A new thread for stressedmummy

[soapbox]

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Only on for a few minutes SM - just wanted to say you sound a lot more positive tonight - i think you know that you have to take some kind of action.
Do you think that the THREAT of all this would make your DH determined/ able to change??? Speak tommorow, TessieX

Maybe for a while Tess, but I don't know if he CAN change long term without professional help to deal with his anger.

stressed mummy

I am so sorry for you and ds's

Please try and leave this man you are worth a lot more and should not have to put up with this shite day in day out.

PLASTIC SHITE indeed does hubby know how much this shite costs??? Most toys for kids are plastic.

You obviously are a strong woman- stronger thatn you believe yourself to put up with this nonesense no wonder you needed ad's if this is what he puts you through.

My personal opinion is to leave for the safety of you and your boys, he may be physcologically abusing you at the mo but this could get physical by the sounds of it,

Please leave if not for you then for your boys, there is men out there that will treat you with the respect you deserve hun, easy for me to say i know but PLEASE be safe

It is shite jambo.
If I was a strong woman I would have left years ago.
I have been thinking a lot about my boys tonight & feeling VERY sad about the damage to ds1.
It is all starting to make me feel very sick.
When H is angry he is very nasty with his words, as well as having a terrible temper & can say some very horrible things.
The stress I am going through is affecting my relationship with the kids, as I am always depressed & am not coping as well as I should be.
I don't know if I am depressed or stressed, but I feel like I cannot take any more.

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no night shift tonight,tommorrow though. take care luvvy. i heard what you was saying about it all affecting you with kid's. try to hang in there and show the boys what a strong loving mummy you are. give them loads of cuddles and tell them you love them as many times as you can. i also suffer with the dreaded d and i don't always want the kid's around me. i have to make an extra effort to tell them,especially dd how much i love her because she's the eldest and craves attention from me. she's quite jelious of ds.
look now i've gone and clogged up you tread with my crap.
take care night night.

Depression is not good, is it natts?
Are you on AD's ATM?
I have been on them, but have managed without them for a while.
I have a feeling I will be back on them after Wednesday.
I do try & tell the kids I love them, it is just that my general patience levels & IMO good Mummy ability has been affected by it all.
Even simple tasks like listning to ds1 read his reading book take extra effort, but I have made sure I do it with him every night (well all but one night when I was in far too much of a state & I actually wrote in his contact book that he wasn't heard because his Mummy was too stressed!)
I slept a little better last night thankfully.
Have not seen much of H this morning, as He has been on nights, so goes straight to bed.
My ds has a party later & I feel anxious about him going because he kind of stands away from everyone & will not play the games etc.
He says he wants to go, but I bet when we get there he won't let me go!

ahhh bless him,
I'm trying to cope without them too. i have been on different ones and the last lot helped loads but i was having dreadful sweats which were embarrasing(excuse me while i drip all over your baby whilst i help you breastfeed) not very good. I am finding it an uphill stuggle and have an awful lot of things going on at the mo.(nothing terrible just a lot to juggle.
I know what you mean about the basics like reading books and spelling. i also struggle.
I do get support from future h but still do most things on my own.
I think you should try to look at things differntly, you should be proud of yourself, you have two gorgeous boys, a job to hold down,depression,and a very unsupportive H making things alot worse. and you are coping and planning and making choices and dissisions(can't spell)juggling the every day stuff that is totally made worse by depression.
What an achievement.

He doesn't want to go to the party now!
H is watching football on the sofa.
He may be in a good mood later if his team win.
He has been on at me about things relating to the tidyness of the house etc.
Feel quite tense today.

Sorry to hear ds1 doesn't want to go to the party. Can you ask him to try it and you'll take him home if he wants later? My eldest used to say stuff like this but enjoyed it once he got there.

how are things hun?

Ds didn't go to the party in the end, as he really didn't want to & would have only stood back pulling at his lip, even with me staying there with him.
I will take the present into school on Monday for the child who's party it was.
Yesterday was not great TBH.

H is working 12 hours today, so I am home alone with the kids.
The house is not that tidy ATM & I don't care!!!

stressedmuummy

How are you feeling today knowing you can relax with your kids without HIM getting on at you??

You must believe you are a strong woman- YOU REALLY ARE!!!!!!!

There is light at the end of the long long tunnel that I promise, but you do need to break away from HIM i'm afraid.
You take care hun keep that chin up and dont show him he bothers you- may be hard but he may get some cheep sick thrill from seeing you so low and miserable

Can you imagine how wonderful it would be if your ds was really excited at the idea of going to a party, and when he got there he played with all the other children and ran around like all the others too?

