Recovering from child abuse......help needed

[adelicatequestion]

Hi

I have been having hterapy for almost a year now for child abuse issues.

The problem I have is no emotions. I talk about the abuse as if I was buying a bag of potatoes or commenting on the weather. I can;t seem to bring out emotions about it to process them,.

Daily I have panic attacks and wake up in the night shaking.

Has anyone been thorugh this. What are the stages you go through. Will I ever be able to experience emotions. I do cry about other things - sometimes, but am not an emotional person.

TIA

Hey. Good luck with the interview.

Let us know how you get on.

How is everyone else: cremeggs, silent, Helens, Jazzi, twoisplenty? and anyone else I've missed.

back home...after 2 hour interview.
It went really well,everyone was really nice and even got to see a dog being operated on.It was really interesting.
the vet has got a few more candidates to interviewed....but the pay is the biggest let down, at £2.50 an hour less than i was on. Plus its a 40 hour week and havent done full time for years.[yikes]

I hope you get the job, Alypaly! Yes the pay must be disappointing - it's quite a big difference.

It's so good that you feel supported by your shrink and your therapist, ADQ. Trusting people is a major thing, and hopefully you will start to learn to trust yourself.

I am feeling baffled and confused. I think my father may easily have a personality disorder. It would explain why he is a bastard and why he is so in awe of people and why my mum thinks he has something wrong with his brain.

Hope you get the job Alypaly.

Has your dad always been like that SC?

What personality disorder do you think he has?

thanks SC

thanks ADQ...i came out feeling quite optimistic.

Thanks to both of you for your well wishes

I know it's frustrating that your therapist won't refer you for EMDR but she probably knows what she is doing.
I had EMDR once, after being on a waiting lisb for ages (also have PTSD). I don't remember it, but my therapist says I reacted incredibly violently almost instantly and they stopped immediately. They have now decided I am DID having not thought so until I had the treatment. I guess what I am saying is that EMDR is not always the answer and I am sure your therapist has a good reason for not using it.

Just realised I am about 11 pages behind!!
Sorry!

What's EMDR and DID, Gracie?

My dad has always been strange, violent, controlling, unable to listen. It sounds a bit narcissistic. I am not in a position to diagnose, but I may ask mum's shrink.

Sorry silent, I was looking at the original post and only got to second page when I wanted to post without reading on

EMDR is Eye movement desomething-or-other. Not quite sure. It's a treatment that is often recommended to people with PTSD.

DID is disociative identity disorder. It's the fancy new name for MPD (multiple personality disorder) because not everyone who has it actually has different personalities. It also encompasses things like Bi-polar...etc...

Don;t worry about being pages behind!lol welcome

My therapist explained that she uses EMDR for PTSD caused by one off events like car crashes etc but not long term abuse issues.

Now I undestand It's not so bad and a few weeks down the line I can accept that she's probably right - just couldn;t see it at the time.

Makes sense. My PTSD was probably triggered by a one off incident (attacked by a dog and nearly died) but was abused as well. EMDR seemed like it was worth a shot, but was clearly not the way to go.

Now on a waiting list to see another doctor.

Gosh Gracie. Do you have to wait again on a waiting list or did they not cary on and offer you something for the abuse stuff?

After the EMDR session was there any repercussions. Did it affect you or was it just during the session that you got the violent reaction?

Don;t answer these questions if it makes you uncomfotable. I'm just curious to know.

It's dreadful all the waiting! Where we live, it's real car crash mental health support. Where we lived in London it was very different and I had a really good gp who would pull out all the stops.

I have done a little CBT course here, but frankly it's not much help under the circs.

Over the years, I have had mostly help through the NHS, but done things privately as well. It has taken a long time to be able to separate myself from the abuse, and to recognise that it was nothing to do with me. Although there are still lingering things, I forgive myself far more readily, and try to take responsibility for what is my own crap. Everyone has their own crap! Even the most sorted people! In fact sometimes they are worse at dealing with their own stuff!

Totally NHS dependent as I am a SAHM and DH is salary is fairly little. We are a low income family, so don't pay prescription charges etc... but obviously can't afford private help.

Yes, I waited 8 months for EMDR, then was told because that didn't work have to get another referral, then join new dr's waiting list which is at least 8 months, but they can't be sure.

In the meantime my GP, CPN and HV have been absolutely fantastic. At one point GP & CPN took turns to visit me so that someone came to my house every day. I guess I'm luck to live in a very small community where a GP can take the time to do that when a patient needs it.

I don't think the one session of EMDR has had any real repercussions, but probably because Dr said I reacted instantly and they stopped immediately. Maybe if they hadn't had that sensitivity it would have had more serious consequences.

That's really tough.

I have had a mixture of counselling from a charity which I paid for but it was quite cheap.

I also had some CBT after DD was born for panic attacks.

By far the most helpful is waht I have now which is Drs referral to psychiatrist with psycotherapist very kindly paid for by DH new job's healthcare scheme.

I am very very lucky for this and appreciate it no end especially after the time I've waited to sort this out (almost 14 yrs now).

With hindsight I should have pushed harder for referrals but never seemed "bad enough".

Now I realise I was and wish I'd done more back then.

Last night I cried and cried on DH shoulder.

Someone upset me by fobbing me off continuously for the last 2 weeks and it was really hurting me.

ANyhow last night I cried and what came out was hurt at DH affair and how he constantly hurt me. I thought he'd done it on purpose - he didn;t.

A lot of it came out last night and he said things that he's never said before (all the right things that he should have said years ago.)

He was really good last night.

Congratulations! Sounds like you had a real break through. I'm sure working things through with dh will prove to be really helpful. What doesn't break a marriage can only make it stronger right?
I'm sure you vulnerability an his sensitivity will pay off.
Well done!

Alypaly

How did the party go? Are you recovering well (not from the party!lol)

My weekend has been mixed. I'm struggling at the moment with my eating and motivation (or lack of it) to eat anything other than crap. I know only I ca do it but it's like I want to be like this.

I feel very bad about myself and don;t know how to fix that.

Hope everyone else is well.

Had a hypnotism session yesterday, which left me feeling relaxed.

It was more to concentrate on my eating and to try and control it in a better way.

I'm sure you'll get there, ADQ. I'm going to try hypnotism for my smoking, as well as anything else useful!

I'm sure that being able to relax is a good thing. Eating and appetite is such an emotional thing, whether or not there is an eating disorder. I expect that as you learn to accept yourself, however you are, you will find that food becomes less important as a crutch.

I think you're right SC. I have to say since the session yesterday, I have not picked at biscuits or crisps as I normally would have done.

My "homework" is to just notice and write down any changes in my eating and put it in my journal.

I have noticed some already, but don;t know if they are changes or just me hoping for eh best and doing it for a few days to prove something! Time will tell.

I am just enjoying feeling a bit calmer and more relaxed generally.

Mind you I have also been doing my Paul McKenna CDs on my ipod at least once a day. That might be helping too.

Good luck with you hypnotism for smoking. Let me know how it goes.

Alypaly

Missing you........

......................are you ok?

How was the party?

Life is a little more mellow at the moment...

I am beginning to understand things about myself and learning how to relate to other people in a more mature way.

There's hope now...

Feel free to join in

ADQ

Well done. I'm not in such a good place and feel very abandoned. Oh well. 3 days without a cigarette. Oh it's sad when fags take the place of family.