Recovering from child abuse......help needed

[adelicatequestion]

Hi

I have been having hterapy for almost a year now for child abuse issues.

The problem I have is no emotions. I talk about the abuse as if I was buying a bag of potatoes or commenting on the weather. I can;t seem to bring out emotions about it to process them,.

Daily I have panic attacks and wake up in the night shaking.

Has anyone been thorugh this. What are the stages you go through. Will I ever be able to experience emotions. I do cry about other things - sometimes, but am not an emotional person.

TIA

Maybe you are starting to get in touch with your feelings. Which is good. Its like going through all the stages of mourning..sadness anger...you name it....you will go through every emotion in the book...many ,many times. I hope Dh will stay the pace as my ex told me it was very difficult at times.( the repetition of the abuse...I can still picture it now like a movie going through my head but it doesnt make me feel poorly any more.Your DH is right There really is only you that will get yourself through all this,by being your own therapist. He is obviously very caring in saying that he will be there to support you. Some wouldnt..

When you finally get through this, you will undoubtably come out of this a stronger more positive person. in every way...and more able to deal with what other rubbish life throws at you.

it is strange how the mind blanks the painful years out, isnt it?

I often feel envious of people that can recall happy childhood times...and i often used to wish i had been in their shoes and not mine.
Had a long day today so i am off to bed....Night Night..speak to you soon

how were you over the weekend?

Not that brilliant.

I' feel like I'm getting in touch with my emotions alright. I can't control them any more.

At the moment I feel really angry with the therapist because they've outed all these feelings and then they are never available to help you through it.

Many more memories are coming up which are also affecting me in a bad way.

I thought I'd resort to my music to help but every song I seem to listen to sets me off again.

I should be concentrating at work but haven;t acheived a thing for about 4 days now.

Thank you for asking how I am. It's more than anyone here in RL has done. That's upset me too - they don't seem interested. Or it's just me feeling sorry for myself.

No its not you feeling sorry for yourself. Its peoples lack of understanding about what you are going through. I find people have not got the time these days to be really interested in what makes you tick. They are ok as long as everything is happy and fun,but as soon as emotions,tears,depressing things and the past get involved ,people just do a quick exit. Either they really dont know how to deal with it,they are selfish,they have no time( but i really dont believe that myself...if i had a best friend..i would have all the time they needed , if they felt so low) OR they really arent good friends..OR they have made a judgement on you.
I used to feel very lonely when i was going through my breakdown...i used to wonder if i had two heads {hmm]

I have to say that i am still quite lonely and i do wonder if the whole experience has affected my ability to make friends. Its not for the lack of trying though ,over the years.

Is there any one in particular that you would like to be interested?
You sound as if there is someone who you would like to be,but they are not there for you?
I still dont mind talking to you,so dont worry if you want to.
Im sorry no one in RL asks how you are,its really tough dealing with this virtually alone isnt it..do you feel quite isolated?
I hope sharing things with me has not madew you feel worse.You said you have felt worse in the last 4 days and we have only been talking for a few days...i hope its not...i would like to help if i can.

No it's definitely not you. It stems from a session I had last Thursday. You have been brilliant.

The lack of people asking is probably my fault too. I have spent my whole life with such high defences that I have never let anyone know how I'm feeling. I am the master of pretending I'm strong and ok.

Only now I don't know how to tell people I'm not.

I fully understand what you mean about feeling lonely - that's the thing I cry about most - feeling lonely and abandoned.

I'm sure friends would help, if only I knew how to let them.

One step at a time.....

Yes i am the same as you. I come over as self sufficient(despite being a single mum) very capable of doing all manner of things even DIY to the extent of putting a bathroom in.
Everyone thinks you are ok though.
I am not one for wearing my heart on my sleeve but maybe i should get a big sign that says ,i would like a nice ,genuine friend,male or female.
Its funny how you developm this way of putiing on a facade ..self protection do you reckon...
How are things with DH with you being so weepy.Is he a bit bewildered

DH has been great. I was sobbing my heart out the other night and he is happy for me to tell him anything i want and any details too.

I'm scared to do this though in case it changes how he feels about me.

it didnt change my ex's opinion of me,in fact he sat there and listened time after time until i didnt cry about it.He just wanted to belt my stepbrother and it took me all my time to stop him.
I am happy for you that DH wants to talk...it will help longterm..and it will help with any possible issues you have with him physically and mentally. Although i am split from my ex partner we are actually closer now ,than we were when we were livingtogether...and i think i still love him to bits despite him doing the dirty on me.life is so mixed up isnt it?

how are the panic attacks...are they now tears instead

No. The panic attacks are still here.

In fact, Ive just taken children out and had one. I hate them. I could cope with everything if only these panic attacks would go away.

