going to have a 'good' week

[Sax]

Hope to be around a bit this week but on the onwards and upwards line not the low and sad one. Decided to take a positive attitude starting now and hope not to disappoint myself. i should be here if anyone needs an ear! Have a good week everyone......

Tomorrow.... why don't make them all some toats and leave them watching TV and munching away.... then you get yourself dressed/groomed first and leave them in their PJ's until lunchtime! Its very liberating to be self absorbed sometimes.

Toats = Toast!

Ah the Nursery run... forgot about that!

LOL still here LOL

Yes, ds1 is often late and people say, it doesn't matter, I know you have 3, its not very fair is it? Never mind, now 15 mins for breakfast!!!!!

Morning folks, and isn't it nice to see a bit of sunshine. QueenFlounce, that's 2 things we have in common....I'm also an aquarian in Scotland (cue spooky music). I'm already having a bit of a nightmare day I'm afraid but dd is back in her bed so it's giving me a chance to calm down again. Lack of sleep mainly to blame for my short fuse but at this early stage in the day it does not bode well....how many hours until dp gets home?? hmmmm I can see dd and I going for one of our marathon 2 hour walks
Sax, you have my total admiration for being able to function on any level with 3 kids under 5!! I have given up trying to be anywhere for a certain time....don't even wear a watch anymore. I managed to bring up the subject of PND with dp last night, like you thought, he was understanding but I'm not 100% sure he realises how bad it's been getting at times. He said he would support me if I decided to go to HV/GP but asked if maybe we could sort it out ourselves if he was more helpful around the house etc. I did feel much better after telling him but now I'm not sure if I should just hang tight for now and see if I can't help myself more e.g. find a baby group, tell dp when I need time-out? What do you think?
Anyway, I don't want to drag the mood of the thread down as it was looking quite rosy so I'll sign off now.....dd is stirring so I have to put my mummy-hat on again. Good to speak to you again, take care.

Babynovice - Why don't you come along to the Great Scottish Meet-up in Edinburgh at the end of July?
You're not dragging this thread down... thats what its here for. I think its great you've told your DP! And if you think you can manage with his support then just give it a try for a couple of weeks. Try homeopathy (Sepai worked for me)too to give you that extra feeling of support and a little boost.

Get him leaflets galore on PND, Stress, Anxiety, Depression and read them out to him if he won't read them himself.... thats what I did to my Mum and DH.

Thanks for invite I did see that thread last week, to be honest I think I would find it a bit daunting at the moment....but I will keep it in mind I'll give the homoeopathy a go as well - how long did it take you to feel 'normal' again after your PND?
Oh dear definitely got to go this time - dd crying! Bye for now.

Babynovice - sorry to hear you are having a nightmare day - don't you dare appologise for dragging down the thread, you are not at all, its good you are posting.

Wow girl, how well did you do! Telling dp took so much guts, well done. Its good to hear he'll try to support you. I hope its enough for you, try the homeopathy as suggested and definatley find out about a mother/toddler group - that is very important.

It is a huge responsibility being a mother and can seem very daunting at times. As I said mine is more clinical depression due to extra stresses rather than pnd (not really sure how these differ). It just became clear to me I wasn't managing to cope and the dark times were increasing - I couldn't see any light so to speak.

Well done again you did a very brave thing (I can only feel slightly that I am unable to do the same - but we won't keep going there - its not an option).

Do not feel guilty about the thread, post whatever you feel and want to.

Babynovice - I was in total denial for the 1st 18mths of Ds's life. I found MN through are search engine and had an appointment at my GP 2 wks later! As the worst of my PND seemed to have subsided the GP didn't recommend AD's. She recommended Homeopathic rememdies, which REALLY worked for me. I felt that I was taking control of my situation. That in itself seemed to really lift me. DH noticed a big difference too. Saturdays were the only day I used to be left alone with ds.... for months I dreaded it. It would be yet another Saturday that I ended up curled in a sobbing heap on the floor waiting for DH to come home. Then, within a couple of weeks of started the Sepia I realised that I was actually LOOKING FORWARD to spending time with DS! A marvellous feeling and I try to make up for those 1st 18mths all the time now. I'm glad he was too young to remember.

BTW - you went cos dd crying, I've just had ds3 screaming while I wrote that, but it was what I wanted to say so I just shut off for 5 mins. He'll be OK to wait a minute - definately become more lax after having had a couple!!!

A couple Sax?? A couple of Gins???

