Support thread for those with PND

[not4anotherday]

Hi there,

I thought a support thread might help me and others to get through this.

I think I have got PND again, I was diagnosed when my baby was about 5 months and took ads for a few months (I was ill and could'nt stomach them and thought I was ok without them).

Anyway it has dawned on me that it may well be back. I think a friendship (that was very special to me) ending may well have triggered it before christmas.

So, here I am just about to meet a friend (who is lovley) but I don't really feel like it and think this friendship will probably end at some point like most of them. I am worried that I will say or do something wrong. I know I need to get a grip.

Then there is the crying, unable to get off to sleep, late evening is when I feel worst.... snappy with the kids.....feel like I need to go on holiday and get away from it all (no my family).....will be but not for 5/6 weeks.

I keep worrying that DH is going to leave me - he might if I keep being so pathetic.

So, on that cheery note anyone else?

Becky - hope your day in Birmingham goes well. I always feel a bit overwhelmed taking both boys out and about. Not sure why, I just do.

Christiana - I hope you're feeling a bit better today. I know how having an illness can throw everything off balance. I have diverticular disease, which flares up whenever I'm stressed - which has been often lately! It means I deal with pain and a sudden need for the toilet all day - which can be so difficult to manage with two little ones. I hate taking the meds for it, as one of them makes me nauseated and the other makes me a bit groggy. So I tend to juggle how bad I feel against how bad the meds will make me feel. But it does make me feel exhausted and makes it difficult to make any decisions or do things as I struggle with just keeping up with the basics on those days.

I think when we have a good day, it's easy to think "oh I'm coming out of it" and then feel even more upset when we have a bad day, thinking we're back at square one again, when maybe we aren't. I know if I've had a couple good days, then a bad day will often reduce me to loads of anger or tears, simply because the few good days made me feel like I was finally coming back towards normal, and then the bad day was like being dragged backwards again. I try to remind myself that it's just a temporary setback and that we all have bad days, but it can be a struggle. I'm not really sure what the answer to that is.

Erika - I'm glad you enjoyed your evening out. Perhaps you can make a regular thing of it, like monthly or even more frequently so you can get some grown-up time. (I'm so jealous!! LOL)

I still have difficulty turning over the kids to DH even, but then right now he's been exhausted, falling asleep easily, and I think I'm just afraid he'll fall asleep while watching them and something will happen. It does put some extra stress on me. Thankfully he is going to reduce his hours starting in April for a bit, so he will be around more and less tired all the time.

Can I join please? Could have written the OP Am on AD's now so hoping things are on the up?

Hi, I would really like to join you all.

I have just had a baby (Friday) and have started to feel down. I know it's early days but I suffered PND with my other 2DSs (not after DD though?). I already have a prescription for ADs as I got it to be ready before baby arrived in case as last times once I felt bad I didn't want to go to the doctor. I think I will ask DH to go to te pharmacy today (he is on paternity leave for 2 weeks).

I have suffered from insomnia since the birth of my first DC (nearly 4 years ago). Obviously at the moment the baby is awake at night butI found with the others even when they started to sleep better I couldn't switch off. I got sleeping pills from the doctor but try to avoid taking them if possible. Also tried all the other remedies- lavender, hypnotherapy, you name it! DHan I haven't slept in the same bed for years which really saddens me.

I like the idea of having somewhere to vent my frustrations and sadness ( I too often feel I should pack a bag and leave my family as they would be better without me although I love them and would never leave).

I know I can feel better and funcion as I was taking ADs last year and feeling the best I had for along while (then fell pg- was on mini pill and b/f- so stopped taking them).

I will join you all in thinking of one positive thing a day to do and (although I am not on the tread) I follow the good housekeeping threads as a motivation for doing a bit everyday to feel like I am acheiving things and not sinking too far.

Enough about me,sorry that was so long. Fee better just for typing it down.

Me too please

Spottyshoes and becky7000 - welcome! Feel free to come on and vent if needed! Some of us are trying to the "one positive thing a day" just to try and keep things in perspective. I do find it helps sometimes.

