Insomnia friends - I will sleep well tonight because I have told my unconscious I will

[BeckyBendyLegs]

And here it is!

Actually DH is coming around to the idea of ADs as he sees that I need a bit of a break from this stress I am putting myself under. But I've been skepitcal about them too for ages and ages (partly because I felt so crap taking fluoxitine). I've learnt a lot more about them though and recently found out my niece has taken and is back on the same sort you and CountryLover take as she says she has had big anxiety and insomnia issues. She also said, interestingly, she's never had any problems coming off them (one of my worries).

Not ignoring you! I have told DH I want a bike with a baby attachment so DS3 and I can go cycling after he gets home from work. Perhaps a Christmas present!!! I don't do jogging - I'm rubbish at it. I do sleep better during term time when I'm walking to school three times a day.

It is reassuring to know that it might go away in a few nights. I have had this thing before - and it is an anxiety about getting enough sleep thing - stay strong!!!!

I think I've said this before, but I found that kind of "backwards thinking" helped a bit with the old jolting awake thing just as you're drifting off....

i.e. instead of fighting that feeling, kind of accept, embrace it? Or try to interpret it differently e.g. a feeling of excitement, rather than anxiety. Frame it more positively.

It's flippin hard though!!

Glad you are thinking of cycling - that is fab!

I'm not really a jogger either, and it's not ideal when you've got a crap pelvic floor But it's free, and you don't need much preparation (just get changed and do some stretches). I think if I had to get a bike out the shed and all that faff it would put me right off and I'd never go!

Becky you are doing far too well to be a lost cause

Sorry you had such a bad night though - I do think your PST should be 'bad nights are a normal part of life, possibly mine are a bit more frequent than average, but that's nothing to worry about'

Please don't go lying there thinking I have to let go I have ot let go. You can imagine how that works. Sometimes anxiety is very insidious - no clear reason. And actually if you've been anxious for a long time it can be weird not to feel it and you feel it anyway.

I was very very anxious last night - this camping trip suddenly feels very very daft - what if the weather is bad, I can't pitch the tent, my friend and her kids don't enjoy it, I can't cope with ds on my own etc etc

I told DH and he laughed and told me not to be silly. Had fitful sleep and feel shattered which is making me anxious again as i usually sleep very little in a tent - I love camping, but no the hours from 1 -4.30 ish when I'm usually awake...

Madmouse that's a good PST. I will use that!

Anxiety is horrible. It's evil! I didn't appreciate my life before I had this anxiety. I wish I had!

I'm sorry you had a bad night too and feel anxious. It is just the pits, eh? Anxiety about camping is understandable though - I would be too! When are you going? You might sleep better than usual if you are more tired than usual. I haven't been camping since I was about 16 and got put off by bumping into a cow in the middle of the night on my way to the loo but I have some friends who love it and go a lot.

GetDown I like your idea about seeing that anxiety as an excitement! I'll try.

It is all flippin' hard!

Becky I'm going after church today - an hour away from here. With a friend and two of her kids, she's never camped before. I have always camped but never pitched our six berth without dh! I know how to do it and my friend can help me. I hope!!!!

I hate camping!

Me too! I've never recovered from the cow incident!

Cleaning house in preparation for in-laws. Well, at least giving it the 'needs cleaning' look rather than the usual 'total tip' look.

I hope you have a good time madmouse - sleeping under the moon and stars (the moon was fab last night - I think we've just had a full moon recently - it looked stunning).

Hi sorry you had such a bad night Becky. It's all so complicated isn't it? when it should be simple, just bed and sleep is so nice. I do hope you get a better night tonight and if you get the chance to go cycling that could really help.

I had another disturbed night last night. I'd been out with my sister, her DH and my little niece yesterday. We had a nice roast lunch with 2 x glasses of wine, lovely chat, children played in garden plus a walk to the park. After I got home yesterday I felt pleasantly tired.

