregnant mother of 2 and my eyes have been opened. I would love to go back in time and tell the patronising twat to fuck off. A female doctor (or anyone else) would never have said something like that to me.

OP posts:
Report

Giraffesandbottoms · 16/02/2022 21:12

@MrsTerryPratchett

I’m sure there’s a science behind it !

@Sexnotgender

Typical! A friend today told me a balding man in a bmw yelled and beeped at her for reversing into her driveway…

OP posts:
Report

MrsTerryPratchett · 16/02/2022 21:25

I used to work in car assistance and there is an issue with BMW drivers regardless of sex TBF. Utter nobbers. And I worked with a lot of expensive brands. Aston drivers are all lovely.

Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Sign up to continue reading

Mumsnet's better when you're logged in. You can customise your experience and access way more features like messaging, watch and hide threads, voting and much more.

Already signed up?