As we're going into town today, that's going to be my "positive thing" today. Interestingly, I truly do NOT want to go into town today - I'd rather crawl under the covers and go back to sleep. But I'm making myself go, because I know that A) once I get into town and am out and about I WILL start to feel better and B) there are things we need to get done in town and I will actually feel better about myself once those things are completed as well. So pushing myself a bit today to achieve my positive.

topsi - welcome - sorry, cross posted there as I'm slow to type today

Becky7000 I have the same problem with sleep! I've found hypnotherapy helpful and also a homeopathic remedy. Having said that slept badly last night thanks mainly to DS3 and not being able to get back to sleep after that. The champagne I guzzled last night probably didn't help either. Congrats on your baby by the way. How many DCs do you have now?

Someone said to me recently that a classic sign of depression is catastrophizing. So we have a bad day - it is the end of the world rather than just a bad day. For me I have a bad night's sleep - I'll never sleep well again. I've found knowing about this really useful. It is hard not to 'catastrophize' but it helps to know that it is a symptom and not a sign that things are getting worse.

Doing something positive every day is a really good thing to aim for however hard it feels. I know how you feel Triggles. I do not want to drag everyone to Birmingham today (by train). It'll be very hard for me and very, very tirying and all those people and bustle, etc. But I am forcing myself to go because I know the two older DSs will love it. It'll make the day go quicker and we'll remember 'going to see daddy for lunch'. I am soooo tired today. And perhaps it'll mean I sleep better tonight.

i know what you mean about catastrophizing. At the moment the house is a mess. i am tied up with clingy newborn and starting breastfeeding and DH is in charge. He is brilliant but just does things differently so will leave cleaning and tiying till end of the day rather than as he goes along which isn't a big probem but makes me feel a bit rubbish. I just like to be in control of EVERYTHING!

I have 4 DCs now, age n/b, 14 months, 2.5 and 3.9 so they are all quite demandng and I do find myself repating this will get easier lot! I am dreaing being left on my own in a couple of weeks. No family support. My family live 6 hours from here and DHs family are useless- don't evenoffer. I get very angry about them so try not to go there in my head!

My positive thing I am going to do today is make list of all the long tem things that need to be done and then try and do one a day. Not big things just write cheque for preschool etc.

I hope everyone has a good day. Will try and get back later to let you know how my day's gone.

Hi all, I have DS (3) and have suffered depression for years. It's probably got worse since the birth, feel a little more in control recently which is good, but DH has become distant over this time and feel sometimes that he has had enough.
DS is usually at nursey for four half days a week but this week is half term eeekkk!!
Am going to try and go for a walk with him later to break the day up.
Becky and Becky sounds like you have made a positive start to the day. Maybe we could swap ideas of how to get through half term in one piece.
My depression means that I have isolated myself really, I can't make friends, so this makes life difficult. My sister has this week off work though so am going to make the most of it and see if she would like to take DS for a while at some point.

Hi Ladies,

Too much for me to read now - will be back later.

Hi Christiana, how r u doing today? excuse lack of caps, am feeding bub.
I am the same. I seem to have one bug after the other, i put it down to my dcs bringing germs, not being very fit, eating fairly healthily but could be better, stress and genes! keep thinkng that most of these factors coul be rectified but life gets in the way. As for feeling distant from your child - I hav felt this too at times - prehaps just being round each other more will help?

Waves to everyone!

Welcome Spottyshoes and Becky7000 and Topsi,

Spotty - I only went back on ads last wednesday so feeling a little spaced out still! I'm sorry that you are going through this too.

Becky - Congratulations on your new baby. I am impressed that you can do anything with a nb and 3 other very young child - hats off to you.

Tospsi - Good idea about ides for half term. I have an 8 and 5 year old and 11 month old.
This week I just want a breather from the school run, from other people (except planning to go to baby group tomm) - just need sime head space and want to try and make my house habitable!

i have been ill since last week but feeling a lot better today, hate being ill, my Dh is great but the house is a tip.

