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Original poster

Recovering from child abuse......help needed

406 replies

adelicatequestion · 05/09/2009 23:39

Hi

I have been having hterapy for almost a year now for child abuse issues.

The problem I have is no emotions. I talk about the abuse as if I was buying a bag of potatoes or commenting on the weather. I can;t seem to bring out emotions about it to process them,.

Daily I have panic attacks and wake up in the night shaking.

Has anyone been thorugh this. What are the stages you go through. Will I ever be able to experience emotions. I do cry about other things - sometimes, but am not an emotional person.

TIA

OP posts:
twoisplenty · 25/11/2009 10:14

Thanks silentcatastrophe. Yes, having counselling which is horrid but necessary.

Are you ok ADQ? I promise not to hijack your thread again!!

alypaly · 25/11/2009 10:24

Hi everyone....just thought i would pop in and see how you are all doing. Sorry i have been gone so long.
Hi ADQ...see you are still having issues with the affair...its a tough one that,it is so difficult to forget so even so long down the line.

Hi SC sorry you are still suffering too.

Original poster
adelicatequestion · 26/11/2009 14:33

Good to see you back everyone

Gosh what a couple of weeks.

Have had Dh along to my therapy session to thrash out some of the hurt of the affair. It helped quite a bit. There are things I know now about him and why/what happened. I am more confident it won;t happen again.

I got to fall apart safely and for him to see the hurt he caused and for me to get angry.

I've done a lot of crying and now feel safer to explore the abuse now and other issues with me.

I'm finding it very hard and my crying is hard to deal with.

Next "job" is trying to tackle my non existent self esteem and feelings of guilt, shame, embarassment etc. They all stem from abuse and the way my mum criticized me constantly.

It's a long slow slog, but I'm geting there. It could take years!

ADQ

OP posts:
alypaly · 26/11/2009 14:46

ADQ you do seem more positive about yourself even in your writing.
I still think the affair is the thing that has got you so confused. Have been reading as many posts as poss.

Original poster
adelicatequestion · 26/11/2009 20:05

Thanks Alypaly

Yes, the affair is a hard one to tackle, but it's important I do it now one way or the other.

Things about my thinking are slowly changing but there is a long long way to go.

I haven;t even touched on the abuse issues yet because all these other things have got in the way.

Psychiatrist says until I feel supported it won;t happen.

Here's looking forward.......

OP posts:
alypaly · 26/11/2009 23:40

i am really happy you are coping a little better...although there is still alot to deal with. Slowly,slowly.....

Original poster
adelicatequestion · 27/11/2009 16:16

It's not easy going slowly for an impatient person like me.

I'm trying to deal with my self esteem too. Trying to feel better about myself, but if I don't, I don;t and I don't know how to start feeling better about myself.

ADQ

OP posts:
alypaly · 27/11/2009 18:32

i know what that is like ,i used to be less patient than i am now.
Being so depressed and coming through it all has taught me to cut myself some slack ...and others too. A different kind of tolerance. To not always expect people to live up to my standards IYGWIM.

silentcatastrophe · 28/11/2009 15:41

I know what you mean! I want it all to be better NOW!

I spoke to my brother today and we talked about SIL. My bro has taken pride of place in her paranoid delusions, which is really pretty serious. Her husband, my other brother, is thinking about leaving and getting his own place. Oh it's a mess. I told my brother that it was not his problem that he was a victim of someone elses fantasies, but he says he feels pretty threatened by it.

It is very sad that SIL refuses to see there is any problem and will not get any help. She has always been twistingly peculiar, but her behaviour has become worrying.

Original poster
adelicatequestion · 29/11/2009 13:39

Do you think she'll accept something is wrong when he tells her he's moving out?

How are you coping with it all.

I'm struggling today with so many things to do and all I want to do is curl up in a ball and cry and have someone cuddle me.

OP posts:
alypaly · 29/11/2009 13:49

why oh why are there so many of us that are so lonely and just want a cuddle?

silentcatastrophe · 29/11/2009 13:52

Can I give you a cyber-cuddle? ((((((((*)))))))).

No. I don't suppose she will notice. They have a very strange relationship. I try to keep out of the way. I did say that SIL didn't like me, and my bro said, oh never mind, she hates everyone (prob including him). SIL has already driven 1st husband out of the country

Original poster
adelicatequestion · 29/11/2009 16:11

Thanks for the cuddle.