In the end I went to bed at 10.30 and fell asleep fairly quickly. However at 3.00 woke to go to the loo and then just couldn't get back to sleep for a good 2hrs:( I got fed up with lying in bed so got up for a bit. Eventually fell back to sleep on sofa about 6.00 and was then woken up by my two youngest DDs coming downstairs (as it was then about 7.30). I then felt really groggy but had decided that this morning I was going to go out for a run as planned, so dragged myself out.

I did feel quite good when I got back but am really struggling now. It's going to have to be a quiet day today I think [sigh]..

I'm not anxious about not sleeping yet as I've only actually had two bad nights, but I was doing so well. Really hope this is just because I'm coming off the Dosulepin and not a sign of things to come:(

Madmouse hope you have fun camping, all the fresh air should mean you sleep well. I haven't camped since I went to Guides, perhaps I ought to give it a try sometime, the DDs would probably love it.

Getdown - can I just ask if you think the exercise has helped with your mental health.

Im still really struggling. The AD doesnt seem to be going to work for me this time (it did in 2004 & 2006). Im having a very difficult time with both anxiety and depression. Because I have such a horrendous time either coming off or going on ad's I m trying to stick things out until november when the person I am covering for at work comes back.

in the meantime going to do cbt and have bought L Method to try. Am also going to try start doing regular 'fast' walking.

Am feeling frightened - have never been in this position before - where ad's havent worked after this length of time. But have to stay hopeful that SOMETHING will work eventually.

At work I'm responsible for a £1.8m budget and 50 staff. Im just about managing to keep going there without blowing my cover. But would just love to be able to go back to feeling at ease. Nothing exciting just loevly content moments.

Work doesnt cause my problems - its just that when Im not well work becomes much more difficult.

Anyway .... got to keep going x

Hi kizzie definitely exercise has helped me.

Because I am reducing all my medication in order to TTC, I needed something to kind of "boost" me, if you know what I mean.

I am now down to an eighth of my mirtazapine original dose. Am so very nearly ready to stop which is amazing. When I was in hospital with PND I was on 11 different drugs at one point

It has been such a battle to get off them all, but one by one, I have done it.

I did have a period of feeling anxious and low when I started reducing the mirtazapine. I was scared they would make me go back on it, and my chances of another baby would evaporate.

So I had to do something.

Exercise for me has been a bit of a life saver actually. I see it as a kind of "natural anti-depressant". It's hard whilst your doing it (getting hot, puffed, muscles aching etc.) but afterwards when you've showered, got changed it just feels so good! You kind of "glow". And the added bonus for me is that if you do it in the afternoon / early evening, the sleep is sooo much better too.

I basically try and do 30 minutes every other day - has to be enough to get me out of breath and red in the face for it to work for me.

I do believe you will get those lovely content moments back kizzie. It's great you are coping at work, in spite of everything. I'm sure you will get there.
xx

Hi guys, it's me, the lost cause . Well survived the in-laws and Sunday lunch cooked by wonderful DH.

GetDown to come from taking 11 different drugs to an eighth of your mirtazapine is incredible. You are an inspiration!!!!! What's next - a sixteenth? How low can you go?

Can I just ask though - if this is some sort of postnatal anxiety / depression I have - and it has been getting better except this little blip - when does it really feel like things are much better? DS3 is ten months nearly now, and causing havoc as I type! He's at a lovely age now - smiley and just on the verge of moving (bottom shuffling though like the others). I feel sad that I've spent the so much time of his early life wrapped up in my own problems :( I've missed out.

thanks becky yes I do feel I've come a long way. Those were awful times. For a drug phobic like me, you can imagine how I felt when they kept prescribing more and more stuff, and then drugs to treat side effects of other drugs etc etc and none of them seemed to be working.

And to be told I would be on them for the rest of my life too.... well I just would not settle for that. So it's been a bit of a personal mission to prove them wrong

How low can I go with the mirtazapine??! Good question!! It is a tiny amount now, just a crumb really. DH looks at me cutting it up into tiny fragments like this I know it's just a psychological thing now. It's just making that break and stopping altogether. I am worried even the fear of stopping it will be enough to give me a bad night... so here I am shaving tiny portions off like an idiot!! I have been taking a vitamin pill alongside it for a while now, in the hope that once I stop the mirtazapine I will carry on taking the vitamin at exactly the same time (in some vain hope I will "fool" my subconscious that I am still taking something that will help me sleep).

