A new thread for stressedmummy

[soapbox]

...

I think going back to the SENCO with the HV and without H is a good idea.

I have a great HV, who is really on the ball!
I told her absolutly EVERYTHING!
I am seeing her again on 13th June, but in the meantime we must arrange to go & speak to the school and I have to go to see the nurse practitioner, where I will get my AD's from.
Will speak properly later when H goes to work.

ok, talk later

I feel my HV was going along the "Get out" line Tessiebear.
She thinks he will never change.
The mr right & mr wrong list is a real eye opener though!
My hands were shaking so badly when I read it that I had to stop holding it & lay it on the arm of the chair to read.

I'm here now. He has gone!

Hello

I've never heard of that list before?

The list sounds a really useful - I wonder if all HVs have them? Sounds as if it should be made available to MN-ers!

SM - can I ask? When you read the 'nice man' list, did you long to live with one of those? Did you even realise that H's could be like that?

It is on the reverse side of some leaflet on a support group for women in abusive relationships.
I can't go to the group because it is on a Tuesday pm & I am at work then.
I started reading it & they were pretty much (give or take the odd thing) describing my H.

Blimey what an eyeopener for you.

Do you have 2 jobs then SM?

What are you thinking should happen next, SM?

When I read the mr right list I definitely wished I lived with someone like that!
H did not do many of the mr right things other than share financial responsibility, do his share of housework (too much so!) & I suppose accepting I have a right to say no to sex, although he does sulk & come out with the "You don't love me" line when it doesn't happen!
I have the list in front of me now!

I have 1 job in a school & only get Monday & Friday pm's off.
There is no chance of me getting a Tuesday off, because after half term I will be covering the class for the teacher for this PPA time.

What if you explain your situation to work?

I don't know though, as it a Tuesday pm that they want me to do this PPA thing.
I don't want to lose my job.

You could always have a meeting with those concerned just to explain and feel the water so to speak.

How do you feel about the HV's impression that she thinks you should be getting out of the relationship?

Well I am going to have to have that meeting with the SENCO (who is seniour mng) soon, as HV will not let me get away with that 1!
Still trying to think out my next steps Blu.
I guess it could be the solicitor side of things.
I amazed myself by getting through that 2 hour meeting yesterday without losing it.
I came close, but managed to keep my composure.
Saying that I was a wreck in the way I was shaking & fidgeting!

Must say I was a bit shocked at that SM, hv saying you should get out I mean.

Made it all more scary & real Blu.
That is why it took me a while to enjoy my night properly last night.

She didn't just blurt it out, but made it clear what she was thinking & that he was NOT going to change.

She offered to take the form off me at the end of the visit, but I feel I need it to remind myself how wrong my relationship is.
Will keep it folded up small in my purse.

What do you think he'd do if he saw it?

Go mad!
HV thinks he should look at it though!

Feeling a bit yukky ATM.

I suppose the HV's thoughts will be v much with your little boys, and what is happening to them.

The SENCO, and your lad's teacher, will be in a much better position to make sure he has the right support if they know truthfully what has been happening to him. I think the HV is right to press for that meeting.

Also, the more you talk to other people about it, the more you will realise you CAN talk about you, your needs and your DS's without H being part of the conversation. My guess is that you may start to find it very liberating. Look how you have progressed this week - two difficult meetings! it can only get easier, and you will be the stronger for it.

It was blunt of the HV to let you know what her gut feeling is, but i bet she has heard many many stories like yours, and has seen what has happened.

To be honest with you, my own feeling is that you need to leave this man. IF he takes responsibility and gets help, it can be a 'separation', and if he is genuine in his realisation of the damage he is causing your little boy, he will actually understand that it may be better for you and the boys to be away from him until he has made some progress.

If he makes no effort at all - and doesn't make a move to get help, I think you should move, swiftly.

That's merely my opinion from a distance (but you are very effective in the way you describe things) and obvioulsy you will do what is right and best for you and the boys. Didn't want to hide my own 'take' on things, any more than I think you should be 'persuaded' into anything by us MN-ers.