Becky7000 - oh goodness - after reading you have 4 young children, I was very impressed! I think I would be pulling my hair out in a corner if I had 2 more little ones here!

We don't have half term to deal with here, although I've noticed we have to alter things - such as soft play is too crowded during half term and such - so it doesn't affect us quite so much. Good luck with your half term ideas though. I'll be watching with interest, as DS2 starts school in September and I will probably be saying "oh no, half term, what will we do?" next year! LOL

We went into town, did a few errands, and even managed to pick up a couple nice posters for DS2's room and put them up, which he was quite happy with. I always dread going, but am so glad I went.

There's a visit to the fire station that a local playgroup is doing later this week, so DH is going to stay home with DS3 as he's too little to go, so I can go with DS2. He loves playing with his fireman kit, so he will love it! I'm actually looking forward to it! Another positive.

Oh my god Becky you are superwoman!!!! I thought I had it hard with 6 yrs, 4 yrs and 13 weeks.

We're back from B'ham and god am I knackered. Only bad moment was a bit of a panicky moment in Costa coffee when I was feeding DS3 and I needed the loo badly and panicked about getting all three DSs and me to the loo three floors up. It was fine though. Then DS3 did a poo and I was worried it was a 'out the sides' one but it wasn't! BTW we live 1 hour by train from B'ham and 20 min walk to train station so it really was an adventure. It was lovely to see DH's colleagues though and they cooed over DS3.

Tips for half term: do something fun every day. Tomorrow we're baking DH a birthday cake and seeing some friends in the afternoon. I find if I stay at home all day with the DSs I get down and dwell and snappy with the older two DSs. If I force myself to do things I feel better, even if I end up being totally knackered.

I was a bit naughty in GAP and bought DS3 lots of new clothes (mostly in the sale bit though!).

It sounds like you had a good day Becky. You are braver than me to go all that way with 3.

I managed to write my list and now aim to tick at last one thing off a day- it's quite long but most of the stuff is small.

I a not superwoman. My aim everyday is to be patient with the kids and not shout. I achieve this about 85% of the time. But when I loose it I feel dreadful and so guilty. I feel like I should never have had the kids so close but they do seem happy and play together on the whole so it does work and I think as they get older it will get easier and more fun.

Half-term is a pain! My 2 eldest go to ppreschool in term time mornings but are all at home now AND everywhere is busy. No great suggestions. I am going to get out tomorrow evvn if weather is rubbish also going to improve my diet. Been eating a lot of sugar which can't be helping me.

BBL weldone with the day out! I wouldn't have contemplated it and I only have one!
Today I have therapy this morning for hour and half and then work this afternoon.
DS is going to my mums so my day is all planned out today.
Just have to fit in chucking some stuff in the slow cooker so it is ready when I get home and getting ready for work after therapy.
The day should go quick and I can't wait for my bed again tonight after 2 nights bad sleep.
Hope you all have a good one. BBL sound you like you have your day planned too.
Becky 7000 good luck with your day hope you get out, went out for walk yesterday and it was freezing so wrap up warm!

Morning all! Well we had another bad night - DS3 awake 1.30am-2am and then 4am-4.30am and then needed dummy popping in every half an hour until we got up. Sigh.

DS1 and DS2 were such good sleepers I'm not sure how to handle a challenge sleeper.

Hello everyone, could I join this thread? I have 2 children, DS1 is 4 and DS2 is 5 months. I had very bad PND and anxiety after DS1 was born but, once he reached 3, felt that I wanted to have another child. DS2 was born in September and, though I'm not nearly as bad as last time, it's still very hard. I've avoided having ADs but have been taking beta blockers for the anxiety, which do help. I've also started a course of CBT and have been going to a support group run by HVs for women who struggle with the baby days.

A lot of the time I feel stupid as much as anything. I knew what it was (probably) going to be like and yet went ahead and did it anyway. People, mainly DH actually as he gets frustrated and angry that it all seems to be happening again, say that DS2 is a 'good' baby - he sleeps well, not too cry-y as babies go etc. yet I still don't feel good. The thing I do have to keep me going though is that I had a dreadful start with DS1 and now it's just brilliant with him and has been for a long time. I know that it will be the same with DS2, I just have to hang in there and it'll come!

