Struggling after making a mistake, having intrusive thoughts. Please advise. *MNHQ has altered title*

We all make mistakes in life, it's part of being human. What seems like the worst thing ever right now won't feel like that later on and you'll be stronger and more wiser because of it. Your children love you, despite any of your mistakes or flaws, and will always need you.

Hope you get the support you need x

So sorry you are going through this OP.

Call the Samaritans tonight if you need to, but tomorrow morning please call the GP, they can give you medication that will help get you out of this dip, hopefully combined with CBT to help you reframe your thinking.

Work situations like this are awful - shame, humiliation, guilt and disappointment in yourself are all really hard to handle and can leave you feeling like you’re in a hole you can never escape. Of course you aren’t - this will pass, but you’ve had a real shock and you are reeling and ruminating right now.

As well as reaching out for help as a matter of urgency, focus on being kind to yourself. Tell yourself this will pass, even if it’s hard to believe that right now. Treat yourself well and like someone who matters. Look up all these experiences online - knowing you aren’t alone and it will pass will really help.

It sounds like you need help. Shame doesn’t normally make people feel quite as bad as you do. I wonder if there is more going on thank just what happened and how you’re processing it?
Do try to look after yourself. Your children love you and you need to find a way back to them.
You’re worth more than this horrible feeling that is invading your mind. I wish you all the best.

I sat for hours recently with the bewildered shocked elderly parents of a friend who took his own life because of a mistake at work. I hugged his wife, kids, brother, friends workmates.

Suicide is really really not the answer. Please please talk to someone, go to your GP.

This will pass and fade eventually I promise.

Op I hope you called Samaritans. I promise we don't want your kids and frankly you won't give us enough info to do stuff all even if you admitted to cutting off their little toes and putting them in the stew pot. And if you call and you're not sure it's the right person, cancel the call and phone back. Not just today, but whenever you feel like this. That's what we're there for

I could have written your post. And I'm still here. And so pleased I didn't do it. Things change.

Like you, the work stuff was the tip of the iceberg, but it floored me more than it should / could have done. Because I made a mistake, and I'm human, and that's what we do.

I'd always had bouts of depression, which I hid, am now on antidepressants, have had / am having lots of therapy, attempt meditation. Have a job I like enough, and have managed to keep going when I've made mistakes this time.

I didn't ask for help on MN, but reading these responses, I wish I had. Things will be different again for you.

Work is important, but your life is waaaaay more important.

I know it's naff, but breathing slowly helps me, and gives me a focus away from the killer thoughts. They are thoughts, they are not you.

Take care, be gentle on yourself. Things will change. X

What you can show your children is how to build and utilise resilience when you're going through the toughest of times, and what it is to be human. It'll stand them in good stead should they ever face challenging times. It's a bit knobbish gossiping (specifically when caught lol) but not at all the end of the world and we ALL do it. Even the nicest people like a moan. This is a reflection of how you feel in general, the gossip thing is a trigger for how you feel. There're so many self help tools out there, try the getselfhelp website and really focus on getting mentally more resilient. You'll get there, people need you, and your gossip 😜

@OhForFS Every time you get through another day, by simply existing, you are giving a meaningful gift to your children. Knowing that their Mum is present in the world can give them a reassurance and feeling safety that nobody else can ever provide to them. You are not perfect, nor is anyone else, but you are absolutely indispensable.

OP - yes. It's always busier at night, and it might take ten minutes to get through - but please, do persevere. They are there to listen.

@OhForFS Please, please find a way to get through another day, and then repeat. While I do not know you personally, I am very close to several people who have been directly affected by suicide. It creates such a trauma in the people around them that especially thinking of your young children, I wish I could take you by the hand and bring you to a place with compassionate people who can listen while you speak freely, and help you to feel better, and to see the importance of your continued presence in the world.

In case you happen to be in London, there is another charity called The Listening Place that offers in-person support to individuals who are having suicidal thoughts.

Op, what you did wasn't so bad. Really. I'm old. If you know the crap I've seen people do at work and recover from. We had a guy who got drunk at a holiday party - fairly out of character - took his company car and drove and killed people. he served time and some people in the company wanted us to rehire him (we didn't).

If the shame is overwhelming, you can always move on to another job. people do it all the time. Your husband and children will NEVER move on from you not being there.

Honestly, I think this is an extreme reaction to the crap life sometimes throws at you and the crap you sometimes throw at yourself. There are moments in my life that make me groan out loud if I think of them. Same for everyone.

I think you should see your GP asap and ask for help. This may have triggered something in you because being actively suicidal because of a bad moment at work which management aren't treating that seriously ... is out of proportion. you need to ask for help. Could you talk to your husband?

