Struggling after making a mistake, having intrusive thoughts. Please advise. *MNHQ has altered title*

Such a true saying. As a child of someone who committed suicide, finding out that’s how your parent died is horrific, I’ve wondered many times “was I not good enough?” “Was I not worth fighting for.?”

it leaves a lot of hurt , grief and pain and breaks families apart.

please please please seek help.

What would you advise a friend who told you what you've told us?

The intrusive thoughts are your mind's way of expressing anxiety. You had the rug pulled out under you by what happened and don't feel secure. If you have an intrusive thought, say to yourself 'thank you mind, I know you're trying to look after me'.

Please seek help urgently and know that you're loved.

There might be some times when suicide is the answer, like if you are on death row, or sentenced to the rest of your life in prison with no possibility of parole, or to save your family from humiliation if in a similar position, but in your situation this is nothing like a suitable answer. Please see your GP but def don't commit suicide over work.

I had a work crisis a few years ago and I do understand how it can overshadow everything else. It blew over, everything does. Please get help to get you through this tough part.

Time cures all. What seems insurmountable now will be forgotten In no time. There's always something else on the way to overtake what's happening now. And guess what? Then your mind will blank it out. We forget horrible things, as the mind needs to protect itself. So stop worrying.

Well done for posting for support.

Shame is one of many emotions - joy, anger, disgust, delight, jealousy, fear... the list is endless.

As humans, we feel all of these emotions at some time but the important thing to remember is that these feelings are not constant. They pass.

The future is different for you. You will not feel as you do now. None of us do.

Emotions are fleeting. They come and go. You are never in one state of, for example, perpetual joy, or perpetual anger.

This will pass. Hang in there. Keep talking.

Your job is not worth this...leave it if you can't face it anymore. You made a mistake, held your hands up...you should not be punishing yourself like this my love.

Your life is your husband and children...this is what is important. Take time off sick and focus on you and your family...nothing else matters.

Sending you love and strength xxx

This is one incident. I once experienced a bad outcome from gosipping at work. Swore I'd never do it again. I'm still embarrassed when I think about it, but it wad a learning experience. Take some time off, maybe look for a new job of you need to but move on and DEFINITELY dont end your life.

A friend of mine attempted suicide over a similar work situation. She was in a coma and now has lasting brain damage. She has 3 children who she now cannot look after on her own. All this cause of a stupid fucking job.
You can quit your job, change your job, you never have to see any of these colleagues again IF you dont want to (even though itll probably all be forgotten about by next week), but please stick around for your gorgeous, beautiful children who you mean THE WORLD to!!

Please talk to someone about how you are feeling.

What’s happening now won’t last forever. You have a future full of other things and a day will come when you won’t think of it at all.

Oh dear god, this is just a stupid job! You can’t kill yourself over something that’s happened at work, when you have two children and a husband who love you.

Resign, take a couple of weeks off, and then find a new job. absolutely no job is worth feeling like this.

MH professional here. Full disclosure: I’ve also been on both sides of where you are now… was severely suicidal last year, and also am a survivor of bereavement by suicide. So, believe me when I say I can utterly get all angles of how things are for you.

Your situation really resonates with me - I remember how quickly those ruminations on ‘minor’ things spread into self-loathing, self-punishment, suicidal ideation, suicidal planning etc etc. It’s a terrible rabbit hole, and my heart goes out to you.

I wonder if your brain is frantically seeking escape from this turmoil, making out-of-character decisions as a result of frantically scrabbling about to find a solution to what you currently feel is the end of the world? I really, reeeeeally understand that, and sympathise.

One thing that got me though, and that I say to my own patients, is to not take any decisions or steps today - put it off until tomorrow. And when tomorrow becomes today, then you put the decision off until tomorrow, etc etc…

You absolutely, 100% need to tell someone where your thoughts are, and be honest about your planning / prep. That’s incredibly significant for MH professionals to know, as it totally changes the course of the risk assessing process, and would be the difference between you being kept safe and you being just told to have a bath and a box set. I say this as someone who risk assesses daily. I also know how hard I found it to confess the level of my plans, but it saved my life.

Finally, as someone bereaved by suicide, I can see now (now I’m of sound mind again) that it’s crippling for people left behind. But quite frankly, that sometimes is overridden by the tricks your brain plays on you, so do not listen to those tricks.

