Struggling after making a mistake, having intrusive thoughts. Please advise. *MNHQ has altered title*

I hope you're ok and got some sleep.

Please take the great advice here and contact your GP or the mental health crisis team. That's the hardest part. There is a lot of help out there.

Dd was really unwell mentally last year, she was a shell of herself and we worried we would never get her back. But we were able to get her help, support and medication and she has made a complete recovery. Don't underestimate the power of talking about how you feel, keeping it all inside is a terrible burden, once you're able to let it out you'll be amazed at how much better you feel.

I completely understand how crushing your work situation is, but as a PP astutely said, it was the straw that broke the camel's back, and in time you might be able to see it as a good thing because it brought everything to a head and this will be the beginning of you getting help and getting back to the real you.

You are everything you your children, you are the centre of their world abd

Good luck with the GP appointment today, OP. Do take the advice of the well-informed PP (I’m sorry I can’t remember usernames) who said be honest with them that you’re making plans to end your life and you want help to stay safe. That should prioritise you in a way that minimising it, which is such a natural reaction for many of us, will not. It’s a hard thing to say but they’ll have heard it before.

Keep talking to us, we want to support you

Everyone gossips and makes comments about others in the workplace - please don't make this into something bigger OP - you said the person overheard it - so you didn't intend to hurt them.

Put yourself first and please speak to someone like the Samaritans to try to get some help.

Sorry this app is so annoying!

Your children need you so much, and with help you'll be able to feel the joy in life again. I promise you you will feel happy and healthy and resilient.

Please make that first step today. You matter to so many people, you deserve to feel happy. When dd was I'll she had this voice screaming at her about how worthless he was and she didn't deserve happiness. It's so hard to drown out that voice, but you will get to the point where it's a whisper and you can tell it to shut up and leave you alone while you get on with your life.

In the meantime please keep reminding yourself that you matter and you deserve to be happy. Dd used it like a mantra to drown out the nasty voices.

We are all rooting for you, we care about you. Keep talking to us.

Just this week I have told my teenager about a situation I got into at work and how I learned from it.

You have a story you can tell your future teenagers when they get into a situation at work. They will do, because everyone does. Everyone. There isn't a single person who has never regretted something they've said or done. That's because we're human and humans are imperfect and stupid and act in the heat of the moment. Humans get drawn into situations by other people that they would never have done purely on their own.

This doesn't define you. The people around you have moved on and you have just got a bit stuck in the moment.

Your children need you to be able to tell them how you stuffed up at work once, when they have stuffed up at work. They need you to be able to tell them that they'll be ok.

I'm just a stranger on the internet, but I don't think you're a terrible person. You're just a human.

I second all of this.

Be away from work for a while and in the meantime look for a new job.

Time will heal all wounds, it really will.

I hope you're feeling a little better OP.
Suicide is never the answer ❤️

Coming back to this just to say that the very fact that you feel so bad about what you did shows what a great person you are. Many people gossip so much that they wouldn't bat an eyelid if they got caught gossiping.

I hope today is better.

I hope you’re okay this morning. We’re here to hold your hand, OP.

Just checking in @OhForFS . I’m guessing (hoping) that you made those calls and are perhaps in with the doctor and/or dealing with forwarding your sick cert to your workplace, and tying things up before you’re off work.

If, however, you’ve not felt able to do those things yet, don’t berate yourself or feel shame about that too. It takes a lot of strength to effect changes when you’re in the pit of distress, and no-one on here will judge you if you’ve not felt able to take-onboard the advice yet.

So please keep talking here if it helps. This is your thread, your own private personal space, and we’re all here to listen and not judge.

Hugs 💐 x

@OhForFS I can only speak for myself, but I do not wish or expect for you to expend any effort or energy replying to me personally.

Please know, however, that your post telling us all that you are still struggling along, and taking actions to get the support you need in order to make things better in time, is meaningful to me.

All you did was say some things about the work culture to another person. That's it.

"Women complains about work to other person" is the headline of your crime.

The other person is mad as a box of frogs to make up other stuff. Without the additions this whole thing might have gone unnoticed.

I'd be surprised if other employees thought you were a 'vile nasty gossip'. I definitely wouldn't.

Please accept that lack of sleep and ruminations will magnify your anguish. With help, you can address these. Keep distracting yourself today and keep on contacting the mental health nurse until you get a response. Do not let this defeat you.
I’m another who doesn’t want a ‘proper reply’ - just to learn you are still with us is enough.
🤝
X

Echo the PP’s saying there is no pressure to reply. I know from my own bouts of depression that sometimes even replying to a kind text was too much, I just couldn’t organise my thoughts or go ‘outside my head’ enough to answer. The texts that said “no need to reply, just letting you know I’m thinking of you” were treasured; the ones that said “how are you doing today? Let me know how you’re getting on” were appreciated but became another ‘thing’ to do, something else I had to feel well enough to tackle at a time I couldn’t even drag myself out of bed half the time. So please don’t feel under any pressure to provide personal replies.

Just a thought OP, if your mind is trying to counteract the reasons you are making why you are important to your children, how about making a list of the things that are important to you about them instead....the little things they do that bring a smile to your face or a surge of pride to your heart.
I have not been suicidal, but I have been depressed, and at that point i worked in a nursery at the time.That really helped keep me going, because the children would always say or do little things that brought a little ray of light to my dark days.

It sounds like the work incident has triggered something in you.....asif perhaps you were on the verge of being 'tipped over the edge' mentally and that did it.
Also, feelings of shame sound incredibly difficult for you to experience.If you were shamed alot as a child, or perhaps have been in an abusive relationship where that has happened, maybe the work incident is bringing up painful experiences of being shamed, which plummet you into feeling very bad about yourself.

I hope you feel able to open up to your husband or someone else you can trust about your feelings in real life, so you can have the real hug you deserve, but for now here is a virtual one! 🫂

Take care of yourself OP....you are worth more than you know, especially to those little ones of yours.
And remember you only need to be 'good enough' as a parent, not perfect. xx

Thinking about you - remember you are loved by all your family. Hang in there, you will get through this xx

Found myself here as I've also been having similar thoughts following messing up at work.
Hope you're doing ok op x

How are you @OhForFS ? Did you get through to the mental health nurse?

Hope you're okay too x

Try Samaritans again op, if nothing else it's better than being alone with your thoughts right now and it's a chance to talk it out loud

The Samaritans is probably less busy at this time of day. Please try them again. Or message your partner. That first step in telling someone just how bad you feel is the hardest but it will get better.

@OhForFS please make the call to Samaritans now and if you can, your mental health nurse. What time do your DC come home? Do you collect them?