I'm a mess, really strugglin, messed up real bad :-(

[rhksmum]

usin my phone to sort this so please dont give me a hard time for havin no paragraphs. I've been in hidin, last week i did something really stupid and to be honest im lucky im still here. My daughter has been in hospital really un well since saturday and im really strugglin tryin to keep it together for her. I'm tryin to split myself in so many pieces that i have fell apart, its my youngests birthday tomorrow and i wont be there for much of it because im in the hospital with my daughter, its just a mess, i cant cope, just want to walk out of here and not look back, i cant help her, shes really not very well, has to come back in 2 weeks for an operation, its all my fault, if i'd pushed more at the GP'S on friday she may not have got to this, i need to face it im a total screw up. Cpn not in,psychologist not in, no ones in and im not in a good place, I'm sorry

Rkhs your dd's refusal to wear pads is a very senstive and painful thing for you . Such a hard time of the month on top of everything else.

Thinking of you. You are doing amazingly well. Try to keep going. I won't be here much over the weekend but if you send me a fb message my phone will tell me xx

rhk I know it seems awful at the moment, but I honestly think things will get better when your daughter has more support and they have a chance to assess her, and when you get back to the psychologist.
I was looking at abuse sites to see what they were like,I was trying to find a site to help you.
I noticed there were some helplines for abuse survivors, have you tried any of those?
I went on Havoca, which seemed a helpful site, have you been on that one?
I'm just off to bed, but will be back on tomorrow to see you are getting on.
Try to get some rest, put on some background noise TV or classical music and have a lie-down.
One day you will be able to walk out of the house without fear and go to the park and feed the ducks and just relax.
Speak soon

and so it continues, bruises are coming up, just as well its raining cant go out with no cardigan on.

I dont know what I'm doing anymore, phoned breathing space, managed to say I was struggling and then hung up.

We re supposed to be going to the cinema tonight, tickets already bought, going with my friend and her family, so if we dont go I'm letting them down to.

I keep thinking I only have 4 more years of her hurting me and then she can move out, but I dont see 4 hrs never mind 4 years.

Doesn't matter anymore, nothing does anymore, I'm done

rhk can you phone breathing space again? Please phone somebody, you need to talk to somebody and get some help.
What about the crisis team?
I'm so sorry you are having such a hard time with her. She doesn't seem to realise the effect she is having.
Do you think she would talk now, has she calmed-down?

all that comes out her mouth is f*ck off, I have to go out, I need to go to the bank, but she wont get ready, I've tried distracting her like you would a 2 year old, tried everything, but shes still kicking off,
I dont know what to do anymore, I'm sorry

rhk, if you need to go out, go out! It is better to get a bit of space between you than risk another episode.
She might come down if you are out for a bit.
You can do it, going out might clear your head.

didn't get out got so bad in here one of my neighbours called the police.

What's happening rhk? Are you OK? Did the police come?
I'm leaving work now, but will check when I get home.
Speak soon

rhk are you there? Are you OK?

rhks please give a life sign - I'll be on the computer for a little while.

rhk I'm going to be on the computer a lot tonight, so I will check in on you as well.

Sorry am here, things aren't good.
Police took a statement from me and my oldest son, said that they will put a report into social work.
They also said that if my daughter hits my oldest he cant hit her back, even though its his sister and he is only defending himself against her, he will be charged with assault on a child as he is 16. So now thats someone else she has power over, she can do what she wants and no one gives a shit.
They were here for nearly 3 hours, dont know who phoned them, they couldn't leave until they had seen my daughter was ok
Glad to see I was top of the list, have bruises the full length of both my arms, legs bruised, not sure if theres something a miss with my arm where she hit me but its very swollen.

Dont know where we go from here, right now I want to raid the medicine cabinet and be done with it.

rhk, it is a good thing that they are putting a report into social work. To be honest I would be calling the police about this situation whenever it came up, and expecting something to be done. I can't think of another way to get your daughter given the attention she needs and to get a message across to her.
You should not be having to put up with this, you are doing everything you can to support your family, and it is harder for you than for a lot of people, but you are making so much progress.
Just look back and think about what you have got through, the hospital appointments, the operations, the court hearing, the psychologist's visit, dealing with social work, just so much.
I honestly don't think you are letting down a child by giving the child consequences for their actions, even if the police do have to become involved. It is better for her to have this happen now than to carry on like this.
You absolutely have done nothing to deserve this. You deserve a normal, happy, sad, sometimes boring life, just like everybody else.
There is going to be a time when you can have a normal life, and you will appreciate it more than most people because you have had to get through such hard times.

The report wont change a thing, they came out last year when she kicked off and nothing changed.

I dont know what to do anymore, I cant look at her, cant bare to have her near me.
What kind of mum feels like that, I've fought all week for her, for what she wanted, but I wonder if it was all worth it.
She kept screaming at me today 'why didnt I send her to live with her dad? That no one wanted her, no one loved her'
I told her I did want her, that I did love her, did she think I would have done everything I had done all week if I didn't?

I know this week has been hard for her, it's been hard for everyone, probably more so her but I cant keep dealing with this kind of reaction.