OP- I have a few suicide attempts under my belt. The feeling of sudden calmness and apathy is something I recognise. It’s like you have this plan in your head and knowing things will be over it’s almost a relief.

But honestly, it’s a job. It’s not something you need to be this upset about so I can tell there’s underlying things and this is the straw that’s broke the camels back. It’s absolutely not worth ending your life over when you would leave behind children. You can always get a new job.

You should be prepared to take some time off. From experience the crash after suicidal thoughts have passed is intense. You will be so emotionally drained and it will take a few days to get your head somewhat back together. See your GP in the morning as an urgent appointment, you could be signed off work. Keep talking to us all if you need to.

It is far better that you gossiped about the work culture than an individual.
Just saying.
Yes, everyone gossips sometimes and the fact that you did not single out someone is much more redeemable.
I hope you get some peace soon xxxx

Yes, I agree with this and I also had time off after being on the brink OP. The GP gave me a paper without question and said they’d renew it for as long as I needed. I actually ended up handing my notice in and leaving a toxic workplace before needing to go back though. My only regret is that I didn’t do it years earlier then I never would have found myself in such a desperate, hopeless situation. Please talk to your husband while you wait to speak to the Samaritans.

Please call the Samaritans OP. And tomorrow, tell your GP, and get signed off work.

To try to stop the thoughts please think about your children. They really honestly truly are better off with you in their lives than you not being. Please stay alive, initially for their sakes, but later when you are feeling better, for your own.

Talk to work again. Tell them the truth, about what you said, and about how this is making you feel. OP you are not a bad person. The fact you have a conscience and feel bad about this speaks volumes. You are a good person who made one mistake. Please don’t let it define you.

Please, please, do not do anything to yourself in the heat of the moment. You are LOVED by your children. There is nothing like a mother's love that they will experience. You are their world. If you are finding it hard to be strong for YOU, please try very hard to be strong for them. They need you. This is your number one purpose whilst they are so young, being there for them. You've got this.

Yes Samaritans can take a long time at this time of night... just keep on holding on ... or ringing back if you can't bear it.... I think it took me 25 minutes one time..... it could take longer

I am thinking of you... and what you have said ....

This is so powerful and so true... I'm trying to tell myself there's a chance I can get help to become stable and never emotionally harm them with depressive parenting, but there's zero chance of bringing myself back from the dead.

There is help out there, real help and your children want and need you more than anyone can possibly imagine....

Sending you love and a virtual hug: it is so very very tough what you are going through. And just getting through the next day - or even just the next ten minutes, and then the next - is a huge achievement.

You have been so very brave coming on here ❤

I'm trying to tell myself there's a chance I can get help to become stable and never emotionally harm them with depressive parenting, but there's zero chance of bringing myself back from the dead.

Hold onto this thought OP. Please please hold onto it. There’s a very good chance you can bring yourself back from this. You owe it to your kids to try. And you owe it to yourself too. Please try.

If the culture is that bad, EVERYONE else knows it too. I was giving out stink in a previous job too and leaving lifted a huge weight off me. Plan your exit if you need to.

Please try to think of your children.. don't leave them without a mum because of a silly mistake at work

Get a new job, there's no point killing yourself over this. Quit the job if you must. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
You are sorry, you feel bad. We all make mistakes, forgive yourself.

Your children need you. They need your love and you sound like a brave and caring person. Our thoughts can trick us. What they are saying to you isn’t true. I’ve been in situations where I’ve believed intrusive, frightening thoughts too. Many of us have. Wait and let time pass by. You don’t need to do anything but breathe and wait for the Samaritans to answer the phone.

Samaritans!

I promise you this too shall pass and it is a terrible reason to commit suicide. Tragically “shame” is quite a common reason for suicide and it is so sad. I’ve known men commit suicide if they lose or are about to lose their job or business when a lot of their identity is tied up with it or if they are in debt.

I knew a lovely man through work who did this, he was depressed at the time and his business was failing. He loved his children and wife so much but couldn’t see that his death would leave them bereft. He must have lost all proportion and reason. He had so much more to offer than his standing in the local business community. The pain he left his family in is unbearable and he has missed so many years of potential happiness because of one spiral.

You are in no way ruined. You made an easy mistake and have held your hands up. Your employer is saying let’s put it behind us and you must. You and others can and do go through worse and still experience happiness afterwards. They emerge. I was in a terrible place 22 years ago, I’ve had a happy life for the last 19 years. Your children need you and you deserve to live as long as you possibly can and see them grow and do things you don’t yet know are possibilities.

I’d recommend confiding in your GP. Request a double appointment. At one point I reluctantly accepted relatively short term medication from my GP and with hindsight, it prevented a total breakdown. I was having panic attacks, although I didn’t know that’s what they were. You may not need medication but telling someone safe who actually knows you could in itself be helpful.