I wish I could give you some proper support, comfort and guidance. But know that I’m thinking of you and rooting for you X

no matter what you say in a letter, your children will think they're worthless, all their lives. Their own mother didn't think they were worth sticking around for, why should anyone else?

can you do that to your kids?

you feel ashamed & embarrassed, you'll get over it.

your management obviously want you to stay, or they'd have sacked you.

head down, tail up.

you'll be fine 🌸

Call in sick. The feeling of shame WILL pass. In the meantime take it one day at a time and I can guarantee that the feelings of shame will dilute with each day that passes. Please please work through this and be there for your children in the future xx

Some advice to deal with feelings of intense shame:

• Try to speak to yourself as you would a friend, loved one, even your child. If they told you your story what would you say to them? I can guarantee it wouldn't be the awful things you are telling yourself. *Try to speak to a friend or someone you trust about what has happened and how you are feeling. If you do t have anyone, call Samaritans.

Take care. You are worthy of love and care. From yourself first and foremost.

A similar work incident happened to me 16 years ago. It’s shame, the feeling, and it’s strong. But it passes. Be kind to yourself, everyone makes mistakes.

definitely get some help as soon as possible as your life is important and your children need you xxx

In 1 month or 1 year from now you will feel totally different about the situation. I had something similar at my first job when I was 18. Not quite as extreme as you but I felt like I could never go back there ever again.
It's now 15 years later and until now I had not thought about that situation for EVER.
please please please. Do not harm yourself over this. Jobs are replaceable. You are not ❤️

Don’t do this to your children.

Seek some help but also book a holiday asap. Put an ocean between yourself and your troubles. You’ll get a proper perspective on things and care far less.

It's never the answer. Call in sick tomorrow and Friday. Lie obviously, nasty vomiting bug. Then listen to shame well on radio 5 or BBC sounds to realise other people do mortifying things. I like the one who flushes a poo in her unconnected toilet flooding the floor with poo and then the builders pop back for forgotten tools!

We have all made mistakes like that.

There are lots of things I have done or said which I cringe about and try not to think about.

Please don't think you are the only person to do something like that. xxx

I have stared down the barrel of the same feelings you are having now.

I would have absolutely hated anyone telling me “things get better” at the time, because I was so deeply in that situation and those feelings I couldn’t even imagine it. I would fantasise about driving into oncoming traffic on the way to work and spend hours staring into the depths of my local river from the bridge after it.

It’s been 18 months since I’ve had that kind of thought. I can see looking back, how wildly unwell I was. Bullied out nearly out of not just my mind, but my life.

Remove yourself from this situation - take time off so you can seek help in peace from work. Talk to someone.

No job is worth this - you are not this one mistake, you are not your job. You are a person loved far beyond that.

Sorry to post again, but I think the nature of the work issue is a bit of a red herring on this thread, and has led some to mis-calculate what a pickle you’re in, mentally.

The trigger could’ve been anything, it’s not about the details of the trigger, it’s about you having been triggered into a very real MH crisis, or “breakdown” as was previously known. I wonder if the work issue was actually the straw that broke the camels back and there’s been other difficulties brewing for a while.

Please don’t let your crisis be minimised (albeit well-meaningly) due to the misunderstanding of others about the work issue being “trivial”. The resultant impact is far from trivial and you need help ASAP. Xxx

Please hang on fiercely to your life. In five years, you might wince a little when you look back at this time, but you’ll look around at your life and you’ll be so glad you’re still here.

I have dealt with thinking it was the only way out in my life before, and I am so grateful I didn’t succeed. It’s incredible how much life can change completely, even in just one year.

please hang on. You learned something from this, and that person you trusted, who proved themselves unworthy of your trust, should not succeed in destroying your life.

to counteract the awful voices, focus on a small gratitude thought. Even just small things. I used to even thank my feet for working so well, if I couldn’t think of anything else, I focused on how I could stand up, go for a walk outside.

then it grew from there. Just small, tiny gratitudes. Look at your safe, warm, kids - who have a roof over their heads.

it’s going to take some time, but just keep focusing on getting through each day and paying more attention to what you like and are grateful for, and things will get better. 💐

also, keep posting here if you need to vent. You are not alone!

God love you, you’ve got yourself into an awful muddle over this. I’m so sorry that you’re feeling this anxious. I can guarantee you that your colleagues/managers would be horrified to think of you feeling like this. Does your company have an Employee Assistance Program where you can access help? You sound like a lovely, caring human who’s done something that all of us at some point. Please don’t beat yourself up about it. Sending love to you.