That's the little boy he could develop into if you give him the chance.

Hope that doesn't sound too harsh.

sorry to hear that you are feeling low. I know what it feels like when you can't muster up the inclination to do anything around the house.
but if it's mess from the children sort that out, so ds1 doesn't get it in the neck.
don't let yourself sink under sweetheart,take one thing at a time and try your best not to bury your head in the sand.
you've got a busy week this week coming, with the health visitor e.t.c
stay focused and take care.

I didn't make the house immaculate because I knew I had hours before he returned home!
I always make sure it is presentable before he returns.
I started a really long post this morning about yesterdays goings on, but then deleted it all because I know you do not need to hear of all my crap when I am still here living in these conditions.
I was feeling down today, but then my sister & her dh took me out to lunch, because he could sense I was down from how I sounded on the phone. Bless him!
I really envy their relationship.

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Definitely rickman!
I do confide in my sister & will do.
Don't do it in front of her H, but do feel I can talk to her.
I am having a weekend with her soon & will talk to her BIG time.
Would love to meet up with you lot.

SM - good to hear that people are gathering around you - that was nice of your Sis and bil. Look, ther's nothing people like to be able to do more thatn really be able to help and make a difference. Does your sis have an inkling about the way you live atm? Might be good to have a man's opinion of your H's behaviour.
Please talk to your HV about depression. I know that when I was depressed, I would just think everything was going down the pan, not be able to do anyhting about it, and it came close to being a self-fulfilling prophecy. You get caaught in that downward spiral, don't you? There's nothing to feel a failure about if you need to take ADs anymore than someone aneamic should feel they should somehow manage without iron tabs. If that serotonin isn't at high enough, your brain needs help to manufacture it.
Hope you have a better evening tonight, take care.

Thanks Blu.
My sis does have a feeling that I am getting depressed again & has told my Mum that she is worried about me.
My Mum has kind of snubbed my feelings & said to my sister "She doesn't have it too bad, she just makes a fuss."
My Mum doesn't believe in depression.

glad you can talk to your sis, my mum does have d as does my little sis, mum still not v supprtive though she thinks hers is worse than anyone elses,thinks it's a bloody competion. sorry rant rant.
really pleased you got out for a bit hun

Just thought I would log on quickly before the kids wake up & give you the latest.
I decided last night that it was time that I confronted H about his behaviour & how badly it is affecting the kids & me.
I had LOTS of drink inside me first (have a bad head today!) & told him how I feel things are esculating ATM, how I am scared of my own H and how much his behaviour is affecting the boys.
I told him that much as he is not physical, he is still very frightning & abusive.
He tried to turn it around & put a lot of blame on me at first, because I am not the tidiest (which I admitted) & I don't ask about how his day has been much etc.
I told him that I admit to all my faults, but I should not feel scared of my own H & worry about what mood he was going to be in.
I talked about the Saturday (which I chose not to post about yesterday) & how I felt on tender hooks all day about how tidy the house was etc etc, how his little boy asked "What did Daddy do then Mummy?" When he heard the bang from H thumping the kitchen cupboard.
Also how he was petrified that H had thrown his favourite blue teddy in the bin & when I said that Daddy wouldn't do that & made H admit he hadn't, his answer of "No but I will put you in the bin" led to ds saying "My naughty boys school will be a bin"
I also mentioned how he is not prepared to help himself & go to anger managment like he once promised.
Anyway it went on & on.
H actually ended up in tears about how he doesn't want to shout at ds1 like that, but feels he should.
I told him how he will end up damaged & how much I don't want my boys to have a bad childhood.
He said that if I arrange it, he will go to anger management & if that doesn't work he will leave.
He is not keen on me talking to my HV (but I have to) because he assumes she will think he is hitting me.
It was a horrible emotional night, with both of us in floods of tears, but I am glad I did it.
I feel I have taken another step.

sm, well done on talking to h, it must have been hard for you.

I think it would be a good idea for you to arrange anger management/counselling for him immediately, while this discussion is fresh in his mind, so he doesn't have a chance to change his mind.

I also think this should be his last chance. If he goes back on his promise, or reverts back to his old behaviour, you must make him leave.

And please still tell everything to your HV.

Good luck.

SM - am crying as i read your last post - feel soooo sad for you and DS1 (Blue teddy in the bin etc)
I am so glad your H cried and REALISED how he has been - and glad that he is going to go to Anger Management. How do you feel about him leaving if it doesnt work?? Take Care SM X