Sorry - I've not read many of the messages here, just saw it and felt that I'd like to post. Sending loads of support to everyone!

Message withdrawn

Morning everyone,

Welcome fabulosa, please don't feel stupid, lots of people would'nt go on to have more babies after PND if they did'nt cos of it IYSWIM.

I'm having a bit of a PND day today, don't know if it is lack of sleep or what, baby had a goodish night (for her). Been to baby group this morning and felt a bit out of it, some days struggle with confidence.

I think one of the Beckys mentioned that she trys to get through the day without shouting at DCs, think that is a really good thought to have (esp. at half term) so I'm going to try no shouting or snapping.

Positive thing for tommorrow - need to think of something.

Christiana - hope your little one feels better soon!

fab - welcome! our little ones are fairly similar ages (mine youngest are 3 and 6 months, both boys). Don't feel stupid! We all have bad days. Your DH just needs to understand that, and be more supportive! PND is not something that only shows when you have a "difficult baby". It is more about you and your hormones than the baby itself - at least that's my understanding. Of course, difficulties with the baby as far as sleeping and feeding and whatever can certainly exacerbate it - but it doesn't CAUSE it.

DS2 didn't sleep through the night regularly until about 18 months. DS3 is starting to do so now, off and on. As far as I'm concerned, anything less than 18 months to learn it is FINE BY ME! I was beginning to despair DS2 EVER sleeping through the night! He still wakes up now sometimes in the middle of the night, but it's more to play for a bit, or talk to himself, then goes back to sleep.

Welcome Fab- I know what you mean about feeling bad/ stupid about having more DCs after having PND with first. I had very bad PND after DS1 which I was very reluctant to seek help for. But then had nothing after DD then had PND after DS2 which I got help for very quickly (went on AD within 2 weeks and felt a lot better) I ave ust ha DS3 and m going to get ADs tomorrow (is the plan) as feel myself slipping, know the signs and want to stop it quickly.If I had decided to have no more children after first PND I wouldn't have my other 3 gorgeous DCs and I know things and get better.

The main thing I think is recognising the signs and asking for help (something I wish I had done a lot sooner with DS1).

But having said all this, I do worry that people will judge me for having 4DCs having had previous PND and that mkes it hard for me to find help in RL.

Anyway, my day today. Well off my list, I posted a letter, bourght a b'day card,made appt for DS2s jabs and for DS3s regisration of birth. I'll see what I can do tomorrow...

Well, after much contemplating, we have decided to go ahead and have DS2 go to nursery 2 afternoons a week, since he has those 15 free hours going unused. I didn't want to send him to nursery, as he is starting school in September, and I hate the thought of him being gone during the day any sooner than that, but it's precisely because he is going to school in the autumn that he needs the time in nursery, I suppose. It's good for socialisation and I'm hoping it will encourage him to eat more or better (or even more varied foods) as he'll have one meal a day at the nursery. Plus it will get him ready for being with a group of children for awhile each day. I'm not keen on it, but I can see the logic in it, so I'll go along with it as long as he's enjoying it and getting something good out of it.

DS2 has learned to climb from his bed to his dresser, so he can sit on his dresser. He then just sits there, swinging his feet, calling to us "help mummy - help daddy!" I told DH I don't want to show him how to get down at this point, as I prefer to know when he is doing it. If he knows how to get down, he'll just keep doing it, I think. So I think tomorrow I will need to move his dresser over in his room just enough so he can't do it. Which'll give me about 10 minutes peace until he figures out something else to get into.

He finally poo'd in the toilet tonight. God, it's taken FOREVER to get him to do that. I'd probably be happier if he'd started out on the toilet, but for some odd reason, he stood in front of the toilet and started pooing on the floor. He's been holding it lately and pooing in his night nappy, so this was a bit of a surprise. never a dull moment at our house.