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going to have a 'good' week

426 replies

Sax · 06/06/2005 09:58

Hope to be around a bit this week but on the onwards and upwards line not the low and sad one. Decided to take a positive attitude starting now and hope not to disappoint myself. i should be here if anyone needs an ear! Have a good week everyone......

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Sax · 13/06/2005 13:42

Did you not take anti Ds at all then Queenflounce, did you stick with just homeopathy!??

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QueenFlounce · 13/06/2005 13:45

Sax - Yes. It worked for me.... but then I really wasn't suicidal by the time I went to the GP. I think my hormones had settled down a lot by that point. I would still get bad around the time of my period.... but that was a vast improvement on the daily breakdowns I was having.

I was prescirbed AD's during my pregnancy with dd (at 32wks), but the old style ones that are known to be safe during pregnancy have TERRIBLE side-effects..... and as I was still working I couldn't take them. I put them down the sink.

Sax · 13/06/2005 15:30

I am not suicidal - I just seem to be up and down like a yo yo - which is what I find difficult to handle, the staying even and wanting to be constant but then something tipping me over (even something really small does) and then i suddenly feel 'way' out of control and that alone can spiral me downwards. I then get to a dark place which is when I cannot lift myself out, thats the worsed feeling in the world and not wanting to face anyone or anything.

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QueenFlounce · 13/06/2005 15:34

Oh Sax... I know how that feels. I wasn't always suicidal.... just that it went on so long that I honestly believed (and this was the scary part!) that it would be the best solution all round!

I remember DH coming home to find me sitting sobbing on the kitchen floor. The fridge was open. He asked me what the hell had happened and I said "I couldn't decide what vegetables to cook that ds will eat!".

Sax · 13/06/2005 15:40

This seems weird talking about it today though, when I have no feelings like that at all - like babynovice said its surreal!!! Thank you for everything today, I think its helped to have gone over some things! actually said a bit, however different to saying it out loud eh! But I suppose its a start!

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QueenFlounce · 13/06/2005 15:44

A fantastic start! Thats the best time to talk about it.... if it feels surreal then it won't drag you down to talk about it and compare notes with the rest of us lunatics.

Sax · 13/06/2005 15:54

lunatics eh!

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QueenFlounce · 13/06/2005 15:59

Definitely! But we're recovering lunatics... so thats ok.

Sax · 13/06/2005 16:13

And here I was thinking I was talking to non screwed up, sane, normal people and not a bunch of loonys! LOL, you do make me laugh

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QueenFlounce · 13/06/2005 16:16

Come on Sax... anyone that has children has lost the plot... but to have more than ONE!

Sax · 13/06/2005 16:48

So what are you saying queenflounce - theres absolutely no hope at all for me, now or never

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babynovice · 13/06/2005 21:08

Hi Sax and QueenFlounce, thanks for good advice, I actually had quite a good day today and I think just posting my message gave me a lift as my head was bursting with negativity! My dp has just asked me what I'm writing on the pc and I copped out of telling him yet again even though it would have been a good opportunity.....maybe I should bite the bullet....am feeling like today may be a turning point for me.
Keep in touch please - you're the first new friends I've made since becoming a mum!! Sorry that sounds a bit desperate I'm quite normal really, lunacy was creeping in way before my dd came along Talk to you soon.

Sax · 13/06/2005 21:14

Hi Babynovice - how old is dd? I'm so glad you've had such a good day and that earlier you had a lift of spirits, makes all the difference to the day. Have you told dp anything of how you are feeling at the moment ie. will it be a complete surprise to him? I know if I told my dh he wouldn't bat and eyelid however I feel he has enough on his plate without having to worry about me ( queenflounce will be cross). Are you going to any mother and baby/toddler groups?

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babynovice · 13/06/2005 21:33

Hi Sax it's the little things that make that pendulum swing one way or another. I have often thought that baby groups might be a good plan (dd is 8 mths) but something always stops me from going to any. I tend to avoid going anywhere with baby in tow unless I have someone else with me...used to be quite scared of going out in case she needed feeding/changing or she started crying, I found it all a bit stressful. Now I think I'm just too used to being in the house all the time - not good I know, for me or dd!! This is one of the reasons why I think I have a problem because I have never felt so lacking in motivation to be around people
Anyway, I think dp will not be surprised at all he had seen me in tears quite a bit recently and did actually comment the other day that I should see a GP! When I burst into tears at this suggestion he apologised and said he didn't mean it....I just couldn't tell him that I agreed. I hope you do tell your DH (in your own time when you're ready of course) I don't think I can do the whole AD thing if it comes to that in secret. Did you go to Baby groups btw?

