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Original poster

cant eat or feed dd. Please help

202 replies

littlelamb · 16/04/2005 12:52

I really feel I'm at the end of my tether and i just cant cope. I had problems with bulimia as a teenager and now i'm on my own with my ten month old daughter i just feel so low that all the old habits have slipped back. I have to do twenty miles on my exercise bike a day and I'll only let myself drink diet coke and eat sugar free jelly and i just don't feel able to get out of bed yet alone look after dd. it doesn't help that she's teething and very clingy and i have so much guilt that i cant cuddle her and be happy. I'm so scared she's getting fat I don't know what to feed her and don't want to cook in case I end up eating some of it. I just feel i want someone to take her away but that terrifies me. Please help

OP posts:
ionesmum · 16/04/2005 22:27

Please, please get some help. Best of luck xxx

Original poster
littlelamb · 16/04/2005 22:29

I'm really worried you all think I'm neglecting my child I'm really not and I would never do such a thing you should see her she's a roly poly smiley little girl most of the time I'm not a bad mother if anything I treat her infinately better than i do myself please don't think i'm not capable

OP posts:
snafu · 16/04/2005 22:31

LIttlelamb, no-one thinks that, honey. We're just concerned for you. I'm sure you're a brilliant mum and your dd is gorgeous, but you must look after yourself before you can look after her.

ionesmum · 16/04/2005 22:40

littlelamb, you sound like a fantastic mum. We are worried about you, not just because your dd needs you to be well too, but because we care.

hunkermunker · 16/04/2005 23:09

Littlelamb, the fact you're on here, trying to figure out how to make yourself better for your DD's sake proves you're a good mum - your DD sounds adorable!

You've been given some really good advice here - I hope you have a lovely dinner with your DD tomorrow, but please, on Monday, try to get in touch with some of the organisations on this thread and get some proper help.

Nobody's cross with you, just worried about you. Hugs xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Original poster
littlelamb · 17/04/2005 14:07

I'm feeling rubbish I was all ready to have dinner with dd and i made her rice pudding but i just couldn't swallow it and she ate hardly any of it anyway. The weather's terrible and i just want to get out, dd loves going to see all the birds,but i also want to stay in and hide

OP posts:
AnnieQ · 17/04/2005 14:30

Please talk to someone from the Eating Disorders Association . They are non-judgmental, know what you're going through and can really help. There's a helpline, and lots of info on the website, if you can't face talking to someone.

Enid · 17/04/2005 14:50

Well I think its fantastic that you are giving yourself goals and aims. I think you MUST try and keep that up, no matter how pointless it seems.

How lovely of you to make rice pudding. Look, even if she only ate a tiny amount, she probably just didn't fancy it.

Why don't you try giving her a few cubes of cheese and some raisins on her high chair tray to pick at? But if she has just eaten she prob wont be hungry. Is she crawling yet?

zebraX · 17/04/2005 15:46

Do you know what "normal" eating is, Littlelamb? What a normal portion size would be? What a normal feeling if "full" is after a meal? A lot of people don't, actually.

Original poster
littlelamb · 17/04/2005 16:05

She's been crawling since six months but I just don't know where she's getting her energy from. As for normal portions, I know what i think is normal for me but for dd its maybe a bit harder i think she only had about ten small bites which doesn't seem enough. But she's on the 91st percentile for weight so she's obviouisly not starving

OP posts:
AnnieQ · 17/04/2005 17:50

At the moment, "normal" portion sizes and "normal" eating won't mean anything to you, and I actually think that worrying about "normal" eating for yourself won't do you any good at all, it will just add to the pressure and guilt that you are feeling. Just eating at all will be a big step, so don't worry about eating "normally", just take it one step at a time. Try eating a little bit of food, and give yourself permission to stop when you feel you need to - as long as you have eaten something. Support here is no substitute for professional help, though, so please get some help, either from EDA or from your GP.