I have nothing left to give, its all pointless, nothing matters anymore, nothing

rhk, you need a rest, don't blame yourself for your feelings. It is a natural reaction to the treatment your daughter has been giving you.
Of course you feel you have nothing left to give, you are drained, you have had a hard week and now your daughter has attacked you.
She sounds so needy and so angry, she does need you so much, but she is going about this in such a destructive way.
You are bound to feel exhausted. You need time to recharge and some support.
Can you call anyone to have a chat about how you are feeling and to talk about how you and your daughter move forward?

rhk how are you? Have thing calmed-down a bit now?

rhk how are you?

prety crap, still in shock over what happened.
Dreading tomorrow when I have to face my ex, worried my daughter wont go and will kick off, worried about the backlash that will come from social work because of police involvement.

rhk I was getting worried about you. YOu are amazing.
I'm not surprised you are in shock, a lot has happened this weekend.
It might be for the best that the Police have been involved. I know nothing happened before, but if it keeps happening the social services will have to pay attention to your situation.
I was checking the police websites to see what they recommended for teenage violence against parents, which is quite common apparently. They said if the violence continued that the parent should contact the police so that they could initiate counselling and help you.
rhk I'm worried for you, particularly as you on your own, I think you do need to involve the police. This is just my opinion, but I think young people do need boundaries, to know when things have gone too far, for themselves. They test boundaries and push the rules, but they are still children in many ways and children need to feel secure and to know when they have gone too far.
Take all the help you can get to get your life back on track, you will all be happier for it.
Is your ex coming to your home to meet the children?

rhk just popping in to see what you are up to?
How are you getting on today?

Feel really flat today.
Kids went out with their dad, first they have seen him in nearly a year, they came back and all hells broke loose.
He told my daughter that unless she goes to Spain my youngest cant go, then shows my youngest the contact list he had come up with in January, which shows that he should have had them for 3 weeks over the summer, so now my youngest wont talk to his sister as he blames her, shes in a state again because she thinks if she doesn't go to spain then her wee brother wont get.
He has now took it apon himself to tell them he will be taking them this wekend and bringing them to meet me at Pontins on the monday. He was told last week he doesn't ask the kids, he goes through the lawyers and curator.

He isn't listening, he's doing his own thing. Phoned to speak to my lawyer but she was in court, phoned curator but she says my daughter has to phone her which she wont, spoke to social work who are not happy, but guess what, they have all shut up shop and gone home for the night and I'm left to pick up the pieces yet again.

I dont know what I'm supposed to do anymore, why does he still insist on pushing it. I didnt have to agree to him seeing the kids today, the Sherif hadn't authorised it but I thought it would be beneficial to my son to see his dad before he went away with him for 10 days, guess I wont be doing that again.

Hi rhk,
he sounds like an inconsiderate, insensitive twit. It is completely out of order to blackmail your daughter with threats about not taking your son.
You have done the right thing in contacting the lawyer. It's quite handy having this forum because it gives you a record of what he has said and the dates, so you have some ammunition if he plays dumb.
It might not be a bad thing if your daughter did phone the curator, it would give her (your daughter) a bit of control over the situation and somebody, other than you, to talk to. Perhaps it would help to defuse the situation when she gets into a state.
Do you think your daughter would phone if you gave her a pep-talk and held her hand, does she need a bit of moral support to make the call?
I agree, it looks as if you can't improvise meetings, better to just do the authorised meet-ups. Mind you it probably won't stop him from saying idiotic things.
Does he actually have anything authorised for this weekend or is he just making it up?
On the plus side, he does seem very keen and it will give you a break when he takes them, as long as they know not to take everything he says seriously.
What's this about going to Pontins, are you going to Pontins?
If you are considering it, i think you should go, you deserve a bit of fun, you really do.
Hope you have a nice quiet evening with no excitement whatsoever.

He doesn't have anything authorised for this weekend, and it wont be happening.

I didn't think he would be so stupid so quickly but he has, my daughter has gone to bed really quiet, tearful, and down. It's no fair that he can do this to them, her brother is barely saying 2 words to her, she feels like its all her fault, I have tried to tell her that it isn't but I'm not sure she believes me.

Phonecalls are quite difficult for her at the best of times, I told the secretary that I would have brought her down to see the curator face to face as she would have felt more at ease but she said she was busy but would see what she could do. Still waiting for my lawyer to phone me back so will see what she has to say.

I dont know what to do anymore, I hate that her and her brother are like this because he was an inconsiderate @rse, he only thinks of himself and sod anyone else.
Why did he have a contact sheet with him that was sent to me in January? Why bring it up with you unless it was to try and paint me in a bad light, so he looks the hard done to one and I'm the evil mum.

Yes I'm off to Pontins next Monday for 5 days but I can see it far enough, it's totally out of my comfort zone and it's really scarey

hi rhk,
poor things. He does sound like an idiot.
I think the curator has to become involved in this, he is completely out of line.
Hopefully, your lawyer can help you sort things out.
It's a good job they have you to be the voice of reason, and somebody who doesn't put their own needs in front of everybody else's.
It's not surprising that you were apprehensive about him having access.
I think you have to be quite straight and tell them you don't agree with what he has said, and that sometimes people say things without thinking.
I'm pleased that you are going on holiday, even though you are dreading it, even if you have half an hour of fun and forget all the stuff that's been going on, it's worth it.
You said yourself that you are worse when you know something is coming and you have time to worry. It probably won't be as bad as you imagine.

oh it just gets better.

Lawyer sent an email waring him it was his last chance, that I was monitoring the phonecalls, if anything was said about access to either of the kids or spain to my daughter I was to take the phone from them and say phonecall is over and hang up.

But he's too clever for that, instead he knew I was listening, asked to speak to my son who then said at end of conversation do you want to speak to my sister, he said why would I want to do that?
I grabbed phone and hung up, her face just fell when she heard that, he's a bleeping @rsehole, she has done nothing wrong and he's treating her horribly.

Why is he doing this to her?
I've had it with him