Regarding your PNA / PND.... they do say, it's up until your child is one year old (that's the cut off point for peri-natal services anyway). But it's only a rule of thumb. Hopefully you will find that gradually gradually gradually you get better until one day you think "I haven't felt bad or had a bad night in over a year!!" I think recovery is a very slow thing with mental health unfortunately. Here I am and my DD is nearly 3, I wouldn't say I am "cured" but I have learnt sooo much along the way to help myself. Even though the thought of another baby scares the life out of me, I do feel that I would be able to cope better this time round because of everything I have learnt, and all the lovely support I've had from here

I don't think you've "missed out" becky. You have been with your DS3 the whole time, I bet you've had more happy memories from his first year than sad ones. I wouldn't call that missing out at all.

You have proved them wrong squared!!!! I am drug phobic too. DH laughs at me when I have a bad cold - it takes a lot for me to even have a lemsip or parecetomol! I have no idea why I am so drug phobic though but the thought of getting addicted to anything or dependent on anything terrifies me for some reason.

DH has gone to see Avatar in 3D by himself at the cinema this evening. So I'm going to have a bowl of pasta now and watch a bit of TV before sloping off to bed with my book.

PST: I will sleep well tonight because we are going bathroom tile shopping tomorrow and the prospect of that excitement is sure not to keep me awake yawn!

I love the way you say squared!!

We didn't finish watching Avatar the other night so may watch a bit more tonight. TBH sci-fi is not really my thing, but DH loves it. And the effects do look pretty cool, even I can admit that!

Still haven't eaten yet. Naughty me didn't put the dinner on till 8 and forgot it takes and hour to cook

I'm sure tonight will be better xx

Hi there all! Well I survived the wedding and my mum did a really good job with DD - DD slept right through for her, not fair! - but I'm glad as more chance mum will do it again . We all went for a nice sunday lunch together today when we went to collect her and DD was lovely smiling at us all and banging the table, knowing she was the centre of attention!

I haven't slept well the last couple of nights with an odd 'sleep paralysis' experience on Friday night, which was another disturbed one with DD, and last night when DD wasn't there I still woke at 1.30am but did get back to sleep (tho I did take rather a lot of pills )

I've realised that I always sleep badly when DD hasn't been sleeping well as I get used to waking up and wake up almost in anticipation. Once her cold finishes hopefully it will all settle down again.

DP off the next couple of days and has offered to let me lie in one of them but I've offered to do both early mornings!

I feel like my sleep is bad again at the moment and I've lost confidence again but I am very pre-menstrual so hopefully it will pass.

You're doing amazingly well GetDown, I'm just really sad for you that you got put on all those drugs that you probably didn't even really need.

Sorry you're going through a blip Becky I'm the same again even though I know it will get better again as it has before.

Good luck camping Madmouse I'm a terrible camper, memories of tent getting flooded as a child!, though I discovered one summer that if I go for several weeks I sleep well eventually!

Arcadia you and me are in the same boat again - we had a few restless nights with DS1 and DS3 and now my sleep is blllaaaa again and my confidence is really low, which just makes it worse, doesn't it?

I know I will get better too (I have to believe that otherwise I'd give up) - I slept really, really well last night. Didn't hear DH come back from Avator, didn't hear DS3 cry at 12.30am, didn't hear the other DSs get up to go to the loo at 7.30am. Woke up at 7.43am after going to bed at 10pm. Cool beans, eh?

Anxiety in my stomach though. But I'm getting used to that feeling. Perhaps it will disappear eventually.

DH is cooking a cooked brakfast this morning. I do love him sometimes! Then we're going tile shopping today. Yeah!!! Can I contain myself? I suggested we go to a glass festival in Stourbridge instead but DH said 'no we need to go tile shopping'.

