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Mental health

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Original poster

A new thread for stressedmummy

562 replies

soapbox · 11/05/2005 22:05

...

OP posts:

stressedmummy · 19/05/2005 18:54

Thankyou sb & puska.
You have given me great support & advice throughout this.
Ds seems a little happier ATM & is here drawing next to me.
I know I must do something now, as things will NEVER get better here.
I actually opened up to a couple of friends yesterday, which is not something I have done in the past.
Suprisingly I found out that one of the friends is in a very similar relationship herself & has only just opened up to me, after hearing of my situation.
The other friend thought what she was hearing DID sound abusive & asked if I thought the violence could ever turn physical.
The fact that I am now admitting the true situation to a couple of friends shows that I am now stopping the denial & pretending that things are not so bad, which I have done until now.
Getting it out in the open a bit & hearing friends reactions (who would normally try to play things down so not to upset) has made me really think about how bad things are today.
I am feeling physically sick & a complete emotional wreck ATM, more so than usual.
I think some of it is the realisation that things are VERY seriously wrong & I am going to have to take drastic measures to repair this hideous lifestyle that we are living.

stressedmummy · 19/05/2005 19:00

I do want to sort this out puska.
Wednesday is the nearest appointment that my HV can do.
I am taking the afternoon off work to see her.

puska · 19/05/2005 19:01

its great that you have opened up to some friends, its a beginning....

do you think you could see your family soon?

what is your h situation where are his family?

stressedmummy · 19/05/2005 19:08

Opening up to my family is a BIG one.
I have been sitting here thinking about it though.
I really feel for H's Mum, as she is very calm & sweet & adores her grandsons to bits.
She went through a tough time with H's Dad, but put up with it.
He ended up leaving her & moving to Canada, where he commited bigamy & then later killed himself for attention, the day before H (then 14) was due to fly out & spend the summer with him.

stressedmummy · 19/05/2005 19:16

You can see why H has got problems as an adult can't you?

Caribbeanqueen · 19/05/2005 19:32

Yes, I can see why your h has problems, but so what?

He seems to have no intention of getting help for himself, and he seems incapable of realising that he is just carrying on the same situation as his dad. Otherwise he really doesn't care about the effect he is having on his ds.

Do you really want your ds to grow up and act like that to his future wife and kids?

I agree with soapbox, just tell us what you need/want to get out of this relationship asap, and we will do what we can to help.

Please.

stressedmummy · 19/05/2005 19:49

No I would hate for my ds's to grow up anything like him.
It is very kind of you to offer to help me.
TBH, I don't even know where to start.
I have been thinking things over in the bath & trying to imagine how life without him would feel.
I imagine, after the initial shock of it all, it would feel pretty relaxed!
I do worry how on earth I will manage myself & the kids financially, but only yesterday I was thinking (after his bad mood am) that if I came home & found a note saying he had left, I would only feel relief.
I would not have to worry what kind of mood he would be in when he came home, because he wouldn't be coming home at all.
After thinking this, it hit me just how un happy I must be in this marraige to be having thoughts like that in the first place.
The worst of it all is that it is REALLY affecting how I am with the children, because I am always so stressed that I have little patience with them.
What a bloody mess!

puska · 19/05/2005 20:15

ds in bed now - am all yours

I have CAT'd you

stressedmummy · 19/05/2005 20:17

Hi puska!
I have resorted to the wine now, as my emotions are all over the place tonight & I need something to help me calm down a bit!

Ulysees · 19/05/2005 20:30

Hi SM, am so very sorry to hear this Have you asked H to leave? Is there anywhere he could go?

I truly hope you do open up to anyone who can help. Your parents need to be told IMO. You'd want to know if one of your sons was living like this wouldn't you? I bet you felt bad for your friend when you realised her situation?

Tell your HV you need an emergency appointment. Go to your GP too and tell him/her everything, you should get in there quick if you stress how bad you feel (cry a bit if it helps) Talk to anyone and everyone.

I can guarantee once you've got used to the 'gap' left by your Dh's absence you'll only feel peace.

stressedmummy · 19/05/2005 20:33

H is on his night shift right now.
I guess he could go to his Mum's house, as that is where he threatened to go that time that he never actually left.
I know what you mean about my parents, but I worry about the panic it would cause them.

Caribbeanqueen · 19/05/2005 20:35

Don't worry about your parents panicking, it's natural that they would be shocked by something like that. But surely that's part of being a prent - being there if your child needs you, so after the panic they would try to help wouldn't they?

Ulysees · 19/05/2005 20:37

My In laws are really old and you wouldn't believe the stress they've coped with caused by my BIL
My mum's coped with the stress of losing my sister who was also her best friend.

I'm just trying to say they will cope so please tell them.

stressedmummy · 19/05/2005 20:40

Yeah, you are right really.
I may need a few drinks down me first though!

puska · 19/05/2005 20:47

no wine for me am making do with a vimto ice lolly it looks wine coloured...!

so what if you need a bit of dutch courage to talk to your family...

stressedmummy · 19/05/2005 20:50

I need the wine after my day, believe me?!!!
I am a pathtic kind of non confident person.

Ulysees · 19/05/2005 20:55

No you're not pathetic. You're going to do something about this it's just getting the ball rolling.

puska · 19/05/2005 20:56

you are not pathetic - unfortunately you have a h who has been mentally abusing you for years, HE is the one who is trying to make you think you are pathetic and he almost suceeded didnt he?

However you know deep down that you are not - just ground down for the moment and quite understandably so.

stressedmummy · 19/05/2005 21:00

I am ground down ATM, completly & utterly.
I am also very scared.

Tessiebear · 19/05/2005 21:04

O M G!!!! You ARE stressedmummy - have just been reading the thread ((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))

stressedmummy · 19/05/2005 21:05

I sure am!!!

puska · 19/05/2005 21:06

so lets be positive here.....

what do YOU think should be your next move? your in control remember...

Speak to your family/friends
H to move out
Drs
HV
be honest with school and SENCO

the list is not exhaustive...just a start

puska · 19/05/2005 21:07

hello tessiebear and welcome to our thread! so glad you are close to our sm x

stressedmummy · 19/05/2005 21:09

Well I have started step 1!
Next step will be talking to HV & not sure if school will be next, or H!

Tessiebear · 19/05/2005 21:12

SM - cant see H moving out can you?????

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