Yeah my ds has had to learn to put his videos on himself.... as mentioned before.... they become MN Orphans!

No not started those quite this early, you know i mean't kids LOL.

I think 9m is a little young to try and get him to get the dvds in himself but I could try I suppose - you know what they say - never to young!

Noise is now pissing me off - more sleep for him I think!!!! he's got a cold, its a good excuse! bless him.

Orphans ds2 and ds3 now have clean bottoms and are having morning naps!!! At last a little time for me before pick up ds1 and I have to go shopping with all three. This would have made me panic a few weeks ago but I'm feeling OK today so no worries, take it as it comes and not have pre conceived ideas that its going to be too hard.
That is where the tablets have helped me a lot - the anxiety of coping with all three whilst out, feeling judged and looked at (probably not at all but I was in my head).

Hello - newbie alert...normally post on the multiple births thread, but been feeling a bit low recently so had a look round to see if there were any threads to help me...

Hi Sax, Hi QueenFlounce, Hi Baby novice, sorry I won't say hi to all who've posted, those are the names I noticed first...how are we all today, I see this thread has gone on for some time...

I'm a little weary and fed up with DH and his attitude to parenting..."you're the mummy, it's your job to look after the boys..." at least he's honest I suppose about his outlook, he doesn't skirt round the issue, just says it how he sees it, shame it came from the 1950's but oh well!

A little history - I had premature twins on the 1st december, they spent 8 weeks in hosp, home now and thriving brilliantly. I cope fantasically during the week (even if I do say so myself) but dread the weekends. I am at work full time, so boys are at nursery - they have three feeds a day there so all I have to do is fetch them, bring them home, play with them then get them ready for bed and do their last feed....no worries, DH does bottles for following day, cooks dinner and helps with bathing (he sounds fab so far huh!)...Then the weekend comes, obviously routine changes slightly, I don't dash out of bed at 5.45 to feed boys, and get ready for work myself...I let them wake up when they want to, feed them then put them back down for as long as they want to sleep - I then get a wee bit of a lie in - however, they nearly always sleep til next feed time - so I get up take them downstairs, feed them and then we play for a bit...no shower so far! DH gets up, comes down, might help with feed, but then showers himself and generally goes out to help friends with DIY or does some of our own DIY, but basically I don't see him, so I'm with the boys all day on my own, then he'll roll in later in the afternoon, claiming he's tired and then he's grouchy with me if the boys are a bit grizzly. Bearing in mind I've prolly spent all day in my pyjamas trying to do housework in between playing with boys, so they are bored and tetchy....I'm then told to pull myself together and stop being so pathetic if I ask for help....huh? I just don't get it.

Anyway, I've painted my really bad picture of him - bless him, he does so much other stuff, but sometimes I think he does all these things to get out of looking after the boys....I don't even feel like I can go out of an evening, as I don't think he can cope without me...but instead of saying I'm amazing for being able to look after two babies on my own, he says nothing until I do something wrong or one of the babies is sick on the other - then I get critised til kingdom come....but this is only at the weekend I add, the weeks are fine!!! weird huh!

I'm sorry to gatecrash, I don't think I have PND I just think I have a crap DH! but sometimes you need to get it off your chest and have someone listen who kinda knows what you mean.

Thanks for being patient, my DH never is, so I don't tell him when I'm tired or upset, I just plod on until he has a good day then so do i!

Hope everyone is smily happy today xxxxxxxxxxxx

hello sax and babynovice and meeely2 and the flouncing one
sax - just popped into the docs and no result, so more waiting! ouch! can i just say that sometimes i don't get dressed and ds stays in his sleepy clothes all day - so getting 3 dressed is somewhere way away on the horizon for me - i thinksometimes in life we set ourselves really high targets; sax i think you do so well each day and have so much respect for you - don't beat yourself up honey; so glad you're feeling good today, and look your even lending your ear to others!
hello babynovice - its amazing that you've managed to talk to your dp, well done! i know how hard it can be when you don't know people/mothers locally and the day has no purpose other the the 'chores' which aren't exactly riveting are they? i would really recommend going to a baby group/massage/swimming, last time i went to massage ds (16weeks) cried for most of it, but we just had a cuddle and watched, you have to remember that the people there are mothers!
hello meeely2 - wow! congratulations on your twins, xx have you tried talking to your dp about the weekends? (or is that a silly question?) sounds like you need some timeout, even just time for a bath?
queenflounce - can i just say that i find reading your advice amazing, you have come so far and have so much to give - you knock my socks off,
have a good day everyone

Hi Meeely2, welcome, you are not gatecrashing if you haven't got pnd, its not compulsory you know!