Sax · 13/06/2005 22:44

Yes, Babynovice, I did go to baby groups. With my first we had my ante natal group who use to meet up every two weeks post natally and we kept that going (if I still lived in that area, they still do it).
I then went to toddler groups with ds1 but this use to stress me out (I now realise it was pretty stressful becasue he has been dx asd therefore thats why he was hitting other children and running about wildly but this doesn't bode well with meeting other Mums).

It has recently been suggested to me that maybe my depression has been building for some time - if true I believe this is when it started after ds2. I didn't go to any groups after this and moved when he was quite small to a new area again, and since haven't been to any with ds3 either.

You really should try to go somewhere, it breaks up the week and gives motivation to 'do' something. I am so busy at the moment with my three that my life revolves around appointments and phone calls and nursery runs BUT ds2 is in desperate need for more input so its a shame I don't go to a toddler group - again an inability to meet new people stops me so I do know where you are coming from.

Your dp sounds like he would and could really support you, you should bite the bullet and tell him especially if he's seen you in tears, he will understand and help you perhaps coming to the appointment with you. I don't cry so when I put on a front for the world this does include dh, which i know is a shame but its a coping mechanism.

Keep posting babynovice, its good to talk to you. Not excluding others joining in too, just encouraging babynovice!!!!

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Sax · 13/06/2005 23:56

Queenflounce - tried the special needs for advice, mmmmmm may have to look elsewhere though! thought it was a good idea but may need to search the archives.

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QueenFlounce · 14/06/2005 08:01

Morning Lunatics!

I'm feeling a bit hung over today... >groan< It was DH's birthday yesterday so I had a few G&T's. We are drinking faaaaaaar too much, but I s'pose I always have since my Student days. Ho hum.

Babynovice - I'm glad you feel you have made friends here. I know I've made loads of friends on MN and have met a few in RL too! Where are you.... roughly? I'm on bonny Scotland.

Sax - lol at QF will be cross! I must xome across as a finger waggling school teacher sometimes!! Its very easy for me to appear all high and mighty about getting over depression... but thats just coz I feel it was such a massive personal achievement.... and I hope you both can feel high and mighty about it all soon too.

What happened on the SN boards Sax?? Which thread is yours?

Sax · 14/06/2005 08:27

Morning folks - seems another bright and cheery morning - good positive start to the day, what a relief!
Now QF you don't sound cross, thats good my finger waggling friend due to inablility to tell dh how I feel!!!!

SN didn't seem very responsive yesturday it is titled asking for advice - asd diagnosis but thats a bit unfair becasue a few people did reply!!! I am just trying to get lots of advice about lots of things at the moment.

Well done for being hung over - means you can be all lethargic about work and be all enthusiastic about wasting time on internet!!!!!

keep posting Babynovice, we are all here for each other and you do sound very low and alone, having not met people since dd which 8m is a long time to be struggling along all alone!

You should be soooo proud of yourself QF and rightly so, it is a huge achievement to have combatted depression so I can only be in awe and hope I can too!

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QueenFlounce · 14/06/2005 08:30

I'll go bump up your thread.

Sax · 14/06/2005 08:33

Thank you queenflounce you are a gem! working hard I see!

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QueenFlounce · 14/06/2005 08:34

mutter< >mutter<

Always busy.... er...too much to do...

Sax · 14/06/2005 08:53

Just to say good morning to Gossifer - hope the flu is totally under control now and you are feeling better. Do you still not have any result???? Let me know when you can, it must be hard just waiting all the time!
now all the boys are up and dressed, now for the hard bit, getting myself up and trying to look half decent and not let myself down! Here we go........ on with the day..... false smile on, cool and calm exterior, I can cope with anything attitude........ today will be a good day!!!!

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QueenFlounce · 14/06/2005 08:56

Sax - 3 kids up and dressed by 9am!! You are superwoman!! DH is at home with my 2 today and I can guarantee neither will be dressed yet!

Sax · 14/06/2005 08:57

Wow, I've achieved already then, good for meeee!!!

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Sax · 14/06/2005 09:02

The next hard bit - not to be late for nursery! Usually I am, I have 20mins to get them all to eat their breakfast and get there mmmmmmmmmm suppose I ought to pull my finger out and get dressed, no more typing for now Sax, get on with it girl!!!!!!

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