I've recently told my brother and he was very angry, but because he doesn;t know the people, he can't do anything (don't know if that makes it worse?)

How long do the tears and feeling crap go on for?

Is it weeks, months years?

the paic attacks come on at the oddest times,and without warning,even when you are having a seemingly happy time dont they...they are pretty overwhelming too. Does your heart race and do you feel dizzy with them?

have you told your brother about the abuse or the panic attacks..couldnt quite tell.

my best friends daughter was also abused by her uncle and she confided in her brother. Her brother actually went round to her uncle's house, 10 years after the event and beat the living daylights out of him. Nedless to say the uncle didnt dare prosecute him. Got what he deserved,shame it wasnt more....
unfortunately that ended as a very sad story and my best friend found his daughter, Anna hanging from her loft. She couldnt cope with the chidhood abuse. it was very sad and something my friend will never get over. Sorry to convey sad things but thats what these Bast have done to us..it destroys the whole infrastructure of our lives and just eats away at us until we feel completely worn out.

i would say it took me 12 months from having a nervous breakdown to have the confidence to go out to a restaurant without panicking. I was on heafty antidepressants for the best part of 5 years. I would have good weeks and bad weeks too. Then the good weeks became more frequent. Unfortnately i then split up from my ex,the boys father and then a new set of emotions came in. But in all honesty I think the split up actually helped me to get myself together and become more positive. You will come out of this a stronger person as long as you deal with the things that are eating you away... dont ignore them or bury them,otherwise they will come back and haunt you.

Occasionally i still end up on ani depressants when i have a bad few weeks and i dont sleep well in my bed.( i actually sleep better in the lounge. Maybe thats where i subconsciously feel safer.

I told my brother about both.

The panic attacks make me feel dizzy and lightheaded and happen at the weirdest times.

Hopefully it will start to get better. I am still getting new memories, but I still need to deal with the anger, but I can't pinpoint it to anything specific yet.

What changes over time is you coping mechanism and you learn how to deal with each item seperately until you have exhausted it. Dont try to deal with everything all at once... step by step and slowly i would say. then put the problem away in a box and try to stop it from affecting today. I know that sounds easy..its not...but we cant undo the past unfortunately ... we just have to come to terms with it..and move on..otherwise it does ruin a great deal of your life as you are finding.
is talking still helping a little?

Talking is helping a lot.

Today has been probably the worst day yet. I've some particularly bad memories appear.

Not too bad now though

I'm going to have a relaxing evening and be nice to myself.

are they memories that you can talk about or are they too private.. seems like things are happening quite quickly for you.

No, I'm not ready for that yet and it might upset other people on here.

Things have happened a lot this past 2 weeks and it's been hard to cope with. At the same time as it being hard, through it all I realise that long term it will help me.

Really pleased I have found this thread as I am coming to terms with child abuse from the ages of 9 - 12. Most of the details I have hidden so deeply in my unconscious I do worry whether I will ever remember them. I also don't seem to suffer with obvious signs of distress like panic attacks, but I do suffer with a total lack of confidence and in part blame the abuse for this.
I just wanted to introduce myself and hope that between ourselves we can work through the aftermath of abuse.

Yes, definitely jazzicatz. Welcome

I was oblivious to some of the memories and was told that at the point of abuse there are some traumas that are so distressing that they may actually not be committed to memory. I was told not to try and remember because they may not be there.

However, the ones that were obviously htere are coming back now. I am in a place where I feel safe to share them with my hterapist but it's taken a year.

The problem now is they are too fast!

It's not so much the memories that upset me as the feeling s of shame, guilt, abandonment that relate to it.

Hope some of this makes sense. I'm really at the start of my journey but I am now optimistic - a year a go I wasn't.

I think I need to begin the process of coming to terms with what happened to me, and also I recently found out my brother. I can talk about it in a calm and pragmatic way, with no emotion - surely thats not right? I hope I can one day get the help I need. May I ask where did you go for help?

jazzicatz. hi glad you have found us!

adelicatequestion glad you are feeling optimistic now...you are on the way up if you feel that way. be prepared for alot of highs and lows too, unfortunately its quite a rough ride at times

Jazzicatz ...i only got help when i literally collapsed at my doctors surgery and begged for help.Thought i was loosing my mind with the panic attacks. I ended up in hospital for three whole months.. with psychotherapy sessions every other day and meetings with the psych.

He was a really good doctor but i did struggle with the psychotherapy sessions until, one day, i found myself crying when a young girl was talking about her abuse.

If you have read some of our post you will see how the consultant advised writing letters to our abuser,puting dwn all my feelings as vividly as possible. That really helped me

i tried private counsellors that cost a lot of money but for me it came down to trusting my partner and just gradually learning a different way of dealing with it.
Do you mind me asking how old you are?

I am 36 alypaly