You work full time and look after twins, wow, that must be very exhausting! I don't think all dhs appreciate the work that goes into looking after children but get more of an idea as time goes on. At first babies can seem pretty boring to some men, they don't exactly do much, just sleep and feed and cry so they aren't fun toddlers which I'm sure some pre conceive this idea before they are born. This of course takes time - men also don't all have the patience - my dh is definatley better with the older ones, ds3 is still boring to him at 9m, it will take til hes about 2 for him to be as good as he is with the other two.

queenflounce has a mega flounce while i talk admirable about dh when really he should be supporting me LOL<
Anyway, I think you must be doing a grand job to be able to work and look after the boys, you need your space at the weekends too remember so put him in a situation where he has to look after them, ie. send him out with them to the park for a walk and you can have a few hours regularly to yourself!

Hi Goss, good to hear from you, I'm so sorry you are still waiting for news, this must be putting a strain on things.
I wish I could spend the day in my pjs half the time, I do often think, right no more going out now time for a glass of wine and back into pjs (even in the afternoon ) so its only becasue of needs must that I do get dressed. Ds1 goes to nursery every morning and i have to of course look to the other mothers like all is well, so I have to get everyone dressed.
BTW - we made it on time today toooooo.

Meeely2 - Twinis! Well done for managing through the week!!! Yes it is good to get it off your chest.... kids are bloody hard work and we seem to think that we are abject failures if everthing isn't just tickety-boo. We are our own worst enemies eh!

Gossifer - Wow thanks! I really want to help people that are there just now.... and hopefully I can make a little difference. And to show people that even when its been so bad you've considered suicide.... you can get back from there.

sax - well done for being on time!
QF - i totally agree with you - we do live in a world where we are expected to make sure everything goes well all the time in childcare - life isn't perfect and we're learning as we go - and we're all doing B***Y WELL AT IT!

lovely ladies, give yourselves a pat on the back for being such great people,

lovely Gossifer - your great!

Right, off for the mammouth task of shopping - hopefully not lose ds2, hopefully cope with ds1 becasue he'll go into one about something ridiculous in the middle of a shop, and carry ds3 on my back (can't fit my buggy in the mini car!). Hey ho, have a good rest of the day guys and catch up with you all later.

Gone ever so quiet since Sax went shopping, hope she's OK!

My day has got better (I work with DH you see and we been talking hoorah!), I'm gonna go swimming later tonite after boys in bed, wind down a bit, let off some steam.

Fingers crossed they sleep through tonite so I can catch up.

Thank you Meeely2 - yes I'm OK just got back and now exhausted! I needed all sorts of bits and bobs becasue I have avoided lots of things recently (including missing two members of my families birthdays) so this needed sorting. Well, I have returned with all three boys - yes, my boys, I didn't accidently pick a nice quiet one up although rather tempted but the mother would have noticed my noisy rabble!
They of course ran away from me in M&S and I just sound like the mother from hell shouting at them to return and of course having no control over them they ignored me! Pretty stressful but I didn't panic - felt it coming but didn't which for me is quite an achievement.
I'm fine now - a quick q for queenflounce - did you ever feel like you didn't love or have your old emotions which made you feel like you - which is quite a scary feeling?
I am really on the up today but its not a good feeling and I can only really discuss it because I am feeling upbeat!
Babynovice - how are you doing today?
i hope the day isn't proving too long for you, not still counting the hours for dp to come home are you? I hope you managed your long walk you had good intentions of doing this morning!
thanks for keeping this thread going, its been great to chat to so many of you!

Sax - I didn't really feel anything other than hopelessness. I felt a strong bond with ds and would have put my life on the line... but love is a happy positive emotion... so no I suppose I didn't. I didn't laugh at things that were clearly funny either. Horrible time.

Thank you for your responses, and glad to hear Meeely2 your day got better and that you'll have some of your time later.
I just feel like I am going through the motions sometimes for everyone else except me - that sounds selfish written down, and I don't know what I really want except I would like to feel something other than, well I made it through that day - fatal - I have a glass of wine already but sort of felt like I deserved it after today being OK. Hope this isn't too bad!

Sax - Go for it! I'll probably tan a half bottle of Gin tonight!!! So.... I may be online for a bit of a girls night in.