Sounds like you had a lovely time though at the wedding, isn't this age a lovely age?

Glad you had a good time at the wedding arcadia and it's great that DD was good for your mum. As you say, hopefully that will mean she is more likely to help again in the future. I remember you saying you find it really frustrating that she doesn't help out more with DD. Maybe this is the start of things changing for the better!

becky yay on your good night! How can you say your sleep is "blllaaaa" again? Over half of your nights at the moment are good!

Did your DH like Avatar? DH and I carried on watching it last night till 11pm, but then I just had to go to bed! It's so sad though... what the greedy Amercians will do to get their hands on natural resources with no heed to the impact....

WELL, I am very excited because I TOOK NO MIRTAZAPINE LAST NIGHT!!! And I slept really well (11pm - 7am)

Am sooo excited! Last night was literally the first medication free night since DD was about 6 weeks old! I feel so pleased!

I did do a hard jog last night AND had a glass of wine though... so will be interesting to see if I can still sleep WITHOUT the jog and the wine... but I am feeling very positive! Yay!

Enjoy your tile shopping!

We are going for a pub lunch with our best friends and their baby

GetDown that is soooo fantastic :) :) :) :). You are a total star. Well done!!!!!!! You should celebrate somehow - treat yourself to something!

DH loves avatar. I like it too but I find it really soporofic! We tried to watch it over four nights but I kept falling asleep every time.

Hope everyone has a nice day. The sun is glorious here. Wish we could go to the glass festival!

Well done GetDown that's amazing! Glad you slept too Becky.

I had another bad night. Can't remember the last good one I had. I woke from a nightmare about DP trying to kill me at 1.30am (a bit melodramatic!) and woke again at 3.30am. I also had vivid dreams this morning about 'going mad' and begging for medication .

I have felt really unhappy the last few days. DP and I really not getting on and the wedding didn't help. He is being quite rude to me. He says he does feel down. I think he just isn't really enjoying life with DD . He does love her of course but basically he just wanted a quiet life and gets annoyed about all the domestic tasks. I think he takes his resentment out on me. He refuses to get any help/see his doctor/speak to anyone about it.

He's grumpy again today because he did the early 'shift' (I needed to lie in - the only time I seem to be able to sleep properly is the mornings).

Sorry to be so negative. I don't know what to do next. Hoping things get better over the next few weeks again .

Arcadia the bad dreams do sound like your worries coming out - it's horrible though I know.

Don't worry about being negative and things will get better. I know that the only way to beat this is to be positive as much as possible. It's a blip. Same for me. It's just a blip.

I'm now going to draw a picture of DS3 while he's having his nap (I mean, from a photo although I'd love to draw him asleep). Drawing is about the only thing that I can do to get rid of the general anxiety. (I'm a bit of a closet artist when I get the time.)

I just wanted to say well done GetDown for coming off the Mirtazapine. I'm really pleased you're feeling better. It's lovely things are going well and hope you have another baby soon:)

Well done Get Down! xxx

thanks everyone

Sorry you had another bad night arcadia and that you are feeling sad. I really feel for you re. not getting on well with DP at the moment. It's so hard with a baby. I'm sure you will get through it, both of you, you just have to hang on in there.

Had a pub lunch, then when we got home DH and I both felt so full and sleepy we had to have a nap, so put Whinnie the Pooh on for DD. But within about 10 minutes he was flipping clicking again My blood was boiling I could have shaken him.

He's gone out with DD and the dog now for a walk. Feel a bit bad because he can't help it, but it's just such an irritating noise, and of course I couldn't sleep. Even with ear plugs I could still hear it

Hope you are all having ok days xx

Oh that clicking noise!

Well we've been tile shopping and spent a lot of money on tile and paint. We're having the bathroom completely re-done, and all three DSs' rooms properly insulated, replastered and painted - costing a lot of money. Scary stuff.

I'm going to do Japanese GCSE next year with DH! If he gets a better grade than me I'll cry (I lived there for two years - a long time ago though). He has the advantage of being really, really, really clever (we're talking he's never had a B in his life).