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Original poster

Scared Antenatal Depression is kicking in again

199 replies

Flamesparrow · 24/04/2009 12:47

I have been expecting it. Not "waiting for it" exactly, but knew my odds were fairly high (have had it with both the others).

That familiar feeling is back - wanting to cry, being convinced I am a terrible person, everyone hates me and would be better off without me, lethargic - so much to get done, important stuff and I am sat here scrolling through threads with DS sat in front of Toy Story.

I'm frightened.

I don't want to do this again.

My friends are going through enough of their own crap without me whinging on them, and ideally they could use support but I just don't have it in me.

I can get through this without ADs, I have done it twice before, but that black bit before I start to beat it is just so black. I am already chucking medication into this child, I really don't want to add any more to the mix.

There is nothing any of you can do, but I need to get it out and said or it will build up even more.

Trying to kick myself out of it to get stuff done.

OP posts:
IStoleSamsPony · 15/05/2009 18:17

yay for taking care opp, and for feeling capable of it.

I have apologised for the lasagne/big mac incident. We're both tired, DC are hyper, and money is worse than a very bad thing. I am now at the couldn't give a f*ck state and thinking they gave us high credit card limits for a reason. I know I will regret it because I hate the debts we already have without making them worse, but atm we don't have enough food or petrol to get us through til some money comes in, and we have to buy the chick a birthday

TrillianAstra · 16/05/2009 10:50

Sorry you're having a rubbish time.

What's the name mean?

TrillianAstra · 16/05/2009 10:52

And well done YnC for doing 'looking after'. Sounds like your DH is one of the good ones who doesn't want to whine and attention-seek when he's ill.

IStoleSamsPony · 16/05/2009 11:04

Tis a name change for my supernatural thread.

TrillianAstra · 16/05/2009 11:09

Ok I will assume it is a very clever and witty joke if you watch supernatural

IStoleSamsPony · 16/05/2009 11:47

Lol nope isn't even then... tis a not really relevant joke based on a conversation with Meridian over a period of time

YanknCock · 16/05/2009 11:53

Oh, he's doing a bit of whining and attention-seeking, but he doesn't get ill often, and all he really wants is acknowledgement that he feels like crap. He's been soooo sympathetic with my AND, morning sickness, and SPD---how could I not fuss over him a bit?

Plus last night was sort of our two year anniversary. We worked in the same office (different depts) for a year before that, but only spoke a handful of times and didn't make much of an impression on each other. Two years ago I dragged him home with me from the pub, and we've been together ever since. So I do feel particularly generous with him at the moment!

Was sick this morning due to being woken up early and getting angry---we have a squirrel problem.

TrillianAstra · 16/05/2009 12:03

Ooo-er, I've been with DP for 2 1/2 years as of Thursday, and you two are married and having a baby!

YanknCock · 16/05/2009 12:19

Yep, but we were both 30 and ready to settle down. I was married before for 4.5 years, and decided to separate from XH very shortly before DH2 and I got together (a matter of weeks actually).

DH2 was supposed to be a bit of fun following a very unhappy, nearly sexless marriage (not my choice!). XH and I had been TTC (as much as you can try with someone who has no interest in sex) for 1.5 years. I had to leave and take my chances elsewhere as XH was not ready for children, not likely to be ready for the foreseeable future, and didn't seem to particularly think our marriage/family should ever leave the basement of his priority list.

I got incredibly lucky with DH2, and I know it! We got engaged as soon as my divorce was finalised. The birth control lapsed after about 4 months together as a) I have PCOS and was likely to have trouble conceiving, and b) we both wanted children and just knew we wanted to stay together. He is really a gem. Smart, funny, handsome, caring. . .I'm so gushy about him today!

TrillianAstra · 16/05/2009 12:40

Lovely

IStoleSamsPony · 16/05/2009 15:03

TA, if it makes you feel better I've been with DH for 10 years. We'd been together 3 or 4 (brain mush) when I got knocked up with lovingly conceived DD, got married in 2005.

Just realised that I missed our 10 yr anniversary!!! (we normally celebrate both the proper anniversary, and our wedding one ). To be fair, he did too...

Kicking AND's arse today. I am not going to be beaten by this.

I still feel like a useless failure, but I am a UF who bakes

TrillianAstra · 16/05/2009 15:17

Proper anniversary is very important!

What's a UF? Well done on the arse-kicking!

Oh, and come see this!

IStoleSamsPony · 16/05/2009 15:21

useless failure

IStoleSamsPony · 16/05/2009 15:24

Just told DH. We're gonna have a meal out next month

TrillianAstra · 16/05/2009 15:27

You're not a useless failure. Do I need to come round there and do some arse-kicking?

Yay for meal out - I've turned some Tesco vouchers into tokens for Strada so we can have a meal out sometime soon.

TrillianAstra · 16/05/2009 16:43

Ooh what is this dollhouse thing Flame?

IStoleSamsPony · 16/05/2009 17:26

Not so much UF feeling today

Dollhouse you would like. Tis Me Whedon so obv fabulous imo. 'er wot looks like a wet dog is a "doll" in a secret organisation which wipes people's personalities and memories and reprints them to order for customers to use them as they want. Tis all about the Dolls, and FBI agent who is intent on tracking down the Dollhouse (the organisation) and freeing all the dolls, and the various cases they are employed on, with various things afoot in the background.

I have only watched to ep 5 so far, but tis good, and looked like it was going to be cancelled but been re-commissioned.

But Chuck is infinitely better, so if they are going to save the dolls, then they had better save chuck too.

IStoleSamsPony · 16/05/2009 17:38

Eliza Dushku - that'd be her name

TrillianAstra · 16/05/2009 17:53

She does not look like a wet dog. She is a babe. And she's the one I'm being in our Buffy-Mumsnet-reenactioning! So there

IStoleSamsPony · 16/05/2009 17:59

wet dog eliza

IStoleSamsPony · 16/05/2009 18:00

they should have been on two lines... two pics there

TrillianAstra · 16/05/2009 18:08

You're just jealous.

Not sure of what.

But something.

Did you see Tru Calling? A whole show just so we could watch her run to save people's lives. I swear the first episode was more than 50% running (they claimed she was sporty or something).

IStoleSamsPony · 16/05/2009 18:36

Oh am def jealous - even like a wet dog she looks a damn sight better than me!

She does a reasonable amount of running in this come to think of it...

TrillianAstra · 16/05/2009 18:50

Right it is on my list of tv shows to download acquire through completely legal means.

I wish my Buffy DVDs included the middle series with Faith in them, when I split up with my ex he took 3 4 and 5.

I need to watch Angel too, or so I've been told.

So many DVDs, so little money.

IStoleSamsPony · 17/05/2009 11:06

So garnier summer body says it builds up a natural tan gradually.... my legs would disagree about the gradual thing.

Must learn to put it on without streaking...