Insomnia friends - I will sleep well tonight because I have told my unconscious I will

[BeckyBendyLegs]

And here it is!

Actually DH is coming around to the idea of ADs as he sees that I need a bit of a break from this stress I am putting myself under. But I've been skepitcal about them too for ages and ages (partly because I felt so crap taking fluoxitine). I've learnt a lot more about them though and recently found out my niece has taken and is back on the same sort you and CountryLover take as she says she has had big anxiety and insomnia issues. She also said, interestingly, she's never had any problems coming off them (one of my worries).

you iron duvet covers?

Strange girl

I have a cleaner !

DH likes his duvets ironed! He's come from an immaculate upbringing so I have to give him some pleasures to compensate for the the fact the rest of the house is a tip . When the MIL comes around I can see her wincing at the cobwebs. Her house is like a show home.

Arcadia I want a cleaner!!!!

PST for today: I will sleep well because tomorrow is Friday and then it is the weekend. Yeah!

becky you are fast becoming my hero! you have three, yes three boys to look after (4 if you include DH ), you survive insomnia AND you manage to iron your duvets!!

Our house is a state, I do not have a cleaner!

Feeling quite good about tonight.

Oh, another weird thing about last night - DH just said "oh by the way did you hear your alarm at midnight?!" - what alarm? Apparently my bedside alarm went off by accident at midnight and he had to get up to turn it off as I slept right through it!!

I never sleep through noise!

Weird.

PST: if I can sleep through my alarm, I can sleep through anything!

Don't forget she also bakes her own bread !

Feeling really sad this evening, have been crying a lot since DD went to bed. DP really pissed me off. Came home grumpy and was grumpy with DD and I could see on her face that she knew he was (she's really starting to understand things now) and I feel so angry that I make such an effort and he's so grumpy. She'd been lovely all day and fun, and was just tired when he got home, it wasn't her fault. I no longer excuse DP on the basis that he's had to prop me up because i've been 'better' for ages and been pretty cheerful. I feel really sorry for DD having us as parents now and I don't want this to be our family dynamic.

Both my parents were depressed and my father killed himself when I was a teenager. I really thought I could do things differently and still hope that I can but I need DP to be willing to make the effort too. I don't want my DD to have unhappy parents.

Sorry I keep messing up your positive thread.

My PST is I've had an emotional day and having released some of those emotions I will now be able to have a peaceful and restful night's sleep.

Arcadia you and your DP are not your parents. I do the same thing sometimes, think me and DH are going to repeat history of my parents. My parents divorced when I was nine and they rowed all the time before that so everytime me and DH fall out I go off by myself in floods, catastrophise 'he hates me, he's going to want to divoce me, where will me and the DSs live, what will happen to me, etc etc'. And of course it never happens. Perhaps yesterday was just a bad day at work for your DP? Did you talk to him about how you felt or ask him why he was feeling down? You said you've been so cheerful and better lately so you are not an unhappy parent and you are working so hard to be a good parent to your DD. Everyone has up days and down days. You are usually so good at putting me in perspective about my bad sleep, you need to put this bad day in perspective too.

I hope you both had restful nights

I am always the first on here aren't I? It's because I am a morning person and wake up refreshed at 6.30am. I read a really interesting article in Red magazine last night about how most couples have different sleep patterns with one morning person and one night person. That is me and DH.

Anyway, last night I slept very well again . I did have a glass of wine with tea, again, but I'm trying not to worry about that as it just relaxes me and I don't have more than one glass as it would adversely affect my sleep. DH went to bed at the same time as me, for once (happens about once a month) and of course he was asleep before I'd even fluffed up my pillow. But I don't know how much longer after that I fell asleep. I didn't use the ipod but did the 'story in my head' thing that I always used to do and it worked (and probably the accumulative effect of the CD helped too). I slept really deeply but did wake up a lot (once to put DS3 back the right way around in his cot). I had bizarre dreams though.