I feel like I don;t deserve to feel like this. There are many in the world far worse off than me. I feel like I'm being really ungrateful.

I also feel empty - like I can;t be happy and content. It's what those ba5^&rd men did to me and I can't come to terms with it.

OP posts:
silentcatastrophe · 30/11/2009 13:47

I used to think that too, that there were so many people much much worse off than I was. I think that we get the opportunity to find out about other peoples' pain when they are allowed to articulate it and we are put in a position of listening.

By diminishing your feelings, you are belittling yourself in the same way that your abusers did. I don't suppose that abusers could have much respect for their victims. I know my father had none whatsoever for me!

Keep talking. You will find yourself there, really!

alypaly · 30/11/2009 13:59

ADQ i still feel that you are trying to deal with all your emotions in one go. It is honestly impossible to do that... (voice of experience) Try and deal with the one which is at the forefront at the moment....and most relevant to your life now,which is Dh betrayal. If you dont deal with this then all the other problems will probably not go away. DH's betrayal is probably what has brought all these feelings of insecurity to the forefront and will not go away even if you blame the abusers for what they have done to you in the past.

Original poster
adelicatequestion · 30/11/2009 16:25

Thanks

I don;t think dh betrayal brought these feelings to the front. They were triggered by something else several months ago. His affair was 9 years ago. Admittedly it was never dealt with properly and now I need support, it has come to the fore.

I am trying to deal with lots all at once, but I think its because there are so many layers to the onion that is me and i don't know which one to fix first. All the issues are getting mingled and impacting on each other.

It is helpful on here to write it all down and get others perspectives.
ADQ

OP posts:
silentcatastrophe · 07/12/2009 18:26

How's everyone getting on? It's a bit close to Christmas for me and I'm getting v. peeved. I don't like it at all. Everyone retreating into their little family holes and not seeing my friends, and having to somehow cope with dysfunctional family and trying not to go completely mad. I hope it's better for you!

Original poster
adelicatequestion · 08/12/2009 11:56

I'm okish. My psych wants me to start sertraline to help my psychotherpy. I'm scared to start. He's sure it will help me. I don't have anything against taking them except I'm terrified of side effects.

I will wait until after Christmas to start.

I'm back to thinking about EMDR again after reading so many good things about it and ptsd.

Take care

ADQ

OP posts:
silentcatastrophe · 08/12/2009 20:08

I've been taking sertraline for nearly 2 years now. No side effects. I was feeling pretty mashed when I started and it worked immediately. It's worth a go. I'm very pro drugs in some cases, and very pro therapy. Whatever it takes! You don't have to keep taking it and it does work fast.

Original poster
adelicatequestion · 08/12/2009 22:52

That#s good to know. He said try it for a month, but I've read it takes 4-6 weeks to start noticing a change.

OP posts:
silentcatastrophe · 09/12/2009 10:06

No. It should start working immediately. I had this conversation with a neuroscientist friend in the early 90s. Once you have taken the drug, it is in your system. I think the question is, why should anyone think it takes so long to work?

I have a feeling that it has recently been shown that SSRIs work much faster than previously thought.

Give it a go. When I was first given Prozac, it changed my life. It was the first time I actually felt like a member of the human race. That I'd spent the first quarter century of my life feeling as though I didn't belong to it is pretty awful.

twoisplenty · 15/12/2009 21:30

How are you doing ADQ?

Original poster
adelicatequestion · 16/12/2009 14:11

I'm getting there. Struggling with lots to do and not enough time to do it.

I'm probably going to start ad's after Christmas.

OP posts:
alypaly · 19/12/2009 22:57

ssri's take about a month to reach optimum therapeutic levels and the side effects if any are normally in the first 10 days.

are you all finding xmas is hard work whilst trying to cope with the depression. i used to find it difficult too.

silentcatastrophe · 20/12/2009 15:09

Oh Christmas is HORRIVBLE! It arrives like a tidal wave and everyone retreats into themselves. My dad is not well at the moment and I expect he will want us to go and stay with them. This is awful and I don't think I can do it. My mum has said to keep away, and there are so many very good reasons to do so. fuckety fuck.

I have found the SSRIs work as soon as I start taking them. I thought that they had discovered this? There is no reason why they shouldn't....

How is everyone? How are you getting on, Alypaly, ADQ, two is plenty?