I can't take much more

[annemarie30]

Having such a tough time right now..everything's going wrong and I just want to give up. We're in so much debt, dh is out of work and to top it all off I might lose my children. I have been diagnosed clinically depressed and everything is hard work right now. My house is a tip which is the main thing ss are complaining about. I'm trying to get back on top of the housework but I find it so hard to wake up let alone have energy to clean and look after the children.
Just feeling like everyone would be better if I wasn't here. I'm making such a mess of everything. DH keeps saying I'm useless(usually when we're arguing) and I'm starting to think he's right.

That is outrageous annie - what is their version of acceptable? Im not just saying this to make you feel better but judging by what you are telling me, if a SW came to my home i might be recieving similar threats!! My house is a TIP, its probably not that clean either - i just am not big on housework - i do the BARE minimum. This room i am in for instance - I have the following:

clothes strewn on sofa, big box of shite on sofa, cant sit on it. Box of shite on arm chair. cant sit on it. Half built childrens castle on the floor, various odds and sods, random bits of paperwork (just finished DPs accounts so its carnage). I dont think you can see a square foot of the floor! Cant remember when i hoovered it last - clothes horse with clothes falling off where im too lazy to put them away. Unspeakable debris around the computor. . broken biscuits (must take the dog to task on finishing his crumbs!).

My kitchen, still has last nighs washing up waiting for me to load into DW. washing all over the floor - recycling rubbish just teetering on top of the washing cos ive run out of bags. Dogs bowl looking a bit rank now (might have to give in and clean that). DPs tools by the back door. We have a downstairs toilet but you can't use it because there is too much shit in there, can't shut the door.

We are lucky enough to have a seperate living room - thats OK ish, but i had to pull the sofa out this morning to set up our broadband we wont even go there! Toys all over the floor that i just put in the corner in the evenings.

Back garden - actually i shudder to think, i havent been on shit patrol this week, or last .

So, i dont really like clutter and mess, it makes me anxious, so every so often, i have a brain storm and do a room til its all lovely. Did our bedroom the other day and DDs room (which was quite quick actually).

Our big big problem is storage which is why there is so much shite everywhere.

So maybe your SW would like to come round here (if he is brave enough!that is) and i'll put him straight about a few things. My DD is well cared for scruffy, happy little urchin child. I defy anyone to suggest otherwise just because my house is in a state!!!! Its horrendous to think they are putting you through this just because of the state of your house.

So angry for you annie

jsut skimmed the thread, you need to get all your friends and family to come and help yo blitz the house

what a worry for you

I think this is bloody outrageous.

They are going to remove your children because your house is untidy?

And your DC has no tshirt or socks on?

My DS spends most days with NOTHING on, because he doesnt like wearing clothes. If they are warm enough who cares?

It sounds to me like you are being bullied. Do they think they can get away with this because you are down and depressed?

I am absolutely fuming on your behalf. Well done for what you've done so far, most people would have given up by now. Which just goes to show what a good mum you are.

Tidy the house if thats the way you have to play the game... show them you wont be brow-beaten.

What time is SW arriving?

He's coming about 4. He says it's not a long visit but I'm still stressed about it. I'm shaking right now and he's not due for ages.

never mind about getting your friends and family in, has your DH STILL not got the picture? What good is seeing your CPN going to do when it is PRACTICAL help you need, help with stuff around the house, stuff HE CAN DO?

Annemarie, I am not shouting at you, honestly. I am shouting at him in the hopes that somehow the etheric waves will get through to him and he will bloody DO something before all this goes wrong. Is your SW so dimwitted that he can't at least SUGGEST to your DH that he pulls his finger out and helps you?? You seem to be surrounded by fools who are incapable of offering you true help and support. Tell them this.

Good luck this afternoon. Get some Rescue Remedy as soon as you can, to use in times of increased stress (such as impending visit by SS) - it really helps.