You two make me laugh, making me sound like some sort of Nigella Lawson. I wish you could see this house right now - it is full of stuff! The ironing board is out, the kitchen is a mess, papers everywhere, toys everywhere. Sometimes the DSs go to school looking like they slept in their clothes.

Hello, me checking in!

Went to bed at 9:30, woke up at 4 then slept again till 7!!!! WOO-HOO!

Feel sooo much better

arcadia sorry to read your sad post

How did you night go?

Lucky you Becky I am terrible in the morning. DP is good, but he is not willing to 'do' every morning though he got up again today so I had an extra hour in bed.
Last night wasn't great. I got to sleep quickly but DD woke a few times between 2 & 3 and I couldn't get back to sleep properly between 2 & 4 or so, but have probably had 6 hours sleep in total. That should be OK but between 2 & 4 I had weird experiences e.g. dreaming I had woken up screaming, then horrible nightmares that did wake me up. And I still feel exhausted as I haven't slept properly this week at all.
DD really whining again this morning and don't feel very patient.
I did ask DP about his day at work but he never says much. He won't really talk about 'feelings' and is even worse when he's in a bad mood so I don't bother any more.
Sounds like our relationship is terrible; it isn't.
We're staying with his parents in London this weekend - hopefully that will help us both recharge a bit.
Glad you slept well. I don't know whether to try the hypnosis CD again or not.

Are you still planning on going to your GP Becky? There's no point in me going back to mine as I know she'll only want to give me citalopram and I don't want to take it.
GP's don't seem to understand sleeping problems, do they?

arcadia you don't need to settle for "citalopram or nothing" - honestly there is a lot more the GP could do to help you if they wanted to.

If they don't help you , you need to consider switching GPs?

There are sedating ADs which could really help you...

Sending lots of love
x

Thanks GetDown, feeling really discouraged today.

Glad you slept so well, did you take anything?

Glad we all slept reasonably well / very well. I know six hours isn't ideal Arcadia but your DD woke you up and that's not your fault really, it is very hard to get back to sleep after waking and getting up. Paul McKenna does have some good exercises in the book to help with night waking, and the CD is supposed to help with that too. So might be worth one more try?

I think everyone's relationship has good things and bad things. For us it is similar to what you describe in that when DH is in a strop he hates me to ask him what's up so I don't know (in fact I just pretend I haven't noticed sometimes). If I do he just explodes and slams doors and goes off to sulk for 12 hours! He sulks like a four year old and I hate sulking. It's horrible when we fall out. But it so rarely happens.

I'm a bit nervous about this weekend and sleep because DH is going away for the weekend for the first time since DS3 was born and that means it'll be me on my own with all three of them all night Saturday as well as all day Sat and Sun. And I worry about them waking, me not sleeping, etc. Even before I had DS3 I used to have mini-panic attacks in the night whenever DH went away. But I shouldn't assume 'the worst' will happen, should I? I'm more aware now.

Arcadia big hug to you for feeling discouraged. Sometimes I think you just need to feel fed up to feel better if that makes sense.

Well, DS3 is on my knee rubbing his eyes so I think that's his 'take me to my cot mummy' signal. I have to say he is soooo cute. He's now 6.5 months and the smilest boy ever

PS I have an appointment with GP on Thursday. No idea what to say. I hope DH can come with. I agree GPs are a big let down when it comes to mental issues.

PPS Arcadia missed your comment about the nightmares. That's not nice, poor you. No wonder you are still very tired. Do you have bad dreams a lot? My mum said nytol gave her awful nigthmares.

Hi Becky just got back in and soon going out again, had quite a nice morning in the end. Trying to eat my sandwich quickly but DD has woken up already after about 15 mins sleep!
Yes what's with the sulking? Why do grown men do that?!
Yes my nightmares stopped suddenly about two months ago but last couple of days I've been feeling strange and having memories (not quite flashbacks) to when i was feeling really bad back in the winter just after DD's birth. I feel like I am now 'over' the birth trauma, but just now feeling sad about how bad I felt just after the birth and what an awful time it was . Why did it have to be like that?
Anyway just accepting that I'm having a little sad time whilst something works it's way through.
Thanks for your support

Arcadia do you think you've suffered some PTSD, especially in the first few months after your DD was born? I don't know much about PTSD. Nightmares and disturbed sleep are a big symptom of that, I think. I totally relate to the feeling sad. I feel very sad that I will probably look back on these few months of DS3's life as a sad time for me. It shouldn't be like that. I'm worried I just won't remember his first few months as I tend to block out bad memories. I guess we do just have to accept that it's been a hard time and life does have hard times.