Enid · 17/04/2005 18:09

its hard enough trying to work out 'how much is enough' if you havent got an eating disorder - see countless threads on mumsnet.

I think an eating plan for her would really help you. Can you please please call your hv/gp?

They may try anti depressants, do you think you'd take them?

Original poster
littlelamb · 17/04/2005 18:34

I know many would think I'm stupid for not wanting to take anti depressants but my brother is fighting an addiction to seroxat and it has really ruined his life so I'm not keen. dd will be in bed in about half an hour and I really do think I'll have something to eat when she's asleep but a big problem is indecision it takes me so long to decide what I can eat that i just give up

OP posts:
zebraX · 17/04/2005 18:42

Why is it so hard to decide what to eat, LL?

Original poster
littlelamb · 17/04/2005 19:02

I don't know it's just something that really stumps me I go into the kitchen full of ideas and end up not really fancying anything. I just thought I'd try pasta with leek and cheese tonight but i tasted one of the leeks as it was cooking because i really love them and it made me throw up I can't explain it it really wasn't voluntary and now i feel totally put off

OP posts:
littlerach · 17/04/2005 19:47

I have absolutely no experience in eating disoreders, but did suffer PND after DD1 and one of my biggest anxieties was not knowing what I wanted to eat. And if I decided on something and then it took too longto cook, then I wouldn't want it either. And my SIL suffered the same anxieties when she was pregnant. In the end I made sure I had food which was very quick to cook, mainly packets of soup and toast.

Your daughter sounds like she is fine, active and intereseted in food, as she does eat. And the 91st centile is impressive! DD2 is 8 months, she has 3 meals a day and 3 bottles, also snacks of cheese and rice cakes and banana.

Do get some proffessional advice, but keep posting here to get support.xx

AnnieQ · 17/04/2005 19:50

ZebraX, eating disorders completely defy logic, you can't rationalise them.

Littlelamb, will you look into getting some help? We can support you here, but you need professional help and support as well.

Original poster
littlelamb · 17/04/2005 20:07

i do want to get better and I know its stupid but asking for help is a big step in my mind it would make me a failure and i know thats ridiculous. Good news, though, went back to the pasta for another attempt and now i have a steaming bowl of delicious pasta on my lap!

OP posts:
AnnieQ · 17/04/2005 20:08

Good for you. Don't feel too pressured into eating it all, eat as much as you feel you can.

Would you consider talking or emailing the EDA?

Original poster
littlelamb · 17/04/2005 20:10

i looked at the link earlier and it has made me feel a bit less abnormal and i suppose it will be easier for me to be anonymous on the phone for a while. And I've had four bites but now i regret them I'm so sorry is this enough?

OP posts:
AnnieQ · 17/04/2005 20:15

Don't regret it. If you can't face any more then don't eat any more. Well done for eating what you have. The EDA are really nice, nothing to be afraid of. Please call them.

Original poster
littlelamb · 17/04/2005 20:21

ok I will call tomorrow when dd is at nursery. At least i will try to. It just feels that my behaviour is totally abnormal and I can see that, but i cant stop it and i just think it will be embarassing explaining all this to someone.Gutted about the pasta. Part of me really wants to eat it but there's a part of me stopping me

OP posts:
littlerach · 17/04/2005 20:22

be positive - you did eat some.

zebraX · 17/04/2005 20:23

4 bites is a good start, LL.
There are so many worse ways to be a "failure" than admit 2 having a problem w/ eating.

AnnieQ · 17/04/2005 20:25

You can't control it at the moment, and that's what you need help with. I know it's hard, but the longer you leave it the more difficult it will get. Try not to dwell too much on the pasta; tell yourself that next time you'll manage 5 spoons, and that will be a fantastic improvement. Don't beat yourself up about it; it's going to take time and you're doing OK.

You're being really hard on yourself, you have nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. This is an illness, just like any other. Trust me, the people at the EDA won't judge you, they won't make you feel ashamed, and they will definitely have heard it all before.