A new thread for stressedmummy

[soapbox]

...

Sorry to hear you are down ulysees.
What's up?

No I'm fine really as I take my SJW It's biological with me. It's a family thing I think?

Thanks for asking though, especially when you feel the way you do xx

That is ok.
As long as you are not too down, as that is not nice.
Must get some of that SJW stuff very soon!
Does it work like AD's?

Anyway, take care.
I must go to bed now, as I have to be up early in the morning.
Speak to you tomorrow.

st johns wort

If you're on meds though you need to check with your GP first before taking it.

night,I'm off up now too as have to work in the morning xx

hi sm, how are things?

Hi how u doing?

DS2 had the speech therapist at his pre school today. His speech is fine but his perception isn't. He's at the specialist's on Monday and a memeber of the pre school is going too to give her input. Feel a bit sad for him really especially as he's starting school in September but I suppose it's only natural to worry.

Things are crap.

What's up SM?

hey sm - big hug for you to cheer you up xxx

Will speak in a bit.

sm your thread has made me feel sick.

I had a very aggressive violent mother who behaved in the way you have described (losing her temper, saying awful things about us, behaving comepletely over the top when we were naughty - once she threw ALL my belongings out of the window because she was cross with me about something, once she cut up my favourite dress with scissors). My dad was a kind and gentle man who tried to hold it together for all of us.

If someone had asked me whether I liked my mum I would have said yes too.

But I would have had so much respect for my dad if he had saved us from the stress of her moodswings and temper and left her.

Unfortunately I now blame him for not taking us out of the situation/seeking help and our relationshiop is not close. My relationshiop with my mother has improved over the years. But my childhoood was terrifying - but as a child you desparetely seek out normality wherever you can.

The last couple of mornings have been bad, because H has been getting very cross because of the normal morning chaos.
Today started off the same & I left for work feeling very depressed.
At work I was able to forget for a while, but when I went to pick up ds1, I heard he had not had a very good day & refused to do his handwriting & literacy.
I gave him a little talk in front of the teacher & he started getting upset & said "Don't tell Daddy"
I immediatly found myself filling up & thought how bad that must have sounded to his teacher.
By the time I got out H could see I was upset & wanted to know why.
I told him that ds1 had not had a great day & the tears kept flowing.
He was getting verbally aggressive in the car & started thumping the steering wheel and saying horrible things.
He told ds that he was going to a naughty boys school & that they will be coming for him in a few days.
I have not dared to confront him, as he is in a foul mood & muttered to himself that he wishes there was a school he could send them away to.
I feel an absolute wreck again & just dont know what to do.
He is going on nights in half an hour or so.
I spoke to my HV after school (just before all this happened) & she has made me an appointment for 1pm on Wednesday.

He has just left for work.
My stomach is in knots ATM & I can't stop crying.
I don't know what to do next.
I wish I could run far away from everything right now.

So sorry, stresedmummy.

Please please please please please do something about this. You cannot live like this and you really cannot continue to subject your poor little ds to this abuse. I'm almost in tears just reading your post.

You have to "run away", somewhere, anywhere.

I know.
I am now crying un-controllably & it is making ds1 hysterical to see me upset, which is making me worse.
He has just put his arms around me & said "I don't like you crying Mummy, I love you."
I really can't cope anymore.

So SM - your DS pleaded with you in front of his teacher not to tell daddy and then thats exactly what you did!

Why on earth did you betray your son by telling him?

Couldn't you have made something up???

You need to protect your son from your abusive husband, I just can't for one moment understand why you told him.

Why can't you just tell your DH every day that DS has had a fantastic day at school - why are you perpetuating his misery.

You really do need to think about how all of this looks to your DS - he really is going to be damaged for life by all of this and at the moment I think he will hold you as responsible as your DH

I'm sorry this is probably not what you need to hear right now but I am so so angry on your DS's behalf.

I am now beyond being concerned about your DH's treatment of your DS, to being extremely concerned that you are failing to protect him and actually seem to be putting him in the firing line!

H would have known what I was upset about, as it was straight after school & ds was also not happy.
I didn't tell him what kind of bad day it had been. I just said he had not had a great day.
After my talk with him on Saturday about not getting angry with ds, as it would make him worse & him seeming to agree with me, I did not think he would make a huge deal of things.
God I feel terrible now.

SM - I have no idea how you are coping with all of this - but I am sitting at work feeling physically sick at the thought of what your DS is being faced with.

You really really need to do something. This has gone far too far now.

Please do not put this off any longer.

Your poor poor child - my heart is breaking for him

You are right & I should have thought up something quickly, but I KNOW he would not have believed me because he knows how upset I get about ds at school.
Also, he did seem to take in what I was saying on Saturday about his punishing him making things worse, so I did not expect that kind of reaction from him today.
I should have known better.
I know I need to get away from all this.

SM - being practical - what do you need to get away from this situation?

Is it money for rent deposit/ help finding somewhere to go????

I'm more than happy to help you work through any practical issues in terhns of getting away.

Just shout

I really don't want to make you feel any worse that you already do, but at the same time I think you really need to be crystal clear that staying in this relationship is going to irreparably damage your boys!

apart from getting in my car and coming to collect you all - what on earth are you doing - please get round to your parents and ask for help or get them over to you to discuss your options.

I wont make you feel anyworse than you already do but YOU and only YOU can sort this out.

I have no doubt if the teacher is half clued up she will have picked up on what your DS said 'dont tell daddy' - her alarm bells are probably ringing very loudly.

Do you want to sort this or are you waiting for someone to do it for you e.g Social Services

i am so upset typing this primarily for your boys but also for you.

you can do this - i've done it - loads of mothers have done it - YOU ARE NOT ALONE xxxxxx

ring your HV again - you need an emergancy appointment with her - this CANNOT wait until next wednesday.

sorry some of my previous post crossed with yours soapbox - great advice btw - i hope we can give her the confidence she needs.