SW has said to DH he needs to help.He has helped today and sorted some more clothes. I've almost finished the kitchen, just need to clear up the debris from preparing vegetables for a casserole.
DHis worried about me now because I occasionally selfharm when I'm extremely stressed. I'm trying to get through all this with as level a head as I can. But despite Dh saying that he's going through it too it feels like it's all on me. Not even sure that makes sense
And yes, this is all because of a messy home and my nearly 4 year olds preference for not wearing clothes.

I'm shocked. Honestly. when you see what happens to children who fall through the system you wonder why.... and then you see that they are wasting their time harrassing people like you.

Take some deep breaths. You are easily as good a mother from the sounds of things as everyone else. You remember that.

Good luck. Let us know how it goes.

Suggest velcro on child and childs clothes for the SW visit !!!!

Thinking of you annie - i am horrified that you are being put through this actually. Do they think that they are HELPING???

I know how isolated you must be feeling right now - your DH will be hurting too, but men just don't show their feelings - life would be a lot simpler if they did - if he is anything like mine he bottles it up and then explodes, totally cannot deal with me when im depressed. I do the self harm thing, though thankfully im on top of it now - do NOT go down that road, you need to prove to these people that you are strong.

Wishing you strength.

I mean, WTF? You have just sat there and said you are making a casserole!! Thats more than i have done today - i have just finished my kitchen - still got clothes on the floor but the sink and the surfaces are clean. Im not cooking tonight bar putting some pasta on for DD.

Really want to shout at SS for you!!! We had a social worker when my father had alzheimers - he was as useful as a chocolate teapot!! We went through hell and they just couldnt be bothered with my poor old dad - so im afraid social workers do not come very high in my opinions - they have too higher opinion of themselves to be of any use!!!

How did it go?

bumping...

annemarie... we're here whatever happened.

hoping they admitted they were wrong and you having a lovely family evening.

Hi sorry been spending time with DS1 so been away from pc for a while. No the sw just brought letters then left. I now have 2 weeks to toe the line or they will start court proceedings . Now everytime I look at my children I think that they're not going to be here in a month. I'm heartbroken. I am trying so hard right now but I just don't think it will ever be good enough. I really don't want to lose them.
I'm going to keep going, clear it as much as I possibly can. Luckily DS2 and Dh are now helping to get things done. The toys are now in a huge toybox and clothes sorting almost finished. My parents are going to take all the clothes to recycling/textiles in town and any bags of rubbish to the tip. I will do this. I have to for my children.

Oh and the casserole was lovely

Glad you are feeling stronger. at the casserole - we had quick cook pasta and sauce and it was pants. I didn't feel like cooking tonight and had nothing in fridge cept tortellini - DD didn't seem to mind.

You very much ARE good enough - im sure SS will see this and hopefully start working with you - they must be blind not to.

I cooked pasta and sauce last night..i did kind of make the sauce myself. Cooking is a bit of a therapy thing for me. Chopping vegetables when stressed is good.

Hi AnneMarie

Have read this thread and am absolutely disgusted with the way you are being treated. Instead of being helped with your illness (and that's what depression is), you are being victimised.

I also suffer with depression and have for years. I have 2 DD, 1 who is nearly 4 and 1 whose is nearly 6. If a sw came to my house they would probably think what a tip, but I ask the question what is acceptable?

Is it acceptable to have a tidy clean house and stick the kids in front of tv and ignore them so that your house is pristine or is it better to have some mess and happy children?

How you supposed to clear up a build up ofmess (sorry if I'm wrong there but mess doesn't happen over night and with 2 kids no sooner do you tidy it than they've trashed it again).

imo you are fighting a losing battle with this sw. you seem very caring (and that's what counts). Your DH seems to have slight depression (from what you say) and therefore the sw should be pulling stops out to help you not hinder you by putting excess stress on you.

Do you have a local MP or councillor who can take on your case. (If your not to proud)?

I have heard through my therapy that clincal depression is now classed as a disbility, if you were disabled they'd be helping, just because you can't see your illness it doesn't mean it doesn't exist!

