Essbee, read your other thread with sadness and concern but couldnt think of anything to write, firstly please dont apologise for what you did, you felt desperate and were not thinking rationally, depression is a very cruel illness as it affects an unseen part of our body and therefore it is easy to cover up or for others to ignore it. Our brains are very powerful and complex and cant work correcly if the sensitive balance of chemicals is"out". its not your fault you felt the way you did,I have been to that place and its hard to function when you feel that your mind is letting you down . I know the feeling of craving the calm, you did what you did because you couldnt bear to feel the way you did anymore. When I worked within the mental health services I worked with many people who had attempted suicide, and they always said the same thing, " I only did it because I couldnt bear to feel like this anymore" Its a bit like walking around with a broken arm that wont get better, the pain gets worse and worse.I do hope that maybe now you can start to move forward and that recovery is waiting for you, it wont be an overnight thing, but i beleive you will get there, if you ever feel that way again, which I hope you wont, please ring someone or even text them, you were fantastic when I was feeling that I couldnt go on and I wont forget it, the world is a nicer place with you in it.