A new thread for stressedmummy

[soapbox]

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You sure do seem to know what you are talking about.
I have had another very bad nights sleep.
Have been awake since 4.30am with everything from the meeting going round in my head.
So pleased that he is doing so well with his reading, because with everything that has been going on I have not been hearing him at home as much as I should.
Ds2 seems just the opposite of his brother ATM & I would hate for him to end up with anxiety problems too.
Will let you know how it goes with the HV later.

Good luck with HV

morning sm - just wanted to say that i am thinking of you and good luck today, i will catch up again tonight

Thanks puska
I won't be around tonight coz I am escaping to London!
Will be around on Thursday though.

silly me i forgot - too consumed with thoughts of jacket potatoes!!
1/2hr to go - good luck and have fun tonight

Think I may be in need of tonight after this afternoon!
Will let you know how it goes.

Whats with the jacket potatoes BTW???!!!

Oh wow - what are you doing in London tonight?

The HV appointment will be fine. Don't forget to make a list of the things you want to ask her...anger management or some other referral, depresion, anything else?
I always forget something - cos I always mean to jot down a list, and then forget!

Starting to churn up a bit now.
I have all the things I want to say to her & there is lots!
I am going to watch a show with a friend tonight.
We are also having dinner in London.
I am looking forward to it.

That sounds really nice! You do deserve a bit of a treat.
Go on - tell us what show you are seeing?

We will rock you, the Queen show.
My friend is providing us with some wine 4 the intervels!

Brilliant. A great night out.
Have fun - just deal with the HV, once you start talking it will be ok, then go out and enjoy your freinds.

The other thing is...it isn't your sole responsibility to do the arrangements for finding some support for H - is he doing anythng to research anger management or other help?

She's here!

Fingers crossed....

Glad senco went well for you SM

Hope you enjoy the show, am sure you will.

Will speak tomorrow.
She has just gone!

Ooh, how was it?

sorry it's been so long i have been really busy and worked last night. glad senco went well. have a great night and let us now about hv. things are looking up.

An hour and a half visit! ...
Hope you are still out enjoying your night out

A 2 hour visit!
I told her everything & she seemed pretty concerned TBH.
I told her all of the temper issues with H going back to the December problems & even telling how I had been getting support & advice from you lot.
I told her that I was quite alarmed when I first posted on here about how everyone immediatly told me he was an abusive man.
She said "Did that shock you?" & with that gave me a leaflet showing mr nice & mr abusive.
My hands were shaking so much when I read it because around 80% of the things on the abusive side fitted H perfectly!
She is VERY worried about me & the children and is insisting that she comes along with me to speak to the SENCO in a couple of days.
She also said that although he has not hit me, he is battering me inside & she does not know how I am even fuctioning ATM.
She is also very suprised that he has NOT hit me yet.
I asked about anger management & he will have to go through his gp, as we are seperate surgeries.
She told me that I am the worst she has ever seen me and will be going onto AD's ASAP, as my anxiety levels are through the roof! (Was very aware of the shaking & fidgeting)
She is convinced thst ds1's problems are all due to home life & warned that ds2 could end up the same in a year or 2.
She seemed to be welling up a bit at one point, which suprised me, as they must be used to a lot worse than this.
Basically she reitterated a lot of what I have already been told by you lot.
She is getting back to me about when is convienient to speak to school.
She said to me "This man will never change."
I told H when she had gone that I had asked about anger management & he said "Why did you go & ask her, God knows what she thinks of me now."
I told him I asked her because it has been left to me & I don't know where to start. I also made it clear that she knows he does not hit me.
His answer was "She will now think I hit you. I give up"
All gave me loads of serious thinking to do & I was a bit out of it with my friend for a while, but eventually managed to enjoy the show!
Going to be very tired at work today!

Firstly i hope you had a fab time at the show last night

Well done stressed mummy for getting your 'bravers on' and going through with your appointment and being so honest with her I am really proud of you.

I have to say that it is a relief for me (because of your ds1&2) that you have finally spoken to a professional about your situation and that she has confirmed what all of us 'unprofessionals' have been saying to you.

That sounds so horribly i told you so, but please understand that i dont mean it that way. In your position it is so easy to sit back and think 'this is normality' - until someone actually sits you down face to face and tells you otherwise iykwim.... your hv sounds fantastic.

your h response sounds 'typical' and tbh i am not surprised - are you?

This is the beginining of a new SM - you are going to have to come up with a new nickname soon .

I will post later as am at work now

Very brave of you SM.
It is a hell of a lot to take on board, all of this isnt it???
How honest have you been with your dh about what you told her????
How do you feel about your future with DH???
Did the health visitor feel that you could sort things out??? Or that you should get out??? (Sorry for all the questions
I know you have made some very positive moves - but dont let things happen too quickly IYKWIM
I dont want you to do anything that you may regret later IYKWIM
If you need to talk - you know where i am.

oooh, SM, that is a very very big step - and one I am SO pleased you have taken.

She sounds like a sterling good woman, and I suspect she is going to be a very valuable support for you.

I think she is right about H, and I am gald she has been so honest and straightforward with you. You sound as if you are facing up to it all v well.

TBH, I wouldn't talk to your H about it v much atm. Don't discuss your HV's support for YOU with him - he will do his best to rip it apart. Can you do your thinking privately, or shared with HV and close friend / sister? There is no need to share every step with H, he will try to circumvent you, won't he, and throw you into a wobble.

Basically - he has to sort out some counselling/visit his GP/ get anger management NOW, and take responsibility for it, or nothing is going to change. Actually it will change - for the worse.

If I were you, I would tell him he needs to follow through with what he agreed re anger mgt - and take no notice of any excuses about 'what the HV thinks of him', and meanwhile, without telling him, get professional help to find out your rights re money, house etc. It WILL make you feel stronger to know that you are not a helpless homeless starving waif without him!

Suonds like you have your bravers at the ready, SM - you're doing well.

I never do this on MN, but - big hugs!

Well done sm, I'm so pleased you told your hv everything. It's great to know you have some "real life" support now, if you know what I mean. I expect that the school will also be on your side and be understanding when you have spoken to them again.

I agree that you need to get some legal advice now, just so you know what your rights are re. money etc. - it's another step towards your new life.

Well done again!

Well done to you SM! Glad you managed to get all of it out in the open with your HV. Sounds like you have a good HV thank goodness.