Glad you've had a nice morning, me too. DS3 and I went to a baby group. Ooh-oh he's woken up. He's only been asleep half an hour (I am watching, now this you will think is really sad, celebrity big brother from January - DH recorded it all for me as I was in no state to watch it then - only on episode five!).

Oh yes I definitely had PTSD and it 'lifted' at 4 months. I just suddenly felt not traumatised anymore, and the nightmares stopped. However,there is still some of the knock on effects of that hanging around, and the 'why me' sort of questions which don't go anywhere!
have to go DD being v demanding but enjoy BB and the so called 'celebrities', good escapism!

Hi becky my DH is working tomorrow (sat) so know what you mean in terms of being "on your own" and the anxieties that brings.

You will be fine though. You have been doing SO well. There's absolutely no reason why you shouldn't sleep well tonight, so just don't even think about it!

What are you going to do with your boys, do you take them out somewhere when you are on your own or will it be a "home" kind of a weekend?

I am seeing a friend tomorrow for lunch who has a 3 month old. My DD LOVES babies so that should keep her nicely occupied, for a while at least

Just went for her 2.5 year check. All was very good. She is 91st centile for both height and weight which I was about as she is such a picky eater! She's obviously getting the nutrition she needs after all!!

The nursery nurse said "oh make sure she gets enough iron by eating lots of green, leafy vegetables" yeah, right, has this woman ever had a 2yo??!

I love this sunny windy weather I am getting through my washing in lightening speed! I am so sad that I look forward to this kind of weather for laundry-related reasons!

We're going to back more bread tomorrow and then go into town probably and just browse / have a coffee / smoothie.

Yeah your DD GetDown. Arcadia sorry if I sounded patronizing. I don't know much about PTSD but sounds like you've had a lot to cope with during the first few months. I have had straight forward births (relatively). DS1 was quick but third-degree tear nightmare afterwards. DS2 nearly born in the car he was that quick. DS3 was perhaps the hardest as he was back-to-back but still quite quick and easy (just v. painful).

I'm painting pepper pig on a box! The things we do, eh? This is for the PTA stall at the upcoming summer carnival in town. I have a six-sided box to paint TV characters on, I've just done pepper pig. I need to think of five more. It's for a tombola. DS3 is bouncing in his chair and watching me.

Was feeling fine about this weekend but just started feeling anxious - stomach gone all flippity. Please tell me I'll be ok

Come on becky you can do this!

Don't let the anxiety build... distract yourself!

You WILL be ok, you WILL!!!!!!

And as it's Friday, you most definitely deserve a nice glass of wine tonight.

So, that will help your sleep x

Before DS3 was born I would have been a bit nervous about this sort of thing but would have slept fine. Now - my big, big, horrible worry is 'What if I don't sleep tonight?' It's not good. I need DH home. He's just emailed to say he'll be home an hour late, I think that's why I've gone all flipperty all of a sudden and also evenings (tea time) I always find really anxious times. Deep breath, deep breath. I'll be fine. I'm keeping busy - making the DSs toasted sandwiches for tea and DS3 his usual mush in a pot!

Toasted sandwiches - that's a good idea!

I was thinking of doing DD an omlette as I have an egg to use up, but she's being so fussy at the moment I doubt she'll eat it.

But as she's 91st centile, I don't think I need to worry any more!!

Tea times are always stressful I find, so I imagine it must be even more so with 3!!

Don't worry you will be ok tonight. You've got absolutely loads of strategies up your sleeve now for dealing with this insomnia.