Sorry for ranting but I want you to know mn are behind you. Summon up all your strength and fight for your children, I know you've got it in you from what you've written. You're no different from any of us, you've fallen on hard times, which have been created by the very people (the govt) who are supposed to help you.

How can you do asthey ask without ignoring your children?

I really feel for you

where do you live? can anyone at mn help?

annemarie, so glad that you are getting some help at home now. Focus on the positives here - you are achieving, your dh can help you if he pulls his finger out, you will show that stupid sodding SW that you are capable of looking after your DC and in 2 weeks time they will look a little foolish. Your DC will stay with you and your dh will continue with his life as a 21st Century man (rather than a 19th Century one!) and continue giving you support and help rather than leaving you to struggle with your illness.

In time he will also get a job and that will help with finances and his mood, presumably, but in all that he will still remember to support you and help out where he can. If he loves you and your DC, he has to do those things for your family unit.

keep smiling lady - you are doing so much better than you think you are - and keep chopping those veg! Every time a carrot gets chopped, think SW...

Have woken up feeling rubbish this morning. I have a heavy cold and a headache. Looking at everything I need to get done and trying to work out what to tackle today. DS2 and DD are in whinge-mode and trying to both get my attention at the same time. I was up at 2.30 this morning because DD didn't want to sleep.
Sorry just needed a moan. If I say any of this to DH he'll just dismiss it.

can you afford to have a bit of a rest today? it sounds like you might need it

I would go to bed but DH hates me doing that. So much to do. Just hoovering the living room, well the bit I've cleared. Trying to get DS1 and 2 to tidy up their toys again. Wish I wasn't feeling so ill today..really need to get on top of everything.

has your DH learnt NOTHING over the last couple of days? If you are ill, you need to be in bed, woman!

Let him deal with your DC - after all, he is their father, did he think his responsibility stopped with the ejaculate?

annemarie, you NEED to stand up to him, you MUST ask for his help - the cold is a sign of increased stress, he HAS to get his act together before it is too late. Note, not you that needs to, HE does. Please tell him so. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership where partners work TOGETHER to achieve common aims - he seems to be taking what he wants out and putting very little in - in a company, this would be embezzlement.

If I ask him for help he says he's done the thing I've asked him to do, even if he hasn't. We had a row today because he said he'd finished the clothes but there were still clothes left to sort. He shouts alot to get his point across and I'm nervous around shouting, so I avoid getting into disagreements with him.
I might go to bed early tonight, I really need to sleep. This cold has hit hard and I still have a cough that I've had for almost a month.

Huge hugs to you annemarie. I could of written most of your op about 3 years ago. We managed to toe the line and get cleared up but they kept an eye on us for quite a while to make sure we didn't slide.

No help was offered to us just get this done or else! I too suffer from depression and am worrying because or hv was a pain in the bum after we were signed off by ss she insisted on coming to the house on a regular basis and if things weren't up to snuff she threatened to make a phone call if it wasn't better next time she came! I am now expecting my third and don't want to let her in my home incase she gets it into her head that I am not coping again and starts the cycle up which will make my depression worse! I have a lot of support at the moment but am still living on the edge iyswim.

Stay strong. When they sya jump ask how high and then jump a foot higher iyswim. It is possible to beat them. I was lucky it gave my dh the kick up the bum he needed to get him to help me. Not ideal way of it happening but it worked and now if I ask for help I get it as he wants the children here with us not in fostercare.

Hi Annie,
I saw this and thought you might find it useful to read.

www.forced-adoption.com/recover-children.asp

no more advice annie - just letting you know im here, fucking cold - always happens though, whenever you don't need one - you're run down. When i read stuff like this i can't help but think that SW are a bunch of cunts. Sorry for the bad language but i just am beyond stunned that they are doing this to you, and of course others .

Thinking of you. I hope you manage to sort everything. If you had a cold and worked you could take a day off, but as a mother we never get a day off.

imo the sw need to readdress why they even exist. You see horror stories of abuse in the news and they have done nothing, and then they go to town on people who have asked for help, and don't give it.

Good luck